May 2008 - we just couldn't wait!

[thefortbuilder]

for everyone who's popped already and congratulations to us all!

Morning ladies, not having a good time
Look here

Hugs flick, but glad you've got a diagnosis and not being lest to struggle on your own.

Grunting babies- DD doesn't grunt but wakes up and CRIES with each poo-fest. It was every feed, so not too traumatic but gone down to once or twice a day which really blows off her nappy, lots of washing in our house!!

Had a real struggle the night before last, Jas just crying and wanting boob from 7 pm, when DD1 going to bed full of the stinking cold and cough I've had (I'm FINALLY feeling better yesterday and today, though the lurid green snot is still quite gross, and that's just me!!) tried calming her with walking around the neighbourhood, which worked a bit, but then ended up her crying and feeding until after midnight, then up every 2 hrs to feed for an hour the rest of the night, so a hour on, and hour off. And DD1 puking coz she won't blow her nose and all the snot in her guts making her sick, and soooo miserable. DH did really well sorting DD1 out, but he's useless without more sleep!

So, with feeling better I had a cunning plan yesterday evening, when I expected it all to start again and got Jas to settle sucking on my finger, ok it was for an hour but it stopped me over-feeding her (I didn't mention she puked up a couple of times during feeding marathon as well, did I?) and using that ( might move onto a dummy soon coz she doesn't like DH's finger!)we did all night at 3 hours from start of one feed to the next, I think it might be a first for us.

I even got to a sling meet (other mad folk who like to wear babies too) and learned a better way to feed Jas in one of my slings- we didn't even get cold sitting in the park! Today there's a breastfeeding event at a cafe in town I hope to get to- it is soo nice feeling able to get out of the house (fingers crossed, anyway).

The health visitor came yesterday, and Jas is up to 9 lbs, so whatever I'm doing she is getting enough to eat so I was willing to risk trying something different and not just feeding her. Jas is following the same growth curve as DD1, and I'm so glad as I was a little worried that all my germs might be making me ill enough to affect my milk (I'd read sleep deprivation and illness might reduce supply, so was getting quite worried). I'm not brave enough to tell health professionals we're co-sleeping though! Got such a cot death scary talk from last HV last week, even though I know we don't have any risk factors and I'm comfortable with my choice, I don't want hassling with unsolicited advice!
Sorry, I know i've missed loads but want to try to get some sweetcorn, pumpkins and jerusalem artichokes planted in the garden before Jas wakes up!

hi, just a quick line to say i have crossed to the other side!! bubba no name yet was born on tues 13th, 8lb and lovely! feeling good and almost normal, which is weird as it took ages to recover from ds1. have sore nipps at mo though, have bf support friend coming round later so hopefully she can sort the little nipple muncher out!
will post again soon

podglet massive massive hugs for you darling. please tell me you are ok and what have you done about what happened? sorry there are a huge 228 messages on the other thread so i haven't been able to read all through it. which area of the coutry are you in? please email me at lysetteparbhuatyahoodotcodotuk if there is anthing i can do to help.

magicfairy well done and welcome over here!

mumofk gald to hear jas is growing well - it's always a weight off your mind if that's going ok isn't it!

seriously podglet get in contact if you want to

xxx

magicfairy Congrats! pink or blue baby???

mumofk I had a bit of a fretful eveing yesterday too. DD2 kept screaming (purple in face sort). I was getting so hacked off with DH just expecting me to feed her EVERYTIME she cries. I can remember feeling like this with DD1, just exhaustion of being the only one who can feed her. (personally I don't want to do any formula feeds, I managed for 5 months with DD1 on breast milk alone and plan to do the same with DD2).
So anyway, everytime I tried ot feed her, she would feed unenthusiastically for about 3 mins then fall asleep . So we would try and put her on beanbag or DH hold her.....more screams. TBH, I think it was wind, but nothing we could do would help. Eventually she fed fairly OK at 9pm, and we then put her down, thank the Lord she settled and I went to bed too....exhausted.
Feeling much better this am after really good sleep (two night feeds at 1:30am and 5am).
I know these days sometimes happen, and I am so lucky cos DD2 is so good most of the time, I only get the odd day like this. I don't know how people with colic/crying babies cope. Hats off to you ladies.

podglet at your awful DH!!!! HOw are things today? I skim read your other thread, and agree with the others, this is totally unacceptable behaviour. You need to get help. Is this the first time he has hit you?
Not that it means anything, but was he drinking Stella Artois by any chance??? It's known as 'wife-beater'. Before we were married, DH had a night of drinking Stella and was horribly verbally abusive to me (it was a week after we had got engaged). He didn't hit me, but his words were very harsh and very out of character for him. We luckily realised it was the Stella and he vowed never to drink it again, which he hasn't, and things have been fine. He actually gets very embarrassed when I remind him of that night.
I am in no way excusing your DH's behaviour, but if he has been drinking lager like Stella with chemicals in it, it could go some way to explaining his behaviour. Also, I was reading a leaflet the HV gave me and men can get PND too. As I said, I am in no way excusing his diabolical behaviour but am mearly trying to give some explanation for it.
You poor girl, I hope you get some support from your RL friends and family.

Keep us posted.

lm74 dh too is banned from drinking WB! he is absolutely disgraceful when he has had even one pint of it and horribly verhbally abusive - to the point where last time he did it i told him that was his last chance and next time i was taking the kids and leaving him. unlike you podg he hasn't become physically abusive at all.

where in sussex is your mum? my parents live in sussex and if you need any help down there would be more than willing to lend their hands

My mum is in West Sussex, near Worthing. She is only there for a few days looking after my grans bungalow before it is sold, then she will be back in Colchester.

Flick, the first post explains everything. He had drunk 2 litres of home brew cider (potent but no nasty chemicals) and small vodka and a glass of wine. He doesn't drink Stella either for the same reasons

I am ok today, not sure what to do. I have called the HV (waiting for call back) and I have spoken to the NHS walk in centre who have logged my call. I don't feel up to going to the police at the moment. I don't know what to do about later either, when he is due home.

podglet - sorry i missed the combination of alcohol so was i for you.

only good bit of advice i can think of for tonight is have a bag packed with some ash and your phone charger, and stuff for the lo's. and seriously think about taking the colchester ladies up on their offers of help. only other thing is maybe call any hotels locally to see if they have any space so if you do need to go somewhere at short notice you know in advance that there is a chance you could get in.

logging the hv and walk in centre call is good and be careful of your headache - don't just let it drift if it continues.

how are the lo's?

Huge hugs to you podglet, just got very teary reading your thread. Totally unacceptable, you deserve so much more. Well done for being so brave.

My milk has just come in and now DS is feeding so much more frequently, barely any time off between feeds. I'm guessing this is normal with the change from colostrum to milk? How long do you think it'll take for him to be able to go longer between feeds again?

Can't stop thinking about you podglet, really hope you're ok.

Podglet, am so sorry, have left msg on other thread. Thinking of you babe.

Well, only one overnight feed here last night, though it did last 2 hours in total - not sure if that's progress or not?! Colic is being helped by infacol but he's still pretty miserable when a bout seizes him. Nothing like last weekend though. Managing to be more or less back on routine again and he seems to be able to cope much better when we do.

It's comforting to know there are other ladies going through the same stage! And to GCG/LM (I think) who posted about being the only one to feed - I felt really angry about that last week, which surprised me - poor DH took the brunt. I just felt like I spent the whole time with my boobs out and he would try and settle him for a few minutes but I knew any second he'd be back handing him over and it just really enraged me, which I wasn't expecting.

I expressed from the left for a couple of days and my left boobs was so sore it was making me cry at every feed and that has REALLY helped - kept feeding from the right and gave him the expressed milk from the left at every other feed. So if you're desperate, anyone, that's worth a go. Have decided to keep trying to express one feed's worth a day so DH can do a night feed. Went to my local BFing cafe at the local hospital yesterday too and they were really helpful, gave me just a couple of small positioning adjustments that have made it less sore.

Tonight DH is going to try and do as much of the night as he can with the expressed milk while I sleep in the guest room (where he's been the last two nights) - I am already so excited at the thought of a few more hours sleep....so sad!

Have good days all.

Cx

casserole It's so good for us all to vent on here and realise that our feelings are mutual and very normal. I wonder if we would feel the same about feeding if it wasn't for the fact that you have to get your boobs out, not something we would normally do. I found it hard last time using what are essentially normally a 'sexual toy' (IYSWIM ) for something so functional. I was getting undressed last night and DH looked at my boobs and just said " they look fabulous!" Unfortunately they are out of bounds to him for the next 6 months or so . Nice to know he's not repulsed by my massive nips anyway....LOL!!!

Baiyu I will do my best to help you with BF issues, the first 6 weeks are the hardest, esp as you are a first time BF'er. You are both learning a new skill. Newborns feed pretty erratically, don't expect any sort of routine to develop for a few weeks yet. The best advice I can give is to go with it and just feed Finn when he needs it. Make sure you do at least one or two night feeds as this is when your milk is 'produced' so you need him to suck to instigate the milk production. You may find sometimes he goes 1 hour, sometimes 4 hours between feeds. Good luck and do come on here and ask any questions you have. I'm no expert but I did BF DD1 successfully for 5 months. There is an excellent book I found very useful by CLARE BYAM-COOK called 'WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE BREAST FEEDING AND WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN'T'. I can highly recommend it.

I just managed to bath DD2 on my own! We had been getting her in the bath with me, but she screamed, so I just used the bath seat, and she was good as gold. Then did a lovely skin to skin feed and had a half hour naked skin to skin cuddle afterwards (DD1 at CM, DH at Tescos!!!!).

Got the dreaded party for DD1's b'day later with DH's family. Wish me luck .

Crashing in (sorry may ladies)

Luckymummy - LOL at marriage guidance I can just imagine his face. DH realised v quickly he had been a v lazy toad yesterday, only took a glance at my face to realise and suddenly came off the PC and started to help with kids and cooked dinner etc. It just irritates the pants off me that I have to ask, someone needs to invent some glasses that men can wear so they see what we see.

Spoke to H last night - seems v chirpy and in control of things again.

Love
C
xx

Appologies again May ladies, ill be off now

X-posts - bloody nora is that today you might need more than luck, still at least Cerys wont go hungry

hi all,

Just copied and pasted this from my other thread - sorry for being lazy...

So, we got through last night. He came home and asked how I had been all day. So I told him what a rotten day we had had, dreading him coming home, very teary etc. Then I told him exactly who I had spoken to / left a message for. He was so chocked, it really hit home what he had done.

So, long story, lots of talking later, rightly or wrongly, he is staying here. I have told him that he needs to sort himself out, get help with the anger / drinking etc and he has agreed. I think I dealt him a real shot across the bows by what i did during the day. I have said that even one step toward any form of abuse would see me and the children leaving.

I have packed an "emergency" bag which I hope to God I never need and today will be taking some money from my savings for an emergency.

I know I am probably quite mad for agreeing to this so please don't shoot me down or judge me.

LM74 - All the luck in the world today, sounds like you might need it. If it all gets too much, take DD2 upstairs and hide!

podglet, sorry missed your pot/thread until later and then cried reading it- OMG at what you are trying to cope with on top of new baby.I'm glad you've got loads of advice and have got a plan for if anything like that happens again, an that your partner knows what is going to happen if he takes it out on you again. I truly hope that was his wake up call and things can improve from here, but having your emergency bag packed sounds really sensible. huge hugs.
lm74- good luck for the party from hell. Personally, I'd remember some last minute shopping and hide in a nice supermarket cafe for as long as poss, get home, say hi, let those that want to oggle new LO for little while, then off out the way to feed and sleep! Its you DH party (his daft idea) so let him do the hard work!

Well, I got my artichokes planted yeserday, but was a little optimistic about how much I can do- but got using my sling better so I could dig with spade, two hands proper work! Very chuffed with myself! I also got to bf thing in afternoon, but it was more publicity about bfeeding, actually extended bfeeding, with Nell McAndrew (she cooed over Jas but I didn't know who she was) so it was on both local news shows, and I was in the background (claim to fame or what?!). K was 2 when I stopped feeding her, 4 months pg with J, so wanted to support peeps who are still going... so a bit annoyed it wasn't actually sorting out regular meet, when would suit us all. oh well, got a free hot choc out of it, a balloon for DD1 and some breastfeeding pens and notepads- oh and actually got out of the house as well!

baiyu- its not much help, but it sounds completely normal and probably by 3-4 more days you'll see a different pattern emerging. When I'm stressed and coping less I read the baby whisperer- but I don't always follow the advice, and find life on the whole better if I'm not trying to use a routine that I forget what's next (though BW eat, activity, sleep does stick in my mind now I think on it). but if I get any help from DH he tries activity before eat (nothing major, just nappy or talking/walking) so I can sleep longer. There's meant to be 'you' time in there (E.A.S.Y. routine), but for me thats sleep if I'm lucky.....Good luck. I keep telling myself that at 3 months it'll be better- and that's only 9 weeks away now!

Hallo all

blimey life with a newborn eh! Have missed chatting with you all but the last week has flown by in a haze... Have had a read thru thread - tales of constant bf, lack of sleep and being angry at dp for having no boobs are all familiar to me too!

podglet so sorry to hear about your dh's awful behaviour. you seemed to get some good advice on the other thread. thinking of you ((((hugs))))

well it's lovely having ds2 around. he's get the hang of bf quickly and put on 5.5oz in the first five days !! no wonder i'm losing weight so fast, he's literally eating me alive

he sleeps well on the whole - 1-3 hours at a time - tho' not always when it's convenient for us of course... goes into wild feeding frenzy later in the day, last night it was constant between 9pm and 12, the night before from about 10pm to 2:30am [bleary eyed emoticon] i do remember ds1 was like this too, he eventually got into routine of feeding constantly from about 6pm-11pm then conking out. very inconvenient but at least we knew we'd have 4hrs sleep then...

ds1 seems quite chuffed with his little brother so far tho' not keen on the crying aspect (who is!). I've been feeling quite teary about not being able to do all the usual stuff with him, tho' i did manage to put him to bed last night - had to throw ds2 at dp as soon as feed was over and charge upstairs... will have to get on top of using a sling to feed. mumofk sure i will be joining you on a sling meet soon!

No judgement Podglet - but just take care of yourself and those babies. Stay safe.

I hope this is the wake up call it sounds like he needs.

LM - oh, the thought of anyone touching my nips right now makes me feel slightly psychotic! Happy memories ;)

p.s. my birth story is here

Hi All, I have been lurking for some time and thought it was about time I introduced myself and DD. DD is Rowan Elizabeth, born 2nd May weighing 8lb 6oz following planned section due to excess fluid and lack of engagement. Finding motherhood amazing and the sleep deprivation awful. Thankfully have great DH who is helping out throughout night even if it is just for moral support.

S

hey sarahlou and welcome and congratulations!

podglet - absolutely no judgement here at all and i think anyone who would do so is not being particularly helpful in your situation. i'm really glad you have an emergencyt bag and please go one better with the money nad keep a separate account in your name that you top up a little now and then. it is worth it - a good friend of mine did this after she had her first experience like yours and it was a godsend when she had to leave very quickly. not that i would wish you have to at all - i really do hope that dh has seen sense and realise you will do what you say will [hugs]

terrible night last night - 930 then 1230 then 300 - he always does it the night before the day we don't have a part time nanny! and after only one waking the night before i was in a grotty mood by 4am! and dh is no help at all even though sam is completely ff'd now.

anyway, he is sleeping now at least so the wailing when he's put down has stopped for 10 mins or so! must make the most of it

xxx

I am after a bit of advice re feeding. Since my last midwife visit on Sunday DD has managed to lose 200g Midwife thinks it is because baby is has been snacking in hot weather and not having long feeds. She has been feeding in short bursts and I struggle to get her to stay awake long enough for a 30 min+ feed. I have been feeding on demand or as I don't know any different (1st baby) at this stage whenever she cries. Should I try and space out feeds a bit better in the hope that she will be hungrier and therefore eat a decent meal? She has been gaining really well and got back to birth weight in 5 days and this feels like such a set-back. Any tips would be greatly appreciated

S

Sarahlou, I am struggling with BFing myself so I'm not any type of expert, but I just wanted to say that my baby idn't demand to be fed very often at all in the first couple of weeks - he was a c/sec and then jaundiced, neither of which helped and just made him drowsy.

Anyway, we're following a routine (of sorts) and he is gaining really well - was 7.8 at birth, 7.4 at 1 week, 7.11 at 2 weeks and 8.4 today (3 weeks). I really don't think he would have done that much if I'd waited for him to always demand food. I might have had more sleep though!!!

But your mileage may vary. Just thought that might help. As I said, I'm struggling with attachment / nipple pain etc and it's my first so I really am no type of expert.

Now in return, can you please magic away my sore nipples?!?!

Casserole, mine was a c-section also but she seems to demand a lot and just lately she has been feeding fussily and lightly rather than big feeds. It is also difficult to time feeds, as she falls on and off. She was 3.8 kilos at birth, then 3.5 at a few days after then back to 3.8 last Wed, 4.2 Sunday and now 4 kilos today. At least she is gaining it just feels like a real set-back. As for nipples the only advice I can give is to use Kamillosan cream, I used it a few times in the beginning and had no problems since!

sarahlou there can be a lot of up and down in the hot weather - we had to demand feed ds1 as he was tiny and v prem but with ds2 have routine fed him a bit more - see if you can space her out a little if you can bear the wailing that you will inevitably get - it may help. having said that i am no expert and there will be lots of help if you post a thread on the feed the world section.

xxx