May 2008 - we just couldn't wait!

[thefortbuilder]

for everyone who's popped already and congratulations to us all!

Evening all,
Blimey, can't believe I only missed a day and there were 3 pages to catch up on! Therefore, apologies for not remembering everything, except pina cos our lo's are the same age, it sounds like Evie may be just having her 6 week growth spurt?

routines I think GF can be great for some people, I know people who have used it with good results. I don't think you need to even think about trying to have a routine (unless it works for you) until baby is at least 6-8 weeks old. Newborns generally just need to go with the flow, so I have been told. I found with DD1 that she just kind of 'found' her own routine (apparently v similar to GF according to Denny who uses GF). If you can use a routine without stressing yourself out then fine, but don't try and get one if it ends up stressing you out more.

crying babies Two things really, firstly we were advised that you can't 'spoil' a baby with too many cuddled until they are about 6 months old, so people saying you have built a rod for your own back, I don't think it matters until a long while for us yet. Having said that, I would agree that if possible try and get them to be able to get themselves to sleep without being rocked/cuddled etc, I know, easier said than done.
I am happy to leave DD2 crying for longer than I left DD1. More used to it I guess. DD2 has two cries, a cry, and a total distressed purple in the face scream that would curdle blood. I cannot leave her to cry when she is purple, otherwise, I try and leave her, as someone else said, it's usually her getting herself off to sleep.
Sometimes, I just let her cry and get on with dinner or bathing DD1 or whatever, because I have to. Sounds awful, and I do often end up eating my dinner mega fast so that I can go and get her.
The other thing I have heard is that in the early days, it's important to cuddle them lots so that they feel emotionally secure. I realise that I am contradicting myself, but I'm just saying what I have been told/read. I suppose a combination of both, allow them to cry sometimes, but also give lots of cuddles.

Had my 6 week check today. Contraception discussed, the nurse has almost convinced me to have a Merina coil fitted. Anyone else thinking of this?

Had a good day. DD2 6 weeks old today. Don't know if it's my imagination but she does seem to be generally settling down a bit.

Best get off to bed!!!

LM74 i have been advised for a coil and amthinking about it as well - need to do a bit more research though i think

will post our "routine" later today - night is getting better - 830 feed, then 130 then 5 for nappy change and small feed.

xxx

Totally agree with luckymummy and I don't for one minute want people to think I posted that as some sort of rule that I think everyone else shoud follow... just thought it might help the discussion already happening about routines.

And anyway, it looks nice on paper but when he spends most of his wakey time screaming with wind or whatever it really doesn't feel any less chaotic!

Got my 6 week check (though he's 7 weeks) today. What do they do, apart from contraception? I'm guessing check my c/sec scar, ask if I'm all right and out again?

ps YCBS - I think if you're on your own as much as you are just getting DRESSED is pretty heroic!

Still not properly speaking to DH after bath fiasco last night. So cross with him. He'd bent Leo over his arm to wash his back and his face was totally in the water and he hadn't even noticed... Leo was fine, threw up and bawled for 10 minutes. I kept shaking much longer.

Right, off back to bed for an hour

Sorry for my late night gibberings. I was finding it hard to get across what I meant. I wasn't having a dig at anyone who has a routine, if you can manage it that's fab, I was just saying that if you can't manage it, not to worry, it's still early days for that sort of thing.

DH just took DD1 swimming, got all the way there, got himself changed and her undressed only to discover he had forgotten to pack her swimsuit, so they have had to come all the way home and now go back again . DD1 thought it was hilarious...."silly Daddy!".

DD2 is asleep so I am gonna try and do some much needed cleaning and sorting out of this house....

hi all

just a quickie really - Hazel is feeding at last!! and has hopefully put on some weight. she will be weighed this morning and if she has put on weight we can go home so please please offer up to any god/ gods/ goddesses/ celestial beings that you believe in that she has and we might get home....

otter so happy for you and will be offering up anything we can to get hazel home for you guys!

casserole - how scary for you! is DH mortified? when jacob was aobut 4 weeks old dh "dropped him" - he was sitting on a low chair without arms and just had ds resting on his chest - I said watch him he's wriggly, to which dh retorted "I think i can keep hold of a 4 week old baby"..... who promptly wriggled, slid off his chest and onto the floor. but he's fine. leo won't remember and i expect dh will be so over careful from now on that he will start being perfect at everything and corecting you on anything and everything

our routine goes something like this:

730 wake up, dress change and feed then back to sleep by about 8

930 wake up and play / avoid being hit by older brother / scream incessantly

1130ish feed then nap

200 ish feed

530ish feed

645 bath, change and feed

anytime from 715-830 fall asleep, sometimes with feed at 830

if no feed at 830 wake him up for feed at around 10 (although last night didn't want anything)

200ish feed and change if pood but otherwise backto sleep

5ish normally pood so nappy change and small feed then back to sleep till 730

this is generally how it goes but it's what we've found rather than put in place to follow.

of course it all sometimes goes out the window and i end up woken up 4 times in the night!

he's 11lb10 now and 58cms so upper end of the scale for corrected age!

xxxx

ps kanga i'll put the tea bags in the post today or tomorrow

otter fingers and toes crossed for you...

Hi

Have been reading posts but not had any time to write.

Otter - really hope Hazel comes home today or soon, I know from ds that the wait to bring them home from hospital feels never ending.

Walkingwomb - yes like the others have said the feeding a lot in the evening is very common but should settle down in a few weeks hopefully. Mother and baby groups sometimes aren't as good with tiny babies but gets better once they can interact with toys etc.

I don't really have a routine as such yet, was planning on trying to do a less strict version of GF but going to wait until 6-8 weeks to try properly, although am trying to follow the evening routine as much as possible already.

Sorry to hear that some of you are feeling low, Baiyu I think you're doing really well considering you're in effect having to do everything a single parent would have to do. Someone once said to me the first six weeks are just about survival which I think is very true. I think it can come as a shock how much looking after a baby requires, I know i thought that when I had dd so was more prepared this time. It does get easier though as time goes on, I wouldn't have had a second otherwise! Although I agree it's important to get proper help if you're feeling depressed.

pina hope things sort themselves out with evie and her wind/colic? did u ask what the difference was? I would be interested to know. I think true colic has to be relentless crying for at least 3 hrs a day or something like that.
Thanks for asking re BF, yes thanks it is much easier/better now, since I decided to ignore the 'experts' . DD2 put on 10oz this week so I was pleased with that .

otter Saying lots of prayers for Hazel. Have you tried her on doughnuts? always works for my weight gain .

Well I decided to get my boobs measured today as I want to buy some nice freya bras on ebay, lady in john lewis measured me as a 34F/G !!!! very impressed with my mammories!!! Got a nice nursing bra in JL and a corset type thing along the lines of magic knickers, but just over tummy etc. It's a bit of a struggle to get it on (!!) but does flatten the flab quite nicely. I have 3 weddings and DD2's baptism to go to and want to not feel blobby .
DH wants to know if they do them for men!!!

Just been out for meal with family for SIL b'day. For once I didn't get told my daughter needed feeding which was nice.

Bye for now,

LM xxx

Otter- fingers crossed your all on your way home together- hugs.
Sorry, finding it hard to keep up on here! This last week I've been 'learning' ebay and tonight I've put 11 auctions on ebay- only 2 glaring mistakes but I bet I'll find more in the morning....
We don't have a routine this time aound- I wrote EVERYTHING down, so know how K slept and what I was trying- holding a dummy in for an hour at 3 am trying to push on night feeds (baby whisperer). This time none of that, happily co-sleeping and getting 6-8 hrs sleep - I hardly know I've fed her except (you guessed it) i wrote it down! J is sleeping just as well as K did at this stage only without a lot heartache from trying to follow the books. I couldn't have done any different last time, but so far 'going with the flow' is working fo us. J is hardly put down- I've just ordered another moby sling, its her obvious favourite and most comfortable for me, so I often wear her almost all day, or is being held by someone. This obviously wouldn't suit a lot of people, and some evenings I just need some 'space' but its generally those evenings she cries most- tonight she's been fab.
I'm up far too late for me, sorry this isn't very coherent and I've forgotten what everyone's been saying.
hugs all round- we all need'em!

Otter ...got everything crossed for Hazel to come home!!!

Thanks Flick!! x

Pina ... he weighed 11lb 13oz = 2.5wks! he's 3 weeks today. He weighs what dd did at 10wks old lol
NO the 'great nights' didnt continue....dhs first night shift last night and ds's colic hit full scale!!! im pooped today!!

kanga hope you manage to get some sleep if your lo sleeps at all today? Poor you, I know how tough it is when you have a crying baby and DH on nights, I've been there!

mumofK can I ask a sling question please as you seem to be a guru in the sling dept?! I have a babybjorn, which I know aren't everyone's cup of tea but I am very happy with it for what I use it for (occasional trips to shops if DD1 in buggy or short trips out of the car, to save getting pram out of boot). I have a friend (in USA) who has heard that the baby bjorns can be not so comfortable for boys, squashes their little boys bits or something? Have you heard any of this? Any sling you would particularly reccomend to her? I think she would be using it in a similar way to me, i.e. not baby in it all the time.
Good luck with your ebay...I put a few things on myself this week, I love it! I've been selling on ebay for years. I made £80 selling my maternity clothes on ebay. Let me know if you need any help/tips
Also, I agree with you with the going with the flow thing. I think some people get a lot of benefit from books etc, and if that works for you then fab, but you have to be careful that you don't end up stressing yourself out over trying to keep up with what the book says. This stage doesn't last long (although it feels like forever at the time).

Hope everyone else is well. DH is playing squash, DD1 at CM and DD2 asleep (but stirring ) on beanbag. Hence...MN!!
Got my Mum coming for the weekend. DH and I are going to a wedding reception tomorrow night so she is babysitting the girls. Gonna even leave DD2 at home and express some milk for Mum to give her....yipeee!

Baiyu If you are reading this...are you OK? I think about you lots, I hope things are a bit better for you.

Pina - thanks for the comment about the dummy sucking & the noise. I know DD isn't hungry but she is sucking is so hard her little lips are losing their colour! She is having it less and less and is coping quite well but is back to sucking my finger a lot.

WW - I echo Pina's comments about the groups & being shy. And if 3 of us here feel like that I reckon a lot of women who get to the groups will be in the same boat as us. I got in a palava at the HV the other day (I get embarrassed very easily) when I realised I'd been waiting on the wrong floor for 20 minutes. When I did finally get to the right room I sat there for another 15 minutes surrounded by women & babies not realising the "system" for being seen was to hand in my red book. Only I didn't have my red book - the only one the HV had 2 weeks ago was damp?? - so I had to shout out my details across the room. And they insitied on referring to my dd as "he" (a male Stella?) because she was wearing a safari shirt and beige linen dungarees. Anyway, usually I would have run a mile in that situation but having my baby has made me a lot more confident - or perhaps just a bit less shy.

Otter - I hope Hazel can come home soon. Fingers and toes crossed.

Luckymummy - I just ordered a few lovely bras. An Emma Jane I think it is - it is a lovely pink colour (a lot nicer when the massive bra straps poke pout under tops ). I got a black strapless bra from Figleaves too - it isn't a feeding bra but am going out for dinner with dp next week sans baby. I have only tried it on but it seems great so far (I am 38E). The Hot Milk ones I ordered are lovely too - a lot nicer than the usual nursing ones.

Slings - the "problem" with the babybjorn is how baby's legs stick out of the bottom apparently. They should be in the "frog" position not hanging straight down. There is some debate about this at the moment - might be worth doing a search on here. I have two - a Wilkinet which I really like as baby is right next to me with no material in between us and it can be used from newborn. Also have a Tri-cotti which dd hates and I fear I am using wrongly because she looks like she is going to break or suffocate inside it. The littlepossums.co.uk website is good for slings.

I am off for a nap. DD has decided 230-630am is her new favourite time to play and I am knackered.

MM

hey everyoner - we are having attacks of man flu here too..... but both ds's have colds as well!

off to france on holiday tomorrow so will be absent for a while!

and the other big news for me is that i'm in jeans the same size as wehn i was at uni - and i'm 32 now!!! but i do have a lovely dress i am still too big up top for so still some work to do!

xxx

ycbs your pic is lovely . re slings - i have a baby bjorn active and have found it really great. we went on a walking hol when ds1 was about 12 weeks and i carried him all day in it really comfortably. i know it's horses for courses - mumofk says she doesn't like them - but worth a try imvho. have read the stuff about 'frog' position but not sure how seriously to take it...?

i've added a couple of pics to my profile too...

took ds1 for a 'join in and play' session at SCHOOL today!!! can't believe he'll be going in sept. my little boy... sniff! he will only go 2 mornings to start with and continue at nursery 2 days, so it'll be a gradual transition. he was very shy at the beginning today but soon got into the swing... awww.

Thanks for sling advice. Will eagerly await the guru's words of wisdom (mumofK).

I too am back to pre-pregnancy size/weight, except for these massive orbs in front of me , which definitley makes buying clothes a bit tricky....I do wonder how people like Jordan get clothes to fit??? I find I only need a 12 or 14 in tops, except my bosoms are so bulging out, dare I say it but I think I prefer my 'modest' 36D's !!!

Have a good day all and a nice Fathers Day tomorrow. XXX

LM74 ....I shall be asking your advice Re:selling on ebay...soon....Ive got your email addy so i'll be bugging you through that in the future

Well I have a bloomin great big stye on my eye! mucho attractiveness!!! due to the not getting great amounts of sleep! dhs turn tonight...im kerknackered!!!!

Hope all the daddys have a fab day tomorrow!!

xxxxx

Evening all,
oh my goodness, I am so touched at all the care and concern from you lovely lot. Thanks for the birthday wishes pina (I totally forgot it was my birthday and scheduled 3 fillings at the dentist - poor confused head!)

I'm feeling a lot better today than I was a few days ago. On thursday I lost it and had a massive cry but after that things seem a bit brighter, think I relieved some tension. I'm still having low moments but I think a lot of it is to do with tiredness. I will talk honestly to the HV though, thanks for all your advice on PND LM74. I just think 24/7 childcare is taking a bit of getting used to. Last year I hitch-hiked to Morocco, worked in America and went backpacking in Japan - now I can barely make it out the door without major stress! Obviously it's a huge life change, for the better, but it's just a bit of an adjustment. I know that's the case for everyone, I just thought I'd cope better than I have.

I feel bad calling my mum unsupportive, she does help with DS sometimes it's just when it comes to how I'm feeling she's very dismissive, it's the classic 'you can't possibly be miserable, you have it easy compared to me' rubbish.

lm74 and asicsgirl, mother and baby groups are a great idea. i've started going to one in my village but no one else has a tiny baby, the rest are all toddlers and older. There are more in the nearest town but it's a 36 mile round trip and i don't have a car... When I'm back in Edinburgh I'll be able to go to more I'm sure, I can't wait to live in a city again and be able to walk places!

pina getting friends involved is a great idea too. Nobody yet seems keen to give me time off (I think they're all a bit nervous) but I did ask a friend to come and see me today and just drinking coffee and talking about non-baby things, even if i didn't make it out of my kitchen, made me feel a lot more human!

indigoblue you're absolutely right - survival. Finn is still feeding every 2 hours and cries when he's put down (that's why it's taken me a week to get back on MN!) I'm absolutely knackered but I guess realising that this stage will pass is very important.

I think the biggest thing that has cheered me up (apart from all the lovely support on here of course) is that DP has changed his flights. Instead of another 6 weeks in China, he'll be home in a fortnight! I don't know how he's managed it with the uni but it really doesn't matter, he's coming home. Now we need to find somewhere to live until our flat lease starts in mid-August! We'll work out the details but i'm just so happy he'll be here soon.

YCBS I'm here on facebook (and anyone else). You're right about people not thinking of you as a single mum even when that's the role you're playing for long stretches. Well done for coping every week on your own.

Sling things - i have a close baby carrier, same as casserole, and I love it. No big adjustments every time, dead easy and comfy.

wolverina oh my goodness, what a scary time you've had, so glad that you're feeling optimistic

Thanks asicsgirl and kangaandroo for BF cushion advice, My neighbour has just lent me one like a widgey, needs a scrub first but I think it might help.

otter1980 So glad Hazel is feeding, sending lots of positive thoughts and wishes your way (my cousin just had a baby girl a week ago and called her Hazel, also the name of my sister and was the name of a lovely aunt and a great aunt so feeling lots of affection towards your wee one in an irrational family way!)

Quick question (after a massive post -sorry!) My bleeding has gone reddish again (after nearly 5 weeks). It had been very faint but now back to red, still slow though. Sorry if TMI but should I be worried?

Thanks again all of you for being so lovely and caring. It means so much. Big hugs to you all xxxxxxx

Morning all, and happy father's day to the dads, but only if they have been some use last night!

Keep wanting to join in but have trouble keeping up with the posts let alone writing one.

Baiyu re bleeding, prob nothing to worry about but worth a mention to your HV. I'm fed up with mine now, keep thinking it's all over then get a bit more. Been over 3 weeks now, I'm sure it only lasted 2 last time. Did mention it my HV and she said it can go on when you 'do more'. Had a nose on FB, such a lovely photo! I have avoided getting my own profile and use my husband's, means I can hide...

I bought a widgey cushion and it does help, it'll be well worth the scrubbing.

I too would like some sling advice, although have a friend with the close one and it does look good. Shame they're all so pricey, when sometimes they look so simple.

Anyway I hope you all had a reasonable night. I didn't read the books last time, and probably won't get round to it this time, but my hat's off to anyone that manages to do the GF thing. We had the constant evening feeding with DS1 and he would go til 10 or even 2 in the morning before he thought it was sleepy time. 1st 3 weeks with DS2 thought we had an evening sleeper, but not anymore. 12 last night he went to bed but then went til 5. I have been getting some day time sleeps with parents here, but they go in hours,and I'll be solo for the 1st time tomorrow. Don't know how you all do it on your own 24/7. Big hugs to you.

DH just gone waterskiing with his friends, I've told him it's his father's day present, and not to expect to go again this summer. Does anyone else have problems with DH's child free friends would haven't a clue when it's a bad time to phone/ask to come out to play etc?