May 2008 - we just couldn't wait!

[thefortbuilder]

for everyone who's popped already and congratulations to us all!

Hi all,

Hope you are well.

Flick: Thanks for your message. Mum has looked after Emily this morning while I composed a complaint letter to the hospital.

Jackblackroddy: We are sharing the same problems. No nappies and lots of poo. I thought it was because of all the antibiotics I have to take because I got an infection in the perinium.

Otter: Hope things are going well. Let us know how you do, only if you get a chance of course.

hugs to all having horrible experiences- I hope you are able to deal with it/them so you can move on. Sounds like NHS deserves some serious complaints. It rotten how your care can be such a lottery.

We're doing fine here- as long as I get out of the house so can't see the mess! Also been spending too much money so HAVE to learn to ebay before the credit card bill lands but on a plus our guttering is mended, our boiler works, my car is serviced and road legal again and we got an order from Suma (food wholesalers down the road)-so nothing too frivolous!
DD2 sleeps fine- in a sling (she has a favourite)or in our bed. Screams in the car seat (I'm not travelling far these days, not just fuel price-related). Her weight gain has picked up now she's only puking a couple of times a day, so at 6 wks weighed 10 lb 4.5 oz, yippee!
Don't know how so many of you cope all day with 2 or more LO- I would be depressed if I had to do that full time. I'm rearranging DD1s childcare so I have her 2 half days, so we have more fun and less 'mummy's just trying to sort this job out...'

JBR- my health visitor is coming back at 3 months especially to check for post natal depression, so if the darkness is getting to you it could well be PND. It can sneak up on you even 6 months after birth, not sure how much longer after that it is called PND. Its a huge adjustment going from quite a 'grown up' family to having a tiny baby (aka limpet in our house!) demanding so much from you. Please talk to someone in real life about it- they say GP ( but mine is rubbish for that kind of thing) so Health visitor, practice nurse, anyone who can get you counselling or, if needed the right drugs. Hugs

oh ps. there is something called the Edinburgh Post Natal depression scale, that HCP use to help assess you. Don't know if it is a good thing to google or not (not looked at it yet!).....

Edinburgh Post natal scale doesn't look too scary to me. I find it hard to remember how I felt a few days ago (as in remembering how bad things have been) but I come out as not quite depressed- and I feel I'm coping fine right now!
ho hum, not sure this helps at all.....

Forgot who was wondering about expressing, and someone mentioned hiring a pump? I hired one from Medela, Symphony, I think. Found it loads better than the electric ones you can buy (I found them very noisy and no more effective for me than hand pump). It did cost about 45 pounds a month, plus connector kit. I wished I bought 2 connector kits though, I was getting stressed out about getting things clean ready for the next day and for 10 pounds or so I could have been much more relaxed.

I have leaky boobs too! I did last time around, and it only eased up just after I bought washable pads (it was months though, just can't remember how long). I've been catching my leaks (from other side) when feeding at home, and its about 1/2 oz- no wonder I leak through sometimes.I also remember my friends last time didn't leak for as long as me- very jealous!

JBR talk to your gp or HV or someone - my PND was diagnosed at 8 weeks this time round, and i suffered at about 7 months last time.

xxx

YCBS has he been sleeping during the day? we had that with ds1 and had to do strict bath and bed routine with him so he didn't get confused!

hth

thanks girls, i will speak to someone. i feel really not myself, having horrible thoughts will have to ring HV.

YCBS - we had a lovely routine but now its gone to pot, DD and me seem to sleep for about 3 hours in the night, and one hour during the day. i'm sure we nust sleep for longer but it seems like we are both constantly awake at the mo. so i sympathsise you poor thing xxxxxxxxx

Awww YCBS i know that feeling oh so well.
I put Faye outside in her parm ( in shade) yesterday, she slept really well. I've done the same this morning, but i think the hum of the lawn mower may have sent her off to sleep this time.

I have noticed that the vacum really does help babies sleep. not practical at night, but save all your hoovering until you need it lol.

I know there is no quick fix for PND but sunshine will help lift your mood a little if you can sit out in the garden, even if its just to eat your lunch.

Yesterday evening i went out round the lanes on my push bike. In 6 weeks thats the first time i have been away from my baby.
I spent all day looking forward to DP coming home from work as he had said he would take care of her while i went out.
I was only gone 45 mins but found i spent the whole time thinking about her in one way or another.

How does everyone elses DP behave towards their new baby?
I get upset sometimes because he comes home from work, kisses me but doesnt always go to see her, although he will ask how she is.
If i spent all day away from her first thing i would do would be kiss and cuddle her, i dont think i would bother kissing dp lol.

I need exercise. I used to go swimming every week, i really miss that. And i used to go out on my pushbike for half hour each day.
I love my baby to bits, but i do miss my freedom. Is that selfish ?

babylove you are not being selfish at all. I have a solution to your 'need to exercise' problem, (I am the same, love swimming and cycling). After DD1 was born I invested in some workout DVDs, I particulalry like the Davina ones. I felt a bit of a prat at first, but once you get over that, it's so easy to do a work out at home, straight up to the shower, no travelling, parking or worrying about what you look like in lycra etc!! I think DD1 was a wee bit older, so settled to bed by 7pm and then I would do my workout. Worth a try??
My DH was absolutely smitten with DD1, couldn't bear going to work and being away from her, and he is still smitten with her (she's 2 now and very very cute ) but he doesn't seem the same with DD2. I think it's just that firstborns more new and exciting, and also, having DD1 now a very interactive toddler, DD2 is very boring!!!

YCBS I feel for you with your DH being away so much in the week. I know how hard it is to leave a baby crying, but why don't you try controlled crying?? We did it with DD1 when she was about 7-8 weeks old, to get her to go to 'bed' at 8pm after last feed. I distinctly remember her screaming for about 25 mins the first few days, then it was 20 mins, then 15, 10, 5 and in not very long at all (maybe just over a week or two??) she just went to bed without crying at all. I do remember how hard it is, my sister came over one night when DH was at work to find me lying under DD1's crib sobbing my heart out while she screamed (I didn't want her to see me!!!) I used to lie there until she had gone to sleep then crawl out of the room!!!!
I truelly believe it was worth it cos she has been an excellent sleeper since (now 2). Also, with DD2, sometimes she screams (really really screams!!) for about 10-15 mins then just very suddenly falls asleep, so I think sometimes it is them being tired and trying to get themselves off to sleep, and maybe us rocking and jigging them about is not what they want??!! Try and give it a go, and be strong. Be where you can see him so that you know he is safe, and just remember, we don't remember the first few years of our life anyway, so it's hard for you, but he'll never remember it?!! Good luck.

JBR I am sorry to hear you are suffering too. I hope it's not PND and maybe just an extended baby blues. I was told recently that baby blues can last weeks, not just the days that most books say. It's awful to feel so low. I would definitely talk to someone.
Keep coming on MN and talking to us, you will get support but also see that a lot of us are feeling the same, you are not alone.
I think when our babies are a few weeks old, that's when the sleepless nights start to take their toll. We can cope initially, but then it all gets a bit much. I really hope you feel better soon (((((((hugs)))))))

My DD2 is almost 6 weeks old, and apparently things start to get a bit easier now .
She has at least stopped leaking out of her nappies, since we bought the next size up [stupid woman emotion]

Have a good day all, enjoy the sunshine
LM 74 xxx

I can?t believe how long it?s been since I?ve managed to get on here, for once DS has fallen asleep when I don?t have something that urgently needs doing. I?ve not been coping very well recently. JBR it sounds like we?re feeling quite similar. I didn?t get any baby blues after the birth but for the past 2 weeks or so I?ve been a bit of a mess. My mum is quite good at holding DS for a wee while so I can run and have a shower every day but that?s about the only time I?ve not been with him. I?m finding breastfeeding pretty tough, I feel like I do nothing else but sit and feed, I don?t think I do actually. I?m starting to worry about myself, sometimes I realise I?ve gone days without smiling or laughing and that?s really not like me. I have an amazing baby boy, what isn?t there to smile about? The health visitor asked me some probing questions about how I was feeling the other day and I gave nice smiley positive answers, couldn?t look her in the eye and burst into tears when she was gone. I?ve tried talking to my mum about it but she was so unsympathetic I was quite speechless, yes I know there are people worse off than me in the world and I am lucky really but that really doesn?t make me feel better. She is the world?s biggest moaner about absolutely everything, just useless at listening to anyone else?s problems. I have been talking to DP about it but he?s so far away and there?s nothing he can do so I?m trying to stay positive for him. mumofk I just tried that Edinburgh post natal depression calculator and it gave me 19/30. I don?t think I?m depressed but I am in a bit of a state. Ok, moan over!

Finally managed to catch up a bit with all your news?

YCBS Nice to know someone else has to cope with a cross continental relationship! What does your DH do in Russia? That?s quite a commute!

AussieSim Can?t believe you managed 18 months mostly on your own, I?m finding 7 weeks impossible!

mumofk I?m no sling expert but I have one of these and it?s brilliant, so easy to use and DS loves it.

Indigoblue so glad Jamie is home at last

mumblesmummy Can?t believe they kept sending your DP away in hospital, I could not have handled that! Congratulations on the arrival of Kaeden and on booking your wedding, how exciting!

sweetbean Welcome Freya Rose! Glad you didn?t have to be induced, I didn?t enjoy it very much, very jealous you got a water birth, that was my plan.

Congratulations also to niknak21 otter1980 newbishad and felurie76 on the births of Alastair James, Hazel Annabel, Emily Miriam and Holly Elizabeth, such lovely names all of you.

Since I'm spending my whole life breastfeeding, I thought I might treat myself to a breastfeeding cushion to make things a bit more comfortable, does anyone have any recommendations?

Hope you?re all having a great day

hi everyone

so sorry jbr and baiyu that you're feeling so low. hope you find someone sympathetic to talk to. baiyu it must be so hard doing it all on your own. are you managing to get out at all? e.g. mother and baby group? not the solution for everyone i know but might offer some emotional support?

well i'm at that stage where the lack of sleep is def catching up with me. last couple of nights ds2 has made SO much racket while asleep that it's been almost impossible to sleep in same room as him. he strains, grunts and groans like he's trying to poo. even tho' he seems to stay asleep it is REALLY loud. when awake he seems much more disturtbed, constantly trying to poo, crying out etc. lots of burps and farts too. books say it is because digestive system is immature, so guess we just have to wait for him to grow out of it????

had massive argument with dp this morning and have spent day in tears. dp is trying to be supportive and does a lot of practical things like cooking, washing up, but i am just so tired of having to do all the feeding and getting no sleep. dp says he will 'look after' ds2 while i sleep but this just means he will have ds2 in the room with him if he's in his carrycot asleep - if ds2 wakes up he needs feeding and then i'm woken up again. dp volunteers to do things like change ds2's nappy in middle of night and gets huffy when i try to say that this isn't helpful - he doesn't seem to want to listen to what i might actually find helpful, but wants to tell me what i need

in the meantime dp seems to have decided that his job is to look after ds1. ok ds1 needs looking after but a) this is easy, and b) it means i get no time with ds1. e.g. dp has taken ds1 off to his mum's this pm leaving me to 'sleep' tho of course ds2 is not sleeping, just feeding and straining, so here i am feeling lonely.

i know some of you will say 'express' but i can't face it atm - seem to be feeding constantly as it is and the thought of expressing too... plus ds2 has had some latching probs and is only 4 weeks so feels a bit early... plus ds1 was an absolute nightmare could not get him to take the bottle for months, so I am really unkeen to get into all that stress too...

sorry for massive rant. i just feel like i can't communicate with dp at all atm. i know many of you are much worse off and i must sound ungrateful but it's just making me sad, can't help it

JBR: Sorry you are feeling like this, I hope HV will be able to help.

YCBS: Hope you manage to get some sleep and firday comes quickly for you.

LM: Laughing at you lying under cot crying with DD!- must have been a funny site.

Baiyu: Sorry your mom isn't very sympathetic, it must be so hard with DP away, how much longer till he's home? Will he be back for good this time? When do you get your flat?

Babylove: hope you get your exercise routine sorted around DD. My DH pays loads of attention to DD and DS1, less to DS2 but I suppose he feels the other two need it more.

Mumofk: DS2 also likes sleeping in our bed, things are going to have to change when he turns 6/8 weeks and needs to get into a better routine.

Flick: Nice to hear that you are getting smiles

Ds2 is now 4 weeks old and time is going so quickly. DS1 turns 2 on monday so organising a party for saturday. And we are putting the house on the market tomorrow, so very busy tidying the house at the moment.

I am feeling so melancholy reading this thread that so many of you are feeling so low. I had about a week of feeling really low with feeding problems etc but luckily I am generally feeling better now. DD2 still screams the place down most evenings but at least it is just evenings and she is good at night, so although broken sleep, I am getting a fairly decent amount of sleep. I'm sure I wouldn't be coping as well if I wasn't getting as much sleep. I am desperately trying to help DD2 'find her thumb' as she settles when she has something to suck. I don't wanna go down the dummy route. I'm not a dummy snob, we just never used one with DD1, she found her thumb at about 6 weeks and things got easier then, and it doesn't fall out where she can't find it .

Baiyu I am particularly worried about you luvvie. I know you are younger and possibly your friends don't have babies but do you have any friends nearby who could take your DS out for a walk in the pram just to give you an hour off? I'm sorry your Mum's not very sympathetic. I would definitely investigate mum and baby groups in your area. I didn't go to any for ages as I didn't think they were my kind of thing, then when I did go, I was pleasantly suprised and wished I'd gone sooner.
Also, maybe you should call your HV and admit that maybe you weren't completely honest when she asked you the questions. If you do have PND, you must remember that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain (as is normal clinical depression) and therefore out of your control to 'snap out of it' yourself. Anti-depressants balance out the chemicals in your brain and can make you feel tons better. I know we have a few sufferers on this thread so I'm sure they would agree. Try and seek some help. How many weeks til your DP is back from China? You have had to cope with so much, having a baby and then your DP having to be so far away when you need him most. ((((((hugs))))))

asicsgirl I know exactly what you mean about your DH. Mine the same. V good practially around the house and with the 'fun' toddler, but I too am so hacked off with being solely responsible for feeding. I really don't wanna stop BF and am not planning to, but men will NEVER understand how it feels.

hugs to you all.....

LM xxxx

BELATED BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT grin
Firstly my apologies for being so crap that I have only got round to posting now that DS2 is one month old! blush
Born by planned CS on May 8th at 10.30am. The whole experience was VERY civilized though more than a little surreal - waking up in the morning knowing that I was going to have my baby that day was weird, thank God the element of surprise was still there with the sex (well sort of, by the last week I was convinced he was a boy anyway after being "so sure" that he was a girl for the previous 30+ weeks....)
All went very well, we stayed in hospital for 4 restful nights then back to my parents where life was BUSY with DH's whole family visiting for a week, plus having to get his passport and a flight booked.
We came back to Zambia on May 24th, when he was 2 weeks old, it now seems as though we've been back forever and he has always been with us. So far he is a dream baby, eats like a champion and sleeps well - here's hoping it stays that way....
DS1 has taken to it all remarkably well, he is SO sweet with his little brother, stroking him and even shares his toys with him (by putting them on his head hmm).
I'm so happy to be mama to 2 beautiful sons xx

hi all, not been on here for ages, sorry to hear so many of you feelin low, i am very up and down.

im finding it tough with 2 lo's, im missing my time spent with ds1 as i am feeding all day, it seems, dh only works 3-4 days a week but i am so drained by the constant and unpredictable feeding. I have really been toying with the idea of giving up breastfeeding, which i m shocked to hear myself say as i fed ds1 for 10 months and am a trained peer supporter but he is still havig latchibg on problems that not even the best help around here can sort out and i feel like its not fair on ds1 as somedays we spend all morning in our pjs in front of the tv because i have to feed ds2.

anyway i cant stand 1 hand typing, so i am going to try to put ds down and go to bed myself. will catch up better soon

Hello all
Sorry to hear some of you are so down. It's a strange situation isn't it, when on one hand you know how blessed you are to have a healthy baby, but on the other because of reasons out of your control you're not able to see past the sadness. I only had the baby blues for a few days so it was easier to deal with, but I do remember the feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. I hope you find some ways out of it soon.

We had a bit of a drama here the other night; around midnight when I was trying to settle DS2 after a feed, I suddenly started to bleed heavily. I went to the loo and it was really pouring out, so after panicking for about 5 minutes I held a towel between my legs and woke up DH, who called an ambulance and arranged to take DS1 to a friend's house.

At the hospital my OB did a scan and found a clot of about 2.5cm in my uterus, which was removed surgically straight away. From what I understood it was stopping my uterus from contracting properly which caused the bleeding. I have to take iron tablets as I lost quite a bit of blood, but I'm basically fine.

Now I've never been a particularly optimistic person but this has really affected me - at one point I thought I might die and the thought that I may not be around to look after my boys was just unbearable, and now it feels like I've got another chance and I feel so lucky to have a healthy family, I'm determined to make the most of it, enjoy every minute and not worry about things that don't matter.

hi everyone - hope those having a tough time are feeling ok

samuel is also a wailer if he is put down, however, having learnt with jacob (who was never put down because he cried then!), sam just gets put down and if he wails, he wails. it's really tough, especially if it's the end of the day, but i've learnt that he quite often does a 25 minute wail before going to sleep.

he also loves to fall asleep on me, which we do indulge a bit but not all the time!