August 2021 - They've been here for half a year

[BertieBotts]

Can you believe it! Our lovely little ones are (roughly) halfway to their first birthdays.

Welcome friends old and new for discussion of sleep, teeth, weaning, milestones, navigating post-baby relationships and the whole existential dread of parenthood... I mean those amazing moments when they make your heart melt. Or produce a poo that makes the wallpaper melt. Oh, all of them. Nothing is off limits because it's just good to know that somebody else has been there.

Unfortunately, not in my experience. I do sympathise. I think I had the exact same meltdown with both DS1 and DS2 because by a year everyone else has stopped talking/obsessing about sleep (which, BTW, doesn't mean all the other babies in the world are sleeping through - many of them still wake at age 1). I don't know why people stop talking about it. I think because either your baby already sleeps through by this age (whether you left them to it or sleep trained them to get them there) or you've kind of given up and just gone with it and maybe found something that works in terms of managing it? But no, there is no magic change at 1. I think that's why I just carried on cosleeping until 2 with DS1. DS2 I tried all sorts, moving him to his own room, "gentle" sleep training but no luck until I really had to do it - I think I was probably a bit uncommitted to the method. I find when I'm half asleep in the middle of the night I won't do the thing I've decided is most sensible. I will just do whatever lets me get back to sleep the fastest.

Night weaning is something you could try if you wanted to, but sometimes apparently it can just mean that they still wake up but you don't have the easy boob option any more. For some babies it gets them to stop waking though. DH is no good for DS3 either. I went out the other night and he managed to get him back to sleep when he woke up, but only by walking in circles around the living room. As soon as he stopped or tried to put him down he would cry again.

@Smurf123 that sounds really scary. How is she now? Hopefully a bit better.

@WolfMother326 she is doing a little better thanks, it's scary though and I feel really anxious about it now. I thought she had croup and it was just a bad cough I really didn't think she looked like her oxygen was going to be low but it was when they put the monitor on.
It's a bit hit and miss whether the inhaler works but apparently that's really common in the 6-12 month age group. Sometimes it helps other times it takes a second dose of 6 puffs an hour later to actually give the relief.
But we made it to Denmark and I hope she is on the mend. I don't think it's quite so constant so that's good.

Hi ladies ☺️ Came back on and was delighted to see this chat still active! Trying to go back through and reply to old messages.

@biscuitcat he still doesn’t do proper crawling and is 11 months tomorrow. He’s very mobile but it’s more of a breaststroke across the wooden floor he does 😂 now he’s started trying to see what’s going on on the sofa etc and goes into the proper crawling position for that but will never move in that position. I was so conscious of it at baby classes especially because it felt like the comparison between my friends babies, just weeks apart, was so obvious. We’re getting married soon and I feel like that’s also putting pressure on the walking thing because everyone’s saying ‘oh he’ll probably be walking down the aisle’ when I’m like eh no I highly doubt it. I’ve kind of reached the stage now that I don’t care though. It was my friends little girls first birthday recently and she wasn’t walking so I felt like I took the pressure off myself!

@Daffodil21 he’s still sleeping crazy hours per night too and I haven’t checked with anyone but I think that’s just the way he is 🙈 he was too tired to stay up any longer tonight so is away to bed at 6.30 😂 He slept past 9am the other day too. Hoping to go to the next sale early tomorrow so maybe he’ll be up earlier! They are just all so different, haven’t read to the end yet to check if you asked the gp

I know some people are already thinking about the next one or pregnant already but I originally didn’t think I was in the small age gap camp and now I think I’m converted. The only one thing putting me off is that I got such a dream sleeper this time that it’s just physically not possible for them to give me two 🤣 Then I’m thinking a baby could come and ruin his sleep too and I could wish I’d just stuck with one and my well-rested life!

we’re not thinking of trying immediately, we have a holiday booked for December so would wait until after that to try (it’s a big holiday and I want to be able to drink 🤣). I’m a bit paranoid too about the risks of having another section after having one. I think ideal scenario is to try again from January then have a baby October time. I’ve always said due to having a December birthday that I wouldn’t want my child to be born in December and due to being a p1 teacher for so many years I wouldn’t want my child to be a January or feb birthday as they’d be the youngest and it really does make such a difference in my experience so it kind of means we try then stop for 3 months and try again at the end of the summer if need be. Although knowing what I was like last time obsessing about trying to get pregnant I don’t think I’d be able to stop trying again 🤣🤣

What’s everyone else’s thought about another?

@Ready2020 we're still feeding to sleep for his night wakes, but not for naps or bedtime - he's still up about 3 times overnight at the moment (which is wearing a bit thin...), and like you, he settles much better for me than DH. I'm not yet back to work so it's more manageable, but I'm really hoping it improves before then. I'll probably think about night weaning once he's 1.

@Sarah13xx good to hear! Rowan is moving even less than that 😂 but we had our HV appointment the other day and she wasn't at all worried which was really reassuring.

We're planning on starting to try for number 2 in the next month or two! I think because he's been such a rubbish sleeper, if it got to the stage when he's sleeping more I'd almost be put off going back to newborn days, whereas if we stay in the trenches I won't remember what being well rested is like!

Has anyone had problems with boob biting during feeding? Alasdair has only just started to get his teeth and keeps nipping. It's not a latch issue- it's more like he gets curious or frustrated and decides to chomp. I was a religious feed to sleeper but tonight I rocked him to sleep for the first time ever because he kept biting. I hope it will pass when the teeth are in, it was really painful. How do you react? I just took the boob away.

@Sarah13xx we are thinking of trying when he's 18 months old, so from Feb. I had an emergency c section and will probably go for elective this time. I had such a scary birth that I don't want to repeat what happened I'm willing to just plan and prepare for the recovery better this time (knowing its coming, lots of help). I don't really want a small gap but I'm 38 so figure I should try sooner rather than later.

@Smurf123 so glad she's a bit better. Hope you're all enjoying your trip!

Teething gel can help with biting, but I have been rocking to sleep sometimes when feeding hasn't worked well recently.

Defo no more for me. But I need to get a coil appt as I have no sex drive on my current pill, just a bit scared it's going to be really painful 😩

Thank you for all the advice about sleep etc - he seems to have settled down a bit now which is good.
@Sarah13xx good to know about your LO's sleep, sounds similar to here so hopefully ok. I haven't asked the GP yet but the HV didn't seem too concerned.

@Sarah13xx I honestly don't know what we're doing about another. Part of me think we should just TTC soon, and part of me thinks we're nice and settled now re jobs/self employment etc that I sort of don't want to rock the boat. Thinking about being pregnant again actually fills me with dread as well so I'm partly in a hurry to get it over with, and partly don't want to face it yet! I'm going to have some basic fertility bloods done next cycle as they've been really long lately, just to see what we're dealing with. I don't even know if we can have another, and I'm also aware that we'll probably have to go through a couple more MCs to find out if we can. Who knows, I haven't decided yet! I would love DS to have a sibling though, I think he would really enjoy it.

Rowan has 4 teeth now though the top 2 are only a third in and I've had to stop offering boob past a certain point at night as she is obviously not feeding but just latches on for comfort so her latch isn't great and it gets sore. She gets pretty annoyed tbh but I keep offering her dummy and she eventually falls asleep.

Definitely one and done for us. I love my wee baby but don't want to do that again and I'm already 38. I do feel we're a good trio now and it works well. It's really brought my OH and I together as well despite the bickering we do.

Sleep is still a bit up and down but I think this heat is helping a bit in a weird way. She is so close to walking too so I guess once she is she'll tire herself out!

I'm desperate to move house again soon despite only living here a year. I love the town and the area but can't stand our neighbours. They really are a constant presence of stress. But how do people get up the ladder... just keep saving for a bigger deposit or just presume you get paid more as you get older so can afford a bigger mortgage?

Oh Bertie I get it about the coil. I need to get one put in but I'm actually worried about it. I've had enough trauma with that area...I don't need anymore

@biscuitcat he did nothing other than pull himself sideways along the floor for what felt like ages and only in about the last week ive noticed a huge difference in how much he wants to try and get up at things. Highly unlikely he’ll be walking by 1 but who cares really? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Oh wow that’s so exciting! Yeah I can definitely see your point! Same with the nappies, he’d be 2 years 3 months if it went exactly to plan so maybe out of nappies almost but changing the nappies is much less of a task now and I feel like I’m not having to do it as often compared to the newborn days of soaking through outfits every 5 minutes. Good luck 🤞🏼

@WolfMother326 oh exciting! I really don’t want to wish my life away but I’m also like I do maybe want three and probably have a bigger gap the next time so trying to be organised planning it all out. I had a planned section and it was amazing, honestly the best experience ever, you’ll be chilled about it this time knowing what happens too 😊

@Daffodil21 yeah I know what you mean with the work thing, I feel like I’m only just getting into a rhythm with it and about to go back part time to teaching. I was planning to quit but I’m like is that stupid if I’m only going to be there just over a year and back off again? I’d only get the part time version of my salary for the first 3 months though so I wouldn’t really be doing myself out of a huge amount of money when you balance it with how much I hated my job before 🙈 I’m going to see how things go then decide whether it’s still as bad as I remember!
Aw no hopefully not 😞 fingers crossed all is okay. Did you eventually get given a reason making it go okay with your pregnancy or was it unexplained? I had no issues last time and conceived relatively quick but I even think have I used all my luck up in that go? Is something awful going to happen this time because I had it too easy? It’s the section thing that worries me too because my scar on the outside really doesn’t look completely healed so I’m like god knows what’s going on inside 🤣

Aww that’s nice you know for sure you’re done ☺️ I think it is just the unknown sometimes that I can’t stop myself from wondering about, I wish I’d stop though.

We bought a bigger house but bought a very rundown one that needed a lot spent on it. I think it’s still worked out cheaper though since every well-presented house near us is still going for crazy money and we now have quite a nice house. We have had to borrow a fair bit of money from family members who have done a lot of the renovation work though so once I’m back at work we’re going to get a bigger mortgage hopefully to be able to pay them all back. It’s so hard right now when it costs so much to buy anything 🙈

@Ready2020 Aww that’s nice you know for sure you’re done ☺️ I think it is just the unknown sometimes that I can’t stop myself from wondering about, I wish I’d stop though.

We bought a bigger house but bought a very rundown one that needed a lot spent on it. I think it’s still worked out cheaper though since every well-presented house near us is still going for crazy money and we now have quite a nice house. We have had to borrow a fair bit of money from family members who have done a lot of the renovation work though so once I’m back at work we’re going to get a bigger mortgage hopefully to be able to pay them all back. It’s so hard right now when it costs so much to buy anything 🙈

I had a few coils in a row (mirena every time). 2 out of 3 times, they numbed my cervix before inserting it. It was totally painless. Definitely ask for that as the first time was much less pleasant!

@BertieBotts i didn’t ever really associate the pill being able to do that but I actually do remember noticing a difference when I came off it last time. I do feel like it’s quite an effort at times and far more appealing just to go to sleep 🤣

The pain from the top teeth when feeding is getting worse! I'm trying to avoid feeding on the right boob at night but our chair is set up so that it's comfier to feed on that side. The chair doesn't have sides so a pillow is propt up on the side near the wall. I was actually biting my hand to stop myself from yanking Rowan off me.

IME if you're planning more children and need maternity pay then any stable job is beneficial even if you hate it. Could you ask to be moved to a more admin type role like office staff if it's the actual teaching you struggle with?

I am now at the point where I'm at the end (ish - there's no deadline) of all my maternity leave ever and I need to figure out what I want to do next and still have absolutely no idea 🙈 I've done so many half things and not really settled on anything. What I'd like to do is similar to what DH has done - get a job in an office, maybe on the customer support side, and over time see where it goes, maybe look into different departments etc. I want to have colleagues I can get to know. I don't want to work from home or on my own. I might just look for EFL jobs again though, I enjoyed doing that and although there's not much money in it, that's basically to do with the hours, which wouldn't be a huge problem at this point. If I carried on the EFL teaching I could eventually do a DELTA which would give me more options for future employment especially if we moved back to the UK.

Anyway I need to contact the Kita and see if they have space/a waiting list for their baby room. I keep saying I ought to do it and not actually doing it 😆

WRT the pill I have such a low sex drive in the first place it doesn't take much to tip me into nun mode 😅unfortunately! I had the same problem with the pill before. That's why I want to go for non-hormonal contraception. I just need to get into my head that even if it does hurt it won't be anywhere near as bad as childbirth and it will be a couple of seconds for years' worth of protection and never having to think about it.

Ready are these new teeth? I would unlatch if it's uncomfortable, don't keep going! If they are brand new teeth it will usually settle down within a couple of days.

Since it’s approaching the 1 year mark I thought I’d try and find the old threads from the build up to my csection to see how scared I was and read the updates I put on in the first few days after he was born. If anyone has a spare few hours on their hands I highly recommend it, its taken me right back to that point in time 🥺 It does make me sad that there’s something so special about the first one. It will never just be you and this little baby again because if there’s a next time I’ll have two of them to look after. I really loved that time in early maternity leave ☺️ I can’t believe it’s coming to an end now but also feel like I’ve been off for about 3 years 😂

@Sarah13xx it's all very emotional isn't it! We still have 3 weeks till A's first birthday but it brings up a lot of feelings. I met a woman at the pool this week who was 36 weeks pregnant and it brought up memories of swimming this time last year at the same stage.

I'm also coming to the end of maternity leave and it feels like such a long time to have been off. Are you returning FT? I'm going back 3 days a week and doing a phased return in August while we settle him into nursery. Lots of big changes but I actually feel ready. I don't think being a SAHM would suit me, but I also think I'd really struggle returning FT.

Hello everyone! I have not been here for a while. Came on to wish...wow, I can't believe I'm typing this...happy upcoming first birthdays to our nearly one year olds!!! 😱🥳🎉 Where is this time gone, seriously???

I hope everyone is doing ok. As for me, I'm still not divorced. We're still living together and H wants to give it another go, I am not convinced. I've gone back to work and it's been the best thing for me. I've concluded I'd never want another long maternity leave, sitting at home is not my thing. Leo has 6 teeth, he's super tall and is cruising everywhere. He's a cool little dude to be fair, very confident and has a wicked sense of humour already. Clearly took after his mother 😂✌️ He's caught every single possible bug so far, we've had a fabulous start...not 🤦🏼‍♀️ But when he's well, he loves going to nursery. Just wish it didn't cost me 70 fucking quid every time he's under the weather, alas it is what it is. I too was ill for what feels like forever, I keep catching everything he has, but I am better now and even went out for a drink with my team tonight! I've been in therapy for my anxiety too and that's been pretty helpful, although I'm obviously living with that monster for life so it's a battle every day. Nevertheless, working and using my CBT strategies is helping.

I hope all of you are keeping well and I promise to visit more often ❤️❤️❤️ xxx

Hi everyone hope you are all well. Sophia will be one on Sunday how has that come round so fast!
@PurplePansy05 we have also had a lot of sickness, including several a and e visits for issues. Back at dr yesterday for yet another double ear infection.
Is everyone else baby crusing holding on to stuff ? Sophia loves to stand but doesn't really try and take steps holding hands or anything