August 2021 - They've been here for half a year

[BertieBotts]

Can you believe it! Our lovely little ones are (roughly) halfway to their first birthdays.

Welcome friends old and new for discussion of sleep, teeth, weaning, milestones, navigating post-baby relationships and the whole existential dread of parenthood... I mean those amazing moments when they make your heart melt. Or produce a poo that makes the wallpaper melt. Oh, all of them. Nothing is off limits because it's just good to know that somebody else has been there.

There is a book called "All Joy and No Fun" I've had on my list for a while but not read yet, which is meant to be about these contradictory feelings in parenting.

@PurplePansy05 yes I feel the same way. Like I haven’t been ‘good enough at maternity leave’ or something. I feel like a failure and am also worried I’ll be crap at work. I am consumed by worry about both aspects.

love to all. I miss you all but don’t check in much any more as comparison is the thief of joy and it makes me worry about development and everything else.

I read that impostor syndrome is very common amongst new mothers, especially upon returning to work. Not surprising really.

Bertie, I read up more about this book and quite a few reviews said that it's heavily rooted in America and therefore some of the author's comments about maternity leave, working mothers etc are very different to European - just thought I'd share this in case you're thinking about buying it.

Also a quick question about car seats...yeah, you've guessed it 🤦🏼‍♀️ DS is now in MaxiCosi Pearl 360 and when he's asleep his head slumps forward? I've reclined it as much as possible yesterday but I'm a bit worried as we're due to have a 2hr drive soon and if this doesn't do the trick, his head will be slumped for a while, I'm not happy about this. Any tips, please? It's a very comfy and sturdy seat, I like it a lot, but I just need to find out what to do about the head slump xx

Ah fair enough, thanks for the heads up! :)

About head flop, this is one of the disadvantages of isofix seats as they are at a fixed angle in the car, you can use the recline setting of course but that doesn't always help especially if your back seats/isofix points are really sloped. Do you have all inserts in or have you removed any? You could try with inserts if you're using without. Or does he still fit in the Pebble 360? You might want to use that just for your trip and then go back to the Pearl for the day to day driving when you get back. I think the Pebble is probably more reclined.

I find we get head flop in our infant carrier a lot at the moment, at first I was able to fix it by pulling him further down in the seat and kind of tilting his hips to encourage him to lie down rather than try to sit up and look around, but even that isn't helping recently. DH put the headrest/straps up higher and that did the trick but I think we might swap him into the Joie 360 soon. It is worth checking whether the harness is set up too low down as that can kind of push their shoulders forward. Also, if they tend to be nosey and look around when you're trying to put them in the seat they might not have their shoulders back against the seat back so again they can end up being pushed forwards once the straps are tightened.

Been a while since I checked in but also think i need a new car seat soon and have no idea how to go about picking one as first one was a gift

Did you see my guides I wrote kagerou? I linked them earlier in the thread but could probably make new links. Though I don't know if it's too much info/helpful or just makes it more confusing D:

First thing I'd ask is how big your little one is - do you know weight and height or just whether they are big or small for age?

You'll want to stay with a rear facing seat at this age, 9 months is too little to forward face really. You can get seats which rear face all the way up until they use a booster or just for the first bit and then you turn it around when they're older.

Hope everyone is doing well as babies reach the 10 month mark! Rowan has had a constant cold since starting nursery. Poor wee thing is coughing a lot at night just now. I think the worst is over though and we're coming out the other side. We also had a tummy bug this week. First I've had in a long time but I'm sure it'll not be the last this year.

We've got another week of half days at the nursery next week then back to full days. I hope she settles better but the separation anxiety is pretty high with her just now. As is her preference for women which is weird. If any male friend or relative even looks at her she cries!

Still waking up loads at night with teething and this cold. Teething pain cries are so horrible. She still feeds a few times at night too

She's doing well at pulling herself up on things now and can take steps while we hold her hands. Weaning is going a bit backwards with days of downright refusing to eat much.

All in all its still all unknown and I'm still not sure how to do this parenting thing but she's such a delight.

@Ready2020 sounds like your wee girl is going through a lot, as are we over here. The separation anxiety is really intense. We've been in America with family for a week now and sometimes Alasdair is fine with my parents, other time he cries for me and his dad until he's choking and wheezing. We never go far or leave him although it would be nice to be able to go out once or twice we haven't. I'm nervous about nursery in August as a result but we'll get through it. Still no teeth here at 9.5 months, but lots of eating every day...

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to help stretch marks? I've got some pretty deep ones on my legs which are probably beyond help but I'd like to reduce the appearance of those and the rest if I can!

Hope everyone and their babies are doing well - we must have some first birthdays coming up next month!

Hey how is everyone doing? How are the babies (almost toddlers)??

All good here @WolfMother326 😊 can’t believe they are so close to being one now!

We're doing OK. Going through some major sleep issues (again). I hate to put it in a box but I think it's a regression/development thing as she's just come on so much the last couple of weeks. Plus her top 2 teeth are coming in. It's tough though with having to get up for work. One day she will sleep through and not look for my boob lol.

I can't believe how much she's growing and a whole year almost up!

On the subject of birthdays, anyone got any good ideas for presents?

We probably won't get lots of different ones (after all he'll probably just want to play with the boxes!) but I was thinking of one of the Doona trikes that adapts as he grows... as we could use it now for walking the dog as an alternative to the pushchair.

Ladies, can I ask another question..

how much are your babies sleeping? I'm so sorry I don't want to come across as insensitive to those who are having sleeping issues, but I'm a little concerned. DS sleeps 13-14 hours straight a night, and lately is still wanting about 6 hours worth of naps during the day, and doesn't seem to be able to be awake for longer than 2 hours (unless we're busy, then he powers through for a bit). Can this be normal or should I be concerned? I'm going to ring the GP this afternoon but just wondering what other experiences are, or if there's anything I should be getting checked? I'm not concerned about the night time sleep, but the day time sleeps seem to be excessive. I had to wake him up twice the other day with 14 hours overnight sleep, and 6 hours of day nap... just doesn't seem right

@daffodil I would probably be a little worried at that too. No advice really but I'd probably do what you're doing and check with the dr. Maybe it's an iron thing? Let us know what the Dr says.

Rowan slept from 9.30pm to 4am last night so not sure where that came from! I didn't sleep well as i was worried that she wasn't well 😄

@Daffodil21 that does sound a lot to me, I think it's a good shout to ring the GP - we're at the opposite sadly, going through a bit of a wobble sleep wise and up 4 times a night again (though he's never slept through so at least I don't know what I'm missing!)

My main worry at the moment is about crawling, Rowan still isn't really on the move at 10.5months. He does a bit of a bum shuffle, but hasn't cracked crawling - I have his check with the HV next week so will ask then, but does anyone else have a lazy bones too?

Good to check in with HV or GP regarding sleep and crawling, but having nannied for many years before having Alasdair, both those things could be totally normal.

Some babies are 'higher sleep need'; my baby is sleeping 13 hours a night (wakes for feedings 2-4 times) and still napping 2-3 x a day. He is really active and I think just wears himself out. Sometimes only 2 hour wake windows, other times 4 hours.

On crawling, I've seen babies totally skip it and start walking at 14 months after just bum shuffling! If the baby can get around, they sometimes just decide that method of is enough mobility till the next stage. I know it's tough not to worry but crawling isn't an essential milestone. Have you seen the Babies documentary series on Netflix @biscuitcat ? The crawling episode is great.

The milestone is that they should be mobile by 12 months, but that includes bum shuffling, commando crawling and rolling with directional intent, it doesn't need to be walking or crawling.

The sleep sounds like a lot, I know that the range of normal is much wider than most people think so could just be fine, but definitely worth getting checked out just in case of something like sleep apnoea.

I was going to get the Tomy Hide and Squeak eggs for his birthday but we played with some at a friend's house recently and he didn't care much for them... A ride on toy is a good bet at this age. Alex's favourite of the big brother toys are Brio trains (or whatever compatible ones) and the Toot Toot sets. He also enjoys a toy musical keyboard and we have BeatBo the dancing robot which is also popular.

Thanks @BertieBotts and @WolfMother326, that's reassuring. I also dug out a child development questionnaire I use at work which is more detailed than the one the HVs sent and he's come up reassuringly average! I've not seen the Netflix documentary, will have a watch of that too 😊

Is anyone else still feeding to sleep? I feel like because I'm still feeding at night but don't co sleep that I'm in between different methods. I'm not sure how to begin weaning at all!

Yes, still feeding to sleep. Probably will until old enough to understand the sentence lie down and go to sleep TBH. I don't plan to wean any time soon. My feeling is that it works and is an easier/more comfortable method than other options like rocking or singing. While it would be nice to go from this straight to being able to put them down and say goodnight I don't think that's realistic - there's got to be a process of changeover really. I always found with a baby this age if you lie them down awake they just stand themselves up. Maybe it's different if they have always been used to falling asleep on their own but I don't know! I don't really know how it works TBH. My kids would only go to sleep if I'm holding them or they are strapped into something like a buggy/car seat so they can't move around.

Trying to stop co-sleeping but the cot is in our room and it's too easy for me to decide that I'll just lie down with him instead of waiting for him to finish feeding and fall asleep! I think I need to move him into DS2's room but at the moment that excites DS2 wildly so not much use. I might use the summer holidays to make that change though so bedtime/morning isn't such an issue.

As for weaning off if you want to, some people move the feed to a different part of the routine e.g. before a bedtime story. What I did with DS2 was just started detaching him earlier and earlier in the process, whereas currently I'd feed until he completely lets go and is deeply asleep and then put him down, I'd try taking him off when he seemed asleep but hadn't detached. Then once that was normal I'd take him off when he was almost asleep, then in a light sleep, then just starting to fall asleep, and finish off the last falling asleep bit with rocking. Once I knew he could fall asleep like that I started delaying the start of the feed or cutting it short. I also hit on a sneaky but accidental win - I only offered the bedtime feed from one side, so if I held him next to the other boob I didn't offer a feed at all. He somehow accepted this with sometimes a little bit of protest but no questioning.

I just came across this which is about making sleep changes if you want to - might be helpful.

lyndseyhookway.com/2019/08/29/sleep-one-step-at-a-time/

We feed to sleep works for us, normally just takes a bottle at 7 then one around 1am and that's it to morning usually!
We are sitting in a and e for the 3rd time in 4 days (2nd time in one day) they think dd has viral wheeze and gave steroids and inhalers on Thursday and more inhalers today and sent us home but she was really really wheezy tonight even after I gave her 6 puffs at bedtime and then the owlet had he o2 down at 88%. So brought her back over .. ofc we have got here and they are up to 94 and I swear she is like a different child full of beans and happy and less wheezy too. Could taking a bottle make her more wheezy? I know she was obv lying down too but I didn't think it should make that much of a difference.
Been here over an hour already, there's a long wait. We are due to fly to Denmark on Tuesday too. 😫
Hope everyone else ok

Thanks Bertie I'll take a look at the link.

I think what is probably wearing me thin now is that she will only settle for me and my boob during the night. She just cries harder if my OH tries to settle her. Last night is a good example as she was up almost every hour after 2am. No clue why. But it had to be me getting up despite being at work today and my OH having the day off to spend with Rowan. Most of the wake ups didn't require a proper feed. It was just all comfort sucking.

I'm probably just having a whinge as I had it in my head that making it to 1 year old will mean things would be easier at night as a year of 3 hour sleep chunks would be plenty 😬

We still feed to sleep but we bedshare. I know everyone is biased about their own method but I find it so easy and get a lot of sleep. Agree with Bertie, not sure how to communicate going to sleep at this age but I know it will come later in its own time.