June '07- Can you pinch more than and inch? If not then bugger off!

[loonylovegood]

Aww, thanks TA! Need to get one with the baby in too now.

I'm really pleased for you, that you have got childcare you are happy with all sorted. Makes a huge difference. When are you going to start work?

Oh dear, our argument came to a bit of a head this morning. It was awful. He was really upset, saying that he feels like I don't respect him, don't respect his job or his parenting skills, I'm not affectionate to him, he's getting nothing from me, I never admit I'm wrong, he is always the one who has to make the first move etc. I feel so bad, he cried, I cried, DD cried.

We seem to be at a detente at the moment but it still feels weird. I feel like a terrible wife. I thought for a minute he was going to leave me

Oh Bumper, don't know what to say...
Hopefully you've cleared the air a bit. It's really hard not to be focused on the baby all the time. You are both growing into your new roles and it takes time. It's true though that if you want them to do their share you have to try and let them do it their way and bite your tongue sometimes. I still find that really hard after 3 years!

bumper - FWIW, a little while ago DP and I just agreed to be nice to each other. nothing more, nothing less. its getting us through the early baby days.

your life has become completely any utterly unrecognisable to how it was before. his hasnt and that's why they don't get it imho.

i am sorry for you, but it is very, very common - if that is of any comfort at all xx

Aww Bumper ((hugs))...at least its all out in the open.....Sputnik is right...I leave DH to figure it out for himself what helps calm her...what she needs etc.....can you go shopping and leave them to it for a few hours...and bring him back a pressie..or something really nice to cook? The way to my DHs heart is definately through his stomach ...

Bumper you poor thing

I don't really know what to say except we are here for you, and are you sure you can't ignore your mum for a few hours and meet up next week? Coffee and brownies are on me!

or a bit of the other....obviously

Poor you Bumper. Hope things improve from here.

My head of dept's advice when she heard I was pregnant was to remember that as long as they have food, warmth and love, children can survive pretty much anything - parents can't!

Thanks guys. I know he's right and all the things he has accused me of are true, but I can't seem to make him understand that this is all a rebound from having the baby. It has made me very self involved, and like you DG I usually just tell him I'm the one who is in pain, tired, bored, frustrated etc. and cry too. But I need to let him have this one, baby excuse or not, he was really upset.

TA, I really wish I could but she is only up for the day. I know you are back to work soon but we'll have to figure out a way to meet up again.

I'm feeling really frustrated, like I am achieving nothing with my days. I know I am looking after DD and that's really important yadah yadah, but I feel like there is something missing. I'm so fed up with watching trashy TV. I know I've started to make RL friends but it is slow, and the people that I have met are nice, but well, they are just nice... And the rest of the time, it's like Holly said before, I just wonder round town pushing the pushchair envying people in groups. Huuummmmm I'm feeling very sad at the moment. Sorry to bring the thread down. Carry on being cool and funny, I'll just lurk here in the corner

Bumper, if it's any help I don't think you're the only one who feels like that. In fact I know you're not, because I feel fed up and lonely and frustrated too. Not all the time, but a few weeks ago, pretty much all the time.

Bumper....sorry you are having a shitty time hun. You're not the only one, and you and DH are adjusting to a mahoosive change. He will, of course find it more difficult because a) he's a man and b) he's only been responsible for himself for 40+ years and now he has this bundle of helplessness to deal with.

My way of dealing with things here has been to leave DD with DH all day and DS and I have been out having a lovely time together. It's worked quite well and apart from the double hell of toys 'R' us and childrens birthday party at huge and busy soft play centre....of course the dishwasher hasn't been plumbed in and other than putting away a some of DSs clothes, he hasn't achived a lot today and i quote "everytime I put her down she would wake up and start crying" (hello dear husband and welcome to my world!)

And of course after a day with her dad, DD has horrible nappy rash and he hadn't done up her wrap properly and the edge of the velcro has scratched her leg to bits.

TA....I've sent you a facebook message about nappies....what else!!

Dear Bumper it is sooo hard when you have your first one. I know exactly where you are coming from. I felt like I was stuck at home looking after this little thing that I loved but god it could be boring and lonely and I couldn't go to the gym or wear my lovely work clothes etc etc. But it does get better, you will make friends you are a lovely person it just takes time to make mummy friends but you will I did and they are still my friends now
Also dhs they go to work and I remember feeling so envious that he got to go out and be exciting and I was boring and frumpy with milky boobies.
In fact we are having a bit of that now with number 2 so it is perfectly normal all the things you are feeling and dhs can feel neglected but you will get there hang in there and we are all here for you

Well after 40 mins of changing, feeding, cuddling etc I've left DD with her "nature sounds" and mobile. Happy murmers coming through monitor so far (and nature sounds of course) and I'm clinging to the hope that it'll stay that way and then fade away into silence...

Not sure I can cope with another night like last night. I will of course cope if I have to, but sincerely hope not. I've got a recorded episode of Poirot to watch and then desperately need some sleep myself. We walked 4.5 miles this afternoon, so even though she didn't actually walk any of it (and indeed slept through a fair bit of it) I'm hoping that it'll have some "wearing out" effect on her. Or is that just mad?

bloody hell...and now because i had to sort out both kids after their bath I've missed out on £65 worth of little lamb nappies for £32. and he just said....oh well that's how it is sometimes..

no hubby dear it's like that because you are incapable of dealing with the dcs on your own for more than 20 mins. he had me take dd after their bath so he could finish off ds....erm, what does he think i do with them in the week...hand dd to...oh yeah, there's no one there...

and then i had to go back up and sort ds out as they were arguing.

bloody men

i told him how fed up i am....he went quiet, has said nothing and is now doing housework to avoid having to talk to me.

thanks again for your lovely messages. I'm glad it's normal & i'm not being completely unreasonable. dh has a crappy job i know, but he doesn't appreciate that at least he has personal space, can eat & pee without a background of crying.

ok, whinge, sorry guys.

jamantha, how's your weekend without dh?

I feel for finding it hard with just one now Daisy.

at least he's doing housework daisy my dh and I had a row today and he went to sleep after to avoid talking to me. He was tired after being in the pub last night watching the rugby aaah

sorry x post jamantha. hope she sleeps ok tonight.

daisy, bloody useless men, if a job's worth doing...

do you think today is rowing day?????

Not been so bad thanks, Bumper. We got the train up to Oxford this afternoon and walked along by the canal to a big common just on the edge of the city centre. Charlotte got to see cows for the first time (wasn't impressed) and we sat on a bench watching the world go by, enjoying the sun and feeding (my norks wondered what the hell the sunshine was though!). Was a lovely calm part of the day.

is it a twunt-moon tonight?

Anyone technologically clued up? My laptop has today developed a red stripe down the middle. Well if the background is black it's bright red, if it's white (like on this thread) you can't see it, and if it's some other colour it's a less obvious red. Is it terminal? Am I going to have to live with it forever? If not, will it cost me a fortune to fix?