Ttc first baby catch up with our babies!

[Fivebyfive2]

Just putting this on in case anyone wants to catch up? We're all at different stages, so might be able to help each other out?

@Delilah7 @RanchoRelaxo @MrsR16 @thumper59 @trashkitten10 @Bostonfern @crossfitgirl sorry I know I'm missing people, I'm blaming newborn brain!

I'll leave the link on the 'pregnancy' catching up thread xxx

@ELW85 Big hugs. I'm not a very good follower of my own advice but be kind to yourself :) Babies are impossible creatures and what works perfectly one day will be an utter failure the next day. But it's not your failure, it's just one of those things.

Don't even put any thought into his comments about another baby, it's just a snap reaction to having a tough time. DH has made comments like this on more than one occasion and quite likely I have too. There's a reason you don't see many families with tiny age gaps, I don't think many people crave doing it all again so soon!

DH took a lot longer to get to grips with looking after Daisy, probably because he wasn't with her all day every day. He didn't have much confidence in feeding or changing her and happily left these things to me (though to give him his dues he did far more than his fair share around the house to make up for it). He says now it was at about 4 months he really started to enjoy it as Daisy started to really interact and enjoy doing things other than eating and sleeping :) Your DH will get there too, I just think sometimes for men it takes a bit longer to find their feet.

@TrashKitten10 - honestly, it feels so good to know I’m not alone!
To be fair to DH, he’s picking up everything around the house as I look after Finn, but it totally kills him to see Finn giggling away with me, and being a bit more reserved with him.
It’s so comforting to know you’ve been there - I look up to all of you ladies and don’t feel as alone knowing it’s more common than I’ve let myself think!!
Thank you so much xx

@ELW85, glad you're feeling better. Totally get what you mean about the relationship change! My dh stepped up loads around the house but just wasn't confident with Joe and was really hard on himself. I think he thought there was this magic trick to looking after him that I'd figured out but he hadn't, if that makes sense?! We're not usually one's for the whole 'let's sit down and discuss feelings' but eventually I insisted as I was worried he was starting to resent it all and even thought 'oh shite I've ruined everything by saying let's have a baby, he hates me now'... He was mortified when told him, but when things aren't talked about it can be easy to reach a wrong assumption! Anyway, I can honestly say that from about 3 months in things got sooo much better! We each have different ways of doing things and that's good because when something doesn't sooth Joe, the other one can try their way!

Sorry that was a long post! Xx

@TrashKitten10 Conor does that! He’s such a sleep wriggler. He ends up all over his cot! I’m forever manoeuvring the monitor to try and see where he’s gone!!

@ELW85 I’m gonna echo what others have said - don’t get too hung up on sleep. He really is still so little. That doesn’t mean you can’t sit at the end of your bed and cry at 3am or feel like shit all day and console yourself with a lunchtime wine (guilty) because the fourth trimester is so bloody hard. But he’s tiny, he’ll get there - they all do.
Also - DH was the same. We had two; he was hands on every day and night from the word go and my god did he struggle. We had ferocious fights about him calling them ‘boring’ (looking back - yep they were!) and how he would fidget and literally do anything he could possibly do to position whichever baby he was feeding in one hand so he could scroll mindlessly on his phone with the other. I’d literally cry that he wasn’t gazing in to babies eyes in this wonderful bonding moment. During the ‘what the hell have we done with our lives’ conversations I’m pretty sure he was being dead serious! Really, he was in it just as much as I was - we always had a baby each to feed, it’s a two man job to get them dressed, changed, bathed etc - and he found it very, very hard. But once they kinda found their personalities and that relentless newborn phase was over he just started to love it. I was sorting washing out today and caught him singing Moana to two very giggly babies on the playmat!
Also - from my experience two babies is so hard!! If you want my advice space that shit out as long as you can hahaha.

@MrsEG oh wonderful that the boys had a good night!!

@Fivebyfive2 it depends what kind of mood Ethan is in! Sometimes he's more than happy to play by himself so I literally scatter all his toys around him on his foam mats and let him crack on, just watching in case of falling. Other days he just wants cuddles and to sit with me, whatever I'm doing! There are others where he just needs attention, so I'll sit and read books with him (hugely important to us!) or play with his toys, or just play with him (throwing him in the air and catching him, generally making stupid noises/playing peekaboo to make him laugh). Obviously Ethan's sitting up really well, which has made life 10 times easier! Joe looks bloody adorable in his high chair!!

@TrashKitten10 oh goodness, what a little monkey you have! 😂 I would definitely have had a heart attack!

@ELW85 oh, lovely, as everyone else has said this is the hardest part! I still have days where I think "why on earth did I think this was a good idea!" And argue with DH (especially overnight if Ethan's being a bugger) and just generally feel like an epic failure. Then I remember that I'm the only mum he's got and he won't care that the washing's not done or the ironing's not been done or you may have missed a bit of dust if you manage to clean anything at all! He'll remember the love and cuddles that I give him as much as possible! You're allowed down days, of course you are - you're not alone though! We're right here beside you and please don't be scared about asking for help, even phoning a confidential phone line to talk through some stuff if you feel it would help! I feel that I'm doing the majority of the care for Ethan, which is mainly because DH is still working! We've got an unwritten rule that if I've had a shit day, he'll take him for the evening, whether that's 30 mins or the entire evening! You're clearly doing a fab job with Finn! It might not feel it, but trust me, in a few months' time, you'll look back and miss these days (as nuts as it sounds!). You've got this!!

Morning all

@Fivebyfive2 @MrsEG @MrsR16 @TrashKitten10 - I honestly can’t thank you enough for your support.
I had been thinking it was just DH who was struggling to adjust, and me struggling to see him like that, so it’s really nice to know we aren’t alone.
This is probably the toughest job I’ve had, but I adore Finn and I am finding every day easier more broadly, as I get more confident in being his Mum...I realise I’ll have my awful days and that’s ok too.
I’ve 100% considered the lunch time wine!!
You’re all incredible and I’m so lucky to be on this journey with you.
Had another little happy/relieved cry reading your messages, so thank you for cheering me up!

Have a wonderful Sunday; you all deserve it so much! Xx

@ELW85 you're definitely not alone in this journey! It takes a village to raise a baby and if we can be your virtual village then that's absolutely awesome! You're the best mum that Finn could ever have! 😊 enjoy your day too lovely! Xx

@MrsR16, thanks for the tips! Joe has started sitting more confidently, so hopefully he'll be able to crack on a bit more independently soon. He loves us reading to him and looking at pictures and he enjoys tummy time now. I got him some different balls that are all sorts of textures and colours, he seems to like those. Put him on the foil mat and he cried though!

@ELW85, glad to hear you're feeling better and hope you have a good day xxx

I'm a bit emotional today... We've swapped Joe's pram to a pushchair, he's sitting in his high chair... He had a nap in his cot yesterday and will be in his own room next weekend... We've started food prepping for weaning next week! We've even given away some of his stuff like moses basket, swing chair he's too big for and lots of clothes. It's the first big 'next stage' and I'm excited but a bit sad too! Buuuut... Joe sat with me while we had tea last night and we were chatting and he was proper laughing, which is usually reserved for when he's with his papa 😀 Obviously watching me eat broccoli is hilarious to him?! 😂

Morning ladies - sorry but I’m gonna be a bit of a Debbie downer this morning :(

DH is starting to get out to work more and more now - he can see clients outdoors and he now also does very small (4 people) outdoor classes spaced apart. He also hopes to reopen the indoor gym in 4 weeks (based on Gov guidance at the mo). Which financially is great but I’m hating it. He was gone 4 hours yesterday and he’s out this morning and I just can’t deal with how much harder the twins are without that extra pair of hands, and yet I still can’t have anyone else in the house with us. It’s gone from us peacefully feeding one each to me feeding one as the other screams and screams next to me - it’s just so stressful and I rush the feeds so much that they both end up getting sick as I’m not burping long enough etc. Just struggling today as then I feel the feeding is also taking twice as long and so I’ve no time to actually play with them. I know it’s just one of those things I’m just gonna have to get over myself and get on with it but I just feel so hard done by today for some reason, like it’s just not fair :(

@ELW85 So pleased you’re feeling better today!x

@Fivebyfive2 aw, that is so emotional when that all happens! That's precisely the reason I haven't moved Ethan into his own room yet... I'm not ready for that! Aw, bless Joe crying at the foil mat 😂 it's funny isn't it, what works for one really doesn't for another! I'm so glad he's laughing for you now 😊 makes everything so much better!

@MrsEG oh lovely, you're allowed to have a down day! It's such a big change for you, especially with two of them. I know I was dreading the first day that DH went back to the office (it was literally one day!) but because I'd got so used to him just being there and able to do things in-between his work. It felt it was the first day he'd gone back to work after having Ethan! You're doing such an amazing job though and you're allowed to feel angry with the world about this whole situation!

@MrsR16 - couldn’t be in a better village, so thank you!

@Fivebyfive2 - oh my! That must be so exciting but sad at the same time! Is Joe just unrecognisable from the early days? I know it’s bittersweet but think of all the things you’ll get to do as he gets older! So much fun! 💙

@MrsEG - it’s totally understandable that you feel like that, but you are the most incredible lady. I think back to our TTC days and you’ve been on such a journey. You’re one of the most resilient people I know, and although it’ll take some adjustment, I know you’ll smash it. And you have us too, for what it’s worth...although we’re not another pair of hands, we will be here ❤️ Xx

@MrsR16, yep they're all different! Joe does like some toys and will have a bash at his playmat hangings, but really his favourite things are rolling around in the nip, sitting up with us reading or chatting with him or being carried on a shoulder looking around 🙂

@MrsEG, I hope you have a good evening at least xx You're amazing but totally allowed a down day, so rant away! Xx

@ELW85... I'm not sure about unrecognisable, but definitely different.. Here he is at 1 day old vs today, almost 6 months old 😍

@Fivebyfive2 - he’s so gorgeous! Just the smiliest baby ever! I bet he totally melts your heart when he giggles away 💙
You’re obviously doing an incredible job with him!

Finn at 10w (yesterday) he’s now on 50th centile compared to 9th at birth. Mad!!

@Fivebyfive2 I love Joe's smiley face!!! Just gorgeous!

@ELW85 oh wow look at Finn! How beautiful 😍

Here you go then, Ethan day 1 vs 6 months!

@MrsEG I'll be working from home til September at the earliest, likely longer. Can you feed both boys at the same time? My friend with twins used to put them in their bouncers then sit between them and hold both bottles.

@ELW85 I read somewhere that having a baby was like throwing a grenade into your relationship. Your DH needs to step up and pull his weight but you will get through this! You're doing an amazing job and I'm sure every mother has had days where they've found it so hard and have sat and cried, I certainly have.

@Fivebyfive2 oh big steps! Do you think you won't be having another if you're giving away the stuff?

@MrsR16 - oh my lord look at those eyes! How gorgeous is Ethan?!

@stormtrooperjulian - thank you so much. I really appreciate the support 😊 and sorry that you’ve had days like that too!
Since I had words with DH he’s done so much more with Finn, it’s been great. He’s always done his fair share round the house but he’s been loads better since I had my meltdown, haha!

@MrsEG You poor thing, that sounds so tough :( Right now it feels like we've just got all the tough bits and none of the fun bits. Partners back at work but no company, no groups and no help. Why did we end up on maternity during a bloody global pandemic?! I end up at the end of my tether with one baby so remember even on the rough days how well you are doing to manage two.

@fivebyfive2 Joe is just so scrummy! That smile is gorgeous.

@ELW85 What a little cutie :) Love his outfit too.

@MrsR16 Those eyes! Why do boys always have the longest, most beautiful eyelashes ☺️

And whilst we are doing then and now photos I had to have a dig through the newborn photos 🥰

Ah I’m pleased we’ve got a ‘then and now’ thing going on! It’s lovely to see them all and try to imagine Finn in 3 months time!

@TrashKitten10 - look at that little stunner! Do you just kiss those cheeks all day? 🥰

@ELW85 they're the only thing he's got from me! Everything else is his dad! 😂 but I think he's rather cute 😊 so thank you!!

@TrashKitten10 oh goodness me! How adorable is Daisy?!? Her cheeks are absolutely to die for and super squishy! So sweet 😊 I know, it's not fair about the eyelashes, is it?!? 😂

@TrashKitten10 - forgot to say, this is hands down the shittiest and most dystopian time to be on mat leave (barring a war!)
I don’t even know if I’ll be back in the office at the end of mine, so might push nursery back...

@MrsR16 - what a perfect combo! Gorgeous!

@stormtrooperjulian, we've not made any real decisions about another baby really, but are limited for space, hence the clear out! If we had another, we'd definitely need to move. Stuff like the pram and snuzpod we'll keep just in case we need them again or in case my bro wants them after his wedding next year, but bits we picked up cheap and most of his old clothes, I just figured... We don't need them, we're short on space and people might be struggling to get stuff at the moment? I have got a separate bag for his 'special' clothes that I want to save though 😀

@ELW85, I'm the same with work, hopefully I'll still be needed but might be working from home?! It's strange times for sure xx

I absolutely love the 'then and now' pictures 😍

Hi ladies.
Thanks for the lovely messages. I had quite a long day on my own today, but I have to say - I reckon I smashed it. I managed to get them down for two really good naps (1.5 and 2 hours!) - got them in their walkers for shits and giggles, managed the feeds by doing R first then C (I can’t feed at the same time because of Conors reflux but Ruairí absolutely guzzles a bottle so figured this would work best!). They were both in bed by 7, no crying at all. I even found time to do a quick online work out for half an hour once they were down. I’m rewarding myself with a very big glass of wine! I can’t believe it went okay. I mean, we literally didn’t leave the house but still!!

I am LOVING all these pictures I really am! I feel like I know them all! They’re just so lovely. Is anyone else obsessed with printing pics?! The boys are 4 months old and I now have 2 albums full!!

Here’s some pics of the boys just to add to the collection!!

Also - I promise to reply to everyone properly tomorrow I really will. I’m just so wiped out!

Hey ladies sorry been absent again having a rough couple of days with Charlotte. She has reflux and is being sick after majority of feeds, cries in pain when she is laid down it just breaks my heart. Cried to DH today because I can't make it better for her.

I'm cutting dairy out to see if that helps her a bit.

TMI but DH and I DTD today we didn't at all while I was pregnant. Wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.

@MrsEG you're amazing I can't imagine having twins and how hard it must be.
@ELW85 you've got this, you're a wonderful mummy don't ever forget that
(Please note I can give this advice out and not take any of it myself!)

Ladies you're right this is the weirdest time to be on maternity leave x