The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #2

[Angelmiracle]

Thread 2 for all our newborns ❤🤗👣

@Brobot I'm sure a lot of it is down to temperament. And lucky me, baby J slept from 9.30pm till 5.45am last night so I feel like a new woman. Just fed him to sleep for a nap so I'm now sitting with him lying half on my legs... will shortly commence extraction procedure. Unlikely to manage it without waking him up though!

My husband was away last night and will be again tonight. It is hard isn't it? My FIL came and helped for 30 minutes at bedtime which was fortunate as J was screaming like he's never screamed before and I had no chance of getting DS1 to sleep with that racket going on! I've noticed that J does big shuddery sobs like I would associate with an older child. DS1 has never done that kind of crying - he's more of a roarer! Funny how different they are.

DH has just told me he is 'disappointed' that his washing wasn't brought in last night while he was at work. I told him I was doing bedtime from 6.30pm till 9.30pm and then I cleaned the kitchen and went to bed. Of course if he wants to pick on things I've left undone I'm sure he will find lots 🙄 Would be nice to hear some praise rather than criticism though! Sigh...

Anyway. Sitting! Baby J can sit propped against the back of the sofa but face plants if unsupported. He is a keen stander though. When he's standing you can let go of him for a moment and he does hold his own weight pretty well (no balance though obvs!). His big brother was like this and was walking unaided at 9 months so I may be in for it by Christmas.

We managed a better bedtime last night. Still the same amount of time to actually fall asleep (hours now) but instead of scratching, pulling my hair and kicking me (!) he was rather pleasant and was just chatting away.

@kee80 i think as @Sheeni says, if they can turn back the other way easily then i think its ok to leave them.

@BadBadBeans bit cheeky of your hubby! I find it so hard to keep up with washing more than anything else. I cant believe how much washing a baby can generate let alone me and DP. Sounds like you had a good night last night.

We've got good sitting on the sofa here. Very strong head but if you move him slightly forward he just slowly tips over haha. He was previously standing only on his tip toes but now uses his whole bottom of foot and can hold his weight for a couple of seconds. Is tummy time the best way to strengthen muscles for sitting or does practising by having them against a sofa help? I guess it must do?

@melissa112 @Sheeni thanks. I've only seen her roll back from stomach a couple of times so think I'd be to paranoid to leave her like that till I see her doing it more often.

We also had a better night last night, she didn't go to sleep till 9.45 but only woke once at 1am for her dummy then slept till 6.45. Touch wood we have a good night tonight as well

@kee80 yeh i think if it was me (but i am the paranoid type ...) I'd turn back over til the rolling the other way was more often. Fingers crossed for a good day and another good night tonight.

We braved a supermarket trip yesterday. Only ever done them with someone else and one time alone where he screamed and i had to put it all back. Don't think I've ever flown round there so fast but we did it! Sounds silly but I'm quite proud of myself and even going to venture there again today as i forgot something in my rush, typical.

HV has given me a number to ring for 1-1 support for my anxiety. My hands look like I've been sunburned from the wrists up but its just the amount of hand washing. I do think i may end up on some medication but if it helps me get through the day easier I'll try anything right now.

@BadBadBeans that's the first time I've heard attractive poop colour as a reason to delay weaning 😂

@Brobot mine isn't sitting reliably but she can hold herself up in the leaning forward sitting position for a little bit so won't be long I'm sure. I'm going to start putting her in her high chair to build her strength and I'm giving her spoons to play with so she gets used to the feeling of them in her mouth.

I'm just wondering if you can all give me some advice on what to do...
my husband and I have arranged to meet our uni friends in London and to leave baby with my parents for the day. We'll be getting the 9am train there and the 7pm (at the latest) train home. My problem is, I'm honestly concerned and a bit anxious about going to a big city without George. Last time we met in London was the weekend before the London Bridge terror attack. We went round bars in the area where it happened. We were supposed to go the Saturday it happened but brought it forward a week so it was pure chance we weren't there at the time. I'm honestly worried that something will happen and that if it does we'll both die and leave him alone!
I know deep down I'm probably being irrational but I can't shift it.

Hi everyone sorry I've been quiet but I've been reading along the last couple of weeks which has reassured me a lot especially as all your babies are ahead of DD and I can read the experiences you are having are similar to what way she's acting (if that makes sense)!!

She's 15 weeks, HV was in today but DD was having a very rare afternoon nap so rather than wake her HV rescheduled for next week before 16 week jabs - which by the sounds of you all are not good!

DD must've had a growth spurt or something last week as she couldn't be put down at all even play mat or bouncer weren't cutting it! But thankfully that has settled and I can get some bits done in the house. It makes me really anxious when I can't get things done. I know things can't be perfect all the time but just keeping on top of the basics.

She's still sleeping through which is so lucky! And also exclusively breastfed so I wouldn't blame yourself that baby doesn't sleep through due to that. As others said every baby is totally fed. DS was EBF then combi fed then FF and didn't sleep through any of these feeding methods not even once weaned! DNephew was same breastfed 6 months now FF and weaning but still not sleeping through for DSis due to all his teeth appearing one after the other.

I'm in agreement with @Wineandchoccy regarding the weaning. I hated doing it with DS. Its just more work and faff and pressure added onto your day. My sister laughed at me saying this but not so funny now shes weaning DNephew she completely agrees. So think very carefully if you want to start early!! I was advised to start at 4 months with DS due to silent reflux but it didn't help it whatsoever he needed his meds until he was 14 months. And its another change for their digestive systems and some can struggle to poo adapting so theres all that to think of! I followed the Annabelle Karmel book with DS as I hadn't a clue where to start.

@Sheeni I'm sorry to hear your LO will need surgery! Hope you get better informed by the specialists to ease your worries. I really wish the paediatricians would help find out why DS isn't sleeping for you barely at all. It's not very helpful saying they don't believe in silent reflux when 1000s of babies symptoms massively improve on the right meds. Did they consider dairy intolerance or anything?

Took DD to her first baby massage class. There were only 6 other babies there but it was really lovely to have that hour with her and chatting and laughing with the other mums!

We only put the snuzpod side down last week as DD was starting to fuss about a lot from 5am and I was hovering over her with the dummy which was annoying leaning over. Its lovely to see her big bright eyes looking at me and smiling when she does awaken.

DS has been off school 3 weeks and we've another 5 to go. It's an added pressure of entertaining him each day. After a week of football camp he has been out to the childminder as he has company with the other kids but financially we'll not be able to keep that going.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever do you feel anxious in general about leaving him or is it just because you're going to London more so? DH wants us both to have a night away ourselves and I have told him I wont even consider it until she's at least 6 months especially as I'm still breastfeeding (even though I've 300oz in the freezer 🤣)
But honestly I know its the initial dropping her off and leaving is the hardest bit. You will be completely fine and that was a very unfortunate situation at the time obviously but we all take risks even being on the roads or railways at all is risky but we carry on otherwise you'd never leave the house. Sorry I'm babbling!! But just trying to reassure you that more than likely you will both be fine!

^^every baby is totally different

Not fed 🤣

Thanks @Angelmiracle. Now you've said it, I'm getting increaasingly anxious about leaving him and going places I deem to be a bit risky. I turned down going to Silverstone with my sister at the weekend just in case. My DH has left for a long weekend abroad on a stag do and I'm worried about that too! I just feel like we've got more to lose now and would hate for him to be left behind. I saw a stat on the tv that 1 in 30 children lose a parent before they're 18 and it terrified me to be honest.

@BadBadBeans my husband came home last night and the relief of just being able to hand little Elliot over and simply go and pee was delightful! I do find it very hard on my own, I would be a terrible single parent. Those folks deserve a parade. Last night was a bad night in terms of trying to get him to sleep after the initial waking. Didnt end up getting him back to sleep until after 11.30. I'm hoping this is just the sleep regression because I'm exhausted and can't keep this up. My husband is going away on Tuesday again and I'm dreading it!

On a positive note, after an emotional meltdown a couple of weeks ago my husband bought me a voucher for a massage and afternoon tea so I'm doing that tomorrow with my best friend. I. Cannot. Wait. My back has never needed a massage more and I need to be ... away. Just away from everything for a few hours. So for the past 2 days I've been pumping in prep lol. E has been super hungry the last few days so I need to make sure there is enough there so that I can relax and know that I don't have to rush back.

The health visitor came yesterday and discussed weaning but I won't worry about it until 6 months. She also weighed him- 7.6kg lol. Luckily there has never been an issue with his appetite lol. After seeing my sister struggle with her dd in terms of feeding and weight issues I'm very grateful to have that at least. Every time I go into her house she is chasing her dd (4) around with some kind of food (I do feel that she has perhaps created an anxiety around eating in her house for the kids, it isn't a pleasant experience).

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I'm not any help to you I'm afraid as I'm the same. With DS1 I had to have surgery when he was 3 months and was convinced I was going to die on the operating table for no reason. Obviously that was just me and not DH as well so I wrote him a letter about what to do in the event of my death and to look after our baby etc

With DS2, DH and I went to Wembley when he was 3 months old. I had all the normal worries about leaving him but also all I could think of was the Manchester bombing at the concert and was basically convinced that was going to be the end of us. And I don't consider myself a particularly anxious parent. Id decided not to go and literally changed my mind about an hour before we were due to leave. Needless to say, we survived but I honestly spent probably a third of the time we were there thinking about terrorism.

So, you're not the only one and of course you know that rationally the chances are low - people are in London every day. But I know that there was nothing anyone could have said to convince me to go, it was just something I had to choose myself.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I don't really have any advice neither, I'm also so anxious about stuff myself. When I was laid on the operating table about to have my c-section I was crying yell OH if I die please make sure baby and ds are well looked after, I was so paranoid. I think the older you get and having children makes you worry about the silliest little things that would just go over people's heads. Try not to worry, we take risks every day you will be fine. Go enjoy yourself

All right this talk about dying made me look at the little boy and cry, imagining I might not be there when he grows up into a big boy/man.
And now I am angry at myself for calling him a little dick for... Well, for being a little bit of a dick last night. He would simply not stay asleep unless he was sucking the boob. I know it's definitely a sleep association now, but it seems impossible to break. Especially when it's the middle of the night and all I want is some sleep.

@Angelmiracle We've discussed dairy intolerance, I even went dairy free for a while, but it made no difference. I guess the Dr meant that the silent reflux is not a disease, but a symptom and giving medication to treat symptoms is not the best. And I get that, and it's exactly what I normally believe as well, which is why I always felt terrible for medicating LO, but at the same time I really don't want him to suffer unnecessarily. But I really hope he's right and the main culprit is the tension/stiffness and that we might be able to improve it with the physio. 🤞

@assumeitwassomethingclever whilst I get your concerns, I think you've also just got to carry on with life as normal as you can't stop doing things just because you've got a child. Worst case scenario is that you die just doing a normal thing and your baby is told "they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time" about you and your partner when they're older - you would have died taking calculated risks and it's not like going to London or going to the F1 is a risk, it's just part of life. Likewise you could get hit by a bus doing the shopping tomorrow, but you're not just going to never leave your house due to that really small risk. It's not like you're doing anything silly to deliberately put your life in danger like going off to Syria and hoping for the best. Have you spoken about what would happen to George in that scenario, as maybe you'd find it easier to go to London knowing you'd made provisions for him? Due to my health situation we've discussed dying more than I'd like (you're fine anyway if it's only 1 in 30 parents won't be around when their baby is 18 as I'm taking one for the team there!) and have updated our wills now we've got a child with who we want to care for him in the eventually that we both die (obviously having spoken to them too), and also in terms of inheritance, which whilst isn't a great topic it's something that needs to be discussed. It's normal to be worried and anxious, especially if this is the first time you've contemplated dying before, but you've also got to just carry on with life as you did before you were a mum knowing that your baby will be well looked after if you're no longer able to do it which is why talking about it with your partner might be an idea if you've not already.

@Sheeni I hope it does help him for your sake too to get some better sleep🤞🏻

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever it definitely is a realisation of that little person totally relying on you so it is normal to feel that way!

@Sheeni that is the exact situation as us. Especially over the last few weeks, he NEEDS the boob to fall asleep and go back to sleep. I too am clueless as to how I can break the association so when you find the magic potion I'll take some too, please. And vice versa, if i find it first I'll be sure to keep some for you!

@Cardboard33 I'm not aware of your situation but my heart just broke reading your last post.

@brobot I've got a brain tumour. We found out about it a couple of years ago and they said then that realistically it'd be good going if I made it 15-20 years. It's currently stable and doesn't really impact my life (other than having had more discussions about dying and fertility preservation than the average 30 year old) so it's just a case of getting on with things until the time comes where it transforms into cancer cancer. I had surgery to get most of it out a few years ago and will be starting radio & chemo soon as a further preventive measure. My attitude to dying is slightly different than most in that we knew when we set out to conceive this baby that I wasn't going to be around forever (who is though?) but likewise we didn't want to live our life any differently purely due to my brain. We just have to "adult" more often now

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I had the same sort of fears after having DS1. I went to a big music festival for a day when he was 13 months, but it was just after the Ariana Grande bombing and my brother (who was playing in the festival, which was why I was going) had played at another festival since the bombing which had been locked down because of a bomb scare. I genuinely considered not going just in case. But in the end I took a deep breath and went and it was fantastic. A few months later DH and I had to travel to a wedding for two nights without DS1 and I was gripped with fear that we would die in a car crash and that I wasn't 100% happy with the guardians we had named in our wills. I changed my will and then went to the wedding knowing I had done what I could! I think @cardboard33 is right - in becoming a parent you've come to a point in your life where you need to be responsible for what happens after your death. So you need to consider that and make plans for it, and then put it out of your mind and get on with life as normal.

@kee80 I wrote a letter to my eldest son the morning of my C section JUST IN CASE! To be honest I have a heightened awareness of dying young as my mum died when my brother and I were teenagers. I have a beautiful letter she wrote to me and a scrapbook she put together for my 18th birthday and they are my most treasured possessions. I am making a conscious effort to leave handwritten archive material for my boys - again, just in case. Especially with the breast cancer gene stuff!

@cardboard33 I take my hat off to you and your partner, honestly. You are the most grown up person I have ever encountered! I've got everything crossed for those 20 years for you. My 19 years with my mum were amazing and I wouldn't have swapped them for 79 years with anyone else's mum. Xxx

@cardboard33 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be insensitive. 😕

@Cardboard33 I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. You're a hero tbh. I'm 33 and I cant imagine having to think about those things in such realistic terms.

@Sheeni we looked into milk intolerance too and I cut dairy from my diet and saw no difference either. As much as I tried to find a cause for his tummy trouble I had to accept that I couldn't do anything other than comfort him and hope he grew out of it, which he mostly has thankfully. But as you well know, what's left is a baby that needs held a lot and nursed to sleep. As much as people say that we have created this situation we know that we couldn't do anything different as it's what he needed and it was nobody's fault that he had colic. I laughed when you said about him being a bit of a dick lol, that is me on a daily basis and I always feel guilty lol. But it's hard! I cry A LOT.

I've also got some family stuff happening atm as my brother is extremely ill in hospital and isn't going to recover. He has many health issues caused by alcohol and is only 38. I myself am a recovering alcoholic and my dad died from cirrhosis too. I've been sober for 8 years and had to distance myself from my brother to keep myself sane but now that he is going to die my emotions are all over the place and guilt is killing me. I know that my distancing myself was the right thing to do but I cant help it. I'm going to visit him today as I would never forgive myself if he died and I didnt.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I didn't think you were being insensitive, I'm really sorry if you took my comments like that - I know it's a very normal thing to feel and I was just trying to say that now could be the time to talk about the what if scenarios if you haven't already as you're obviously thinking about them. Everyone else, thanks, but it's just part of me so I just need to get on with life and there are lots of people (including some of my best friends) who are in much worse health situations whereas we've been very lucky in being able to plan our lives, have time to have a child etc and I wouldn't want anyone else's life above mine .. other than when baby is being a crying pain, then it'd be quite good to swap!! @badbadbeans that's such a good idea about the handwritten rather than typed stuff, I might start doing that too! I started writing bits every so often after I got the diagnosis but haven't for ages. Def should as there's lots to write about!

Anyone else find their baby has gone from fighting naps in the day to needing lots of naps? Probs due to the fact he's awake more than normal at night! It's just making each day v hard to plan as he's taken to napping for 3 hours in the morning, for example, then having a shorter than normal nap around lunch etc which disrupts our schedule of classes etc as he's now asleep during them! He's 20 weeks now.

@shiny888 haven't seen you post for a while but just wanted to say my baby has now worked out that the frog on the playmat spins. He's now playing with all the toys at the same time and trying to pull off the arc with his legs. He's also desperately trying to crawl but fortunately he's moving about 1m every 20 mins so we don't have to worry yet. How are you doing?

@Brobot that sounds difficult, particularly if it brings back memories to your stuff too. Have you been given a time scale as to when your brother is likely to pass? There's a difference between visiting someone on an infrequent basis ( particularly when they're ill) and having them very much in your life at all times so it sounds like you're trying to strike the right balance. Is it just you visiting or are you taking baby too?

@Cardboard33 I went to the hospital today to visit him but he was asleep and I couldn't wake him due to meds so I left and will go back tomorrow. It was just me as I am a bit funny about bringing Elliot into a hospital. Elliot is 20 weeks today too. In terms of timeline it could be days or weeks. My mum wants to bring him home so that he doesn't die alone. It's all breaking my heart, even writing that. Anyway, I had a nice day with my best friend at a spa today to clear my head and it did me the world of good, and my husband did daddy daycare lol. And survived lol.

Hi ladies, I hope you e all managed to have a lovely weekend.

Those struggling with babies needing the boob to go to sleep - it's worth trying to switch to feeding on wake up and working from there. As the babies get older you may also be able to introduce a comforter which will help. I'm assuming a dummy doesn't cut it for your little ones too but may be worth a try if they already use one at other times.

@Brobot so sorry to hear about your brother. xxx

Just starting the summer holidays with my 6 year old. 2 days and he's driving me crazy! He's role playing being a second baby, being generally lazy and wanting me to do everything for him, whiney and clingy. But if the weather is nice tomorrow he'll probably want to be out on his bike all day (please? 🤞). Baby on the other hand is fine apart from the constant posseting; I have no clean jeans atm🤦🏼‍♀️. Only 6 weeks to go...

Note to self - update life insurance and pension and make a will.

@HidCat my little one wont take a dummy at all. We also do tend to feed on waking but he still either needs to be latched on or to have my husband walk him about in the carseat. It is destroying any routine we are attempting to put in place. I just can't see how we can get from this to him settling in his cot.

Yesterday my husband gave him 2 bottles of breastmilk that I had pumped the night before and after he had them he started vomiting all evening! At first we thought it was just the usual spitup but it was a lot more and he kept doing it. I can't understand why because it was fresh and the bottles were sterilised. Same happened today. He was still perky and seemed well apart from that but it's worried me as he is going to need to take bottles when I am at the hospital. Another thing I considered was that maybe because he isn't used to bottles he is taking in more air but even with that he is burping and throwing up after. Hmmm.