August 2016 - early arrivals to the newborn cuddles & graveyard feeding shifts

[rumisyum]

So many August bus babies have arrived already! Anyone else fancy a chat during night feeds or wondering what to make of the contents of tiny nappies? Might as well get comfortable...

It's almost like they've got past the initial few weeks and think everything can go back to normal... My favourite is when he's looking after DS for a bit while I relax (ie. Grab something to eat and do the washing up) then as soon as baby grizzles a bit he shouts 'He needs feeding' when very often he doesn't and it's something else (nappy changing/winding/rocking) that DP could do... But inevitably doesn't.

(Feel need to add that he is generally brilliant - just having a day of being fed up and resentful that I am permanently attached to DS while he has freedom to be where and do what he wants)

Ahh this is music to my ears

I've just returned from town. Went into return gifts brought for DD. Managed to return 2 but 3rd was refused as it is summer stock. Sigh. Gosh it's hard work returning stuff with a baby who hates being in their big scary carry cot I've had a lot of sugar to get me through! I did manage to pick up that pink sleeping bag and as expected it is a little on the big side. Lovely though. Felt a bit guilty for exchanging it with the sleepsuits brought for DD but hey that's what gift receipts for and she already has A LOT of sleep-suits!

I was really looking forward to walking into dinner on the table but oooooh no DH is still at the park with DS and MIL on their own time Makes me so cross that DH can't stick to a routine but I guess I didn't yesterday Well he can do bedtime on his own. He best not be working tonight!!

Sorry there have been some DHs with incompatible priorities today.

So I am grumpy. Pneumonia is still lingering and now a spot of pleurisy to go with it. Another week of antibiotics. I'm not used to my body being so slow to shift something. And three weeks of antibiotics is quite a long time.

God biscuits you're really going through it! Really hope this next lot of abx sorts it, it's horrible when you're used to functioning fine and then suddenly can't - very disconcerting.
Sorry to all suffering with useless OHs right now! It's utterly frustrating when they pull this shit; I remember it coming as such a shock with DD to realise that despite all the 'new man' articles in the Sunday supplements, when it comes right down to it, mothers are still the default option for childrearing, housework, wifework, etc. I was fiercely resentful of DH for most of DD's first year. There's a really good book called "Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the Illusion of Equality" which discusses all this stuff in depth. Sounds like some of the OHs could do with a copy.

All good here, first week of full time school out the way and I managed not to be late one single time! DH not back tonight so me, DD and DS have had a bath and now we're all in our jammies having movie night (picnic tea and choc biscuits in front of a DVD ) and looking forward to a lovely chilled morning tomorrow, with nothing to do except the usual fuckton of laundry of course and nowhere to be. Lush!

Biscuits how rotten for you. Hope you can shift it ASAP. I dread getting ill whilst pg or bfing as I'm allergic to penicillin, so very limited as to what I can take!

Four I was shocked too, society hasn't moved on much at all really. My career is ruined now, wish I'd not put so much in to it now! DH doesn't help out much either but he never has so I don't expect anything from him now. That way it's a nice surprise when he does something helpful!

2 of my sisters in law are visiting this weekend so the DCs will be doted on by them whilst I have the odd nap and Potter around the house. Bliss! Love having family visit.

Bella I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum - got pg with DD (planned) at 21 so never had a career in the first place (was working, but no proper career or path established and that's now unlikely to happen for several years, if ever). Am currently a SAHM and the resentment isn't there any more, for various long & boring reasons. Basically it boils down to: he doesn't want to do what I do, and I don't want to do what he does, so it all works and everyone's happy I know women are supposed to be able to have it all, etc etc, but actually I think life is infinitely easier with one SAHP (not necessarily the mother!). Having 2 working parents does women a massive disservice, given that mothers still take on the lion's share of, well, everything. Women "having it all" seems to equate far too often to 'running themselves into the ground looking after everyone else'.
I know not all men are like this, but IME the vast majority are to some extent. I reckon that's the real conspiracy of parenthood - the discovery that the baby's not the hard bit, it's the fact that no matter how modern and feminist you thought your fella was, suddenly you're landed with the drudge work even though you never signed up for that when you thought you'd get knocked up.
Anyway will stop rambling away on a complete tangent - DS finally asleep (DD conked out ages ago, bless her) going to read my book for 10 mins and then hopefully get a decent rest!

I'm a bit surprised at my DH to be honest. I think he feels now that we are 8 weeks in that things should go back to normal. That he gets to sleep all night because he works and that going to the pub after work is alright. He had s big night out last weekend so I felt it was unreasonable to expect to go out again. And I know he has to work and I really try not to wake him but sometimes when it's 2am and I've not slept yet I just need him to take over for an hour. Just because I'm not working doesn't mean that sleep depravation is easier. And I don't care what anybody says you can't always nap when baby naps because I'm now apparently expected to keep house. Which I think I should do to a certain extent but I don't expect to have to do all of it.
Rant over. Haha.

I'm just feeding DD after I forced her to nap for 2hours in the sling. Kitchen tidy and clean and all washing away. Really hoping that now she's been snoozy she will just go to sleep. Fingers crossed!
Hope the night is kind to you all!

biscuits get well soon!

Thanks ladies :)

I suspect Coco that a job which had a lot of dreary repetition would result in similar feelings. It's not that individual bits of parenting are necessarily hard but the accumulation of all of it, 24/7, whether you need a pee or not, need to eat or not, that becomes challenging.

I expect being a full-time SAHP does make some stuff easier, though it also depends on individuals. I would struggle as a sahm if it were all the time. I could do it if I had to but for me I am a better parent for also having time away at work. But that's in a pretty satisfying job that pays okay and I only work 3 days. I would almost certainly feel differently if I didn't enjoy my paid work.

I guess what we're all saying is that a family unit works best when everyone feels that they have some choice. Am well aware though that for plenty of folk the choice simply isn't there.

Anyway. DD's midnight feast is over so I shall join her in snoozing.

As an aside, I feel ancient at 35! ;)

OMG did I just get 5 hrs sleep in a row? YES!!! Oh you ladies are AMAZING!! Thank you all for talking about temperature and for making me realise that my poor DD was cold I swaddled her in one of those giant Anais Anais Muslins with a blanket on top (maybe a bit too much) and she conked out. That was my first decent stretch for 7 weeks. I seriously needed that as I've caught my sons cold.

Biscuits are you super women? Every time you talk about your illness you still manage to sound so together! I would be a wreck in your situation. I know you're probably going to say well you have no choice but to soldier on...do make sure your DH looks after you this weekend! I'll come over and give him a fish slap if need be?! You poor thing though. Wishing you a really quick end to this now!!

I love the the SAHM v working mum discussions This topic always makes me smile because it really makes people's hair stand up I gave up my well paid managers job 3 years a go to become a SAHM. I don't regret it for one second as its been a real joy to watch every second of my sons development. I've just loved it. However, I'm well aware that when all 3 kids (yes I did just say 3 ha ha) are at school I will be jobless and clueless of what to do next whilst the majority of my friends will continue to build their careers that they never gave up on. The last 3 years have been the best years of my life but so many friends have said to me they don't know how I can do it and they love the freedom they get at work. It all boils down to what makes you happy. What I have learnt is that our society tries to make you feel guilty either way. There is guilt if you're the mother dropping off your child at nursery for a full working day and there is guilt if you're the mother who chooses to be a SAHM likes it's an easy way out. Once I accepted that there is guilt either way I relaxed. I think I've totally gone off track here having I Well my DD has gone back to sleep so I must attempt to put her down again. I'm expecting her to wake up though as I mustn't get greedy now

Amazing pear! My little monster has had two hours, been up for two. We're going off for the day tomorrow so I imagine I'll be pouring coffee down all day again. Dp just helped with mission gaviscon, think he realised how shit it's been now whilst he was away. Wasn't going to bother overnight but she was just so uncomfy. Drifting off as we speak so fingers crossed she sleeps until 7.
Biscuits you poor thing. You must be feeling dreadful. Are they going to admit you?
Oh dear Alfie, are you ok? I would be annoyed by that too. I honestly don't think they realise how draining it is. What you need is for him to come home (preferably early) and say right give me the baby, you hop in the bath and I'll cook tea and have a tidy up whilst you relax. I live in hope!

Yes that was wishful thinking that she would drift back to sleep swaddled ha ha. Soon after putting her down she was up grunting so I've just prolonged everything. It would have been better to unswaddle her when she stopped feeding and change her nappy. I do find though that changing a nappy post a feed is a nightmare with reflux babies. Changing her nappy when she wants food NOW is equally challenging though so I really can't win I've also got to try and not let her cry so she doesn't wake up DS.

Alfie sorry I missed you earlier. That sucks. Men can be so so annoying. I am lucky that my DH isn't a drinker (although I often wish he enjoyed a glass of wine with me sometimes) or a fan of a pub environment. He has other interests though that can be equally annoying and time consuming when you have a baby. Like his obsession with eBay.

If it helps my DH said I was a "bitch" last night. Honestly I will be shocked if our marriage survives to have baby no 3 lol I had just put DD down to sleep and he was being really loud putting on new bed sheets so I told him that she doesn't like loud noises and to stop. I mean seriously, why would he not get that he was about to wake up the baby? So he said "I wish you would stop being such a bitch" and I replied "I wish you would stop being so dumb"! So everything is really rosey in our house and I am for once really happy that he is working ALL weekend There are lots of things that led up to the event..like I was grumpy that he didn't bring DS back from the park until 6 which meant we didn't eat until 6:30 and bedtime was totally screwed. Him and my MIL had some fancy salad that I was not offered so I was annoyed about that. He just sees me as a miserable grumpy wife at the moment because he really doesn't understand what it's like to feed a baby every 2-3 hours every day. Totally clueless. He sent a random "I love you" text message yesterday morning. It meant nothing to me because he's just been so unbelievably annoying recently. Like at the end of every day he will say something dumb like "what's the plan". Well idiot...the plan is you get to go downstairs and have a full nights sleep whilst I get up numerous times in the night Urrrggh I know he means well but...

2.5 hours later and I still can't settle DD. Just walked downstairs and passed her over to DH saying "there you go, one windy baby for you". That will teach him. I bet he's going to work soon and it will come back to bite me

Alfie & Pear - I feel for you both so much. Babies that won't settle mixed with partners who don't seem to 'get it' makes life super tough.
Alfie no his life can't go back to what it was. His life has changed. He'll work that out eventually :)

Pear no I am not superwoman (though frankly I could ask the same of you!) Do you need to do nappy changes at night? I generally don't now lazy mummy Despite getting more vile antibiotics and whatnot, I actually feel so much better than I did at the start of all this. The gp said that 'clinically' I am much better but the lungs are still trying to shift the infection. It all feels very Victorian though!
You're right, I have no choice but to manage but equally I have a toddler who goes to nursery 3 full days (dropped off and collected by DH) & a DD who sleeps pretty well (thank goodness) It took DS 2 years to outgrow his reflux and sleep through the night so have earned a sleeper for now! And DH has been beyond superb. Each evening he is either tidying up or cleaning or cooking ahead. He really makes sure I don't overdo things.

When you think baby is awake for the day so you go and make a cuppa, then he falls soundly asleep! Not sure whether to try and get more sleep or go and have a shower while I have the chance! Going to my mum's for her birthday later- looking forward to having many, many people to hold DS for a while and give me a rest. I'm all for attachment parenting but sometimes I need a break from the holding and feeding and rocking. My mum always makes sure I have time for a bath and a nap and to eat my dinner with two hands

Very interesting reading all your comments about working vs being a SAHM. I've decided I'm not going back to work after my maternity leave ends. I don't have a career as such, although I have a postgrad qualification directly related to my work and will have been there for 3 years when my leave finishes. I feel very lucky that I don't have to go back to work and a bit guilty that my working life may be finished at 27. That said, I love looking after DD and I'm sure she won't be our only child.

Really sorry to hear about DPs being a pain in the arse. Mine's being pretty good, although I do find it tough when he doesn't want to take the baby when he gets home. He sleeps in the spare room and works all day, so sometimes I just need 5 minutes to myself. I know he also needs some alone time, so balancing it is pretty hard. That said, he is generally great about doing housework so I shouldn't complain!

Just got DS's birth certificate back from Child Benefit and there's a corner torn off! Thought I had done it when opening envelope but it's only on one edge (was folded so would be on both) and a piece is missing- not in envelope. Am really upset by the lack of care

Biscuits I'm sorry WHAT? I don't need to do wet nappy changes at night? Really? This is great news!

You will all not be surprised to hear that my DH has been grovelling all day! Ha ha! I woke up at 8 am to a stirring baby in her bed and a text that said I've gone to work and DS is downstairs watching TV he's been fed breakfast. That level of helpfulness has never happened Of coarse within minutes of being left I heard little footsteps come upstairs

Pear :) I stopped doing nocturnal wet nappies a few weeks ago. The best nappy for overnight longevity that works here is Pampers sensitive. Buggered once we grow out of size 2 though because they only come in small sizes. We usually use Naty by day which is great for her skin but can't hack a whole night of widdling. Pampers baby dry seem to give her nappy rash at the moment which is a pity. They worked brilliantly overnight with DS. Just goes to show, each baby is different!

Glad your DH has pulled his finger out a bit. Long may it continue!

Am tired today. DD is grumpy. She hasn't had a long nap this afternoon, only power naps. This hasn't helped her mood. DS has mostly been okay with the odd ridiculous tantrum. But within the hour we should have 2 sleeping children. Am going to paint my toenails to celebrate

Biscuits awww I'm of your bedtime success I failed because I bathed Dd at 4:30 when DH got home and then fed her and then cooked chicken korma which took another hour. We have only just finished dinner and it's nearly 7:30 DS will have to skip bath-time tonight. I've struggled to find the right time to bath DD without her being grumpy. After her afternoon nap seems to be her preferred time but then that obviously delays dinner. However, today I have brought a new shiney slow cooker so my life is about to be transformed...watch this space

Sophia Boo to the certificate getting damaged. Perhaps give them a call to complain and ask them to pay for a new one? Or is that ridiculous. Maybe email with a photo of the damage when you're up feeding tonight

Thanks all for your kind comments! Oh I do sound grumpy don't i? My DH was actually great last night and took DD downstairs when she wouldn't settle so I could get some sleep. I think it will just take him a bit of time to realise things are not quite the same anymore!

I will be going back to work full time next year, mostly for financial reasons but I'm not sure if I would stay at home full time. I'd rather be able to work part time but we can't afford that.

Hoping for a better night tonight with the wee one.

biscuits and pear I usually change DD with her sort of 4/5am feed but not before that as I don't want to wake her up unecessarily.

Question for you guys

During the day where do your babies nap..?? Especially if you have other kids tuning about , also if babies fall asleep early where do they sleep till you go to bed

We have a Moses basket in the lounge where she can nap, or in her pram, but often she naps on me. She's my only child though so it's a bit easier. Also, where she's still quite little, she sleeps more than she's awake so I guess it's less napping and more just being a 4 week old!

I'm not sure what we'll do for proper nap times when she's a little older....

We bought a second hand Stokke Tripp Trapp chair and got the newborn attachment for it. I've just started putting her in there, not for naps, but it's a handy place for her to be whilst she's awake and wants to look around and interact. She likes to sit in it and stare at the bookshelves! Only thing is that the seating position makes he nappies leak if she fills them whilst strapped in