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Original poster

Newborns - Things they don't tell you!

62 replies

Bethbe · 29/12/2006 21:43

Thought I'd list some of the things that I have been completely unprepared for, - for others to add to if they wish.......may help those going through their early weeks.

Newborns:

They don't just throw up in their moses baskets, - but rub their heads in it too!

You'll sleep in a bed with milk, sick and wee stains!

Lack of sleep is made worse by your constant checking if they are still breathing!

You'll brush your teeth whilst sitting on the loo at least once!

Even if you dress your LO in complete blue or pink outfits, people will still ask you whether it is a girl or a boy!

Every sofa, table and bedside cabinet in your house will be home to a muslin!

HVs will be useless (okay - I was warned about that one)!

Very big men will get emotional at the sight of your LO and you'll get followed around Tescos by old women.

Your strong views on dummies, formula, BF etc will disappear out of sight!

You'll forget to say 'hello' to your DP/DH when they return from work.

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mummytosteven · 29/12/2006 21:45

You will talk excitedly to your DH about your baby's pooing habits

lulumama · 29/12/2006 21:45

all true ! very true !

hope you don;t mind me asking..you were enquiring about alcohol as pain releif in labour...what did you actually do for pain relief in the end ?

jingleboobs · 29/12/2006 21:51

lol oh so true i found everyone became a bf expert around me

best of luck and enjoy every second my lo is 21 weeks and i miss the snuffly baby so much even tho she is still tiny still in alot of her 3-6 stuff

rachfran · 29/12/2006 21:57

Nobody warned me that I would cry every time DD did something new, and that I would still be doing this now and she is 19 months. I am such a softie.

Original poster
Bethbe · 29/12/2006 22:00

Newborn boys wee all over their clothes like a fountain when you change their nappies!

Lulumama: Contractions began at 3am agressively 3 mins apart for 1.5 mins a time. It didn't even occur to me to drink I was in so much pain! Tried the TENS - rubbish painkiller, but good distraction. At birthing unit (arrvied at 9:30am) was given pethedine at 2cm, but most effective pain relief was screaming my head off down the gas and air tube. Thanks for asking!

OP posts:
lulumama · 29/12/2006 22:03

sounds like it went well then!! good for you !

re little boys...when you undo the nappy, don;t take it off immediately, and when he starts to wee, you can quickly cover his willy with the nappy...and catch the wee!

Skribble · 29/12/2006 22:18

You stop talking direct to people and talk through the baby. " Oh look its auntie helen, oh and shall we have a cuppa with her, wil we wil we." etc.

It is OK for babies to cry and Heath visitors don't take babies away just because you are crying and not dressed by midday.

Any visitors in first few weeks will happily co over baby while you fetch them food and drinks, then hand over and run a mile if they poo.

As soon as you are home and out of PJ's everyone assumes you are back to normal and life goes on as before.

Finding the right nappy bag becomes an obsession.

Pruni · 29/12/2006 22:22

Message withdrawn

kiskidee · 29/12/2006 22:25

people ask you if she is a 'good' baby with that look in their eye.

i just wanna say, of course she if a fucking 'good' baby. what did you think i gave birth to, the OMEN???

mrsmcv · 29/12/2006 22:27

all advice is useless! Mind you, the one that nearly drove me to murder was 'sleep when she sleeps'. As if! when dd slept (she's now seven months) was the only time i could sit still and even begin to take it in. Now I am a veteran (!) I collapse in a heap the minute she drops off.

frumpymummy · 29/12/2006 22:37

Jimgleboobs, your LO is positively huge compared to my DD if she's in 3-6mth clothes already !!! My DD is still in 0-3mths at almost 24 wks !!!!!!!!

frumpymummy · 29/12/2006 22:39

Agree with all things already posted. Everyone becomes an expert on your baby's cries as well. DH seems to think every time she winges she must be hungry ggrrrrrrrr, doesn't seem to realise she also gets tired, bored and has wind....... Grrrrr !

Skribble · 29/12/2006 22:47

Nobody told me my MIL would say "Oh is she needing the boob" in a most ridiculous way everytime the baby cries.

Nobody told me people say ridiculous things like

"did you have him yourself?" No the woman in the next bed did!
"Are you feeding him yourself?" No I get the neighbour in to do it!
and yes "Are they a good baby?", no he is the son of Satan actually!
"Is he sleeping through yet", yes he sleeps through most things!

And nobay tells you how much these questions will get on your nerves and make you want to scream.

Original poster
Bethbe · 29/12/2006 23:00

Lol at Skribble

You will never be able to find the 'red book' or any other notes when the health visitor arrives!

Actually, - I was never warned that there was such a thing as a red book

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethbe · 29/12/2006 23:04

Oh, - and a bad mummy one......

Provided he's not complaining, = you will occassionally leave your lo in what you know is a dirty nappy, - just because you are just tooooo tired to change it!

OP posts:
Skribble · 29/12/2006 23:04

Oh yes the red book!!!!

Like my child is suddenly going to suffer because you didn't get to stick you blinking form on the page and I can't be trusted to do it once I find it, well in fact there is little chance of finding it let a loane sticking anything in it.

No matter what, they always make you feel like a gibbering useless fool. Nobody tells you pay no attention to them and go with what feels right for you.

mrsmcv · 29/12/2006 23:11

my MIL told me not to breastfeed as it would ruin my boobs! Admittedly she was right but that hardly seemed the point to me. especially as i refuse to muck about sterilising on the grounds there was a simpler cheaper easier option on hand

Original poster
Bethbe · 29/12/2006 23:22

Oh yes: and my favourite......

The HV asked me whether I was feeding naturally or artificially!

Could have thumped her........

OP posts:
SAHMof1 · 29/12/2006 23:39

And your HV will slavishly follow the growth chart in the 'wonderful' red book - even though it?s not corrected for early birth and he's breastfed!!! Thankfully, the ?emergency? trip to the doctors proves HV is jumped up and on a power-trip (sorry to all nice HVs out there).

mrsmcv · 29/12/2006 23:42

quite honestly, dd would have contracted typhoid or summat if it had been down to me to sterilise bottles after emergency caesarean. I breastfed for convenience but could thump bleeding heart types who bang on about bottle feeding as if you're giving baby methadone or something. Grrr to those midwives etc who don't give proper info about bottle feeding. For god's sake, entire generation brought up on the bottle and seem to be ok with running the country, etc.

mrsmcv · 29/12/2006 23:44

Actually on saying all that, my health visitor is fabulous, from God, etc. Could not ask for more. Visits instead of me going to clinic and spends a couple of hours hanging out over tea and playing with dd. Could not ever complain

saralou100 · 30/12/2006 14:29

pmsl!!

even though you have muslins everywhere, they only ever throw up when you don't have one on you... or is that just mine!!

motherinfurrierfestivefrock · 30/12/2006 14:34

Total strangers will look at you on the day when you are feeling particularly crap and tell you sanctimoniously to 'enjoy it while it lasts'.

Furball · 30/12/2006 14:51

The first nappy resembles thick sticky treacle and you are supposed to remove it with just cotton wool and water! Not the easiest of introductions in dealing with nappy changing.

NativityJane · 30/12/2006 17:32

PMSL at all of these, I have nothing to add on the new born side, but if you already have older sibling/s to deal with as well and are breast feeding, you need to learn these phrases off by heart - in advance:

No darling, don't squeeze my boob while he is drinking - he will choke.
No darling it isn't chocolate milk no matter what your father says.
Please don't roll around on the bathroom floor laughing your head off because I am led in the bath with milk squirting up in the air, just pass a tissue.

Ah the joys...