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Post-natal clubs

Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

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Original poster

Newborns - Things they don't tell you!

62 replies

Bethbe · 29/12/2006 21:43

Thought I'd list some of the things that I have been completely unprepared for, - for others to add to if they wish.......may help those going through their early weeks.

Newborns:

They don't just throw up in their moses baskets, - but rub their heads in it too!

You'll sleep in a bed with milk, sick and wee stains!

Lack of sleep is made worse by your constant checking if they are still breathing!

You'll brush your teeth whilst sitting on the loo at least once!

Even if you dress your LO in complete blue or pink outfits, people will still ask you whether it is a girl or a boy!

Every sofa, table and bedside cabinet in your house will be home to a muslin!

HVs will be useless (okay - I was warned about that one)!

Very big men will get emotional at the sight of your LO and you'll get followed around Tescos by old women.

Your strong views on dummies, formula, BF etc will disappear out of sight!

You'll forget to say 'hello' to your DP/DH when they return from work.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

misdee · 30/12/2006 17:37

if yu stay in hospital for more than 24hours, you will be asked when you are going to 'bath that baby'.

Toady · 30/12/2006 18:26

lol at talking exitedly about your babys poo.

My DS3 (just 1 years old) did a big boys poo the other day, it was a proper log

Now does that mean he is constipated

frumpymummy · 30/12/2006 19:58

Nativity, what do you mean "laid in bath...." Chance would be a fine thing !!

NENEandLEXI · 31/12/2006 20:04

nobody told me that...

my dd would be bathed and dressed everyday, even though she wont be leaving the house. mommy on the other hand wont be bathed or change her clothes for days at a time. and i do leave the house.

everyone asks...so is she sleeping? harmless question right? well, you say no not really, and than they begin to tell you everything you might be doing wrong (like, maybe you shouldnt let her sleep in the afternoon and she will sleep at night...who in there right mind is going to wake a sleeping baby? are you mad?) you say yes shes sleeping very well at night...they give you or your house the once over glance and raise there eyebrows at the pile of clothes that are awaiting a wash, and not to mention your hair needing a brushing...as to say what do you do with your time than?

these no boby tells you...but everything else they will feel he strong urge to tell. from how you wash your dishes to how her nappy is on not quite so right

that was fun!

JanH · 31/12/2006 20:05

Original poster

Bethbe · 01/01/2007 19:26

Okay how about this........

If you are BF you'll often consider doing that on the loo!!!!

Also, - you'll get through more baby wipes than your lo as it will be your best chance at personal hygiene!

Finally - for now: Baby's are sooooooo noisy at night you'll think there is something seriously wrong with them and their breathing.

OP posts:

Ceebee74 · 01/01/2007 19:41

How true these all are!

My favourite was MIL droning on about how you should feed on demand etc (which I was doing) and then promptly asking me in the same breath when DS's next feed was due - now let me see, I 'll just put my psychic head on!!

The other one is how things that were so important that you wouldn't even consider not doing them before giving birth, such as never going out without brushing your hair, always having nail polish on fingers and toes (that is probably just me) etc suddenly become irrelevant.

I love the 'is he good then' question - used to wind me up everytime!!

Ceebee74 · 01/01/2007 20:01

Just thought of a couple more:

Everyone thinks you are an expert on your baby (even after 1 day) and as soon as he starts crying/whinging, everyone looks at you to sort it out and, if they are holding him, gives him straight back to you - when in reality, you are sat there thinking I have no idea what is wrong with him and panicking as you don't know what to do.
You start looking at every baby you see and trying to guess how old they are in comparison to your lo and imagining how your lo will look/behave when they get to that age
Even though there is only one (very little) extra person in your household, your washing will at least double, if not triple!!

PanicPressiePants · 01/01/2007 20:27

lol at these:

Also

Having the fastest shower ever with the door wide open so I could still see the green flashing light on the monitor, to make sure he was still breathing.

Worrying he was sleeping too much, or too little.

Getting on first name terms with the dr's receptionists.

Not knowing how hard it would be to let go of the midwife. Her visits had become a lifeline!!

Never knew newborn's poo could shoot across the room and hit the opposite wall whilst changing a nappy.

Ahh the joys

ei24 · 02/01/2007 02:42

pmsl!! oh these are so true!!
i always got annoyed when total strangers would stare in disgust when i sat in the baby room in any shop bf my dd!! theyre on page three everyday (not my particular boobies mind!) they are something that almost 100% of women have got and they dont need sterilising before use so whats the big effing problem??!!
also when my gmil asked me on a number of occaisions 'are you coping with breastfeeding?' or 'your milk mustnt agree with her because her poo is yellow and runny!!' oh shock horror thats what its supposed to look like duh!!
i also had a pied piper problem with little old ladies cooing over my lo scary when theres a group of them too!!

sallystrawberry · 02/01/2007 03:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZacharyQuack · 02/01/2007 08:15

That their skin feels like velvet and they smell delicious (mostly)

ProfYaffle · 02/01/2007 08:39

That you will have to be physically restrained from belting the mil for saying 'again?' and making a cat's bum face every time you bf the lo.

castlesintheair · 02/01/2007 11:38

"you'll get through more baby wipes than your lo as it will be your best chance at personal hygiene!"
PMSL. I was grateful (again) for such a marvellous invention only half an hour ago ...

Original poster

Bethbe · 04/01/2007 09:02

That you'll have to make up your own rules for sterilising and express/bottle feeding.

HV won't make any sense on the matter, books are unhelpful and if you believe what the instructions on bottles/sterilising machines say, you'll never be able to leave the house!

No two friends with newborns seem to do the same thing, agree on timeframes (how long items remain sterile etc.)

OP posts:

Original poster

Bethbe · 04/01/2007 23:07

You have a secret baby-switch in your pillow that operates whenever your head hits it, causing your lo to cry, spit out his dummy, wake up or throw up!

OP posts:

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2007 03:20

The smell of coffee wakes them up.

saralou100 · 05/01/2007 16:43

the smell of food also wakes them... in fact you'll still need gaviscon due to eating dinner in 30seconds giving you indigestion..

BigHotMama · 05/01/2007 18:19

Not sure if anybody else experienced this? Sorry in advance if TMI - I always needed an urgent poo everytime I breastfed as if it speeded up my metabolism no end! Am I the only one? I'd have to put ds down mid-feed and he would scream like hell but I knew that this poo just couldnt wait (IYKWIM) and boy what a relief afterwards! (and yes I did wash my hands!!)

notsogummyanymore · 05/01/2007 18:25

i'm with you on that one bm! ALWAYS in the middle of a night feed as well!!

fruitful · 05/01/2007 18:36

You will secretly pity all those other poor mums with their babies who are so much uglier than your gorgeous little one.

Oh and the smell. Newborn babies, mmmm. They should bottle it.

That a newborn who has been awake for 2 hours is probably tired ...

That those dreadful boring mums that you hear about, who sit around talking about poo and breastfeeding and naptimes - well, they do it because they're interested in what they're talking about.

DizzyBint · 05/01/2007 18:39

that your baby might not have 'babysoft' skin. lots of babies, especially if they're overdue, have really very dry skin. also, they can get baby acne in the early months due to your hormones coming through their skin from when they were inside you.

TheArmadillo · 05/01/2007 18:50

yes noone warned me my baby would be spotty and scaly.

Also that they have the loudest farts, they snore loudly and they belch loudly usually in public so that people without kids think its you as no tiny person can make that much noise

Calmriver · 05/01/2007 20:55

I didnt know that girl babies have a little 'period' shortly after they are born from their hormones kicking in!

dyzzidi · 05/01/2007 21:14

On a regular basis when DH had gone working way and it was just me and dd it would get to 4pm and I would be wondering what I had forgotten, then my stomach would grumble and I would realise dd had been fed, changed etc three times yet I was sat in PJ's having not eaten a thing.

Also how you manage to wash all tiny cute baby things in non bio and lovingly place them on the maiden every day but can't face changing your own bedsheets even though there is sick and dribble on it.

And the worst one why does it take you twenty minutes to pack a bag to go out for ten minutes. I never thought I would miss just going out DD is just one and I long for the day i only have a handbag without Nappies wipes cups etc

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