December 2012: the one where they're all potty trained. Sort of....

[Barbeasty]

The old thread was getting dangerously close to 1000 messages, so thought I'd better start this one.

spotty if it's not hard or uncomfortable it might be just him experimenting with control/pushing.

We had a mixed holiday in Spain last week - some lovely times drinking late into the night with dbs, and lots of fun times in the pool. But T was really hard work - she is generally either angelic or demonic atm - obsessed with only me doing stuff for her etc. also eldest dbs mil had a stroke while we were there so he and his wife flew home leaving his kids (teenage, their mum is not his wife) and she sadly died the day we got home. Dm was really affected given the reason we went which was hard to see. I was also wrangling with job offers and decisions while we were away and decided to go with the new company - which dm doesn't agree with and so was hard.
Missed our thread!

Sometimes it's hard and others not

Sorry to hear about your sil's mum.

Congratulations on the job though! It's scary but it'll be worth it! Why doesn't your mum agree with it?

She would really like me to be a sahm which she accepts is financially not an option but thinks I should do the minimum amount of work in hours and effort. She doesn't agree with formal childcare and worries that it'll be too stressful etc for me. It's v coloured by her having been a single parent so forced to work and leave me and dbs. But we were left alone, my dds are with her, DH or mil, or now potentially in good quality paid care. As she's got older she's also got scared of change. Her life was v hard but I am fortunate to have lots of support. Mil doesn't agree with my decision as thinks I should spend all my time with dm. I do spend lots of time with her, but am genuinely worried that I could become resentful if I put my life on hold.
Complicated!

Who'd have families WL.

I think you know what you're capable of and what's best for you and your family. The world is a very different place from when we grew up and I think it's hard for parents to understand all the differences.

And I think it can be difficult for someone to understand why you would choose to do something they had to do (and probably felt guilty doing, especially with the cultural norms back then).

Agree with beasty. I think it's off of them to be negative though. If you can't say anything nice etc

Still lurking

Hey nanny! How's life with 2 beautiful boys?

I'm really suffering with anxiety at the moment (ridiculous!) and it's dd's swimming that's getting to me right now. I'm so worried she's going to hate it and be sad and scared. I'm struggling to sleep because of it.

Anyway in more positive news I've decided to take the dc to Lapland UK this year, I'm so excited

Yes beasty there is definitely some generational woman as primary carer thinking. Despite the fact that I took 6 years out to be with the dds and that I earn more than DH and always will, so it makes good financial sense for our work and caring responsibilities to be equal.

Bless you spotty. Do you suffer from anxiety generally or is it just this? I dont have anxiety per se but can be prone to bouts of it, and I have found that mindfulness does help. I've got a book to read and an app to listen to.

No I do suffer although I've only recently started to realise it (in the last year) I can cope with the worrying but it's the heart palpitations which get to me.

Bless you. Have you checked if there's any help available? Are you in Surrey? There's free NHS online cbt available with no wait list which looks brilliant. Self or gp refer.

I'm Sussex but it's the same trust, yes it's called time to talk. I've been thinking about it, online might be good as I know lots of the therapists through work

My mum's the same WL. Most of the time she keeps her mouth shut but occasionally she'll say something about it being a shame DS isn't with me and how he tells her he misses me.

Well he may do but I have a mortgage to pay and there's only me to pay it!

Glad I'm not alone frazzled!
spotty go for it! I think online is a great option if you are still relatively in control. The success rates are really good. Imagine how great it would to be able to control the anxiety/reactions to the feelings. It might not be your thing, but reading mindfulness for dummies was a revelation for me - it talks about your feelings being separate from you and from your reactions to them.

wl it must be impossible to be a guilt free parent, is the conclusion I am very very slowly coming to. If Istanbul at home with the DC we would have a little bit more money but not enough to be able to go out and do all the things I would like with them. they wouldn't have the social interaction they can have if they go to nursery because so many other kids are at nurseries.
If I go to a playground here in the morning you can guarantee that 95% of the time we will be the only people there.

Plus all the studies show that children benefit enormously from having so much fun with their peers. My goodness, all the stuff that they get to do at nursery (and the list is endless), the games, the painting, the mess, the songs and the little friends I simply cannot replicate at home.

So my kids will be at nursery having an amazing time and I will get a job (or start a business, or plan world domination) and we will all be happy and better off for it.

But my Mum isn't totally sold on the idea - again, single parent to my oldest brother and she had to put him with a childminder for long hours which she didn't like and PIL find it very odd that I am not planning on being at home for my family to tend to their every whim but honestly if I look at DH and his brothers they would probably have benefitted from less time with their parent

Ooohhh that's a bit of an essay... Sorry. But you do what is right and best for you. That is the best thing for your family.

Thanks nutella, spot on.

Ps I love that you are considering world domination - have you ever seen the cartoon pinky and the brain?

Yes, I love that cartoon!

Nutella that's it exactly. We could probably adjust things so I didn't need to work, but I wouldn't be able to do anything with the DC. I'd have to give up my car, so I'd be restricted to free groups within walking distance. No swimming lessons, riding lessons, ballet lessons etc.

Hmmmm I've been thinking about blogging lately... To run along with other "projects" am I a ranting lunatic or do you think it might be worth a go? I'm starting to wonder if it would be therapeutic / cathartic.

Plus I've just spent an age on MN waiting for DD to stop fighting and go to sleep. I've been up and returned dummy and dolly to her about 100 times, she is absolutely knackered but for some reason all wound up. MN seems a bit mad at the moment. I've come across some threads that are going very pear shaped and I hVe no desire to post anywhere other than the safe places I'm used to.

nutella I think blogging could be great but you do have to be prepared that it could be read by anyone and some people will say things you don't like. Would you blog about something specific?

A friend and I are both thinking about starting up businesses and being self employed (because finding a job here is complicated and we are both mothers who would be first - not qualified; and second - we would need a part time job with flexibility and understanding...).

Anyway, alongside that I think there are various opportunities for a blog/vlog... But we are very early brainstorming stages at the moment.

Sounds exciting nutella! I would love that but never managed to come up with a decent idea!

I'm on a sickie today - sure no-one in the office wants my rotten cold. DH has taken T out so I'm on the sofa with chocolate and homes under the hammer! Lush!
Actually does anyone have any immune boosting tips? Touch wood I don't seem to get any really nasties or d&v but colds aplenty.