September 2014 - Rocking and Rolling

[FATEdestiny]

Our babies are rocking and rolling, crawling and climbing into the second half of their first year.

Let the fun continue...

Thanks FATE and Team. FATE I really don't know how you stay sane with 4. I think going back to work will help, but I've arranged DD's childcare to start in October and signed on the dotted line. I'll also be going back full time (main earner) so feel like I should spend as much time with her now as possible... maybe KIT days will help though, I'll have to email my boss. DH and I are trying to make sure we go out together as much as possible too, and always make sure DD's in bed for 7 so we have the evenings to ourselves. I know a few mums who've implied they think this is selfish, but I've always been very independent and I know I'd be a bad mum if I never got any time to just be on my own.

Team I'm glad it's not just me. I don't know about you but I've never felt very maternal so perhaps I was always going to feel like this. I love DD to bits but really don't feel like my whole entire being revolves around her and that I should only ever do baby-related activities like a lot of people insisted I would...

11 months today ... Eeeeeeeek...

Apple I think I understand you, but I have to admit I never quite felt like that. I think it maybe because I started working too early, he was just 6m and I started part time. I had a few hours without him every day. I also had a few kit days before that.

So I feel the other way around now... I don't always leave him the whole day but it happens more and more as I am adding to the number of hours I work and I feel the other way around too frequently : that I shouldn't have left him for this long before he was a bit more independent around 2...

Like you I was never very maternal and value my independence (financially and otherwise) and personal space too much- so much so At one stage I was sure I never wanted children and I just starting having doubts in the past few years.

Then when I was pregnant with ds I was naive enough to think I can start work again within 6 weeks !!! And you lovely British people are so polite that you didn't put me right straight away ...

Anyway, I wanted to say I am also adjusting, but Somehow I value being the mum bit and doing baby activities a lot more, too much perhaps... Probably partially because I feel guilty and partially because I already have been away from him every day for the past 4-5 months... You'll get there so quickly once you start work, that you may wish you want to go back in time. I do ...

I also agree, if there is any scope at work and if feasible at all, starting gradually is a brilliant idea. I even think it gives both you and dd time to adjust.

apples I felt very much like you did with my eldest two. I would have gone to the opening of an envelope as an excuse to be out of the house and do non-baby related activities ! And I would find that I had to make the most of any evenings out - always being the last one to leave- rather than sensibly thinking "i have to be up early for the children" as I really valued MY time and had to make the most of it.
I did love the time I spent with the babies, but I always needed a "me" event to look forward to.
Even at work, I didn't talk excessively about my children, and usually teamed up more with people without children, so I could avoid all the baby chat.
Many of my friends had children a similar age, so a lot of my friendship dynamics changed and instead of having gossipy chats, drinking wine and doing lunch and shopping, we would be sitting round in houses that resembled creches whilst our children fought (who really likes their mum's friends kids ? ) and having interrupted conversations.
I really craved my old life, and being me, rather than "the twin's mum".
I think, over time, the balance does come - especially when the babies start school and start getting their own life.

The interesting thing is, over the years so many other parents i know have admitted they felt the same - even those that seemed like natural Mary Poppins types. Babies, especially first babies, absolutely change your life as you knew it and there is an element of grief/craving for your old life and trying not to lose who you are - whilst trying to be the perfect parent, and feeling like you need to enjoy every minute with this joyous little being that is entirely dependent on you.

It can be hard, especially with the accompanying guilt that comes with such feelings but you are definitely not alone .

I've been quite different with J, which has shocked me as I've never been a baby person. Saying that, I was dreading returning to work and thought I would be sitting pining for him all day - but actually, I've really enjoyed being back there and having military organisation in the mornings and evenings. I've realised that I am finding real value in my days off and feel really energised so instead of filling my days with walking for miles and meeting family and friends (as I did on mat leave), I am actually doing more home activities with the little man.

Sorry for long post !

Apples - I'm sure every mother feels that way some of the time.

Apples I've felt like that to. I'm happy at home most of the time but sometimes I do feel some resentment. It's the relentlessness of it all I think. There is just no let up. And I don't think I was aware of this before I became a parent, and even if I was I don't think you can comprehend it. I've done a few KIT days which have been nice, and I have had the odd baby free day as well. What I find annoying though is that even when I have baby free time he's still there in my mind, I'm wondering if he's ok. I think that's what I mean by it being relentless, I just never get a break. I wouldn't change it, but it is incredibly hard. I go back to work in September for three days a week, term time only, so I'm hoping that might help in having a 'break'.

We have just got back from our first summer holiday. We went on a Sun holiday to a caravan park for three nights, it was really good fun and a total bargain at £87.00 in total. We have a longer holiday coming up in August, nine nights in Scotland. I wouldn't be brave enough to go abroad with DS so young I don't think. And also I'm not sure that I'd have a good time. A beach holiday for me is lounging by the beach or pool and reading and I just wouldn't get to do that.

Oh and also no walking here as we haven't even got to crawling yet. He can get around by rolling and rotating in a circle, and can also clamber all over me but absolutely cannot crawl. Not even close. And he's ten months now.

It's our wedding anniversary tomorrow, 3 years, which the traditional gift is leather. DH said I can have a bag, but now I have the go ahead do you think I can find one I like?! Noooooo...

Lilly I liked your post and very much related to it... Not knowing before you are a parent that for the rest of your life your child wellbeing will be in your mind... To be honest I don't even think it will ever go away but when they become independent it will hopefully become less difficult...

That holiday sounds lovely- what is it and where is if? Super cheap holiday... I could do with something like that right now...

I cant believe you can't find a leather bag that you like; I love leather bags... :) why don't you put up pictures/links and we vote for you !!!

ds keep letting go of things to stand on his own and today he stranded on his own for what sounded to be ages, but of course it would have been just a few seconds ...

I lost half a stone in the past month- need to lose another half stone to go back to pre-pregnancy weight.

Mums who are still breastfeeding- anybody was on any diet ? I am on a sort of diet (of not eating too much!!!) and worried for my supply as ds still does not want formula (max 3oz with breakfast) but still loves to be breastfed at nights. Any tips would be most welcome

Oh, yes, I'm up for a group bag shopping for Lilly! What's your budget?

Glad you had a nice break. We have just booked a week away in a cottage. I couldn't face the idea of a holiday abroad, but we've promised we will next year.

Well done on the weight loss Nazly! I've not made any progress with my need to loose weight

How do you discipline a 10 month old?! She's doing two things that are driving me bonkers... Squawking and blowing bubbles with her mouth full of food! I give a short, sharp "no" and an evil stare, which does stop her in her tracks, but two seconds later she just carries on, as if it were a game

I'd like to know too Team! When I tell DD 'No!' she just laughs at me, definitely seems to think it's a game! And the poor dog always thinks she's being told off!

No & don't seem to be the most commonly used words in our house at the moment. DS is on a one man mission of destruction & potential injury. My living room has been cleared of everything except sofas & baby toys but he's now discovered the radiator. He uses the stairgates to do chin ups, he loves leaning head first over the edge of things & we've already had one trip to a&e when he launched himself out of the cot. He's broken two doorstops & a wrought iron door hook, I could go on! No will stop him in his tracks but he'll quickly start again unless I manage to distract him before he's remembered what he's doing. I wasn't prepared for him to be this mobile & causing this much chaos so early!

Same here. We are constantly saying..."J....nooooo", and sometimes we say the "J" bit and he jumps in and says "ooohhh"in the same tone we say "No" !!
He also looks at us and gives the biggest smile, then carries on.

I've attached a couple of pics of his cheeky face...he's hard work at the moment but that smile wins me over everytime !

We say no all the time and E will often stop grin then carry on sometimes he does a cute giggle too!

Wrote a message and lost it...

I bought a bag in the end sorry! beautiful bag. It was over budget but I love it . The colour is more a mink colour in RL. I am so fussy which is why I struggled to find something. I'm even more fussy when I'm spending a fair bit because I insist it has to be perfect!

I tell DS off at the table when he is throwing the bowl around or tipping water everywhere. A sharp NO usually results in tears which makes me feel awful. It stops him long enough to introduce a distraction though. I think that's all we can do at this age, distract!

Oh and jay cute!!!! Grins make it all better don't they?!

Love the bag, and yes jay he is adorable!

Hi all.

Sorry been away for a few days with DH's family so not been online for a bit.

Apples I completely understand how you feel. I feel like that a lot too. I love Jessica to bits but I feel that I've lost 'me' a bit since becoming a mother. It doesn't help that Jessica doesn't generally go to sleep until 8pm-ish (we tried putting her to bed earlier but she just started waking up at like 4.30am!) and because she still wakes in the night and then gets up about 6.30ish I generally collapse in bed exhausted at about 9.30/10pm these days, so me and DH don't even get a lot of time together in the evenings. Plus Jessica won't nap in her cot so generally will only nap in her buggy or car seat so I have to be walking / driving to get her to sleep in the daytime, so not like I can even do my own thing when she's having one of her catnaps. Also DH is currently not getting back from work most nights until about 7pm so the days feel looong right now. I'm still not greatly enthused about going back to work either. Probably because I'm doing 14 hour shifts when I go back so long, gruelling days ahead.

As for movement Jessica crawls, pulls to stand and can stand independently for a few seconds. I think we are quite a long way from walking yet though.

Lovely bag LillyBugg. :)

Cute picture JayKay. :)

Oh and gosh yes, how DO you discipline a 10 month old? I say no to her and she pays no attention at all.

Oh and finally, some of you may remember that I missed a pill a few weeks ago. Anyway in the week I finally braved taking a test and it was negative, and I felt so relieved. This has really confused me as in my head I want 2 kids eventually but the thought of going through pregnancy / labour / the newborn stage again is so off-putting it's interesting I felt only relief and no disappointment. And yet I always imagined giving Jessica a brother or sister eventually and feel sad at the thought of that not happening. I'm confused by own feelings.

You don't need to be confused KitKat because there is no reason to make a decision either way straight away. It's fine to just accept that right now you don't want another baby and be OK with that. But accept that in the future your thoughts may, or may not, change.

Personally I think a 2 year age gap is the hardest of all age gaps (terrible twos at same time as newborn year) so if I was doing it again I'd wait another year and go for a 3 or 4 year gap anyway - much more pleasant!

I don't get this idea of forgetting the pain of the birth. I have never forgotten. That never meant that I didn't go on to have more children, but even now I can still grade my four births in terms of how horrendous they were. One birth was idyllic, the other three horrendous but all in different ways.

For me it is not about forgetting, just accepting that giving birth is something you have to go through as a means to an end. Like having immunisations (I'm scared of injections) in order to go on holiday.

fate I can remember that it hurt but I can't remember the type of pain! It's hazy now! So it definitely fades with time! For me anyway!

I know we want another but we have to wait a while as we cab afford two in childcare!

Thanks guys. Although to be honest it's the newborn stage that puts me off more than labour. Jessica was a horrendous newborn though. Her colic was awful. She could scream for sometimes 10 hours at a time. I nearly lost my mind.

I reckon then kitkat you've had the worst baby now. The next one will be better ! I on the other hand have had a relatively easy baby so I know I won't get away with it next time. I had a very traumatic labour though which I know will terrify me for next time. I'm even scared of trying to be honest because I know that it will result in labour! We will have another one but I think I will find it very hard next time. I plan to stop my pill around October time and we will start trying again in January. I feel nervous just typing that to be honest.

I think the same lilly DS is such an easy going boy there is no way we will get so lucky next time!

Thank you all SO much for sharing your thoughts about life being completely taken over by babies, you've made me feel so much better. Jay Not only are your pics of baby J melting my heart but you summed it up by saying you'd have gone to the opening of an envelope... that's me atm! I realise I'm very lucky to have a long maternity leave and I'm sure I'll miss it once it's over, but I do crave a few child-free moments here and there

Lilly that bag is lovely, so elegant and will go with all sorts. I can't believe you've already planned no.2... exciting but scary!

KitKat What a relief not to be pregnant. I feel very much like you about a second, I never imagined I'd have an only child but at this point I just don't see how it would be possible to have any more. DD was also a dreadful newborn due to reflux. The thought of another is genuinely terrifying. DH also only wants one, so perhaps it won't be a big issue. As others have said though, give it time, no need to rush.