September 2014 - 6 months already?!

[holls2000]

new thread!

Aw Nazly it sounds like you did well to keep your cool talking to the nursery manager. I would have been angry. It sounds like she's blaming you for your ds not immediately settling at nursery, when surely as the experts it is their job to ensure children feel happy and secure there?

Nazly you can delay their school start by a year but then they'd go straight into year one and have to miss out reception (now known as Foundation stage 2). I think its a difficult decision with pros and cons but ultimately it's down to what's best for each child. In my class last year I had a really clever August born girl so I think there's far more to it than birthdays

Apple, yes, that is what she was implying... I am glad all other nursery staff are nice and the nursery itself is really good; otherwise it would be difficult ...

Top, oh -I forgot you were a teacher - thank you. I didn't quite get it what you mean though. If he starts a year late, doesn't that roll on, as in starting the preschool late, then the school late, etc. ? (I would argue he was supposed to be a september baby after all...)

My problem is not learning ability and iq at all, but confidence and emotional wellbeing and emotional independence. I think that is a lot more important and there will be a massive difference between a 3yrs old and a 4 yrs old, isn't there?

Holls I see :)

Now when do we register?

Primary School admissions vary council by council.

If you go to your local council's website they should give you full details on how to do it.

My council do the following (this is just an illustration):
Applications for children who will start in Sept 2015 started in Sept 2014 and closed in Jan 2015.
Letters offering places will be sent out in April 2015.
Late applications are dealt with after this point. (Its your responsibility to apply).
June/July 2015 appeals hearings.

Different types of schools have slightly different admissions policies. In my areas there are two types - Local authority schools and Faith school. (You would apply directly to private schools and not through the local council).

Legally in England and Wales your child reaches compulsory school age at the beginning of the term following his/her fifth birthday (So legally, if your baby is born on 16th August and the school term starts on the 1st September, technically they do not have to start school until they are 5 in 2019 and would be one of the oldest in the year, rather than the youngest - See below for more on this). Different councils have different policies as to how they apply this so you need to check.

In my council, the policy is 'to provide education from the beginning of the school year in which your child is 5 years old. This means that a school place will be available in autumn 2015 for every child who was born on or between 1 September 2010 and 31 August 2011. Parents can request that the date their child is admitted to school is deferred until later in that academic year or until the term in which the child reaches compulsory school age. Parents can request that their child takes up the place part-time until the child reaches compulsory school age.'

From September 2008 following a change in the law, The Education and Inspections Act 2006 and the School Admissions Code, required all admission authorities to operate an equal preference system for dealing with applications to school.

Under the equal preference system the three preferences you name on the preference form will be treated equally. The preference order will only be used if your child fulfils the admission criteria for more than one of the schools you have listed on your preference form. If this is the case your child will be allocated a place at the school you placed as the highest preference, for which your child qualifies for a place. It is therefore important for you to name the schools you prefer in order of preference.

Where I live if there is an over-subscription to a Local Authority school priority is given first to:

1. Children in care and children formerly in care.
2. Siblings
3. Pupils for whom advice from a medical practitioner or psychologist has been provided by the parents/carers at the time of application in support of admission to a particular school
4. Pupils living nearest to the school measured as a direct straight line distance from the child’s permanent place of residence to the school

(This is not the same everywhere)

It differs for faith schools slightly here too. They tend to have individual admission policies so you need to check what they are (my local council provide details for each together with all the LA schools, but I'm not sure if this would be the case in other areas).

My council allow you to apply online. They have a nice pdf which shows the number of places and applications for each school for last year. This is good as you can see a) which schools are more difficult to get into b) they show the further distance from the school that a child was admitted on point 4 above. This gives you a pretty good idea of whether you are likely to get your child into the school or not based on the previous years applications (obviously it does change year to year, but its a good guide).

As I say, it differs area to area. A lot.

For the few August babies here it may be worth you being aware of summerbornchildren.org/. Its a campaign for flexible admission for summer born children - particularly those born pre-maturely or with SENs (though not necessarily restricted to). They point out the following:

Reception class is aimed primarily at 5 year olds. Compulsory school age is the beginning of the term following a child’s fifth birthday. The law stipulates that education be suitable to a child’s age, ability and aptitude. Everybody has the right to an effective education.(More info here

In essence they want there to be less of a hard line 1st September cut off and more of a grey area for those children who may be particularly disadvantaged by starting school too early for their emotional and physical needs. It being run by Pauline Hull, a seasoned (and successful) campaigner who talks a lot of sense and I have a lot of time for.

I am aware that some councils are being more flexible and doing this now, but others are being stupid and enforcing a strict 1st Sept - 31st Aug policy even when this isn't in the best interests of a particular child.

In short, you probably don't need to panic about school admission just yet, unless you live in an area with very high over subscription or poor schools and may want to consider relocating. (Which is why its probably worthwhile checking this out now, anyway). Or if you have an August baby, and want to be informed about whether there may be a case for delaying admission to school until they are 5 rather than 4 as your local council seem to suggest they should start (and they don't legally have to).

HTH Nazly.

Yes I know what you mean about emotional maturity etc I am a bit nervous about that side of it myself for J but I'll just have to play it by ear. Again though all children are different and being older doesn't necessarily mean more confidence or emotional understanding.

Most schools place children into year groups by their age and will not allow you to place your child into reception if they technically should be in year 1. I read something about a woman campaigning to change it though.

Ah thanks for the link to the summer born babies website Fate. I didn't know about that. I've had a couple of colleagues at my school already "helpfully" tell me how their August born child struggled throughout school. I just have to smile through gritted teeth ha!

Welcome back Red - thanks for all the info. Its scary to think of them at school! How are you managing with the crawling/rolling now? We still aren't crawling, but definately a lot more active and it can be a struggle sometimes.

Top I am an August baby, and I never struggled at school. I have a degree and have a fairly good job. I actually don't think it has anything to do with when you are born, and wouldn't have worried at all if A had come early. Although for every 'I'm an August baby and I was fine' I am sure you will find an opposing version.

I worry sometimes that A will be ready for school long before he is able to go. I guess however they had the cut offs people with children born around it will worry on way or another!

definitely* clearly I did well at school

Both me and DH are June babies. We did very well academically at school but both of us feel we suffered because we were emotionally less mature than our peers. I personally don't feel like I 'caught up' until I was 20. By which time I'd not done as well in my degree as I could and I think it was a significant contributor to a lot of my anxiety.

On the flip side of that we are concerned that if DS is like either of us, then being the oldest will be a potentially difficult thing as he may get bored academically. DH was (is) what you'd now term gifted (not many people are faster in their heads than using a calculators) but he also has severe dyslexia so his problems went unnoticed until college. This led to behavioural issues and him not trying at school. We are very conscious that these are heredity things so are quite worried about what this may mean in the future if this proves to be the case. I don't think DS already being ahead on some of his milestones is helping how we feel. (He can stand unsupported now and is pulling himself up on furniture and cruising, so I don't think walking is too far off). I think its reassuring to me to know that its more to do with personality than IQ but it does play havoc with your rational thought process that its because he's intelligent.

I personally am finding it hard to relate to others with babies of a similar age because the difference is very notable and I'm acutely aware that its going to make others worry or make us look like boastful twats guilty of being pfb.

Its very difficult to articulate how it feels tbh. I don't have anyone I can go "oh so how are you coping with this" because either they aren't there yet or if they have older children it makes it a bit awkward. DS was mistaken for a 10 month old 3 weeks ago, by a friend of a friend with young children based on what he was doing. We have a friend with a 10 month old at exactly the same stage and we are going on holiday with friends who have an 11month old in May which might prove 'interesting'. (Which is why I'm tagging along with the August post-natal group a bit at the moment). Even then its hard as whilst DS has certain abilities he lack the cognitive development in other areas so he's not comparable with older children which makes him an altogether different kind of handful.

We had to effectively make the decision about school year though when DS was born as we were given a choice of August or September. Its not an easy decision and I think I will have days going 'what if'. The only comfort in that is the fact that he didn't appear before his planned date so he wouldn't have been fully cooked if we had chosen August so September was a better for him at that point.

He seems to be loads behind in some other things though. Weaning is proving sole destroying. I'm really struggling with it (in combination with DS being so active and not sleeping at the moment).

I read something the other week about most peoples brains developing in a steady symmetrical way but others who fit the pattern of DH with a gift but learning difficulties have 'asymmetrical' development. DH still finds things difficult at times, so I keep an eye out for things that fit his issues. However it also applies to when children develop certain things too. In effect nature has the effect of balancing things out. Its helpful to know, but again does make me wonder and worry about what the future holds.

However, all that aside, thankfully despite being a little nightmare, DS is the smiliest chilled out terror.

P.S. Holls - grrrr

My children and both my niece and nephew are all Autumn term babies. It means Sept-Dec is a very expensive time of year for my Mum - all six of her grandchildrens birthdays fall within 8 weeks of each other!

We are having pooing at inappropriate times issues here.

I do hate middle of the night poos. No one is supposed to poo in the middle of the night, surely!? It is disturbing DDs nights far more than anything else.

Red - Associate with babies a few months older if you find difficulty relating to 7 month olds. I find it difficult to imagine that no other children are mobile in your locality at your sons age. All four of my children have been mobile by 6 months and they are neither unusual or physically gifted. Your son is very special and unique to you, as he should be.

I wonder if you are worrying too much about this? Playgroups and toddler groups are used to seeing all manner of different children coming through their doors - at all manner of different stages of development. I would bet unless someone asks you, no one even knows (or maybe even cares?) if your son is 7 months old or 9 months old or 5 months old at his stage of development. As long as you get on with the other Mums there and your DS plays well, you'll be welcomes and can get stuck in the same as everyone else.

Don't let over-thinking about this cause you unnecessary distress on the matter. Don't forget many of the parents at groups have older children so if their baby isn't at any particular milestone yet, they have 'been there and done that' so will be able to help and support you as needed.

Welcome back btw :-)

Welcome back Red.

Argh this school malarky has given me a headache! It's still a way off though! I am glad for DD that she is a September baby and will be a bit older starting school (and I get to keep her with me longer!) but I do think children are surprisingly adaptable and that any difficulties August babies face to begin with would soon smooth over and the age gap will matter less and less as they get older.

I don't even want to consider school yet. Feels too like wishing away the time!

I know my our school doesn't accept children on the nursery waiting list until their 2nd birthday. My only worry would be if I get given afternoons, because I will only accept a morning nursery place.

I find it difficult to imagine that no other children are mobile in your locality at your sons age. All four of my children have been mobile by 6 months and they are neither unusual or physically gifted. Your son is very special and unique to you, as he should be.

You know where I said I was really struggling. Both in my both post and the one previously. Well that.

That and the fact, that you know dick all about where I live.

Perhaps you might like to be a little supportive rather than kicking me in the teeth every time I say I'm struggling. Because its not easy saying your struggling. I'm not a natural with children and deliberately have avoided them in the past. If you missed it, I've said a few times that I suffer from anxiety.

Between his mobility and weaning and just generally finding it all too much I'm not finding it easy to get out on my own very much at all. Hence why I'm on MN. I do get out every now and then, but its limited. And even then I'm finding it very difficult to talk to other people because I'm worried about sounding like a dick. Again something I've expressed on here.

But yes, I'll get my arse out and meet all these amazing people with their babies because its dead easy and not something I'd considered doing and it'll solve the problem. . What with being stupid and all that.

Oh and the reason I was so upset last time was because I was well aware of the fact you had an early walker so thought I might get a bit more support rather than a lecture and patronising comments. Out of everyone here I thought that maybe I might get a few tips from you.

Red, please don't get upset. What specifically would you like some support with?

Parent and toddler groups are great for a more interactive baby. Have you started to go to a few of these? It's always tricky with toddlers hairing around when you have a baby (of any age) learning to crawl and walk so you have to be vigilant at these groups . But they are great for giving baby new things to explore.

At home, if you have a room that you spend time with baby in, just baby proof that room first and keep the door closed. Don't worry about stairgates and kitchen just yet - just keep baby away from them.

My Mum moves her sofa to use it as a barrier to block off her open plan kitchen area when she has any of the grandchildren who are babes there. Not convenient in terms of furniture placement, but safe. Consider moving around your furniture in this way to block off areas. Otherwise you can buy room dividing gates if you have an open plan lounge.

Remove anything heavy, small, fragile or which could be eaten from low level surfaces. You can get corner protectors for the corners of tables etc.

Urm... I can't really think of anything else. But I was/am trying to be supportive here.

Your son being mobile is not as frightening or scary as you appear to consider it. This is why I mentioned your unnecessary worry. It really is quite normal since all children get mobile and the fact that your son is doing it now is not different from him doing it later.

It seems a shame that you are spending your time worrying about this when you really don't need to. What is it specifically that worries you?

Could you ask your "oh so how are you coping with this" to a parent of a 1 year old? They would be able to help. Or a 2nd time parent, they would be able to help too. Or ask the Mum you know of a ten month old.

The cohort of Mums locally who have children up to 2 years younger or 2 years older than your son will be Mums you see for the next decade. They will go to school, football, beavers, cubs, scouts, swimming etc etc all together and maybe some will become friends. You don't need to limit yourself to talking only to parents of 7 month olds. Parents of 3 month olds and parents of 18 month olds will have much in common with you too.

Seek out these other Mums for support if you need it, regardless of the age of their child. If you have more in common with babies of 12 months old - so befriend the parents of 12 month olds.

Most of all, please don't worry or be anxious. I am not the enemy here. We are all in this together. Enjoy your little boy.

What's the problem with weaning?

You know you don't have to wean. Just go back to milk, everything will work out in the end

But yes, I'll get my arse out and meet all these amazing people with their babies because its dead easy and not something I'd considered doing and it'll solve the problem

Ignoring the sarcasm, I am not sure if to take from this that you don't like to go to groups? (forgive me if this isn't true, I'm not certain of the sentiment of this sentence).

Is this because of anxiety? My best friend and I used to run a baby and toddler group that was set up (with the aid of HV) specifically for mothers suffering with depression or anxiety. It wasn't "just" a baby group, it was a supportive and caring environment for Mums who were struggling or fearful of groups. It was a support group which ran alongside a baby group. Maybe worth asking your HV if such a group exists in your area? I also have a number of tips and pointers which might help you going to these groups, if these might be helpful to you?

I do not aim to make you feel stupid or anything similar. You strike me as someone who might be feeling anxious and given that my best friend has many serious anxiety issues - I have some experience in dealing with anxiety.

One thing I know is that it is wrong to pander to the anxiety. If you are worrying about nothing I will tell you exactly that. Because as much as you might want people to agree that these things are scary, it is not true and will not help you deal with them.

... and I could have made a huge fool of myself in writing all of that if anxiety is not the issue. But I'm a big girl, I can handle it for the sake of the bigger picture of making you realise Red, that I am on your side here and am not the enemy.

Hey Red, welcome back and thanks for the school info!

Reading your post feels very familiar, as I used to suffer with anxiety, and would worry incessantly about what I perceived to be the downsides of any and every situation. Funnily enough you and I are in a similar situation now, as my dd is also very mobile, able to stand and pulling herself up to the standing position using anything she can get her hands on. I had some great CBT to help with anxiety in the past, and the main tools I took from it were to actively look for positives in situations and to not pander to the anxiety, so to actively seek out situations that could be anxiety inducing. The second strategy is harder but has been a huge help. Although I haven't spent much time thinking about the mobility issue, I view the situation as a positive - I.e. it's great that dd is indulging in and enjoying developing her physical skills. As is the way of life, some babies will be ahead in some areas and behind in others. if it's any reassurance I go to lots of baby groups and how well developed a child is for their age has never been an issue or even come up, so if you can and if you manage to get out to any baby groups, then you don't have anything to feel self conscious about. If you're struggling just to get out and about, I'd really recommend going somewhere really basic that you don't even have to think too much about going to with your ds and hopefully that will give you a bit more confidence to try less familiar settings. Going out with dd was something I found to be a big trigger point for anxiety, so I just went to boring old Tesco with her every week for a while as I could do it without thinking and there wasn't the added worry of an unfamiliar setting on top of the worry of being out and about with the baby.

Anyway, HTH. Sorry it's a bit waffly and I'm well aware you may have already tried all of those things, and also just how hard it is to try new things when it feels like anxiety has got the better of you. Stay strong though, you are a fab mum to your ds and you worry because you care

Nice to see you back Red !

I didn't know the primary school system varied so much across the country. Here, we still very much have a catchment system - even for secondary schools. (Although we still have a selective system so the Grammar's are not based on catchment.)

I guess there will always have to be a cut off for school age - even if it's March, it will always mean some children are the eldest and youngest (just not directly affect ours).

What I found with my twins (who were born in January), is that you can definitely tell the difference between a September kid and an August kid in the first couple of years at school - both size wise and emotionally. Of course, there will always be exceptions. But as they grow older, it all seems to pan out. Age is relative; so 11 months is a huge difference when you are 3 or 4 years old - it's a quarter of your life. The gap lessens as you grow.

Hi all! Sorry to have been a bit silent over the past few days, we've been on holiday and had very little internet coverage

DD has worked out how to eat over the past week, which is fab and really quite fun. We are doing a mix of purées and BLW and just seeing what she takes too. She LOVES fruit in any form, but vegetables get a reaction from her that I'm sure is baby for "Mummy, why are you trying to poison me? What have I done to deserve this? Please, someone help, Mummy is trying to kill me with broccoli/carrot/insert any veg here!" I can get a small amount of parsnip in her, but only if mixed with a bit of pear or apple. Anyone else have a baby who is fruit obsessed? I'm going to keep going with the veg, even if I have to mix it with a bit of fruit to get her used to it.

Red, I'm so pleased to see you back! I've often thought about you. I have some issues with anxiety too, so I have some understanding of how you are feeling. Please stay on here. I really hope we can give you the support you need. I've really gained a great deal from the advice a support given on here, including a very high anxious episode a couple of weeks ago. What is going on with weaning? Maybe some if us can try to brainstorm some ideas? I really understand that groups can be very overwhelming. How do you find one-on-one situations? I'm just asking as I find them far less anxiety provoking, so I've put effort into seeking out more individualised contact with other mums and babies. That might also enable you to meet with someone whose child is comparable to your DS developmentally. Sorry if I've missed it upthread (I've had a lot to catch up on!), but where is your DS with his mobility? Babies do vary so much in how they develop. Thank you so much for all of the schools info

Apples . Really lovely post.

Absolutely right Jay that age differences are relative to age, so reduce as a child gets older.

As a secondary school teacher I have sometimes noticed an "August baby" being set part in some way to older peers, even in older children. But almost without exception this is not actually because of the childs month of birth just that they have gone through school always using their August status as an excuse for under-performing. As long as high expectations are made of a child regardless or mitigating factors, then month of birth shouldn't affect performance or ability past about 7 years old.

My DD had her "Half Birthday" yesterday. Way behind everyone else on here, but I have finally reached the 6 months mark.

Welcome back Red, I was wondering how you were doing the other day as I saw a post from you on another thread.

DS hit 6 months yesterday too Fate. Think we have the youngest babies.

We only really started weaning this week and I'm really struggling to fit in 5 milk feeds and 3 meals, we haven't managed lunch at all this week because of nap times. How is everyone else working it?

Topsy - I have exactly the same problem. I feel like DD is spending all of her time either eating or sleeping - like being back to a newborn stage - what with fitting in 5 bottles and 3 meals a day. In terms of fitting meals in around naps, I don't consider the time, just the order of the meals. So she might have meals at 10am, 11.30am and then 6pm with milk in the gaps if that's where they fit in with sleeps.

Team - I know that dilemma of yummy fruit or hard work savoury well. All of my children have preferred sweet fruit flavours over anything savoury. I hear about wonder children who prefer veg to anything sweet, but not my children.

I have been really harsh with DD and have not given any sweet purees at all. She has yoghurt which is sweet, but I make fruit hard work by giving it as finger food. My plan for enforcing savoury. No guarantees it will work tho

DD is commando crawling when trying to get something out of reach. Also she is doing the hands and knees rocking that all mine have done (not sure what its all about, but they've all done it). Mostly she gets from one place to another by rolling. Especially mobile when naked! Standing, but not unaided. Sitting and balancing for a few minutes but not straight backed.

Topsy and Loulou...J reached his half year birthday on Monday so he's not quite as young as yours - but still one of the threads youngest. I felt miles behind on the last thread, as he didn't even start weaning whilst we were on that !

I did get lots of weaning tips though. I can't remember much about weaning my twins, except that they didn't pick it up well and that the advice was to wean at 4 months. I certainly didn't puree, it was jars all the way for me. Saying that, I must have done something right as the twins are brilliant and healthy eaters now.

Sorry Red I have no idea why I thought your post about schools was from Fate, so thank you for the link to that website. I was super tired feeding J last night which will be why I guess! I can sympathise with how you're feeling, its not easy at all this baby business. I would have something more useful to say I'm sure if I wasn't so sleep deprived lol. I think Fate gave some good advice though

I also have the fruit problem here. He will devour any fruit buy savoury food usually ends in a total meltdown in the highchair. :( I'm really not enjoying weaning at all. It seems like a lot of hard work for at the moment very little reward. DS doesnt seem to enjoy it and its all rather a chore. If he enjoyed it then I would be more inspired! Perhaps one day he will just 'get it'?