October 2014 // thread 4 // a lot of night feed chatting!

[sazzlehopes]

Welcome everyone. You're doing a good job by the way. Remember that.

I'm having another nightmare day. Just screaming. Won't even feed to sleep. I'm finding this impossible, I honestly think I'm not cut out to be a mum, I wish he had a better mum. He's so unhappy and he's not gaining weight. He has little windows of like 5 minutes of smiles but that's it. Then he cries. He's chronically sleep deprived I'm sure but nothing I do works.

splendide do you think he might have reflux at all?

My first dd was like your ds and my second dd started to not sleep at all, just as i noticed the reflux symptoms. Just take a deep breath, all babies have these non sleepy days, i had one yesterday! My house is like a bomb site as a result of her refusal to sleep

splendide he doesn't want a 'better' mum. He wants you, and you're doing fine. Honest.

Could you take him out for a walk? A drive?

Kirsti LOL at 'was a nun for a couple of weeks then changed her mind' .

My mum told me to ask the health visitor about putting Horlicks in DS's bottle when he was about a week old, because he was getting through a lot of milk (because he's on the 95th centile for everything). She also likes to diagnose his crying over the phone ('ooh, he sounds cold'). And she suggested, in all bloody seriousness, that a photo of my face in his cot would 'help him sleep because he'll think you're there'. It's a cosleeper. I bloody AM there

Could be reflux I guess - or silent reflux anyway. What do I do? GP I guess? I'm thinking he might just be really hungry. He generally does one big sleep (can be 6 hours) at night after a 5 hour cluster feed. Could it be that that's the only time he's fill enough? I really wanted to breastfeed but am I making him miserable/ starving him?

I suspect he's also picking up on my stress which is then a viscous cycle isn't it?

Sorry AGAIN for the moaning!

It's not moaning Splendide, it must be so frustrating and I really wish I could offer some advice but being a ftm i don't have any so I'd be in the exact same position as you and have no idea what to do if I was having the same difficulties with my wee one, it doesn't make us crap mums, just inexperienced and sometimes we'll need medical help or support from family and friends to get us through it. You're a good mum, don't be hard on yourself, you're underestimating how much of a comfort you are to him when he's not happy. Are you on FB, if you want to join our FB group just let me know and I'll send you the link. (It's private so nobody but us here will see you offload :) )Where are you in the world, btw?

splendid your mothers instinct is probably correct about the hunger, why dont you right up a list of pro & cons about breast feeding vs formula/mixed feeding? I have no advice of bf as i have ff but if anything is making you & baby miserable its ok to stop and try something else, you have tried your hardest bf so don't be hard on yourself, do you have have good real life support ?

splendide a few weeks ago after full on rage screaming from babymoose at baby massage i came home and hugged him, crying, telling him i was sorry i couldnt be better for him and that he deserved someone who knew how to help him. I completely understand how you feel. He has since being diagnosed with silent reflux (altho he now vomits a lot so not sure how silent!) and cmpi, it can feel so utterly sole destroying when they are obviously in pain but theres nothing you can do. Ive taken babymoose to the hospital recently as his feeding dropped off so much i was worried i was starving him, and with the cmpi we couldnt just switch to formula without a prescription, but the drs said he wasnt dehydrated and seemed alert so they werent worried feeding wise which did reasure me a little. Bf can be so bloody hard, especially as its one of those things you expect to just magically work so when it doesnt it sucks! Just remember any breast milk they have had does them good, if ff is the way forward for both of you, dont beat yourself up! Youve done great doing it for this long! Like others have said, trust your instincts, go to drs if your worried, and just do what feels right for you :)
With reflux, our gp said silent didnt exist so until i badgered them to letting me take him to the assessment ward and the consultant there helped.

I definitely think I may try mixed feeding. I'm going to give it another few days and see if there's any improvement plus I'll see how his weight is doing on Wednesday and speak to the health visitor about it.

I think it's more fear on my part that if I switch to formula I'll have no way to console him at all and go insane. That's irrational though isn't it? Plus I could hopefully mix feed.

I know I must sound thick and panicy, I'm not normally like this. I used to be a proper person with a responsible job! I guess a lot of it is just sleep deprivation.

I'm not on Facebook but I'm actually quite tempted to sign up to join you guys!

Oh crossed post. Thanks Moose that's really helpful, I'll see if I can be more assertive about getting some help.

Do it Splendide!

splendide I second all those great suggestions. You are not a crap mum - if our babies could ask us for what they want, we would sell both kidneys to give it to them. Its so much a process of trial and error for a lot of it.

tatty i use my sling around the house a lot for naps, n sooth her to sleep before putting her in basket. She only really self settles at night

splendide you don't sound thick or panicky, just very tired and worried. I think speaking to your health visitor is a good idea and also going to your gp to ask about the baby and about yourself. see what help you can get- but don't ever feel like you need to apologise for moaning here as it's what this thread is for, pretty much.

Splendide inconsolable screaming does sound rather like silent reflux or CMPI. Unless he's dehydrated I'd say it's more likely to be that than hunger - given formula is less calorific than BM mix feeding is not going to boost his intake of calories but it may well be very reassuring for you to see he's getting plenty. However if it's CMPI then normal formula made from cows milk might very well exacerbate his upset.

My DS was a screaming CMPI / refluxer - thankfully (well not thankfully but YKWIM) all of the cousins have had it so I knew that heartbreaking, near constant screaming and incessant comfort feeding was a symptom not a critique of my parenting . Once dairy was excluded from my diet and he was on reflux meds he was a different baby. Knowing our family history and not wanting 12 weeks of screaming I cut out dairy and soya on day five after birth and as a result Lil is the first of 9 cousins not to scream constantly (despite reflux), so much so the first time I really heard her cry was her 8 week jags. She's night and day different from her poor brother - so sunny and chilled.

How old is he?

Here's a horrific thought for you. Since Thursday I've been constipated and had heartburn. It's almost as if I'm pregnant again. Have actually had a little panic about that being a possibility. Condoms, urgh.

splendide one of the women at my bf group gives formula at night and it seems to be working well for her :) (however the hv who rubs the group said they arent allowed to recommend formula ?! when i asked her about it and the practicalities of both- odd!)

He gets loads of wet nappies Yellow but his weight gain isn't great. He feeds constantly but is dropping off his line so I think it might be my supply. I've just ordered a proper pump and will try to express but I'm not sure when I'll get the chance, he's always on my boobs!

The screaming stops when he feeds, would that fit with CMPI?

Goats oh wow really?!

Oh sorry he's 7 weeks.

goats that was me! I found out I was pregnant with r when ds1 was 14 weeks old. Now when I look back I think what the hell was I thinking!!!

So last night me and dp managed our first night out. It was so nice to enjoy a meal and a few drinks (ok far too many) both really suffering today though looking after four with stinking hangovers is not recommended.

Splendide the timing fits with CMPI and the fact he's on your boob constantly suggests comfort feeding to relieve tummy pain (breast milk is an antacid) as much as hunger, especially if he's just sooking and not really eating. Has he been checked for tongue tie? That's another cause of inefficient feeding. Does he have any other symptoms of CMPI - eczema, sour smelling breath, discomfort when laid flat, back arching, explosive or vinegary poos, rashes, persistent nappy rash? It often occurs in babies with midline defects - tongue tie, stork mark, cleft chin, cleft lip, sacral dimple, double crown, and there's a strong genetic component too. Any family history of allergies, eczema or colicky babies?

Break through with napping today- I've lifted the head end of her carrycot so she's on an incline and she's been asleep for 45 mins so far.
Just thought I'd share what's working tonight! Might all change tomorrow

Ok - today with a hangover is not fun. Glad it's bedtime now!!

goats!!! Really?

Splendide sorry for asking stupid questions but are you making sure he fully drains one side before switching boobs? If he was getting too much foremilk that could explain poor weight gain and screaming tummy pain. Insufficient supply is pretty rare but its very common to feel like your supply is insufficient. Chat through your options with the HV, mix feeding may help - as may seeing a breast feeding supporter to check latch, tongue tie etc. I'm so sorry you're going through this, its horrible it really is but is nothing to do with baby's feelings about you as his mummy xx

He hasn't been checked for tongue tie. He can stick his tongue right out - would that preclude it? He does some back arching. Maybe discomfort when laid flat - he certainly would rather sleep on me but he'll go on his back to sleep at night. Usually just for one stretch though.

fedup glad there is someone else in the hangover club