November 2012 - Halloween costumes anyone?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2179741-November-2012-The-nights-are-drawing-in-again

Wow brilliant news Isles! That is really exciting.

High five Isles! I love it when a plan comes together!!!!

isles that's brilliant! I'm so excited for you

Awesome isles!

Yay isles that is brilliant news.

Brilliant news isles congratulations. Looks like a great project in a fab location

I seriously dislike commuting by train when they crawl and there's no explanation. First great western, i'm talking to you.

Great news isles

Another beautiful day here but the storm is hitting the coast tomorrow. We have waterproofs and wellies

Yay isles you deserve some luck

So it's E's big appointment tomorrow. The one with the top gastro bloke at gosh. The one I have been fighting for and insisting she needs. And now....she's off the meds and eating foods that a month a go I could have only dreamed of giving her. I'm going to look like a big time wasting fraud!!

No you are not. Not at all. You are going to look like a fierce woman who had to fight a battle for her child.

Prepare a list of questions or statements you can ask to keep you focused and stop you feeling daft if it does go the way you fear.

Ask about long term issues, why it might have happened, possibilities for the third baby - that sort of thing.

Talk about the journey. A medic worth their sort should be inspired by you and still have something to add.

Thank you pass. I do have video footage of her doing her regurgitation thing which I know isn't normal. And yes it is important to know why this was happening and I guess there is no reason that it won't occur in the future. You've given me some good ideas of things to raise. Thank you. I will channel my inner quiche .

No one could have put that better pass. Go Eliza!

Good luck tomorrow Eliza I think what you went through is definitely enough to warrant a thorough investigation, especially as you need to know whether there are likely to be any long term consequences such as a predisposition to gut problems e.g. IBS.

I need a reality check here as I don't know whether I'm being paranoid. You all know about J's sleep or lack thereof. Since cutting out dairy and soya in addition to cutting out egg, J's sleep has been much better but still somewhat erratic. He would sometimes have a good stretch of a few nights' sleep throughs but I would say he sleeps through about half the time. (Not complaining as that's still a million times better than the first sixteen months of his life). However DH has been away for eleven nights and J has slept through for the last ten nights barring one brief awakening at 2 a.m. on one night. He has also been happy to go to bed, even walking upstairs by himself and getting his teddies and a story ready, rather than having to be carries up kicking and making a fuss. He isn't extra clingy and hasn't shown any sign of missing his daddy either. I'm just a bit worried that this sudden mastery of bedtimes and sleeping through coincides with his daddy being away for an extended period.

Stunt given he might associate his Dad with being shouted at in the night, when he's been in pain, which must be pretty scary - it does sound that way. Eeek don't know what to suggest.

It isn't just in the night time though. And then DS1 was shouting at J yesterday because he was making noise while DS1 was trying to pack his school bag. Don't get me wrong I shout at them too. This is a chaotic house with lots of things going on but it goes to a whole new level when DH is home. There's also a difference of opinion in that I think if you shout at your kids (apart from when they're in danger and they need to stop right now) then that's a failing as a parent and something you should strive to avoid. Obviously real life gets in the way sometimes and tempers are short or you're in a stressful situation. But DH thinks if he shouts at the kids then they deserve it because of their bad behaviour and the kids are the ones in the wrong for being difficult.

eliza good luck today. Just focus on how it was and go through that. Don't apologise for being there, explain how difficult it has been and channel in rer quiche.

stunt ((hugs)) it might be worth, (dredging up things I learnt at counselling) before the new member of the family comes along, sitting down with DH and chatting about how the end of the day can be made easier. Approach it as a team. Don't say "when you are away it is more relaxed" or " you can't shout all the time" as, understandably his defences will go up and he won't really be on board. "What can we do together to make a chaotic time easier."

It may be as well that when he is about you are worried about the atmosphere and tense, and that shows in J.

Also......if you can, get a couple of stints on your own and regroup your marriage. Go to the Belfast School of cookery for the day, it really is fun or try to get a night away.

What I think I am trying to say is forget about the kids and focus on you two working together might make a diff.

The storm has hit us over night and was NOISY. My North Face coat has come out today.

Part of the problem is definitely that he thinks he is in the right and doesn't see any need to change. He won't accept that he has issues from his childhood or that he has a problem with alcohol. Now that SS are involved he's going to have to face up to things though.

How are SS involved Stunt sorry did I miss something? I agree with Wanda about making time for you two. Easier said than done though. Will he be in charge of J's bedtimes and night wakings when the new baby comes along (which is how we work it here whilst Lil is still cluster feeding) as that sounds like a recipe for disaster unless he changes his parenting style?

Wanda I love my NF winter coat. Silly money at the time (though I got it in Go Outdoors so got a bit of a discount) but god worth every penny. Wish I'd gone for a 12 not a 10 though as I don't think it'll fit my post natal frame this winter .

Thanks all. just setting off now!

stunt haven't got time to reply properly now but I agree with the others and that you need to try and have a conversation with DH and an action plan in place before DC4 comes along. The cookery thing wanda suggested sounds like great fun. Obviously nothing will be solved over night but opening communication channels by doing something adult and fun is a good starting point.

Yes DS1 reported DH to SS, we had a SW and a police officer out last week to interview DS1. DH has been out of the country for a couple of weeks so they haven't spoken to him yet. I'm hoping it will all be okay. We're already in the 'system' as it were as DS1 had therapy a few years back and my HV has been closely involved with the family with regard to my depression and J's food/sleep issues. So at least there is a history there of us asking for help when it has been needed, I'm hoping that will make the process easier.

Just to be clear though, these issues with the shouting only started after J was born, he never would have shouted at DS1 and DS2 when they were babies.

Can I ask why ds1 reported him?

Agree with others, you need to have a plan for now and for when the baby comes along.

eliza good luck

Lily he told his form tutor his father hit him and shouted at him and it was his form tutor that reported it. The worst that DS1 has ever had is a smack on the bottom which, while not acceptable, is a fat cry from physical abuse. The shouting has been a real problem though and I think it is something that needs to be addressed. DH will not seek help, he had ADs once and swore never again, and his mum had CBT once and said it made things worse so he won't consider counselling either. Ironically we've just been asked to attend a parenting course for DS2 because of the issues he's having with his learning difficulties. IMO that would be a great idea to help us get back on track with our parenting skills but DH reckons that's a waste of time too.

*far cry

How difficult situation, I don't even know what to advise. Just hope you are all ok. ((Hugs))