March 2013 - by the time we finish this one we'll be shopping for elf outfits. Eek!

[ecofreckle]

Here we go again then ladies. Plenty more shiny new space to fill up with ramblings :-) Link to last thread

Well done, and good luck!

Mental lists are a great invention. I'm a big fan. I'm never quite that reasoned when I burn dinner though. I usually just swear

Second day of rest today, and I feel like a new person. I reckon I'll be fine on my own again tomorrow. It's nursery day as well, so that's only half a day really. Piece of cake. What amazes me is the Toddle appears to be immune to HFM. I can only assume she's already had it, but a mild version that we took to be something else.

What's totally weird, is my cutlery refusing, food refusing, texture fussy child is now happy with a spoon and a fork, and eating literally everything. I can't get my head round it. Somewhere along the line it would appear she has grown up secret sob

How's everyone else this rainy Wednesday? Busy and happy I hope

Good for you Plonky. The newborn photos suck you in as they are too cute but it'll take you a while to set up so sensible to try something else, in case it suits you well. If not, you tried and will have the photography to fall back on.

Hope the HFM clears up soon Worse - doesn't sound likr you're having a fun time at the mo but it'll get better. I've found sharing my problems with strangers has been the most theraputic.

Not much to report here apart from some marathon efforts to get DD to sleep at night - mostly an hour or so with several wake ups in the evening and overnight. Not had a decent nights' sleep for a while...

Oh any, Yuck. Sleep deprivation 18 months down the line is no fun. Hopeful for you that it's a quick passing phase. Seeing your business photos on Facebook has been nice. You've got some lovely ideas.

Worse did you inherit your strength or is it a learned thing? Ill, pregnant, toddler mothering, on brink of life changing move, absent dh and arguments sounds like a hard combo. No wonder you have been pantry heavy recently. I think we can all relate to that feeling of too many things being on your plate and most of us have a good old moan about it which, as any says, is therapeutic. Do you went to friends in real life? Hope you didn't have to deal with that little lot last week on your lonesome. And, was dh on a massive hike with your toddle in the rain or do you have a shop nearby? I only remember fields and gateways and not much in the way of retail therapy

Stormy, not going to beat around the bush, how's your bum? Great work on the first poo Have you got some lactulose to keep things, er, favourable? And, just thinking of drama and moaning, do you ever have a paddy about toddle life? I can recall you being annoyed with the man for various manly inadequacies and at father in law for coming from the stone age but can't really think of you having domestic breakdowns like the rest of us. Maybe you've got the strong gene too. Or else you have found your vocation.

Wotta in my mind you are sjp from sex and the city. Rushing around everywhere being glamorous. I'm sure it doesn't feel like that. Any more thoughts on the possible move?

Something hello love. How's school this week? Do I take it. you're working with secondary age my nemesis? Hats off to you. Are they fun? Have you got used to your new schedule yet?

Shattered, hello to you too petal. Can't recall what's going down way out west with you. How are things and how is the toddle? I bloody missed that red or dead
clutch you know! Out of stock! How rude. Got plenty of other tat though

Yummy I'm thinking today is a work day for you? How's your milk monster? I love being able to put a smiley face to your name now.

Gerry! Oh gerry! Your dh's gain is our loss. We miss you.

I'm in bath after a pretty hectic week. I had two deadlines for work brought forward, one by couple of days, but one by ten days. That's bloody rude. They don't realise that working mother's time is planned down to the last minute. They just don't get that. I managed to arrange an extra child minded day today so had some time to try and get on top of things. Failed but am at least further on.

Had a nice play date late afternoon. It seems that Ecotod has grasped the notion of things being hers. She didn't share very willingly at all Anyone else seeing that?

My night away from her was fine. I had a slight wobble when I thought I'd get back too late to even see her the following day but luckily I did. I wasn't ready for the double whammy. Took the blasted breast pump and was pretty amazed to see that my boobs do actually dole out milk. As I said, conference all paid for now so my three night mini break in the lakes where I get to immerse myself in gorgeous scenery and stimulating seminars is on

I made fairy cakes this morning after breakfast and before childminder. You know those paper cases you buy for truffles? They make cute toddle sized cakes :-) Oh, and speaking of which, dh is away in London tonight so don't anyone mention the bake off! I'm waiting until tomorrow night to catch up on it with him.

Just jumping into say I agree with eco no spoilers for bake off please. I am watching it tomorrow night.

I had a rubbish day at work today and have no energy mentally or physically to write a long post. Will catch up with you all tomorrow.

Hi all! We are back in sunny England after our Florida trip. Our holiday was absolutely amazing and it's so hard to be back home to the daily grind. DD had an awesome time - she behaved so well on the long flights and adapted to the time zone change better than we did. Its totally given us the bug to travel more as a family so we are already booking our next holiday skiing for next year.

It seemed like DD grew up into a little girl while we were away - she had an absolute explosion with language which means we can actually have a toddler like discussion. She also tells stories like "dragon, fire, breath, roar, hot, hot, oh no, fly, sky, people on, ride, fly, yay!" - translation: DD watched clips from harry potter movie when they break into gringotts and escape on the dragon over and over while mummy and daddy took lots of turns on the harry potter ride at Universal!

eco well done on first night away. How did the settling to sleep with no breastfeed go for you DP? DD is really aware of thing belonging to her too now - she will tell you very clearly that "this mine!". She also demands to do everything "self self" and calls herself by her own name which is very cute. Unfortunately on holiday she wanted to swim by "self self" and wouldn't let us touch her so we had to stay in the baby pool! I just love this toddler phase and being able to communicate makes life so much easier although we also have tantrums because I guess they now totally understand not getting their own way!

worse I'm sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time. Pregnancy and toddler combo sound exhausting without everything else you have been dealing with. Sending you best wishes and hope you manage to get lots of rest in when you can.

plonky exciting news about applying for the new job. I'm currently in the interview process for a new job and it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. Would mean some big life changes for us as a family but I really feel up for taking on a new challenge for myself and I'm feeling ready to spread my wings a bit more again.

sorry I have missed lots people but hopefully will be able to potter round on here more now I'm back.

I am seething. I joined a Facebook group for breastfeeding older babies and someone in it posted a drawing of a baby breastfeeding with such a fecking offensive caption that I waded in and said my piece. I NEVER do that sort of thing But I'll be leaving that group for sure. I am so bloody . I think I should go and seek a glass of something Vouvray. Knobs.

Rainbow if you're on the same group it's the comments more than the stupid drawing/caption that get to me. I'd be interested to hear your take on whether giving up breastfeeding to help your own mental health is valid. I think it is. I have pnd but haven't given up yet. I think perhaps because there are people out there who judge. Gah! You're a sensible woman, tell me they're being a bit martyr like.

Sorry everyone to infuse our chat with the boring old breastfeeding bollocks.

As they say: as you were.

Cross post rainbow! You sound chipper! Great that you had an awesome trip. Sorry to welcome you back with a ranty post

And rainbow, she settled well for her daddy. Our current routine is milk downstairs with mummy then upstairs to bath with daddy ahead of stories so the milk element isn't (now) a part of her actually getting to sleep. We don't Cosleep. We experimented with it way
way back and it didn't seem to work for her or I (dh was oblivious!). I guess as she's not helping herself overnight it was likely to be a fairly fuss free event my going away. For her at least

eco I saw that poster too and it made me angry but I thought someone reposted it into that group from somewhere else and said that it was unacceptable which it certainly is so I'm not leaving on that basis as there is some good advice on the group which I appreciate and generally I found the support to be really balanced and non judgemental. However I agree with your point of view. There were times in early days of breastfeeding when my nipples were cracked and bleeding, I was in agony and DD occasionally drank blood accidentally when suckling to hard on my broken breasts - I came close to throwing in the towel but I had amazing support with my private midwives that got me through it. But it taught me a valuable lesson in not judging and just being the best parent you can be in the circumstances that life throws at you. Nobody can know what someone else goes through. Just like no one knows the pain they cause me when they ask me if DD is my "first". It makes me angry at the lack of support women sometimes show each other. That's why I love this group!

Thank you dear rainbow. From now on you'll be my breastfeeding buddy because I know you are sane and reasonable. Someone just said 'if it's IMPORTANT to you you'll find a way' meaning that in the face of the pnd struggles if I give up I'll be not considering breastfeeding to be important. I think I need to step away from the screen now but

Rainbow your holiday sounds wonderful, and I'm slightly in awe at how well you managed the journey. I think we made more of a meal of our drive oop north! DD's language skills are fabulous, I can't wait until the toddle catches up. She isn't really speaking English yet, just a very enthusiastic version of doidy goidy talk.

Eco well done on making the break. Your conference away should be a breeze now, and an enjoyable one. I love the Lakes, just gorgeous, especially at this time of year when the autumn colours are setting in and the tourists have pi55ed off.

As for bf-ing and FB posts, ignore ignore ignore. The whole bf-ing debate brings out some utter weirdness in a small minority of people. I had no idea until I joined MN and came across some frankly mad posts. You do what works for you and dd, and the rest don't matter.

Any good luck for tonight. We're on epic settles too, but overnight wakes are tailing off, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. The 18 month mental leap has a lot to answer for.

As for me, I'm ok! Been through the wringer a bit, but in all honesty it's just sleep deprivation. Thinking about it a combination of pregnancy insomnia, need to pee wakes and toddle wakes has had me surviving on at most 2 hours a night. 2 days of lazing about has proved most restorative.

Stormy I echo Eco. How's the derriere? Good I hope!

Night all. Sleep well.

"If it's important to you you'll find a way" is a sentiment that makes my blood boil. Some of us don't. Some of us develop pnd that probably began with our inability to feed our babies. Oh no wait, I obviously just made excuses. Actually this doesn't make me as angry as it did a year ago, it just makes me mentally write off huge swathes of mothers as the breastapo.

On a happier note - Eco so pleased the night away was good. I had a hunch it would be. Quite jealous of a jaunt to the lakes in autumn, even though it's a work thing. I've only driven through and would love a holiday up there.
Oh and co sleeping is no fun at this age. He's a complete wriggle bum and I often wake up with a bum in my face. And sometimes it's a trumpy bum.
Rainbow glad the holiday was good. How's dd with the jet lag? And my word, what language skills!

We're quite doidy goidy here too Worse. Although he did spend a few minutes pointing out all the doors at nursery at pick up this afternoon. This involved stomping off, shouting 'do! do!' Then spinning on the spot for awhile. And pleased to hear you're feeling better rested now, despite the broken nights. Have you yet had complete strangers telling you how shit newborns are at everything? The whole 'put your feet up while you can' brigade? Or the opposite - sympathetic looks? These people used to give me the rage. But she's cracked what food is for and that it is yummy eh? Go on the Worselet! Baked beans are the food of the gods, don't knock em. You could be very worthy and make your own version. Or you could open a tin of Heinz and file your nails

Any hopefully the sleep regression will pass quickly. It's not fun. It lasted a good few weeks in this house and kind of just tailed off. He does routinely seem to wake at 2.30 now, but after 4-5 wakes a night I'll take just one. Been meaning to ask you, how long did it take you to get your business off the ground?

Ha ha ha Eco! I wish! If I'm like sjp it's in 'I don't know how she does it' - all the finance crap and time management issues but no option on Pierce Brosnan either (not that he's really my type ).

I've taken the morning off tomorrow to do 4 viewings - with dm and DS on tow this could be interesting!

Ooh, lots of cross posts! Sorry. But hi Rainbow glad holiday was fun .

plonky your comments about co-sleeping at this age made me laugh. DH regularly gets kicked out of bed and sometimes I find DD draping herself over me snuffling to find milk like a truffle piggy! You should try get hold of the book "The biggest bed in the world" - fun read with the little one. Jet lag has been fine. On the way there it took just one day to adjust - coming home has been harder with three nights of 10:30pm wake ups asking for dinner :p but we seem to cracked it tonight so that's good. Although definitely going through some sort of sleep regression or teeth because DD is sleeping really restlessly recently - hopefully pass soon!

Wotta maybe more post baby Miranda than carrie? Miranda gets the best bloke anyway.

Hehe boob truffle snuffler

Oh god the teeth! We had 8 two weeks ago. Since the he's cut a whole molar and two more on the way. No sign of incisors yet though gums are bright white. Lots of disturbed sleep and random difficult mealtimes. I keep adding calpol which does seem to help.

And yes Plonky. Thinking about it you're probably onto something...

(Still loving being compared to sjp at all, and being called glamorous. Even if my someone on tinternet who's never met me possibly not irrelevant)

Morning all, and welcome back rainbow, glad the holiday was fun. You're braver than I am, flying that far with a toddler!

An update on my bum status, for those who wonder: oh god it hurts and pooing is terrifying. And really reminiscent of labour. That moment where your body's pushing and you're fighting it because it's going to hurt like buggery, but you realise the only way round this one is through. At least with labour you usually get a baby afterwards. All I'm getting is painful throbbing.

eco you've rumbled me - I done have pantry moments these days. Partly because Fartypants is much less stressful now she's mobile and communicating, but mainly because the man and I are splitting leisure time equally, and neither of us has yet found work. The day splits into three shifts, morning, afternoon, and tea-bath-clean-bed. I'm on parenting duty during the morning shift, he is in the afternoon, then it's all hands on deck for the third shift and we're done and dusted and ready to relax by 7pm. Not a lot of room for stress in there, really, as he's proving perfectly competent domestically.

My battery is about to give up, so apologies for missed namechecks.

Right, this is getting ridiculous. I've written two fantastically eloquent posts in the last 24 hours and they've disappeared into the ether! Pants.

Worse, for you I have a very large and virtual cuppa and hug and a very small bollocking. Sleep deprived complaints, marital strife and pantry moments are the very foundations of this thread and should be shared freely and without fear. We love a good moan and although our advice may never be as good as yours except maybe Eco we can give it a bash! I'm glad to hear that so far this week is a bit less pantry-based thus far! My only other advice goes against your general dietary themes but sugar and caffeine are fantastic crutches for sleep deprivation!

Eco, that would have made my blood boil too. I also don't want you to feel you can't come on here with breastfeeding chat, we may not have any useful advice but we'll be on your side! Well done on the night away too, it's a big step and sounds like it went really well all round. The trip to the lakes will be grand too. I love it up there, especially in autumn and winter!

Rainbow what a fantastic holiday for you all! I'm so glad it was so lovely. It makes me think that long haul with a toddle might not be such a terrible idea. I'm so impressed with your DDs speech too. Madam's was just gobbledigook for ages but over the last two weeks she's been getting a few new words every day which is just magical to hear. She's hilarious. The dog is still called Woof but she is now either "silly Woof" or "Woof....shoooo" or "Woof duddle" (cuddle). I love seeing these changes happen. I could do without the tantrums though!!! I loved hearing about the truffle shuffle though, I used to like that bit of co-sleeping, so cute!

Any good luck with the sleeping. It's a bloody nightmare isn't it! DD now sleeps through most nights but only settles if DH puts her to bed and settles her. If it's me she screams the place down and clings to me and the whole process takes hours and is a bloody nightmare. I spend large amounts of time hoping he'll be here!

Stormy life sounds like it's going well at the moment and DP has stepped up. I'm so pleased for you all. It makes such a difference feeling that all is equal!

I am having a fortnight of woe. First the shoulder, then the toe (which is black and points in a slightly awkward direction) and now I've found myself a nice vomiting bug. Yesterday the mini-one was completely neglected while I felt sorry for myself on the sofa and she pottered around with her toys and the wonder that is Peppa Pig. Luckily Granny jumped on a bus and three hours later was on hand for cuddles for us both! She's in nursery today so I've sent Granny out for shopping and lunch before she picks her up early and I'm snuggled on the sofa for a Neighbours marathon!

Can I have some opinions please? DH and I have been in a terrible place for the last few months and I feel like we're starting to get on track a bit but could really do with spending a bit of time together. We've got a week booked off in November and are thinking of going away for 5 days without DD. In some ways that sounds lovely but I'm worried that as DD is so clingy to me at the moment that she'll be sad and find it difficult. If I'm around she's clung to me at all times but if she's with my parents and I'm not there she loves it and is a little star for them. What do you all think? What would you do in a similar situation?

Wotta the teeth are a total bastard. We've had stupidly early mornings this week, and I'm sure it's the teeth that are yet to make an appearance. I mean, do we even really need canines in this day and age?!

Stormy remember your breathing and maybe get on the dried fruit.

Betty you poor soul! Thank heavens Granny's arrived to save the day. I have a theory about grannies - they're actually magic.
As for going away, well I would do it. Five days will seem like a long way to be away at the time but really, what's five days? In the length of a marriage it's surely a drop in the ocean. Say you didn't go, and DD got to cling to your leg for five days but your marriage stays in the place it is now. Or, you leave DD with people she's already well attached to, and facetime her every day you're away but manage to repair your bond with DH. Which do you think DD will thank you for in 20 years time?

Sorry that's a bit doom and gloom! I just think a little perspective when it comes to Big Shit like this can be useful.

I'm friggin freezing. I refuse to have the heating on higher than 18C when it's just me in the house, but it means I'm considering going and having a very hot bath and can't concentrate on my work. Rather an own goal, I fear.

Plonky my working at home keep warm trick is down Gillet and a hot water bottle on my lap. That generally does the trick. You get so cold just sitting don't you. When is deadline for job applications? That's when you're likely to hear when your interview is. Exciting times.

Betty do it. I agree with wise owl Plonky. We're off to the lakes together in February for a four day, three night sleep mini break. Dd will be with sister and
her family. We'll try an overnighter before then just to test water. It's very important to take some time. Especially when you guys have such demanding jobs. Do you have anywhere in mind? Can I recommend http://www.annshill.co.uk Ann's Hill Again! It's great for, shall we say, couples

[ www.annshill.co.uk]

Ha ha. I can't do clicky links on my phone apparently. Duffer.

Betty Go! That's an order. Well a low key nicely toned polite request kind of order. The break will do you and DH the world of good, and allow you to relax, de-stress, and enjoy a bit of child free time. The rest will follow from there, I can pretty much guarantee it. As for dd it'll do her the world of good as well. The thing about this clingy phase, it doesn't happen when you aren't in the room. Toddlers are remarkably adaptable. Plus she'll be with people she knows and trusts, which will make it an easy transition. When we left the toddle with GPs for an overnight we were convinced she'd miss us, cry, stress out and be generally difficult. She had a ball. I was almost offended .

As for me, I know, I know, but everything that has been getting me down seems so insignificant in the light of the very real and traumatic events going on in the world. I don't really have worries, but I'll share

First DH, we're not fighting, or even arguing, it's just the past, which I have bored you all with enough before. One of the main ways I dealt with it at the time was to take each and every cruel, cutting, hurtful, soul destroying fact, deal with it, accept it, and move on from it. It's what you have to do to stop yourself obsessing and going mad. The only problem with this is when something comes to light that wasn't on that list, it reopens everything.

So, that's where I am now. Apparently they didn't meet meet in London like I assumed, they met in Frankfurt. Apparently they didn't see each other mainly in New York when he was there on business, again they met mainly in Frankfurt. Apparently she wasn't the victim I thought she was, he didn't hound her, she spend £5k on airfares following him round the world. That has incensed me, but with him, not her. I knew he'd given her £5k. I assumed it was keep your mouth shut money (pretty unpalatable in itself). It was worse, it was proof of a double betrayal. Somehow I could deal with it easier when I thought it was 100% his fault, but now I know she just as much to blame that hurts more. I felt sorry for her. Now I feel betrayed by her. This probably makes no sense to anyone other than someone who has lived through it.

So I threw him out, because I felt I couldn't stay married to him a second a longer. Irrational, illogical, non-sensical, but entirely where my head was at.

He's done nothing wrong though, if anything guilt makes him over compensate and drop everything for me all the time. He will literally walk out mid meeting and come home if I need him. He does as much as he can at home, and takes the toddle the second he walks in the door in the evening. He doesn't even get changed first, and regularly skips dinner to look after her. He constantly asks 'what can I do to make it better?'. The thing is, there is nothing he can do, as he's already doing it, it's just a case of me not getting tired and run down, and making myself mentally vulnerable.

Then there is the investment. It's a huge sum. It's DH's dream, but the idea scares me rigid. I have the deciding vote and the pressure of that is a fairly big deal in itself, as it is basically down to me whether we do this. Could we make it work? Yes, no brainer, DH has the skill, contacts, and drive, no question. Would it be tough? Yes, of course, and stressful. I think I'd find moving the hardest. I've made myself a support network here, close friends who'd do anything for me, and vice versa. I like where we live - edge of a village, 10 min walk to the primary school, 20 min walk to the high street with the doctor, dentist, post office, supermarket, butcher, senior school.... basically everything you could possibly need day to day. I don't want to move somewhere where everything is a car drive away, and I have no close neighbours. So I'm very torn. Apparently we wouldn't necessarily have to move, but if we didn't our debt levels would be off the scale. I'm not good with off scale anything. Our mortgage when we first moved here was so high it made me sick. I had to go into mental denial to cope.

Then there's the constant sickness and insomnia. These two are why the other two are getting me down. After two days proper rest I actually look different, and feel really quite calm about everything else. I can see I'm being ridiculous about DH - what happened happened, he is sorry, he does everything he can to make it better, and we've worked through it so why reopen old wounds? The investment, harder, but why the rush? Even if we offered it'd take months to complete, and the place isn't even on the open market yet. Once it is I suspect the whole idea might be academic. If developers start sniffing round the price will go way off beam. It'd make a beautiful high end conversion.

So that's my completely self indulgent 1st world problem moan. You can see why I've sat on it. I have a very privileged life, with a lovely dd and a very devoted DH and a healthy pregnancy. My issues are all in the past, it wasn't so rosy then, and they should be left there.