March 2013 - by the time we finish this one we'll be shopping for elf outfits. Eek!

[ecofreckle]

Here we go again then ladies. Plenty more shiny new space to fill up with ramblings :-) Link to last thread

Oh Worse, none of those are first world problems. First world problems are when Waitrose runs out of bulghar wheat and you have to substitute it with giant couscous. Having your heart broken, mending it again through sheer will, determination and sacrifice while keeping yourself and your dignity intact and then having to heal little bits of those same wounds over again is a life-changing thing to live through and although you are right and having made the decision to move on you have to move on from this too, you deserve the time to feel it. I think you're amazing. I would even give you my last rolo.

As for the investment, think about if it is the right thing for you and DD as well as for DH. You've given up a lot to start your life over where you are and not wanting to do that again is valid. There will always be other opportunities and there will always be one that is right for you all.

Now to the woes of pregnancy. The product of pregnancy is amazing, we are all so lucky to have this amazing little toddles that bring us joy, tears, terror and all the bits in between but that doesn't change the fact that pregnancy itself sucks. It is shit. It doesn't mean it isn't worth it but my God does it suck ass. It's like having the energy sucked out of you just when you need it most. Bleugh. Have a hug, a caffeinated beverage and a snooze. If only I could get away with writing that on an NHS prescription pad.

Eco, Plonky and Worse you are all of course correct. Thank you Plonk for putting it into context. We're going to go. Eco I can't stand to tell you where because it might actually be the least eco place on earth but I want to lie on my ass in hot sand and be pampered.

Worse I agree with Betty. Your emotions regarding are totally valid, and it's right that you take the time to work through. You thought your issues were put to bed, and they kind of are because DH sounds great, but then you go and find out all this new stuff that makes you relive it all. That on top of being on the brink of not one but two big life changes, plus feeling shitty...Well it's amazing you get up of a morning!

Dr Plonky concurs with actualDrBetty's treatment.

Oh go on Betty tell us where you're whizzing off to!

Oh my golly, you're all chatty bunnies, it's so hard to keep up!

worse Although I have no words of advice, and I realise you're not necessarily asking for some, I'd just like to tell you how brave and strong I think you are. You've been through, and are currently going through, a whole lot of a lot, and I think you're somewhat of a wonder woman. I think you have every right to feel the way you do; if you're feeling those feelings, then they're certainly valid.

eco I am feeling better this week. Still not completely got my head round the change of schedule/routine, I miss having whole days off with DS and who in their right mind wants to work 5 days in a row? Even if they are only half days. I do enjoy our mornings together though, and roll on half term in just over 2 weeks. I'm glad your night away was a success. And your conference sounds like a mini vacay. I'm somewhat envious.

betty I think the 5 days away together sounds lovely, and I insist you go for peace of mind, back-on-trackness, and a nice break.

One of my BFs has had her teeny, tiny, squishy, squashy newborn baby boy and I'm going to meet him tomorrow. I fear for my ovaries; I neeeeed another baby. I also neeeeeed to start my own business, I think. I've realised since having DS, I've not enjoyed anything other than the time I had with him all day every day and night. I always thought I'd be the kind of mum who would be grateful to return to work but the truth is, I'd do anything to stay at home with him. I'm sure those of you who do would have stories to put me off but la la la I'm not listening. DP and I had a chat recently about whether we could survive on one income, and we could, but we'd have to give up certain luxuries and we love our life as it is too much to do that just yet. My mum used to run a business, which was quite a successful florist/balloon thing, and I'm considering asking her to help me set it back up so that I can take it over. I've said it before, I'll say it again, I HATE sitting behind a desk.

On the doidy goidy note, it's the BEST. I love hearing his babbles and trying to decipher them. I particularly enjoyed this morning of "juice, juice, juice" which didn't mean, "please can I have my juice?", it meant "can I have that empty Ribena bottle on the window sill and here, let me give you the juice, yes now put that in the bottle, top it up with water and give it to me. What do you think you're doing putting the lid on? I need to drink it straight from the bottle, here, watch me scurry off with it." Obvs.

Hi all

I have missed a lot.

Betty hope you get better soon. I think this will be it though. They say things come on threes. Enjoy your couples trip. Go on tell us where you are going so we can get jealous. Dd will be fine. She will have lots of fun with GP's.

wotta I have never house hunted so I think it is really exciting viewing other peoples houses. I am one of those people who snoop on property websites. I do wonder some people don't tidy before photos are put up on these websites.

plonky good luck on your job search.

eco I am glad your night away went well.

rainbow your holiday sounds great. We can't make it across London without ds getting miserable and attempting to undo the car harness.

I wanted to post a lot more but dinner and ds is calling. Ds had a rash on his thighs but funnily enough seems to have cleared.

worse I wanted to say you are such an amazing and strong woman. I just want to give you a big squeeeeeze.

Aw thanks guys, you are so sweet, and it did help to off load! I don't talk to anyone in RL about any of this, because as far as everyone is concerned everything is over and done with and we are happy, and to be honest 99.9% of the time that is true. The occasional wobble I keep private.

Betty I love your definition of a first world problem. That is literary gold! I may steal it . Your holiday sounds perfect go on, tell us where it is

Oh and plonky I forgot to say beanz definitely meanz Heinz. Home made? Never! It'd be wrong. Just wrong. DD concurs.

worse just wanted to agree with all who have highlighted your strength and resilience. I have no idea was I would do it your situation but certainly wouldn't be able to manage to deal with everything with such grace and determination!

yummy car journeys are tough with DD too but she thankfully loved the plane - lots more room to wriggle and also mummy and daddy's rules about no watching any TV and no sugar went totally out of the window so she had a ball!

betty your trip sounds amazing. If DD wasn't a boob monster then DH and I would love a night away (although not without wobbles on my part). As it is we settle for one afternoon off together somewhere fun on a weekend on a quarterly basis. Last one was last month we went to have a couples massage and then out for an early dinner. Its so lovely to have couple time although we both missed DD every second!

Plonky how you feeling today? Other than cold and a bit bored of technical TV stuff. Did you bathe?

Worse I get you with regards those discoveries sending you into a pit of anger again. I think when you first find out its awful and confusing because you are filling in gaps for yourself, daring to think the worst, head spinning with as yet unanswered questions. There follows a period where you find out facts and get really angry about those details. And for me at least, over time you reconcile those facts, become familiar with them and lose the uncertainty. Now if that long held 'truth' changes sometime later I can see why you'd have a massive wobble. He was a pig.. The very least you need is the truth. I would be furious and wobbly as hell now if I discovered further details about an affair that happened seven years ago in a relationship I'm no longer in! So don't feel bad about your reaction. It was a good reaction probably....processing stuff is better than burying head in sand/letting it fester. And another thing (!) if a person is sad or feeling bad they have the right to share it no matter where in the global pecking order the problem sits. The important thing is that someone is sad not whether the cause is ok on mumsnet. We're normal in here. Unlike many many other threads. They're the silly ones. I feel strongly about this. Always have. Share away everyone. We all benefit from sharing our sadnesses.

Yummy I get a rash on my thighs from my hot water bottle. It looks like red and white mottled salami. Yuck. Glad ds' has cleared up.

Right. Need to wash hair and get on down to the bake off because my honey is home

And rainbow I like your plane style The novelty factor worked then! Result. What did she like on the tablet?

Eco that rash from the hot water bottle is called Erythema ab igne. That, ladies, is my fact of the day.

Night all!

Betty whatever would we do without you?! I might airily drop that into conversation some time. It will probably take a fair amount of engineering of said conversation to manage it, but hey, didn't I say I was up for a challenge.

Eco yup, it is indeed maddening, but mostly because I assumed these facts based on where herself lived and his travel schedules. However, what have I really discovered....? That she wasn't a victim. That should really make me feel a bit better shouldn't it? It does explain a few things. Did I ever tell you the story of the tie? With the benefit of hindsight that was quite funny. Post me discovering I was pregnant, and DH telling her this, a few random weird things started to happen, the funniest of which was a big parcel I received. Large box, from Frankfurt, to be signed for, plastered with her name, address etc, containing..... one tie, wrapped in tissue paper bulked out with packing to fill the box. Utterly bizarre. If she's reading this, I'm so busted . I can only assume it was to freak me out, which it did... but it could have been much worse. At least it wasn't a horse's head.

I'm actually ok about it all now.

Right, time to get out for some fresh air as the toddle is at nursery so I'm a free agent

Happy Friday all

Oh bllcks I killed the thread...

A whole hour of pushing the pram round the field today to get the toddle down for a nap. I don't know what they feed her at that nursery, but it sure does keep her awake. Actually I do. Today it was 2 bowls of curry. Might explain something...

It's my big night out tonight, wish me luck. Actually scrap that, wish the baby sitter luck. Given the afternoon nap didn't start until 3pm, she's in for a rough evening. I feel bad, but not bad enough to cancel. The whole trip is a little mad to be honest, because thinking logistics I'll not get more than an hour at the bar before I have to leave to catch the train home again. Oh well, it's an outing.

worse have you considered just skipping the nap on nursery days? Obviously it could be a disaster, but worth a try. Anecdotes to help sway you: middle niece went to nursery in the morning and Granny's in the afternoon from eight months, and she wouldn't nap at nursery at all, and Granny was too soft to insist on naps. She tended to go to bed by half five or six o'clock and was out for the count until seven in the morning. Then there's the littlest niece. Nursery three days a week and they're lucky to get a fifteen minute nap out of her, so she's flat out by 6pm, and she catches up with three hour naps on non nursery days.

Can't remember everything else, everyone's been so chatty these past few days. Betty I'm glad you're going for the few days away. It'll do you a world of good to just be a couple for a few days. Plonk I'm keeping my fingers and my gingers crossed for the job. For everyone else I bring , , and an apology for my abysmal memory!

We have nursery not sleep and home lots of sleep. He seems ok like that.

Stormy I think any other day I'd have been tempted, but I really needed a shower before I went out, so persevered! She has skipped the nap a couple of times. First time she fell asleep face down in her dinner, literally, which was funny but did rather mess up proper bedtime. Second she pushed through until 8pm. 50:50 chance of success then.

Evening was fab, and as the sitter was early I got an earlier train so had loads of time in London. The toddle also had a fantastic evening. She adores the sitter, which gives me a nice feeling about the nursery. Couldn't stop laughing and showing off when she arrived, ate all her dinner, played nicely all evening, and was asleep by 8.30pm! So it's only her parents she monkeys about for then

Hope everyone else has and pizza, or something nice and is enjoying their Friday night.

Grinning at the mental image of the Worslet snoring into her fish pie. Can I recommend looking into a secure space for her before babax arrives? I'm guessing you can't shower while she's awake because she needs constant supervision, which is not going to be easy with two of them. Personally I swear by the playpen. How I would be coping with the daily forty five minutes of agony that is constipated pooing with a wounded bum if Fartypants was in the room and trying to play with the cat litter, I have no idea.

Stormy it was really funny. Why is there never a camera to hand when you need it?

I am currently tearing my hair out over where I can put her to keep her out of trouble. We have a playpen, but she can now climb out of it. Ditto the cot. The house isn't exactly helpful on this front either as most of the rooms have fireplaces, or steps, or both, along with various other elements specifically designed to entice and damage a small inquisitive toddler. Utter mare. So the nap.... that's for my benefit not hers!

I am cringing at your bum situation. A new and very uncomfortable form of dire rear. I have two words for you. Oat bran. It doesn't taste great, but if you can stomach a big bowl of it every morning your life will improve. Look on it as medicine if you like. Add prunes if you are desperate

I have a question, why is Paul Hollywood on the home page, and when is someone going to remove him? Odious man. He looks like our builder, who is also a Paul, but far less odious. I vote for a swap.

It would appear that I have run out of things to say. A first surely. I must be sickening for something.

We gave up the play pen as soon as he got mobile as he flat out hated being confined. Now, if I need to do something without the cling on, I bung him in the very childproof living room and close the stair gate. Is there no room whatsoever you could put a gate across?

Does anyone else has a sleep hating child? He used to snuggle up every naptime and bedtime but this week, without fail, he's tensed up and screamed every time I put him in bed. He's clearly very tired but all of a sudden hates the cot!

I was thinking stairgate across the doorway of the most toddler friendly room too. And a fireguard would stop fireplaces being accessible.

Sleep still mostly fine here. Lots of late risings thanks to later dawns. She's recently taken to holding the bottle herself, which leaves me feeling a tad redundant. And the Fair's here and so bloody noisy that when she woke up missing Zebra at half nine last night, she couldn't get back to sleep for an hour and a half. No screaming, so no advice there, sorry.

Hello Something, dipping in to say try lots of cot play for the next week. Get a favourite cuddly and play with it between the bars, play peeka boo, tickle him and generally fool around with him in cot. Maybe at nappy change time or when waking from naps and sleeps. I think this tactic helps them realise that mummy approves of cot and if mummy approves it must be a safe place. That's what I would have a go at.

And worse, we got one of those lindam room dividers. They can be play pens but they can also separate out and be attached to two opposite points on walls, perhaps across width of room or across a corner. Could you perhaps use that to section off a safe space or do you think dd would climb that too? It'd be a good investment with another on the way.

We live in a tiny rented two up two down and dh, Ecotod and I had his mum, sister, 3 year old niece and 1 year old nephew to STAY. That really pressed my buttons and is what renders me unable to respond more fully to everyone at this time. I need to seek a quiet place to bang my impatient, anxious head against a wall

I could frigging kill DH

Came in drunk, played PlayStation noisily and woke you and ds?How are you feeling now it's a new day, still ? Hoping he makes amends today

Apologies for the very me me me post I'm about to write. I will attempt to namecheck everyone first.

Worse your night out sounds great. As for toddle safety I also have one room in the house that I plonk ds in for up to 15 mins without supervision. I've never been one for showering at night and even if I were I'd still have to pop him in there on occasion for my own sanity. It's his bedroom and completely child proof with a safety gate.

Stormy that sounds, erm, shit. Maybe you could go yo the dr tomorrow for lactulose?

Eco tell us about your full house. How many eclairs were needed to get you through with sanity in tact.

Right. DH. Been a star all week. Weekends seem to defeat him however, and we've had three consecutive weekends with his folks. We're here now because dbil is running the half marathon this morning, and has asked us to support him. Logistics are tricky this time - ds definitely too big for the travel cot, and also teething. No spare beds in the house so were also room sharing with ds.

I bet you can see where this is going.

We came to bed at 11. Dh made lots of noise and turned lights on, was being very sweet and chatty. I drifted off. Ds woke us at 12 having what looked like a night terror. Glazed eyes and going from sleeping well to screaming bloody murder in an instant. Dh is crap at dealing with these and immediately hoisted him out of his cot and tried to settle him, then, this is the bit I have a problem with, shouted at ds. I told him to stop, he told me to actually do something. We must have woke the whole house. Mil popped some water for ds through the door. I calmed ds down and tried to settle him with us, all the while dh laying into me about this being my fault because I like it and rod back etc. ds refuses to settle for about 30 mins with a few attempts trying to get him back in the cot. At one point dh tried to hold him still in the cot causing ds to turn his volume to 11. mil then texts me to say she's made up the sofa bed. I go fetch ds some milk, tell dh he'd better be ready in the morning with an apology and decamp to the sofa bed where I still am.

I've had 4 hours sleep. I imagine dh has had similar. Why on earth the pa when were both half asleep I don't know, but am furious with him. We now have to go and support my sister and dbil through their ordeal and hide this pathetic but very real problem. The level of control he tries to exert over ds has shocked me, and his language towards me because ds is a teething toddler is disgusting.

Sorry for the rambling essay. It's this sort of behaviour that truly jeopardises our relationship and I wonder if he's ever going to learn how to not be a twat. He wasn't always this way.

Shouting at a crying toddler? What is he using for a brain, to think that will do the slightest bit of good? I hope he's apologised by now.

Three poos of terror yesterday. I blame all the soft fruit.

Plonky give him a whack round the earhole, silly fool. Everything in life is so much worse in the middle of the night and when you're tired and things escalate very quickly. Is he ever like that in the cold light of day? I hope you've managed a quick talk about it and he's grovelling impressively by now. Shouting a toddler who is crying from distress rather than tantrums and sometimes naughtiness is completely unacceptable and somehow seems worse now they can understand us, although I did do it in moments of sheer exhaustion when DD was a baby, and the shouting and name calling of you is completely out of line. I know nights are often tough for you guys but has he got any better acceptable solutions? If not he needs to pull his head out of his arse and accept that some bits of life are tough but the pros of having a toddle outweigh the cons and he needs to get on with it with a hell of a lot more kindness and selflessness something I've also recently also explained to DH

I send you many virtual hugs and hopefully you have access to caffeinated beverages and sugary snacks.