June 2013; Toddling into our second year!

[BeanCalledPickle]

New thread ladies:-) I think we filled about ten threads when pregnant and this is only our fourth post natally!

Bean - I'd be a bit sad but then I'd forget and I'd be ok. Bit annoyed that I couldn't do as I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted (ahem, control control) but ultimately perfectly ok. It feels a bit like all the reasons to have another are emotional/familial/sibling-related, all the reasons not to are utterly pragmatic. They both end at the same level, in terms of pros and cons, unhelpfully. So I guess ultimately I'm fine if we do and I'm fine if we don't. The thought of being actually upduff is bit nerve-wracking as think I'd want to have ALL the scans due to likely anxiety after what happened with J.

Doesn't stop it feeling a bit like an annoying fail if we don't as if I decide I wanted to get upduff I should be able to. Is like failing an exam - appalling thought!

Cup - haven't read too much about problems having a second, decided I'd do myself no favours!

Really interesting viewpoints. Hungry, did you feel that you got the birth you wanted second time around? My sister was traumatised by her emergency section (after a long awful labour) so I understand what you are talking about.

I never felt broody either - I didn't really allow myself to even admit I wanted a baby as I was unsure if it would ever happen as we were late in trying. I loved my single life, and couldn't decide for sure if I wanted to give it up. I now love this family life too, and feel scared thinking that I could easily have not had my son.
Re having more, I am totally sure that I want to stick at one. Part of this is being 42, but part of is quite weird. Don't laugh but I was sure that if I did ever have kids then I would only have one son. This is because my gran (who I am like in every way and bit of a doppelgänger) had one son. I feel so sure about this that I feel something would go wrong if I tried to have another. Confessions night

Sounds like it was meant to be just as it is then, sunbeam.

We were both convinced that we'd struggle to conceive the first time around too. But without going into tmi that was after years and years of me not getting accidentally pregnant when in theory I should have done.

I hope there aren't any family or friends stalking!

I was also worried about getting pregnant first time round. Pretty much because I'm a total idiot when I changed pills I didn't read the packet and thought it was one where you miss a week at the end of every packet. Turns out it was a pill that doesn't have breaks.

I did that for a year before reading the packet - so why I didn't get pregnant that year I'll never know

Goodness you're in chatty mode!

Hungry, I'm also sorry 2nd birth didn't repair the psychological impact of the first. That echoes my feelings re ds birth. It was fairly traumatic (he was taken away to be resuscitated so I was very much not the first person to hold him), and I really didn't give myself time to recover (nearly 2l of blood loss and a fair wack of stitches). I used to feel that I somehow arsed up the early weeks as a result.

I'm an only, DH is one of 3 (but one brother died 9yrs ago). It's tricky isn't it!

Mrs, DD was resuscitated too. But poor DH had to watch whilst simultaneously telling me that she was OK and her not crying wasn't a problem. Then she spent 4 hours in SCBU, so I was in recovery on my own (I'd sent DH to be with her) basically going 'WTF just happened?!' It was only 6.5 hours from waters breaking, through full dilation, pushing and onto EMCS. Shell shocked just about covers it.

Your experience sounds painful. Did you have a transfusion?

And no, I didn't really get the birth I wanted with DS. It was nice and relaxed (apart from me feeling crap because of my unstable blood pressure) but what I really want is a water birth and a shot at a vaginal birth. Hell, I labour so fast it's a waste not to try, surely?! But, the longer it goes on and the older DS gets, I'm not sure I want a third. So maybe I'll feel incomplete / cheated / some descriptive word forever.

I don't regret the two c-sections as neither baby would've made it out alive (and I'd have probably died too), but a VB would be something I'd like to have.

My essay there.

It is interesting to see other people's reasons for having children / a subsequent child. We've all gone rather philosophical!

Anyway...we have 2nd birthdays starting soon (though Collector's twins will be 2 already). Who's up 1st in May?!

No transfusion. Just discharged after 2 days with a lot of iron tablets and dihydrocodiene. Which, upon reflection, given that simply took the edge off things, says a lot!

Not-to-plan births are hard, regardless of what happens I think. I was deliberately relaxed about a birth plan (good job really, 9hrs of constant monitoring puts the kybosh on most plans) but had assumed that regardless of how baby arrived, thereafter would be pretty predictable. That it wasn't really messed with my inner control freak.

I'm currently at a point where I feel any decisions on dc2 will be made purely for what that means for our little family - what's right for ds, dh & me.

As an only child myself, I know that doesn't necessarily mean 'spoiled' or 'lonely'. I have had plenty of support from friends over the years during times of family crisis. But my parents no longer speak to each other at all and that leaves my sense of MY family quite fragmented. That may have felt different if I had a sibling. Though that isn't a reason in itself to have another child.

Another essay, sorry!

Birthdays are looming though, you're right. Any good pressie ideas anyone??

Ooh birthday presents - something I can really get my teeth into (no offence - my mother thinks I have very low emotional intelligence)

We were thinking a chute or dressing up clothes or a scooter.

Original plan had been for a balance bike but her godfather already got her one damn him

We're getting a swing for the garden. One that lasts till the teenage years and you just attach a toddler seat to it up until age 3 or so. The nearest park (with playground) is 15 minutes up quite a steep hill so I will not be going up there for a while after my section! And DD loves going on the swings. I'm sure it'll get used a lot over the years.

We have already bought and given her way too many presents. This is because either a) we've bought something large and can't be arsed to hide it; b) bought something small which she has seen already or c) we've been suffering guilt from changing her little life so much so have bought her stuff like a slide to make her, and by her I mean us, feel better.

She will be getting a watering can for her birthday:-)

A little paddling pool. Or nothing. Probably nothing. I did get him a card for this year though, an improvement on last!

A train table, I think !

We're the same, bean.

To be honest, DD gets a lot throughout the year. Which is against what I believed in before having her. But everything we buy teaches her something new; they develop so quickly at this age. That's what I tell myself anyway!

I have bought a few smaller things which I will keep until her birthday. I'm finding it very hard though. She will have one gift from the baby when he's born - that'll only be a week before her birthday if all goes to plan!

She had a slide for her last birthday but has only just started using it regularly this year. It helps that she can climb up it herself now.

Goodness me, you have obviously all put a lot more thought into having children than me! I think our decision went along the lines of "we didn't think we wanted children, but we might, so we'd better give it a go before we get to old" and hey presto DS was conceived. Everyone kept telling us there would never be a right time so we just went for it. We'd been married 7 years so we'd got to have lots of fun traveling and exploring before DS arrived, and once he arrived, it was just a different type of fun. I think we always wanted DS to have siblings as both of us have, and get on with the well. Probably slightly selfishly as well i figured if DS had a sibling he'd have someone to play with rather than it having to be me 24-7. Anwyay I was happy with 2, but DH really wanted 3. After realising he really did want 3 rather than 2, I decided we'd give it a go. Thought of 3 had freaked me out as I didnt' think I'd cope, but then realised that with DS going to school this Sep (and being a very lovely and helpful boy) that it wouldn't be that bad. Anyway after having my contraceptive implant removed 6 weeks ago, turns out that #3 is on the way. I didn't really take into account any financial implications as I'm not working at the moment anyway so maternity pay/nursery fees aren't an issue, and as for general cost of child rearing, I figured we'll just make it work. I do agree with others than having subsequent children does make me feel a little bit like I want to do the birth part 'better' than before. Not than either were particularly traumatic, just maybe not as expected. DS was fairly big (9lb1oz) and his labour was slow, and in the end non-productive, so ended up having epi and pictocin and feeling totally zoned out and exhausted after. DD was super fast, and all a bit of a blur to be honest - by the time we got to hospital she was born within the hour. But I do remember feeling awesome after. The temptation with #3 is to focus on wanting an 'ideal' birth, though what that is right now I don't know! Incidentally I'd never have said I felt 'broody' at all, but love my kids to bits.

As for birthday presents - E already has sandpit joint present with her brother (his b'day was July). I think we'll get a few dressing up clothes (ebay), outdoor toys..

Wow! Congratulations! So when will this one arrive?

That Bean is the mystery. I came off the implant and got pregnant without having a period. I tried to chart my temperature, but the kids had a 5-day bout of gastro in the middle which meant sleep and temperature checkign went out of the window. I'm guessing EDD is somehwere between 2nd - 12th Jan, but as both DS and DD arrived at 38 weeks, that woudl be 19th-29th Dec which means I'm officially worst mum ever giving this kid the worst birthday date in the world!

OMG Aloha! Congrats!

We are heading towards my 'fertile' bit of the month. Urgh. All so science-y, I must decide whether to get a bit tipsy over the weekend and give it a good shot or not.

Will get tipsy either way, obv...

Bean - how's Juno, and is Polly loving on her?

Aloha smiling at the fact that the five day bout of gastro ruled out temp checking etc but apparently not having a quicky:-) you are lucky(?) it worked that quickly. My fertility took two years to come back!!

Juno is good. But my god you forget what tiny babies are like. Sleep terrorists. For the first 48 hours she essentially slept. She now sleeps all day and parties all night. Last night literally wanted to feed from 130 to 630 at which point I gave her to her father who, not stinking of milk, she had no interest in and promptly passed out.

Polly seems genuinely fascinated by her sister. Much better than expected. Loves helping to change her nappy etc. comes in first thing shouting 'baby baby'. Seems very happy.

That sounds mostly cute. Will be cuter when she can usefully change the nappies herself, I'm sure.....

True Bean! Fortunately me and DH were both fine, and with the kids sleeping it off we managed an early night . Probably more at his suggestion than mine I expect.

So sweet with the sibling thing. I think DS was decidedly uninterested in DD when she was a baby till she started doing stuff. Mind you he did come in to our bedroom every mornign to see her and tell us he loved her so much!!

I have a somewhat weird job which means I do lots of different things. Sometimes those things include writing independent reports on children who have died, but who were known to their local authority services. I'm doing that now for a council, but it's a relatively young baby. It's the first really horrid work of this type I've had to do since I had Joe. In the last two years have avoided it and done more management consultancy-type stuff instead.

I have always prided myself on being HARD BITCH HEAPS PROFESSIONAL I CAN DO/READ/SEE ANYTHING YEAH GIMME IT THE WORSE IT IS THE BETTER I LIKE IT.

I'm a mess, now.

That sounds hard Rae. I don't think there's any way you can do that kind of work without feeling some level of emotional involvement.

That must be so hard, Rae. I was always so dismissive and offended by those who said they felt more empathy after becoming a mother (like non-mothers don't have a heart?) but that has been one of the surprises of motherhood for me. I can't hear or read of suffering (especially children) without feeling really affected.

Yeah same here. I don't particularly like or have time for children other than my own and I am surprised at the strength of my reaction to stuff like that. I've often thought I could do child protection work with no issue but I really coukdnt!