December 2012 tantrums galore and they're not even two yet!

[SpottyTeacakes]

Hope everyone finds this and I haven't doubled up!

I've got really bad back pain and ds is spinning on his zebra crying. No idea why!

Poor little H hales. That must have been awful for you all.

r is staying with friends while I'm away with work and is sleeping fabulously for them, little monkeys these babies! there's a theory that children only play up for the people they feel securest with and i'very seen that in action at work in the past so it's probably just that x

Well T had a massive tantrum tonight as it wouldn't let her climb up the ladder on to the top bunk for the 5th time. Scary how quick she can get up there.

I fear my house will be a hovel forever.

I'm having an uncertain moment. We'd always thought we'd have three but I'm really struggling to enjoy being pg again this time round. The novelty value is gone, O isbbeing easy and sleep is sorted and I keep thinking if I wasn't pg how much more fun it would be, plus I want my body to myself. It feels like I only had it all back for 6 months before getting pg again. I wouldn't change O forthe world and really want him not to be an only so this is worth it but the thought of still having one more pg to go makes me feel a bit desperate, although the thought of three actual children is still fun. Sorry for unloading.

Pidj i really hope that theory is correct.

WL, a spotless clean house in my experience is an unhappy house. My sister has had a huge sticker wall printed in the front porch, which says 'if you don't like dirt or noise, turn away now we're busy making memories'.

Utopian, firstly no apologising on our threads for unloading, thats what we're all here for. Secondly, although i have absolutely no experience of being pregnant again i would guess that what your feeling, is completely normal. Its human nature to doubt yourself and you have a active toddler this time round your tiredness is going to be tenfold what it was last time. I think the amount of thought your putting into it shows your a good mother. And Thirdly heres some

We took H to Knowsley Safari Park today with DSD. When we pulled up to do the drive we got her out of her car seat and sat her in the front she cried when i started moving the car. She soon stopped when she saw an Ostrich. I am so happy we took her she absolutely loved all the animals and we were lucky as every single type of animal approached our car. She LOVES lions when the baboons jumped on the car she didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but then got excited.

However, shes a little bit off tonight, nothing we can put our finger on, she feels slightly hotter than normal so i have given her Calpol just incase.

Utopian I think you can only play it by ear really. I know I didn't enjoy being pregnant nearly as much second time round, but I'd only wanted 2 anyway.

When you've got that snuggly newborn your hormones might make you forget the hard slog.... or you might decide that 2 is enough!

I'd say don't stress yourself out now by thinking you have to make a decision, although I know it's hard.

WL I think hovel might be too polite for our house.... I don't know how they do it. DH and I can't actually get into the playroom. You can't see the carpet and we'd break all sorts of things walking on them.

Hales that sounds lovely. DD wants to go to the Cotswold wildlife park, but the only time we're free really is the bank holiday weekend. Maybe if the weather isn't too good....

A has so many more words now. Especially rain, said in a sad voice as though it really shouldn't be raining again.

Utopian try not to think about it. I sort of want three but I really don't like being pregnant. I found it so hard this time around and I needed a lot of help with DS for the last few weeks.
I think also having lots of girl hormones swirling around made me a little bit more emotional slight understatement
Like beasty says, no one is expecting you to make a decision about it now. Concentrate on what you have now. What you will have shortly. You can discuss it and decide or change your mind 100 times. I know it's not easy.

Right now DH is adamant. No third. I don't know but I'm telling myself not to think about it until next year. And oh I didn't miss cluster feeding!

My friend has just found out she has a torn uterus. Her dd is nine months old! She has to have an op in less than two weeks. I know they're planning more dc so I hope it goes ok. and I feel bad that I was jealous that she was going to have more dc when I can't

Nutella hope you're enjoying your new baby snuggles

We're going away this weekend to see SIL in Bournemouth. Left DH to finish the packing. ..... just had to leave work half an hour early because he only checked the cases mid afternoon, and only then because I told him to. Zips on both good sized holdalls are broken, so he put his stuff in my small wheeled case- not sure where my stuff was meant to go, let alone things for the DC. And I'm fairly sure that one is broken anyway! I popped to Debenhams on my way to the station and have a vastly reduced, lurid floral a fair!

Nice beasty!
We spent the day at a friends who's house is always dirtier and messier than mine. No wonder I like her so much! We're going to singalong frozen at the cinema with her and kids on Sunday.
utopian try not to worry about that now - I know its hard if you're a planner but try to just enjoy this pg as much as you can and see how you feel in a years time. I was lucky that I always knew I wanted more (but now I know I'm done) and enjoyed each pg even with the increased tiredness/busyness/stress that existing dc bring. I love having 3 and T has brought wonderful things to our family life, BUT I do look at friends with 2, especially those with dc the same age as dd1&2 and see how their lives are getting easier and mine won't for another couple of years. I think it's only natural to compare and wonder but then I just had a lovely long snuggle in the dark with T and I know that after 2 I knew I wasn't ready to be done with that kind of thing.

Thanks for the understanding guys. It's really awful as it's not the principle of three which bothers me, but vanity (much harder to stick to normal weight gain this time, fat arms etc,) and jealousy (we're off to ibiza tomorrow and I will look grim and not be able to go out with the others quite often. They've offered to babysit so dh and I can have a night out but it won't be the same.pg as it would be otherwise. )

So my reasons are awful and entirely self centered.

Think maybe just having a slightly bigger gap between this and the next one (if we're lucky enough to manage another,) might give me some jollity before going back into purgatory for 18 months or so. Ds is lovely and the idea of a little gang of them and us is too. Like you all say - no need to make decisions now anyway!

And ibiza will still be fun - everyone is off to zoo project the night we arrive so I have packed face/body paint to paint everyone with then send them on their way!

utopian don't be hard on yourself about your reasons - whatever they are they are perfectly valid. It's your body (and mind) and life - you have the right to feel however you feel. It might be no comfort but you might think you look grim compared to non-pgs but whenever I wasn't pg I was always jealous of the pg 'look', warts and all. I bet others will think you look amazing.

Utopian we're all good at different things, and that includes parenting. Some people find pregnancy a breeze but detest the incessant chatterbox 6-10yo phase. Others struggle with toddler tantrums but are well on top of teenagers. Don't beat yourself up or think you're a bad parent just because one tiny part isn't that great

Beasty that's my neck of the woods if you get a chance of a coffee. Friends are running a big music festival in my (nearby) town if you want details, they throw an amazing bash and it's very family friendly :)

I'm shattered. R has been spoiled and adored and has very much thrived as the youngest of 6 however temporarily it might have been! He's also been invited back so can't have been too much of a pickle :o

hales it's a theory so well-tested that if there was any way of actually gathering properly scientific data then it would be a fact. It's so well-established that even the occasional HV has heard of it

Utopian, i second everything WL has written there.

Spotty, how did your friend find that out?

Beasty, i hope you have a lovely time away.

Came home from work tonight and H grabbed my hand and took me round to my dads/sisters. Whilst we were walking i asked had she a had a good night she said yes. I asked what she had been doing she said drawing with grandad. I asked of she had a bath and she said yes, cried sore eyes. Turns out she had been drawing pictures with my dad amd had cried in the bath as shampoo had gone in her eyes. It feels like shes growing so old now, i can have proper conversations with her, it makes me sad but excited at the same time. Also i brought some honey ribs home from work she robbed one and munched away on it .

They say you learn something new every day Pidj, i cannot wait to share that theory with my family

Utopian don't feel bad about the way you're feeling. Have a lovely holiday.

Beasty I LOVE Bournemouth. My ex was at uni there and I'd spend most weekends there.

Hales that's so sweet. Dd was speaking in sentences at this age too. I do think it makes it easy to forget how little they are and understand still though, I was constantly reminding dp that she was still little.

My friend found out as she'd started bleeding and having clots so they scanned her.

Morning everyone,

Utopian, in my experience with pregnancy related emotional difficulties, it really helps to be brutally honest with how you are feeling, first to yourself and then to others who you feel close to. It doesn't make you a bad mother or a monster to admit you are finding things are hard, or that things are not how you imagined they'd be. Some days are worse than others, but if you get more bad days than good, do ask for help. After my DS was born my lovely HV referred us to a special Parent and Baby clinic that helped me to bond with him better. It made such a difference.

Hales, I'm very impressed with H's talking. F is picking up more single words but not putting any together yet.

However, he has started babbling the tune to heads, shoulders, knees and toes, as well as nick-knack-paddy whack!

Thanks everyone, and not a cause for concern, just being moany! Everyone painted and off to Zoo Project, had a nice evening with O and an easy bedtime, which meant time for an evening swim. Now am lazing about doing my nails and moisturising to oblivion and Actually Reading A Book - a great love which I have little time for these days, so making the most of it.

I won't lie, I'd rather be painted and dancing too, but looking forward to tomorrow with dh who.is sending me soppy texts and promising we'll do it all again in five years when I'm not pg anymore. I'm sure we'll be sad and old compared to most of the ibiza crowd but that's not put us off yet when we have each other to play up to!

in non-me-me-me chat - what's happened with your friend spotty? When's the op?

hales I am so SO impressed with H's talking!

I could understand the theory pidj, it could be an unconscious way of 'proving' the parent's affection for the child playing up by testing it in a way they wouldn't risk with others..

It's in a week and a half I just can't believe it's gone unnoticed for so long. Ah to be partying in Ibiza

Ds has gone from my cute toddler to devil child

I've seen it most often with those with ADHD or on the higher-functioning end of the Autistic spectrum (and I think it's most common in those with Tourette's) who can sit on the challenging behaviour for a limited amount of time - like a whole school day, or a nice afternoon with the grandparents - then go home and trash their bedroom, get aggressive towards siblings/parents, stuff like that. The child knows that the parent loves them so has no restriction on the behaviour they display because they're totally secure in that bond.

Plus, we as Mums have no end point to our time with our children. My mum looking after R knows that she only has to get through till X time and I'll be home to take over - I was the same at work, could take any amount of challenging behaviour because I knew that in a few hours I'd be in the pub with mates and a glass of wine, or sat watching TV cuddling the cat. It's a damn sight easier to be relaxed and just roll with whatever is happening when you know it's only for a short while. We don't have that, we're on call for our dc 24/7/365/18 or longer so the internal tension can still mount, even when the dc are down for a nap or the night - there's still that little bit of awareness that we might be needed.

I was dreading my trip to Jersey, leaving R for 3 whole days. But actually it's done me the power of good as I had no idea I was actually getting tense from lack of a break until I stepped away iyswim. And he had the most incredible time, it's been really good for him to be the youngest of 6 instead of the oldest of 1 for a few days. His language has come on unbelievably - today he said Money when I went to the hole in the wall, said "Door Meow" when we went past the door because I'd forgotten to go to the cash point and had to go back (he meant that Mille the Cat was the other side) identifies Noddy, has said a few people's names and I think we'll have 2 word sentences in the next couple of days. And the teenagers have taught him to fistbump!

Oh and we were at a festival this afternoon. I asked if he wanted lunch. I asked what he wanted to eat and he dragged me over to the burger stall. I read out the two options (it was a posh burger stall) and asked if he wanted Lamb or Sweet Chilli burger and he pointed to the Sweet Chilli words. Do you want onions? And he bloody ate it too we shared and I was hungry, half a posh burger is not an adult lulnch! ketchup, chilli and all Then "Do you fancy another boogie, R?"

Sorry, that's a very long post with waaaaay too many "actually"s in

Actually

I hope shes ok Spotty.

Pidj, I bet R loved being with all those other children. But i bet he loved seeing you get home also.

Utopian i am of you being in Ibiza reading a book, i would love to be doing that now.

I forgot to say Coffee, yay to F's singing, i bet that sounds lovely.