The 9th Broadly Gemini Bus - the one with first birthdays!

[Lorelei353]

Ooh Inge to start a new thread. So if the last one was the one where they don't sleep, then they'll start to sleep now, yes?

I go back to work next Weds Kitty. DS started properly today. Full day today, tomorrow and Friday. I've just done a lovely yoga class and am using the next few days to have lunches, get hair cut etc. miss DS though.

pear definitely want to hear all TTC details! I'm beginning to accept that I will do it all again but not yet!

Bring ~ thanks. I think you're right, I need to talk to someone. Preferably not the same midwife as she wasn't helpful at all She had no time for me, she hardly spoke to me and when she did she was really sarcastic telling me that I wasn't screaming like the lady next door because I had an epidural You're right though I need to fill in the gaps. I want to be clear why bpear got stuck, whether it was the epidural or pethadine x2 that made him come out slow (like I've been told by osteopath). I want to know whether it was normal to have so little contact with a midwife and why when I started panicking and not knowing what to do nobody was around so I just gave in and asked screamed for an epidural. Most importantly I want to know how to do things better next time. Why did I have a episiotomy? Was it this that caused the 4th d tear? Am I now going to have a 4th d tear again?

My mum had the exact birth with her dc1 and tells me it does get better but she got special care after dc1 because she was so terrified. She went private. I don't think I can do that She had slow births for all her children and had to be induced each time so going on this I can only assume I'll have to be induced again next time. Was it the induction that made my contractions unbearable? Without an induction could I have coped better? I just don't really understand

I'm so sorry this happened to you, pear It sounds like that midwife was totally incompetent in actually taking care of you and that alone would be enough to make a birth hard let alone the other things that happened. I'll try not to get a midwifey and explain it all... but just based on what you've mentioned; Yes, being induced or having labour augmented with pitocin (oxytocin) will absolutely make it hurt way more. The body has a great system in non-stimulated labour of matching the level of endorphins to match the amount of oxytocin that is surging around the body to cause the contractions- therefore making it easier to manage and go into labour-land. With artificial oxytocin, it doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier and so your body doesn't know how to make enough endorphins to help you during those contractions and therefore making them much more painful. Reading that your mum experienced similar labours to yours and they were similar for each baby may just mean that it's a genetic thing (not a guarantee though just to keep in mind). IMO, I think that it's very, very rare for a woman to actually need an episiotomy. I've only seen them done 2x at homebirths and it was because the mum was very, very athletic and had a super tight perineum and for some reason the baby's HR wasn't great so we needed the baby to be born faster than the mum's perineum had time to stretch. Never for a baby with a shoulder dystocia as that means the baby is having a hard time getting through the pelvic bones, not the actual tissue IYKWIM. Sometimes epidurals make it really hard for mums to push effectively as they are completely numb and their muscle tone isn't great since they can't feel what's going on and that may cause a slower birth, birthing position can absolutely make a huge difference on how babies are born and whether they get "stuck" or are slower to come through the pelvis, sometimes mums have a slightly narrower pelvis shape and so babies just take a bit more time to navigate their way through (which can be compounded as well when we add the epidural and laying on the back). There are so many different variables that I could go into more detail with. There are ways to help preventing tearing after an episiotomy/laceration scar. Lightly massaging the scar tissue at the end of pregnancy with some evening primrose oil to help make that scar tissue more flexible and stretchy, really guarding the perineum during pushing and making sure baby's head doesn't come through quickly to let those tissues stretch, using warm compresses, pushing in a side-lying position or hands and knees so there isn't so much pressure on the perineum. These are all things that you can research and make sure that you talk about with your midwife for your future pregnancy. Also consider a doula. Midwives as much as they would love to stay by your side the whole time, they often have multiple labouring mums and it's a shock for the family to just be left alone. Start doula shopping now and interview lots of them to see who you like!

Aww ladies thank you so much for allowing me to talk about it. It does help Bring your knowledge is so helpful. Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. I really appreciate if I think you're right and that I should do some research (the massaging part scares me but I will definitely do that). I will also look at doulas. I would also want DH with me so I'll start by finding out whether it is possible to have both a doula and DH with me at our hospital. I do understand that the night I went in they had a few ER c-sections and that is why I was neglected. I guess it's up to me to try and prevent that happening again as all it did was make me tense and scared which probably made things a lot worse.

pear Can I be your doula? I really fancy the idea of being at someone else's birth but can't imagine anyone wanting me there. I reckon there's a very slim possibility of my DSis allowing it... Very slim...! I've wondered about training as a doula but it's not really something I could do as a proper job right now. I'd happily do it once though!

FWIW, I know of a couple of people who've had truly horrific first births who've gone on to have really nice ones afterwards. Both DS's godmothers, in fact. DS1's godmother's first got stuck face-first during a homebirth so she was in labour for about 24 hours before they took her in & even once there no-one noticed the problem & they were just pumping more drugs into her to try to move things along. Next baby was born in a birthing centre & both parents & the new baby co-slept at the centre in a double bed that night. Runt's godmother lost a huge amount of blood & her DH was sent out of the room & just stood there waiting to be told she'd died. Next baby was out with a couple of gentle pushes in a birthing pool. One labour really isn't necessarily indicative of another. There's really no reason to assume the next one will be bad.

I've gone a bit Pinterest mad. I've just finished folding 25 tiny boxes into which will be put a scroll, each with an activity for every day of lent. Right now I'm cutting out a million billion tiny pieces of paper as templates for the million billion felt shapes I'm going to have to cut for a fuzzy felts style nativity scene. I'm officially Pinsane.

Awww Agnu that sounds so lovely! It's quite addictive...kids crafts. I read recently that some mums wrap up 12 books (some brought and some own), they put them under the tree and then open them up each day. It's a cute idea at the right age.

And thank you for saying that not every birth is the same. Good examples

As a hive veteran Frus may I recommend frequent dabbing with cold water (and leave to air dry) and Sudocrem if you have it. Really helps.

Pear sounds like you've a lot to process from your experience of childbirth. Definitely sounds like a debrief would help and definitely a doula next time around.

Chelsea and Westminster hospital actually has nhs doulas in the birth centre. One joined us for my childbirth and she was the main person who helped us establish breastfeeding and supported us in the hours immediately after birth. She was great.

How did you catch it Frus? Sounds uncomfortable. Better now?

Bpear woke up puking at 5am today He's been off his food for the last two days and was incredibly naughty yesterday so I thought either a cold or teething but didn't expect sick I have to admit that I allowed him a piece of my mums birthday cake on Sunday. He never has sugar and after listening to what Bring said about sugar I do wonder if it weakened his immune system. A large gap between Sunday and Friday though. Who knows. Anyway, he's now happily bfeeding and dosing on me on the sofa. Happy 18 months to us!!

Reminds me...happy 18 months Kitten

Happy 18 months!

Sorry to hear BPear is ill. DS bounced back from his recent headcold marvellously. I ended up with a sinus infection. Misery. Back in work today though.

I've been thinking a lot about whether we want another DC.

I think we always expected to have more than one. We both have siblings and I love mine to bits. Would really want DS to have that relationship, especially when we’re not around any more.

However, I feel much more fearful about it all this time around. I think last time it was a case of closing our eyes and going for it but I always believed all would be well. And it was! I had a relatively easy pregnancy, a very straightforward, intervention-free water birth with a 2nd degree tear that healed well. DS wasn’t a particularly difficult child and although establishing bf was really hard in the early days it wasn’t horrendous and we’d know more this time around. But I really worry. I’m even older now (38 now, so could be 39 having the baby). I feel pretty tired looking after DS so would I have the energy to do it all again? And what if we used up all our luck with DS and we have a really high-maintenance baby or child with special needs? Also we live in a two-bed flat in central London so we’d probably have to move. And I wouldn’t have all the time to indulge myself in this pregnancy. My two pregnancy yoga classes a week really helped my body to feel better during pregnancy but really helped me prepare emotionally too and I wouldn’t have that kind of time now.

Argh!

I think I’m coming around to having another one - maybe TTC in the new year - but don’t know where DH’s head is at the moment and I’m much more scared about it all this time!

It gets easier beyond the very early years doesn’t it? In a few years it’ll be brilliant to have a 7 year old and 4 year old right?

Sounds like to me I won't be on my own TTC in the new year! Just don't get pregnant before me...not fair hee hee

Lor ~ if it's any consolation I don't think we're alone in our fears! Every mum I talk to doesn't know how they will cope 2nd time round. I think it's normal how we feel about the whole lack of sleep etc. I have no idea how I will get through it with no family support etc but I assume my desire to make bpear happy will kick in. My friends say for a little while your dc1 will watch ALOT of TV in the initial weeks. I guess our husbands will really have to step in as much as possible! Your body will be better prepared this time...hopefully!

It is totally a different ballgame when contemplating having another! Suddenly your eyes are wide open to what actually happens and what to expect. I'm not going to lie, it is harder to get as much rest when pregnant with number 2 (or 3!), it's harder to indulge (but, there are some places where you can do yoga or work out and they have childcare...), there are new things to contemplate like how to take care of 2, where are they going to sleep, how is bf'ing going to go this time, what is this baby going to be like, how is it going to change the family dynamic....? So many questions. It's easy to think about all of these things, but if you want another, just go for it. I don't think there is ever a perfect time to have a child as there is always a reason we could come up with as to why we shouldn't have another. And fwiw, 3 years is a great age gap. My middle and M are 3 years apart they're friends and play together a lot. It's pretty cute. It's nice because they are more independent and can do things for themselves whilst you take care of a newborn vs. having two very young ones that depend that much more on you. But then again, ones close in age are great friends too. Always perks anyway you look at it

Yikes Frus. Do you think it was a perfume or something like that?

Awh, poor baby pear and poor you! Taking care of a puking kiddo sucks. We've had a weird tummy bug go around too. Just waiting for M to catch the grossness that they boys just got over. Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to puke in the bucket so I'm not looking forward to cleaning another bed and more carpet.

Ewwww bring we've been using the Tommee Tippe plastic bib that catches food. Works as a brilliang puke bucket...how practical and gross is that

I'm really considering taking the chance for an August baby. I would like a boy and a girl so I was thinking that maybe before I get desperate I could just TTC days before OV to up my chances

Pear, genius!!!!
Happy 18 months bpear, that's definitely a first mum thing as I didn't think about it but thankyou too
The bugs are going around obviously, tiger had it Tuesday night, and even at 3 she doesn't know how to use a bucket! Started at 5:30 in the arvo and was sick all night, 4am sick beds arnt a good thing,poor little mite didn't know what to do with herself she's only ever been sick once before I think and she was feeling very sorry for herself Wednesday cuddles on the sofa. By Thursday she was dancing around the room again she actually said to me mummy it was the sweeties wasn't it because she'd had half a packet of maltesers lol I wasn't cruel enough to say yes although very tempted

Hahhah kitty I love that she thought it was Maltese's!! I would have been soooo tempted to reply YES!!

Lol. Good idea on the bib. For some reason my kids are always sick at night-which I suppose makes for me not having to go to the school to pick them up humiliated with sick on themselves. I have the carpet covered with old towels that were used for the homebirths

YES! Go dtd and get up-duffed. We need some action around here!

Well kitty I've got a really nasty one for ya. My boys are convinced that they got sick because they ate a booger. Yes. That is their rational. And I did not tell them otherwise. So. Hopefully that has axed any future booger-snacks.

Well it's possibly my fault for telling her if she eats too many sweets itl make her poorly lol
I'd not have corrected the bogey one, as you say if they stop that it's no bad thing lol

I have one very naughty 18month old who won't go to sleep. It's 10pm he just wants to watch his favourite TV. I thought maybe he was hungry but I think he's now faking it