March 2013 - time to wrap them all up in tinsel

[StormyBrid]

Old thread here.

worse we're like Plonky on the timings - we keep mealtimes and milktimes separate. I spotted something in Evil Baby Whisperer that suggested around this age milk should be at the time you'd give a snack. Thinking about it, that's pretty much what we do - milk at the crack of dawn, 11am, 3pm and bedtime, food at 9am, 1pm and 5pm. It seems to work, and Fartypants is definitely in the process of reducing milk herself. Those middle two feeds, she's having about four ounces now.

How is the worselet on mush? Does she show any preferences? If we were sticking with baby led weaning we'd be getting absolutely nowhere. Savoury mushes, she'll try a mouthful then get distracted by the cat. Fruit mushes, she practically inhales. For a reduced stress option, can I suggest getting yourself to Asda? They've a hell of a range of cheap fruity mushes, and then at least you're not having to throw away purees you've spent hours lovingly creating.

Incidentally, six month old Molly may love her porridge, but all that means is that Molly's a total weirdo - porridge is vile. It's weetabix all the way round here, with mashed banana in.

eco hang in there, it does get better. How long until 37 weeks for you?

I am thanking my heathen gods we don't have crawling yet. Nappy changes with rolling are bad enough. Especially when it's a particularly horrific one.

worse you asked about bedtimes. When ds slept at 8ish he woke up at night but not as bad as when he goes bed at 10ish. Between 10pm and 8am he wakes on average 6 times.2of those are feeds.

From 4pmish until bedtime we have a grumpy over active baby. He is clearly tired but will not sleep. I really want to bring back the 8pm bedtime so i can have baby free time before I go bed but that is not happening at the moment.

cantturn welcome.

Beige foods, Betty? How peculiar. Wonder what her baby-logic for that one is!

Yummy could you try bringing bedtime forward by 15 mins every
few days? Might that work? Do you have to resettle him at night? I've just
been leant the Millpond sleep clinic book- it might be worth a look as
it covers all scenarios and is very easy to read. Sleep deprivation is shit isn't it.
We have lots of beige foods here betty. He will eat eggs but only as an
omelette. He does like veg and fruit though but we try and get lots of carbs in. He is totally refusing a spoon at the mo which is really frustrating as he can't eat enough without it. !

Lent not leant!

shattered im planning to do that. We have gone from 10.30 to 10pm so far but we have a wedding at the weekend to go to so thats buggered my timings. To settle I either give him milk, give his dummy or rub his back. Sometimes I leave him and he falls back to sleep. Bad thing about having ds in his room is the trekking between rooms in the middle of the night. There is no chance of him sleeping in with us as he prefers to climb over us instead of sleeping. Thanks for the recommendation of the book. Will check it out.

One thing I cannot complain about is food. He eats anything and everything. As soon as he hears rustling or sees someone eating he is licking his lips.

I'll trade you some eating for some sleeping yummy

Ah so my later bedtime theory only works for one baby. Mine. Why does it have to be my child that doesn't get tired in the evening? This is patently pants. My neighbour's 6 month old goes to bed at 5.15pm and sleeps through . I'm secretly waiting for her to be hit by a double whammy of teeth and sleep regression

Shattered I have no idea how to get babies in general to eat my, but mine can be persuaded with a few tricks.

Variety - dd bores very quickly, so every meal consists of tiny portions of a range of things.

I start feeding her 10 mins before I start my food, so just as she is getting bored I get up, wander about the kitchen, and then reappear with a new plate of food. For some reason that gives her a second wind.

Two courses, always. A pudding can double her intake.

Distraction. If I give her a fruit pouch to play with, she will absentmindedly eat a whole baby yoghurt or fromage frais off a spoon. No pouch, no eating. It's most odd.

Betty it would be beige all the way here too if I didn't trick her. I mash things like scrambled eggs or meat balls with a little thick veg puree and spread it on tiny pieces of toast or crackers. Sometimes I even put the crackers upside down on her tray so she doesn't see the topping. Cunning huh honestly, the things we do....

Developmental step here today - separation anxiety, big time. I dropped her at nursery, and she wailed, I left her with my mum for 10 minutes whilst I fed the dogs and she screamed. As for letting my dad hold her. Well that went well. Not. The shouting could be heard 3 streets away. The monkey. It's nice to be wanted... but....

Wishing you all good nights, and myself of course. Fingers crossed.

worse that level of separation anxiety has been our reality since DD was 6 months! She is fine with her dad and thankfully her nanny now but if another family member or indeed anyone else so much as touches her arm she has a melt down until I cuddle her and take her away from the offending person! I have decided to be flattered by her attachment even though it makes life a bit awkward trying to explain to her grandfathers why she doesn't want to be held by them. They don't seem to get it and constantly demand cuddles from her which makes the situation a whole lot worse.

We had great fun with DD making vegetarian sushi today - DD had a great time and scoffed the end result. Totally recommend this as a play activity though as it doesn't matter if little ones put everything in their mouth which is a bit of an issue at a normal craft table filled with pain and glitter!

stormy and any we have our own version of the screeching. It's constant fake crying. Or at least it feels constant. A friend today recommended playing loud ish music to distract yourself and help drown it out a little.

worse the separation anxiety is pretty intense isn't it?! Ecobaby is clamped to me. If I'm sitting she crawls on my lap, if I'm standing she hangs off my leg. Screeching. In normal pre baby life I'm the sort of person (ISFJ) who needs to retreat regularly to be alone with thoughts to process stuff before moving on. That doesn't happen so much these days! Maybe your sling will come into good use at this time? Strap her to your back and carry on regardless!

Plonky they should call me 'not very eco freckle' because for no good reason I use Naty disposables over night. I have used (and been happy with ) little lamb bamboo with extra booster at night but maybe our girl isn't a heavy wetter seems unlikely as she's putting away pints of gold top overnight

Shattered I only have a couple of feeding tips. If there is spoon refusal she's often happy to continue eating on a self feed basis. And, if main course becomes boring we
do pudding and then return to main. Nothing like a mouthful of chicken and blueberries. Apparently.

In baby news, other than clinging and screeching we have more moments of surprised independent standing. Toda
we even had a nap in cot. With a cheeky feed upon waking I managed to get her back off and got two blessed hours in total. That's never happened! It enabled me to have some quality time with right move. People are starting to view our house now. I kind of hate them. What with their planning on where to put their furniture. In MY house.

It's nearly the weekend ladies. Have any of you got things planned for the weekend that you're excited by? We're off to bloody Bedfordshire again.

This time last year I started my maternity leave. Time flies. And babies grow so quickly. Ecobaby is looking more little girly than baby now

Urrghh. More snot. It really never ends does it, We have only just recovered from stomach bug, which immediately succeeded that last cold. We've been up since 4.30, gave up and came downstairs to start our day at 5.30. I know for many of you this is the norm so I try not to complain too much but when you're used to a full night it's tough. Especially as it's my day off after another tough week at work. Ah well, I know I'm lucky to usually make it to 7.30/8

Separation anxiety? Oh yes... So 4th day at cm yesterday, and now, along with crying all day, she cries when I hand her over. I don't really know what to do, I think the cm is getting fed up with it too, yesterday she said 'she'll have to settle down soon, I never get anything done on Thursdays'. Might be being over sensitive but I feel like I'm being told off. It's really upsetting me and I wish I could think of a way round it.

Dd is pretty good with food, but breakfast can be a struggle unless I resort to toast. However, I find if she starts refusing after a few spoonfuls of porridge, if I give her some fruit, she'll them finish her porridge. Bit like eco's idea of giving pudding I guess?

Huge row with DH this morning. He's been away for 2 weeks. Which I know means he misses us and home, but all I can think of is the lovely break he's getting. So when, last night, he leaves me to do all the getting up with a snotty baby, then this morning claims not to have time to change a nappy before leaving for work (when I know he leaves so early so he can get to site, have a bacon sarnie and a little sleep in his van), he gets called all sorts of rude names. And I can almost hear his thoughts of 'but you're not going to work today'. Lucky he's not stupid enough to actually say it...

Ohh separation anxiety is the worst. DS cries every time I drop him off and clings to me like nobody's business. The second I head out the door though, he'll be absolutely fine. It was adorable when I dropped him off this morning, they were all sitting on the floor eating breakfast in their dressing gowns. I wanted to stay and join them!

Gerry I have a story to make you smile over all the snot and rows with DH - Last night, DS was having his bath, splashing away and covered in bubbles as normal. I was plucking my eyebrows supervising when I realised that he was rather quiet, so I looked into the bath and caught him just as he was reaching for a floating piece of poo to raise to his mouth. I've never moved so quickly. What followed was a quick pull of the plug, a shower to wash him again, out of bath, change, bottle and bed, and then the delightful task of poo removal and excessive toy cleaning. I couldn't even shout for DP because he was performing some sort of technical wizardry on my car. What a lovely, gross little boy I have.

Also, you're paying that CM so don't let her tell you off. What are you meant to do? Give DD a good talking to? give that a try!

Eco Our plans for this weekend are to set off for a week in Wales we're staying with DP's family in something resembling a self-catering country club with an indoor pool, spa, jacuzzi, sauna, etc on our doorstep. I'm so excited for our first time away with DS, and to take him to the beach. In February.

I think it's one of those things that you just have to ride out, the separation anxiety. Don't let your CM bitch at you though Gerry, your DD is behaving perfectly normally.

Something oh my! We've not had a pooey bathtime yet, but DP would freak out. He cannot bear poo (because I love it, obvs ;)) and I imagine I'd enter the bathroom to find a baby sitting in a bucket of white spirit if that happened in our house. I mean, WHEN that happens in our house. Also I love dropping DS off at nursery at breakfast time. There's usually 10 babies sat in highchairs babbling away and making 'mmm' sounds.

Gosh darnit Eco I was hoping you'd be full of helpful tips! Once his pack of disposables at nursery has run out I'd like to get him in cloth full time. So much kinder to his round little bum. Pud I've plumped for some bamboo shaped nappies and one blueberry wrap to test. Given the pre-washing bamboo needs I expect we'll start using them when he's 2.

Worse what a monkey! We've also found that lots of variety is the key to getting DS to eat. He now won't take a spoon unless it's preloaded and passed to him. This is so flippin messy, and I think the cat's getting gout from constantly hoovering up his jetsam.

I think we got off lightly on the separation anxiety front, and I imagine it's because I started him in nursery three days a week before he was 8 months. I know it's not what everyone would choose to do - and I probably won't do it with no.2 - but it's proven really effective here. He's had time to develop a real attachment to two of the nursery ladies. Not helpful, I know, sorry! But karma's not being kind to me. Like Eco we have near permanent whining. It's tremendous fun!

Gerry after 2 weeks on your own, when are you also working, you deserve a medal, and a lie in, and you can tell your DH I said so. I thought I had it tough, but 2 weeks... that's criminal.

Major major break through at lunch. Her fussiness ate nearly all her lunch off a spoon!!!! Yes really. It was a disgusting lunch too. An Ella's fish cakes pouch, which looked and smelt really quite vile. Apparently not as vile as the food I cook her myself, because she chowed it down. The trick is to give her a packet of baby wipes to play with while she is eating. I have a weird child don't I?

More snot here too, although we had an interesting development on the illness front over the weekend. Croup. I wouldn't recommend it, the wheezing is scary.

Get wells to everyone else battling snot. I have screeching to contend with right now. The jumperoo is no longer the babysitter it was now she has discovered the freedom that is crawling.

We've been told to watch out for croup. The man's just been to doctor's, he's got viral laryngitis, which can develop into croup in babies. Fun stuff. And we have snot induced sleep refusal. Joy.

dh is out in the office studying for an exam on Monday so I just had a pensive dinner in the bath: rosemary roasted sweet potato, jacket potato and ricotta/bacon/courgette fritter things. Despite the nice food I feel

How do you lot feel day to day? Is anyone struggling with identity (not necessarily professional identity...)? Does anyone ever think 'life's not much fun at present'? Anyone find mummying relentless? Does anyone feel these things and then beat themselves up because you know, how hard have we really got it? Not very in the grand scheme. I can't put my finger on what it is that's bothering me; it's a general malaise I suppose. I'm curious as to whether any of you guys feel any of this stuff or whether I'm an outlier and something is wrong. I don't feel like this all the time, but lately it's happened a fair bit. Mixed into these negative feelings are times of great joy and optimism. Ecobaby is a source of much merriment and I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more. Does this mean I'm ill? Anyone else think highs and lows are a normal part of life as a mum?

Maybe it's having resigned, not knowing where we'll be living, worry about moving to a place with no network, missing mum's wisdom, bloody wind/rain combo that I can't stick leading to not enough exercise or fresh air, February, hormones still up spout because of bf, the fact there's no éclairs in the house and therefore explainable and not a cause for concern.

I'd love to hear your version of how you feel at this stage with your 10/11 month old.

Thanks everyone and sorry to be on a Friday. What can I say to lighten the mood? Unlike somethingbaby I have managed to get through this bath without pooing. Will that do?

Ecofreckle ....

i moved 300 miles away when mini farmer was 6 weeks old i have no family or friends here.
as soon as i got here i went to lots of baby groups and i still do
You will be fine ????
mini farmer is now 10.5 months old and ive loved every second , so far its been much easier than i imagined it to be .....
i have only been away from him for a total of 4 hours since he was born i do everything , hubby has never done a night feed or looked after him on his own, he has changed 4 nappies , this i know is Not for everyone , but for Us its fab , i love being and doing for mini farmer , hubby is extremely busy running our farms .
this way works for us .

Eco here's how I feel on a day to day basis....

My DD is just coming into her own and is gorgeous, hilarious and I couldn't love her more.
I have some amazing friends, a husband who is a good man and wonderful parents who would do anything for us.
I have enough money to have everything I need plus some things I just want and a job that is fulfilling.
Some days I feel happy and lucky and enjoy myself.
On more days I feel like I'm just surviving on an hour by hour basis and waiting for DD to go to bed so I can relax a bit.
I feel like 'mummy' but very rarely feel like me, I feel like I have lost a big chunk of my identity and have very little to add to conversations and feel like I'm not entitled to my say compared to those around me (I know this is completely ridiculous but I can't help it).
Every time I feel like this and every time I hide in the toilet for 2mins peace I feel guilty and like I should just be so bloody grateful for all of the above.
I'm so fucking grateful for this forum and you lot where I can actually put all these feelings down and share them rather than live in my own head.

Eco I think all of these things are completely normal and that being a mum is the hardest thing in the world and you have to give up something of yourself to do it well but that's such a change for us from being strong independent women I know I stole that line from Destinys Child that it's bound to feel like it's affected everything. I think and hope it's just something we'll get used to in time!

Eco I had those feelings when I gave up a job I enjoyed and was doing well in to move out of London and house renovate. I lost 'me'. I knew noone, lost my professional identity, didn't enjoy living in a wreck, and DH never once appreciated how hard I worked. I literally never sat down.

You've gone through a whole raft of major life decisions all at once. Marriage, baby, resigning from your job, and relocating. That's huge. Be kind to yourself. Any one of those things requires a certain level of adjustment, so all at once would be tough on anyone.

Yes, motherhood is tough, relentless, and full of highs and lows, but I suspect a little of the malaise you are feeling is attributable to all the other big life changes you are going through.

I know it's hard, but don't bottle it up in RL. Talk to DH, family, friends, anyone, and make time to go for a run or have some fun. My 5.30am swims in the summer were more about me making time to be 'me', than the exercise.

As for my day to day dealing with life. If I'm honest, motherhood has been an escape from all the sh*t DH put me through, so I guess I'm on a different equilibrium to most. I don't feel the lows, but I do have lows. I didn't feel a loss of identity because my identity was already lost. I'm kind of happy now although I can be a little techy after an unbroken 14 hour shift of child care

Big hug, we're always here if you want to off load.

eco a bath without a poo is a successful one in our house so there's that

And as for your post, look at that list of things going on in your life! It's no wonder it all gets on top of you. When I had to leave my job, I started on a downward spiral because I didn't know where my life was going. I still don't, but I'm just concentrating on the little things that make me smile: I've just dyed my hair a rather deep shade of brown when this time last year it was as bright as the sun, I'm applying for jobs, and I'm looking forward to our getaway. Just things like that keep me going. And of course, having that beautiful little human I made curl up in my arms. It's a trying time for us all, it's bound to be, but thank god for this thread where we can ask and say these things to each other, and always have support.

Eco everyone else has already said it. You're having mentally and emotionally process some huge changes at the moment. You come across as a remarkably upbeat and sunny person and you take a hell of a lot in your stride. But you wouldn't be human if things didn't get to you occasionally, and that's where your real life supporty people get to prop you up.

Personally I felt like I was drifting way before I had DS, and that, despite my issues and emotions, having a baby has set me on a path I always wanted to be on. Kind of like Worse I guess.
I left a cracking bunch of friends in Birmingham not-quite three years ago. I worked stupid hours and was too tired to socialise, so we know no one locally. My best friends live in Lyon and London, and the only people I see here are my parents, a girl from school, and Something. I lack the courage to go to baby groups, and now I work from home, so this place really is a life line. I've fought tooth and nail to remain independent, but sometimes the result of this is isolation. That doesn't matter when the suns out and we can be outdoors, but right now feels a bit claustrophobic.

Would love to bang on your door with a box of eclairs and a bottle of vouvray.

eco i get what you mean. Being a mum has been a slap in the face for me and perhaps wasn't ready for it as much as I thought I was. I have a wonderful ds who Iove to bits. I love watching him develop in to a clever, active and amazing baby. Some days I highs and some days I have lows. Im lucky to have family living close by and 99% helpful dh. Sleep deprivation has affected me a lot. I miss being independant financially and physically. I can't even go to the toilet
without ds wanting to sit on my lap! Im hoping going back to work will balance things out but I know I will miss him like mad. (I don't know what I want.) That is why im hoping to go back part time.

There are a few changes going on for you right now and you feeling like this is normal.

Hope everyone who is ill gets better soon.

thank you all! A good mix of responses. I think if I'd had some sleep over the last six months maybe I'd be feeling more perky. dh got éclairs so I ate those in front of box set and am now tucked up listening to wind and rain which thankfully are on the back of the house so I get to listen to all the drama from under my duvet with my bagpuss hot water bottle

I reminded myself of the book 'what mothers do' that I read whilst pregnant. That whole book is about feeling what I'm feeling so I think I'm not alone and as you point out I have chosen to do a load of life changers all at once. The love of a good man, my beautiful girl, mother nature and a stern self-talking to will see me through this blip. Alongside the support from you wise women. Can't thank you enough for being around when I need you. And, sorry for making a fuss A problem shared and all that. Happy weekends to you all. xx

Eco you didn't make a fuss, you just articulated what everyone feels at times.

We're feeling pretty subdued here too today, as last night was the worst we've ever had. Having been up from 5am I was hoping for a good sleep, but dd woke at 11.45pm, and did not settle again all night. DH was away the previous night so in my book that meant he'd had a break and should help. In his it meant he was tired from travelling and needed to sleep. I paced with her until after 3am, after which I just couldn't do it any more as 22 hours without sleep and you get pretty clumsy. I feel bad, but I gave up, and just closed the door. He took over then, but had no more luck than I did, and eventually we gave up about 6.30am and all got up. I'm so tired I feel sick, and it doesn't help that I've just done a pre-booked training session.

I wish I knew what the problem was so we can avoid it in future. Milk, crackers, calpol, winding, pacing... nothing worked.

oh suck worse. That sounds crap. Pharmacist sil says baby ibuprofen is a good bet if babies distressed and calpol not working. It's after for teething pain as well. I'm rubbish at figuring out if it's teeth. Might that be part of the problem? Other than wonder week bloody mindedness that's the only idea I have. Go to a far away bedroom and have a good long nap leaving dh in charge. If it's any consolation you'll probably get a good night tonight.

How awful Worse. Frankly I think these small people just like to fuck with us. I agree with Eco though, baby nurofen is great if you can't figure out what the problem is (and at 3am who can?)
Would you have her in with you?

Eco I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Is the sun out where you are?

I'm looking at wedding caterers, and frankly I couldn't be less interested. Can I just go ring shopping instead?