October 2013 Bus Graduates: the one where we're not pregnant anymore

[MrsHoratioNelson]

Check in here. Do we still need the stats?

The only way i said I'd consider having another was if dd was at school by the time another one came along and in 4-5 years time that would make me 40 and I'm not too sure if I would fancy starting again at 40. I don't think I cope with stress very well and I don't fancy feeling as low again as I have done recently. So I will 95% likely stick at one.

Like Flyer and Ready, at the moment I do not want another. DH disagrees and does not want A to be an only child but I honestly do not see how I could cope with a newborn and A as a toddler. I am in awe of all of you with more than 1 DC. That said, As long as this baby lark does get easier ( as everyone promises!), I'll probably change my mind in a couple of years.

I shall download that book tucking thanks for the tip.

I def wasn't prepared for the massive upheaval a baby brings, I was totally delusional to what motherhood entails and it's so far from my previous life which was carefree travelling week in week out partying and lying on beaches visiting cities like NYC I still mourn that life and the adjustment has been very very tough and I've struggled a lot.

Oh and in a hormonal sleep deprived crying episode last week I begged dp to have a vasectomy

It is tough. I do understand,i honestly thought my life was over when i had ds. I loved him massively,but everytime he fed he caused me agonising pain,his dad & i nearly split several times in his first year of life. It seems that nobody in real life experiences this. But then you come on line & discover that there are women who are going through the same feelings you are & it just makes life feel a little bit better because you aren't alone.

it truly does get easier,the become more & more & more rewarding as they grow & you get to be proud that you created & continue to mould this incredible little person.

i really should get more sleep! I didn't mean to patronise you flyer with my comment on possibly having more. I know it's a very personal decision.

I always knew I'd have another after DD1 and DD2 but this time I know I'm done, do not need or want to go through it again!

Flyer I had wobbles and mourned my old life after having DD1, I went back part time after previous mat leaves and will again this time, being me and earning makes me happy. Used to say I went to work for a break! You will get you back eventually (and probably appreciate work more!) It's still early days xx

Oh and 2x 4yr age gaps definitely help! Don't think I'd cope well with more than 1 at home and in nappies

Tucking don't be daft you weren't patronising at all, I think your post before was great and I see you point.

I'm glad it gets easier and you hit the nail on the head when you say that you felt like your life was over when you had DS.

I am looking forward to the easier times ahead tucking and this board is great and it does indeed make you realise that a good percentage of people struggle with one aspect or another when it comes to a new baby.

soup (I think) I hope LO is ok in the harness and it resolves the issue sending hugs xxx

I knew as soon as I had dd I wanted more now I've had ds I'm not sure weird as it sounds id love to experience labour/birth Again but realistically were done with 2 especially as we have a boy and girl and now we've been officially accepted for our 3 bed house I've always wanted my kids to have there own rooms and don't fancy upsizing again to 4 beds plus I think a 3rd would give me a breakdown lol I'm easily stressed out and we've been lucky and had two straight forward/easy babies so I can't imagen how those of u with more unsettled babies to doing xxx

Ready I have been feeling the same way. Loved pregnancy, has a very quick straightforward labour, back in pre-pregnancy clothes, adorable, gorgeous baby who (usually) feeds every 3-4 hours and doesn't cry without a cause (wind, hungry etc). So I know I am incredibly lucky.

And yet I have been wondering whether I would do it again.

Likewise the trauma of birth - even though was straightforward, natural delivery - has really stayed with me. Not sure I want to feel that way again (would almost certainly take more drugs if I ever did do it again!)

And the sleep deprivation is so much more brutal than I imagined. Half the time the tiredness is almost physically painful.

Like you I had a demanding, professional job - I am used to my fair share of late night, high stress situations. But the total lack of control makes this so much harder than anything I have done before.

When I look at S I melt. And it is hard to imagine not giving him siblings (I have four), but I do wondered whether I could get through it all again, this time with another child to look after as well...

We are definitely done now! DH is considering the snip.... But after DD I knew I would have more.

Life does totally change having a baby. Everyone said that before I had DD and I was all "yeah yeah, I'm going to retain my old life just fine..." Ha! BUT, it all gets so much easier so quickly. The first year of two, yes, it's a barrage of overwhelming need (year 1 especially). But DD is three now and I actually mourn for her needing us 100%! She goes off all day to pre school and has a whole "life" that is independent of us: friends, activities, rules etc. and she of course sleeps all night and takes herself to the loo etc.... The need is much less, and the person is more and more wonderful! Time with DD really ain't that far removed from the "old" life: restaurants, coffees out, shopping etc etc. the only that is nowhere near as relaxing or even possible is lounging by the pool on holiday. But that will come! Now with the twins, this phase where they're "mine all mine" and I am nurturing every aspect if their being actually feels precious. And as I've said up thread or before somewhere, I find it enourmously helpful to think of this nurturing as absolutely my full time, challenging job right now. You are doing SO much by mothering a new born!

Also, for me, I'm fine (touch wood!!) with the newborn bit, but I am really seriously but good emotionally with the terror (for me) of pregnancy. I find it a v worrying time.

not good emotionally with preg.

My job is also v demanding and I've found it helpful to think of this as equally or more demanding but SO much more worthwhile... When I went to work (long ten hour days, a day a week in London etc) it was most def a break!

Oh and (sorry) if this preg had been planned, we would have opted for a 5 year age gap (but obviously I wouldn't have it any other way now! )

And (again!) DH and I frequently say we wonder why the divorce rate isn't higher for families as its just so bloody hard when they're tiny!

I'm with u on that legally my dd is a few weeks younger than yours and the other morning I was washing up she came in the kitchen to tell me she had all the things I need to get baby Harrison dressed and listen them too me and when I went in the living room she had out everything in a pile right where I sit to get him dressed! How adorable? Lol she's such a good helper bless her... If only she could drop her teenage attitude she seems go have found

I wondered actually those with older dc are they only attention seeking towArds one parent? Dd is the same as she always has been with me but as soon as dh comes home she turns into an evil child starts talking like a baby etc its literally instant the second he's in the door even tho he puts her to bed every night so he has that time with her on his own x

Thanks for the book recommendation, have also downloaded.

I always said I wanted 3 children but after this one I'm not so sure anymore. I didn't end up posting my birth experience but it was horrendous...not to be dramatic but I actually felt traumatised after it and it took 16 pages of writing to get it all out of my system and draw a line underneath it.

I don't think I could go through that again :(

Thanks all for the good wishes. I spent most of the day yesterday crying my eyes out about my poor wee girl and her harness but am feeling much more positive today. We had a rough night, she would only sleep on me, apparently it's quite normal as she gets accustomed to not being able to kick and wriggle. We're having to relearn everything - dressing, feeding, changing, it's like being right back at the start again. However, it's for the best and this should mean she has no problems when she is older.

As for having another - I really can't imagine it. I've found this so, so tough and the thought of doing it again with a toddler to look after too seems impossible. DH has always wanted one anyway, and I'm 37, so we probably wont have another.

Hugs soup. How long does she need it?

we definitely want another one, but yes to waiting 4/5 years. We're only 26 so have time to wait!!
it is so much harder than I thought it would be, but I love having my little man and can't imagine not wanting another one day.

So, yesterday dp went out and bought some dr browns bottles to see if they helped with the colic and they have transformed Hunter from a screaming banshee to a lovely happy little boy!!! he is so much more settled its amazing!!!

oh and re: gripe water, the full 5ml makes Hunter vomit, but I find 2.5ml makes him burp and calms him down without the vomit!!

So happy for you with the Dr Browns bottles Roofio ! I've heard good things about them. I was 28 when I had DD, hence the 5 year gap plan. The best laid plans and all that...!!!!

Ps - is Roofio a reference to Hook? Love that film!

Depends how it goes, orange, but probably 12 weeks.

J gets about half as dose of gripe water every time because it all spills and goes out of his mouth. He's noticeably more settled so whatever he's getting must be enough.

I'm officially fed up right now. I have all these people holding J and shoving dummies in his mouth and overheating him to make him sleep and not giving him to me when he's hungry. They then tell me I feed too much. Well now I have engorged breasts with sore areas and I'm achy all over. I feel generally awful. I'm afraid it's mastitis and I'll have to go to the walk-in clinic before the christening tomorrow. I want everyone to go away so I can spend days in bed with my baby.

Ana I know how you feel. I found myself waking Thomas on purpose for a cuddle and a feed when mil was here trying to get him to settle inhis Moses basket all day and saying he couldn't be hungry already. Can you say you are tired and take him to bed? Hope tomorrow goes ok and you aren't in too much pain. Sure you know about showering, expressing compressing all round etc.