November 2012 - Crawling? Already? Uh-oh!

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1779903-November-2012-The-weaning-adventure-continues

vq if you know you chose the less worrying answers on some then you know your score would have been higher. That is a worrying score and you need to seek help. I know you're not averse to medication which is a good thing. As you know I had problems after E was born and eventually the medication helped. The depression was the easiest part to fix to be honest. Please see your GP on Monday. The HV should have redone the test at 16weeks post partum.

Well I had hen night last night. Had a blast, even though we had to work to hide the fact the hen is actually pregnant! J took bottles with less fuss and actually opened his mouth for one this morning while I snoozed in bed! I think we will up the neocate percentage now.

Someone mentioned that I wanted to mix feed. I don't really want to but feel I have to if that makes sense. If J doesn't take the formula in bottles and I am unable to fed him due to surgery or when I'm back at work and cannot express enough he needs to take the formula. If some times he gets EBM and others formula I was told he will start to refuse the formula as it's yucky compared to the BM. So that's why we need to, necessity I suppose rather than me choosing to.

I never had a PND assessment, despite me having depression when I got pregnant One thing I would say is that just because there are factors (lack of sleep, family issues etc) making you feel the way you do, doesn't mean that you aren't actually depressed. My initial depression was triggered by some big life changes (relationship breakdown, New house, New job) and while I could explain away how I was feeling by the stress of recent events, I was still actually depressed. I don't think I have written that very well, but my advice is to see your GP. Antidepressants have helped me hugely, despite not really working for me pre-pregnancy. I would have fallen apart without them these past few weeks, I am sure of it.

When I had my post-natal check the HV answered the questions for me as she went along:

Are things getting on top of you? Oh no, you seem really happy and calm, you're doing great. I'll put Not At All.

Oh, ok then. Not saying I was depressed, but given my MH history I was quite surprised to have them skipped through quite so blithely.

I'm depressed. Not PND though. My mood goes up and down depending on how much I think about work. Has been like that since before my pregnancy with DD1. This weekend it has got worse. My tummy kind of lurches when I think about it. A kind of vertigo feeling. Though I guess it is stress more than depression.

Love how everyone thinks I am obsessed with bumholes :o

All I can say is try it my way, you might be surprised how much easier it is.

I've had a lovely afternoon in a park in Luxembourg followed by a scenic drive home through the vineyards. Bliss.

I wish they did PR Ranitidine.

Better than being eggy and only talking about cloth, PR

I've been to church, dusted and tidied the living room, cleaned the kitchen, made a roast chicken dinner with pear crumble and had a bath. There is pink wine for later, think I've earned it?

Actually, we all have

Sante!

apps.dur.ac.uk/sleep.lab/survey/consent Someone on FB linked this. I've just read it.

I'm going to do it!

(It's a survey on sleep!)

Hope I have not offended you PP by referring to pre-folds. It was meant as a bit of humour x

Yes Izzy, I was a bit concerned at the score considering I had effectively under-scored. I am not overly concerned about my mental health, but enough so to know I need a wee bit of help. I have no concerns about being sectioned or admitted or having my kids taken off me, and do not feel that I am in any way incapable of looking after them. Just myself.

Very impressed by your big fat zero Detective

Have not seen Kyz for a while. Are you ok?

The tool is only a quick thing to hopefully highlight potential concerns. It should be done by the mum with no consultation with anybody at all. It should be done quickly too so there is less opportunity for manipulation either positively or negatively. The HV should be assessing your mood every second they are interacting with you, and anything they see or hear should be talked about as and when it is appropriate. It is actually quite a small part of it, but with some HVs who seem to be utterly clueless and frankly do not give a shit, it can help identify potential concerns.

I was much much worse with DD1. Much much worse. Fine with DD2, and I swear the trigger with DS was day 5 and the weight fiasco. It brought back so much from DD1. With DD1 I thought she hated me. I did not believe she was mine. I did not feel I had given birth to her. And I blamed her for a lot of things. Not very healthy thoughts really, and that was from very early on. The midwife caught me crying on day 3 and said I needed to pull myself together as otherwise I would be admitted to a MH unit and I would not be allowed to take my baby with me. Fucking bitch. It is because of that I did not tell anyone how I was feeling as I was scared they would take her away from me. With DS I actually feel a lot closer to him than I ever did with the girls. I know he adores me, not just my boobs.

What does that tell you about all the hv who've watched me suppress tears then without acting?

R ate his dinner blw style :o roast chicken, potatoes and carrots are yum, broccoli not so much. Organix fruit pot and hipp fruit pouch inhaled for pudding to make up for mean mummy making him suck his own savoury course would you like to see a pic?

I still think if it asked the right questions I could score highly. I mean going 5 days without a shower, not leaving the house for days on end, not sleeping (or being able to fall asleep with in a reasonable amount of time) are not normal things are they?

But I can fall in to these patterns easily. The minute O doesn't sleep well, I'm back there. I'm currently on day 3 of not leaving the house or showering.

It's like I just have no energy for anything to do with me. If I slept well, things are better, but I've even had times where I've slept well and still not felt able to brave the world or brush my hair.

I am going to have to see the GP about the sleep. But I don't want to. Because what am I going to say? And it can't change until O reliably sleeps at night.

Looks like I won't be leaving the house for a few more days anyway as O has 3 lovely yellow bruises on his head. 2 on his forehead, and one on his scalp. I'm pretty sure the two on his forehead are from today. He headbutted the wall twice . His scalp, I'm not so sure. But he is a dare devil. He bumps himself multiple times a day.

I might hire O out actually. As a baby proof tool! I mean there isn't anything this child hasn't found I'm sure. He managed to get a wire which I had thread under the carpet from the wall to the sky box opposite. He also found the one tiny piece of beading on the laminate floor that wasn't completely secure, and started pulling it up. I only took him in the hall to let him see the Fisher Price Animal Train in motion! It won't work in the living room thanks to very thick carpet!

His cot is now on the lowest setting. I thought it was on the top setting, and that there were only 2. I was wrong. It had 3 settings, and has been on the middle one throughout. D'oh! Anyway. The drop side is incredibly noisy and stiff. I'm not sure what we are going to do now! I can't leave the drop side dropped as he can pull himself up to stand. And I can't reach to lower him in. If I put it up when he has fallen asleep, I'm fucked.

VQ Just re-read your posts, and saw you said you don't feel incapable of looking after the children, just yourself. Which is pretty much what I have written above. How odd. Will have to think further.

pidj sound yum.

Interesting about the PND questionnaire. The reason it is so difficult, I suppose, is that all new mums have got to have classic PND or depression symptoms from time to time, simply as a result of being exhausted, hormonal new parents.

det is it worth seeing GP? Doesn't sound good, not leaving house.

((Hugs)) to all who need them xx

Turns out F will eat pretty much anything if the appropriate amount of pear is added. The yuminess of the food is inversely proportional to amount of pear required. Eg. soreen = very yum and therefore needs no pear. Chicken and sweet potato = meh and needs 1 cube of pear. Fairly sure anything involving peas or spinach would need multiple cubes of pear.

Just off to pack her bag for CM

Not showering, not leaving the house, too lethargic at times to leave the couch have all been symptoms in the past that I'm in a depressive state. I've not felt it since Jonas' arrival but the winter before on the island I was getting close due to WAH with little human contact and arguably SAD thanks to 5-6 hours of daylight. If I didn't leave the house every day ATM I'd be sectioned or be living in that quasi existence where you are living your life through a screen (ironic typing this onto MN I know!) too much time screen gazing and without external stimuli from the real world always makes me feel down, but if I was in all day I'd not be able to help myself.

You can have PND and still be able to look after your baby. I had the test as a questionnaire before the 8 week check, not sure what I scored but I didn't hear anything from HV.

VQ what a bitch that midwife was. I was caught sobbing in hospital I night 2 when in after DD arrived after a cat1 GA EMCS. The kindest midwife found me, told me it was all normal, spent 2 hours teaching me to b'feed, and made the "baby blues"/ massive hornonal crash / epic drugs comedown seem normal and like something that was fine to acknowledge and move on from. Yes I had had a reasonably traumatic time, but the care I received was excellent, and I think that has a massive impact, but it is such a lottery whether everyone feels well cared for and supported.

I always meant to write to the chief exec of the PCT to comment on the excellent care but never got around to it. Thinking about some of your experiences, I think I might.

(((( hugs ))))

Oooooh, BPLP it's like the first day of term again! Good luck tomorrow, you will be fab!

Madame Do it. It will make that midwifes day. Year quite possibly. Most of us are 'down and out' right now at the state of things. Any compliment will be a massive boost.

I have had a couple of similar letters of thanks in the past. I remember those women and babies, and it keeps me going through times of utter shitness.

People often ask what to get midwives to say thank you. A letter is the biggest compliment, and the best gift ever. :) That and knowing you have made a difference, no matter how little, to someone.

YW I know. If I looked from the outside in, I would think the same. But I don't feel depressed. Although I am not sure what that would feel like. I think due to the crap start (due to fanjo) and it genuinely being too much to actually shower, wash hair, dry hair due to too much movement/effort on the poor fanjo, I've just formed bad habits.

Then when I started feeling more able to do those things for myself, O took a nose dive with the sodding reflux. And the cycle continued.

The sleep would probably be the biggest cause right now. If I could be Sophia and get up before the children, I would be on top of life! I would like an hours peace in the morning to get ready. But how does one get ready when they can't face getting out of bed before the baby wakes up due to crap sleep/next to no sleep?!

I'm not sure!

I wish it didn't take me so long to get ready in the morning. To feel good about myself I need a shower, hair wash, hair dry and straighten and some foundation, mascara and blusher. That takes me an hour. I've tried to shave off time somewhere, but it's impossible. That is how long it takes, end of!

I'm just waffling. I've got to get on top of it as I need to go back to work soon! So I'll just have to pull myself together.

Sorry. There is no need to reply to my waffle! I might not even post this! Just helps to type it out.

Think I will post it so I can read it back one day.

Right.

VQ can I just say that I think you are awesome. Like, amazingly so. Others have said what I wanted to say much better than I could so I will leave it there.

Madame I didn't stop crying for the 48 hours after having O whilst I was in hospital. I also didn't touch a crumb of food or get a wink of sleep. There was one very kind HCA who helped me try to bf but she only worked at night, whilst nobody else seemed to give a shit. All of the other mums on my ward, plus SIL who had given birth 12 days earlier seemed so at ease with it all and I was completely out of my depth. XP just getting annoyed at me obviously didn't help and I am convinced that it contributed greatly to my failure to bf O past 3 days. I don't think it was PND though. Just hormones and being utterly overwhelmed. It holds painful memories for me though. Interestingly though, my depression eased greatly during my pregnancy and only came back 6-8 weeks after the birth, so I think pregnancy hormones had a bit of a protective effect.

O had his first taste of pasta for dinner today, mixed it with some mushed avocado and he seemed to like it. He also ate a whole sausage

How's about a haircut so it's lower maintenance and it doesn't feel such a chore?

Also think if you have any stuck in a rut triggers. For instance if I turn the TV on when we come downstairs I'm liable to do everything super slow or just sit on the couch, whereas if I stick the radio on first thing I'm up and dancing and get much more accomplished. Also if the day feels like its going pear shaped I bundle the bear into the buggy and we get at least an hour's walk.

Others must have tips too.....

The instant F is awake, we get up and out of bed (unless it's stupid o'clock) - any time after 6. And she sits/lies on the bathroom floor (trickier if they're mobile) whilst I have a shower. If I languish in bed, the whole day goes to shit. Can't be bothered to wash, dress, eat properly etc. But up and shower, then you have to get dressed.

Depression sucks, full stop. I was concerned when the reflux was at it's worrst that I was headed that way, but managed to turn things around before I got too bad. It is incredibly prevalent, and yet so little talked about.

det it also takes me an hour+ to get ready every day. I have to shower, wash, dry & straighten hair and put make up on. I never manage to leave the house before 10 as I have to wash up O's bottles and make new ones, plus give him breakfast and get him down for his first nap. I hate mornings.

I hardly go out during the week. But there's nothing to do. No groups or activities, and all the playgrounds round here are 3+. Those baby swings you have in England? Yet to find them here. They exist in Germany but that's a drive , not far but who drives 15 miles to go on the sodding swings?

We do have a good sized garden, which they love, and weekends are full of fun when we are both there to wrangle the dc and dog.

But day to day it's these four walls. I'm glad they're going to nursery. Nursery will be far more stimulating and sociable than what I, with no local friends, can give them. And the time I do have with them will be much more special.