March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

[SoYo]

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

Awww its quiet on here. Hope you are all having a good snooze. I dont know where i went wrong tonight but ds woke up now for a feed instead of 4.30am like yesterday.

KF it's so much more fun to keep you guessing. Getting into a routine would just be easy for the mini-monsters!

Miss Madam's done a nice long 4.5hr stretch there but trying to get her out f her basket was really sore so might have to wake DH for the transfer.

Im here! Told you I do feed on demand, sigh.

Cross that I've let myself get in such a state, but hard when all the 'don't worry, I'm sure it's fine, everyone worries about that' always seems to turn into a professional referral for us. Eg, early days bfing - everyone worries they don't have enough milk, for me turns into you don't have enough milk, you are now under the care of the infant feeding coordinator and LO is to be weighed every 48 hours for a month. Then it was everyone worries their LO isn't gaining enough, ESP when they had a rocky start like you, which turned into a paed referral for dropping through centiles. Sounds like ignorance is bliss for some of you. We'll see what hv says...

Pud I feel your pain honestly - getting to EBF is so much work for many of us and I can imagine how any knock in confidence can really put you back down again. DS hasn't been weighed for weeks so for all i know he could be underweight too and that scares me more because of my bf battle. You've done your absolute best and just try to remember that. You did something that was really not easy and it'll never be a smooth ride but it will get better!

My boobs haven't gone hard like they normally do tonight - is this the settling in thing I've seen mentioned before on here?

I'm still confused by on the one hand people saying 'your boobs will keep producing, you will always have enough' but on the other 'if you miss a feed your supply will be affected'. Surely these things are totally at odds?!

It's all about balance Leni. If you reduce the feeds you still produce milk, but not quite as much. The baby sucking and draining the boob is what stimulates your milk supply, which is why you naturally start to produce more when they feed more in growth spurt weeks (hence the comment 'you will always have enough').

Utter nightmare of a day yesterday. Was vaccinations.... or at least I thought it was... which meant getting the tiddler up and out at a time which did not fit with her idea of when she wanted breakfast. Net effect, she had to leave on an empty stomach. Never good. 50yds down the road she remembered that actually yes, she was hungry and started to scream. ... all the way to the surgery. It is a 20min walk. Sob. Once at the surgery the bastards lovely people there declared that no, we didn't have an appointment. It didn't matter that I had a letter confirming said fictitious appointment in my hand, we weren't in the book. So we left, dd still screaming.

Given I was now facing another 20 min walk home with screaming baby, I did what any insane parent would do in this situation - I decided to feed her whilst we walked. Cue much rootling about about in the sling to release a boob. It worked though, and was I guess a little more discrete than announcing one's presence with a bellowing baby. I suspect I may have given more than one old lady on the way out to buy their morning milk a bit of a funny turn, but hey, we do what we have to do to cope.

Weigh-ins... ah, those would be the things I don't go to then. I don't see the point to be honest. Aside from the fact the baby clinic here is once a month, on a schedule linked to a bank holiday adjusted lunar calendar with a quadratic shift (or so it seems), no one anywhere can tell me when to actually turn up. She looks fine, chubby even and as she only lost 10g weight in her first 5 days, and has obviously gained ever since, she is obviously healthy. I will wait until a HV clouts me before I consider changing this approach.

Reading the car travel advice with interest. We have a 6 hour trip coming up.... oh great joy. The back seat of our car is like travelling on a bouncy castle, so DD and I are both destined to be very sick. My plan for survival is to feed and change her in the car, and cross my fingers a lot.

Well after the 2am feed ds didnt wake up until 7 and even then he wasnt screaming for a feed. Im worried i slept through his crying early am. But surely me and dh would have heard him right? Ahhh this little man is confusing me. On a good note me and ds have made it for 12 weeks. Go us!

SoYo- hope you get better soon. Its hard work looking after a little person when not a 100% yourself.

Pud and(everyone else on here ebf)- well done for persevering. I hope your LOs thrive. Dont you think health professionals should really tell us the reality of bf. I went to a bf antenatal class and blimey their heads are in the clouds when discussing bf.

Worse- really sorry to hear the challenging day yesterday but at least you learnt to feed in the sling.

I do weigh ins when i go in for imms. Got 12wk ims next week. Aghh! The same day as my mil coming to stay with of us for a whole month! Thats a whole other story. There will be some granny competition between mil and my dm. I dont think i can handle that.

Im going for lunch with a friend today. I hope ds is on best behaviour.

pudnat I feel your pain but honestly don't see a paed referral as a bad thing. My husband is Swiss in most other places in the developed world babies under 1 have paediatrician care for the first year then move to a gp. The Hv thing here is just cheaper for the NHS. You want your little one to see the best. All they do is check for obvious issues with growth that are a problem like cardio or breathing problems. I am sure you don't have these as wouldnt have got far. The other plus is if you have issues like we have had down the line with an acute onset illness you already have a paed that has seen you little one and knows them. I know everything is hard when we are sleep deprived but try to see as a good thing. The advice you will get should be a lot more helpful and reassuring than the Hv crap!

Ps baby connect app is fine!

Every morning here there's what sounds like a giant robot stomping on the earth - scares the crap out of me. Expecting the apocalypse every time

leni my breasts have been soft for weeks and I exclusively breastfeeding with no expressing either. KF I think that bf is presented in a positive way because although it takes most people 8-12 weeks to get sorted once it works it works wonderfully and then can be continued easily for as long as possible. These days we are unfortunately not exposed to breastfeeding as we grow up - we don't live in communities where we see it done all the time so its even more of a learned skill. I think many of us are unprepared to all the challenges for having a baby and breastfeeding should be seen as just one of these - something that needs to be worked on if its something that suits your baby.

We don't do weigh ins either - no way am I taking DD to germ infested childrens center! She is incredibly chubby and clearly gaining weight so no need. We are also going to refuse to see HV next time as she appears to be useless and just takes up unncessary time as far as I can tell!

rainbow Of course breastfeeding is very beneficial im not doubting that. Im just thinking if health professionals outline the potential difficulties a new parent may face whilst bf so she can prepare herself for the challenges of bf. Also prehaps feel less like a failure when things are not going well.

Re: hv. I cant believe how there are many of us who think they are unhelpful. Ive had a good experience withmine . I even had a visit when i was pregnant. Also they have a policy of visiting the home 3x post birth. Ive asked rl friends who havent had this much contact with their hv. Mynext visit is next month when ds is 4months when she is planning to talk about weaning. My hv even said that i should know when my baby is ready to wean which would be between 4-6months whereas i have come across many health professionals are adament weaning should start at 6months.

We are having a very strange nap. DD went down at about 11.25. We had a bit of noise just after 12, but no proper vocalisations, no shouting. And then it all went quiet. She's now been napping for over an hour and a half. What's going on?

pud sending sympathetic weight-gaining vibes your way. It is hard not to worry when everyone's saying "Don't panic, weight gain's happening, everything's fine" but everyone else's babies grow three times as fast.

stormy must be so hard to worry about weight gain. If your instinct is telling you something is wrong then demand a referral to a pediatrician from GP and don't take no for an answer!

Aghhh ds is crying and i dont know how to stop it. Ive gone through the checklist and yet still crying.

stormy- how old is dd? Maybe her naps are changing or she is trying to freak you out.

I can't remember who suggested the Wonder Weeks book but I got it & it's great. It goes a long way to explaining the grumpy, clingy times & screaming fits at certain points.

Struggling with my back again tonight. It's definitely at its worst trying to feed her & she's being really difficult to settle to sleep tonight. I've ended up feeding her in bed lying down but that's a terrible position for transfer!

esp hard not to worry when hv makes same day pead referral and that sees you admitted for 48 hrs. done a load of bloods etc to check no physiological issues. suspicion lies with my supply. I feel awful, and now have a night of three hourly feeds and top ups and expressing trying to hold the ng tube at bay. a big shock as while I knew he wasn't gaining as quickly as he should he's never lost since first week, and all had seemed to be improving. goes to show what I know.

Hang in there Pud. Sending positivity your way.

KK i agree that the info on bf we get is far from what's needed to give us a realistic idea of what to expect. Saying 'it doesn't always come naturally' is a) a huge understatement and b) doesn't tell you in what way it may be hard.

The breastfeeding workshop i went to was led by someone who told us all we'd be skipping around the shops feeding in a sling as we went, and that we could eat/drink anything we wanted and take all medications! Considering this was in a hospital it makes me wonder why breastfeeding matters so little to them that they hire an idiot to give out downright dangerous advice. She told us there were two ways to feed, rugby hold and cradle and nothing else. Shite basically. Had I had someone tell me honestly that any of the problems I've had were possible I wouldn't have beaten myself up as much.

Still having major issues here with DS only being satisfied after having FF even though he's definitely getting milk from me. Doesn't matter how long I let him feed. REALLY disheartening and pushing me ever further towards switching

Don't worry too much pud. As you said, he's not lost weight, he is gaining just not as quickly as is average so they're being over cautious.

You have all made me feel much better about not getting farty bum officially weighed for ages. I don't really feel a need to but felt like it's compulsory or something. I feel happier knowing I'm not the only one who thinks it's a waste of time for them. I can see he's growing well so we'll continue as we have been.

What's everyone's favourite thing about their LO. For me right this minute it's his ultra soft hands stroking my arm as I hold his bottle for him. Too cute. And I never get enough of when he has just woken up, realises the strange person watching him is me and gives me a big gummy grin.

Oh no pudnat hang in there. Sending good wishes your way..... Loving the baby connect app, brilliant and reading wonder weeks as still on 3 hourly feeds here but lungs a lot clearer so doc hopeful one more visit tomorrow and that's it. Hope you all had good days in the sunshine. I am starting to like nighttime more with dd, quiet feeds and she looks so peaceful.

stormy the evil Gina would say that is the right nap. Ie a good two hour stretch at lunch to have her ready for the fun of the afternoon! How did the rest of the day go? I found my first little one got into the habit of a two hour stretch at lunch and didn't drop that nap til he was nearly 3 and it was the last nap to go...

Pud that's shit. Hope you're ok. Sending hugs.

Eig I'm really glad you're seeing improvement.

I'm shattered & very stingy eyed plus the back's still bad. I'm desperate for it to get better. Originally I was supposed to be going to a hen do today but as madam refuses her bottle that's off, then I'm supposed to e going to a birthday do on a boat but my backs that bad hat I don't think I will be....maybe the powers that be are trying to keep me at home today!

Oh the grins for sure - turns me to mush! Also DS sings when I sing (well as close as a 9 weeker can get to singing) and that's his favourite thing although bit worried that so far M People appears to be getting most smiles...

I'm currently awake and confused - DS has been grumbling in his sleep for a bit but has slept through from 8.45pm last night without a feed?! He did have a lot yesterday and he's farting now so I imagine he'll wake up properly pretty soon and then realise - cue meltdown. Would be brilliant if he started waiting until 6am when OH gets home!

ah Leni, looks like you've had the sleep for the both of us last night then - was it good ?

mixed efforts from minipud overnight, partly cos he's not used to getting so little sleep either I think. some top ups taken well, others ignored. I am failing to express much but think the combination of dh forgetting to bring in my fenugreek (along with pjs and any other clothes for me, sigh) and the stress and exhaustion prob explain that. .