March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

[SoYo]

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

I absolutely leave dd to it all the time! I play with her often, but I figure if I'm tired, and she's happy, then I can sleep whilst she's safely entertaining herself. Often she goes back to sleep herself, probably the calm atmosphere or something?

Eco - absolutely, because self settling is a really important skill that babies need to learn, and if you jump up and rush to them the second they open their eyes, you may well stop them from learning it. Mini-worse is often half awake and moving about in the night. I'm always aware of it, but unless she cries I leave her to it, and 9 times out of 10 she goes back to sleep.

Eig - so pleased your dd is on the road to recovery.

It's going to be a looonnngggg night here. Smallest person is arching and kicking and crying and really suffering from trapped wind, so DH and I are running shifts comforting and massaging her. She's not eaten enough or napped enough either, so we're dealing with hungry (but can't eat) and over-tired on top of everything else. Ah the joys.... Poor little mite though. I just wish I could make it better.

Eco what is this lying awake but not crying in the crib of which you speak? But seriously, when this very rare occurrence does happen here I just leave her in the vain hope she'll go back to sleep. Thanks for the info about 12 weeks. DD is doing all the things you mentioned so having it explained really helped.

Wors I feel your pain. We've been watching DD have horrible wind & gripey pain after going 8 days without a poo then today she finally had an explosion....I've never seen a nappy filled like it. Luckily I took her to hange it the second it happened otherwise goodness knows how far it would have got! She does seem a lot happier since then.

Some friends of ours have had their baby today and after my initial reaction of being so glad she's here safely my next was that the poor sods have no idea what they're in for. For me the first few weeks were just awful and I kept thinking I can't do this, what have we done, will it ever get better and I feel like we've turned a corner these last couple of weeks where she's suddenly getting more interesting & I all of a sudden just adore her. I know plenty of people feel like that from the first second but I wasn't one but I sure am glad it's happened now.

I've decided that tonight I'm going to attempt a dream feed in about half an hour in the hope of recreating the massive sleep from Sunday night. Wish me luck! There's so much trial and error in this house!!

Night all.

Eco on the rare occasions he's happy to lie there staring chattering and chewing his hand he makes so much noise I can't sleep anyway but yes I totally leave him until he starts crying. Usually that's only about 10 min but it's 10 more mins comfy in bed.

We're still having no luck getting him to drop the 4am feed so I read evil gina today to see what hints she had (according to her he shouldn't have been needing it for weeks but clearly he hasn't read her book). She seems to suggest offering cooled boiled water instead of milk if he's already eaten what he should during the day. Has anyone tried this? Not trying it tonight as haven't the energy to deal with the consequences if it's a crap idea but am wondering if anyone had this work? Might give it a go at weekend when all hands are on deck and there's no urgent need to get up in the morning.

Too tired for more typing so night all. Hope you all have good nights.

Just had a mini feed and waiting up to check mini eig ok. zigwig I think the cooled boiled water thing isn't the greatest idea of Gina's and never did it. If DS woke up we fed him if he was hungry. I had one NCT friend who tried it ad litte one still woke up looking for boiled water instead....when we wanted to drop that feed we pushed the other feeds ( by pushed I mean made sure awake enough to drink, plenty of time etc) but didn't push that one and only offered food if obvious little one was starving.

YY to leaving himself to it when he's happy. Anytime hes supposed to be asleep and especially if mummy is too, he gets left until he makes it clear its no longer acceptable.

YY also to a very uncomfortable baby . He was really off his food today and quite sleepy (which I put down to his rubbish nights sleep last night). Checked temp which was fine. But he has so much trapped wind, I do feel for him. Also due a poo... Hope it happens soon so he gets some relief.

Gina reckons he doesn't need a 4am feed? No ones told him! He goes down 7-9pm ish and goes through to 2-4ish usually. Tonight a disaster, and yes, feeding now but he didn't eat well all day so I don't mind.

Wondered if I am the only one to still not really relate to the concept that I am someone's mum. I say it umpteen times a day, but still don't identify myself internally that way. Love him to bits and very protective but still,,,

Thank you everyone for sharing. It seems leaving happy (or at least not unhappy) babies awake in bed is ok. Dh reckons she day dreams during these times (about her favourite toys and places in the house!) because she always takes a moment or two to notice us when we approach crib.
pud I'm working on basis that it took nine months for our body to become a mother and that it'll take nine months for our brain to catch up. We are obviously fulfilling role of mother day to day so weare 'being someone's mum' and our brain will recognise that soon!
eig how were those checks? fx
soyo did the dream feed attempt have desired effect?
wors was your hypothesis supported? Was it a long night? Hope not.
zig as evident by timing of this post four am feed very much still happening here. And sometimes midnight one too! I read research just last night that said less than a quarter of babies sleep through the night by ten months old! (economic and social research council) so we're happy to not be bucking the trend for now despite wanting a whole nights sleep more than a lottery win
Back to sleep for me now I hope. Hope you all in land of nod too.

zig I will try the water thing eventually, but at the moment I'm fairly confident that dd wakes in the night because she needs it, not just out of habit. Does your LO have a pretty decent feed at this time? I have noticed that very slowly the average time for this feed has moved - it used to be in the 2s and 3s- now it's never in the 2s, very very occasionally in the 3s, and for the last week entirely in the 4s (4.50 exactly for the last three nights!) I think I've kind of decided that if that trend stops for more than a couple of weeks then I might take action, but I never expected her to be doing this well by 12 weeks!

We would usually be in the 3s or 4s but due to midnight snack (actually prob best feed he'd had all day much to my relief) we are up again now.

Just checked nappy in case of poonami - still farting like a champ, very uncomfy doing so - but no dice. Just the chance to get weed on, hooray.

I found a piece somewhere which says medically 'sleeping through' is defined as the 5hr stretch between midnight and 5am, rather than the 7-7 shift the gurus get so keen on. He can manage 5 hours (not usually those 5 it's true) and has done fir a few weeks, think more is some way off, but he's only little! Can't see how their tummies can poss cope with such a long stretch myself, even though I'd love to think it possible from a sleep perspective personally.

Hmm might just wait until he stops waking himself then. I don't think he needs the extra milk as he eats what he's supposed to during the day and only has about 3 or 4oz in the middle of the night. Last night has made me hopeful might drop it himself. Not a peep at the usual time. I woke at 5 realising he hadn't so of course had to check he was ok and he was fast asleep. Began to hope he might sleep til 7ish when he woke himself up doing some horrendous farts. I think he must have a bit of a poorly stomach as these were even worse than normal. So of course that was the end of that but I'm happy as I got about 6 hours unbroken sleep which is unheard of and it made me think he'll sleep through when he's ready. Have put him back in crib for now after feed and a change in the hope he'll get the idea it's not morning yet. We've got to get up soon but I figure I don't want him thinking 5 is getting up time. 7 is bad enough for a lazy arse like me. He's not asleep but seems happy enough wriggling around.

Was mini eig ok over night?

Pud i definitely don't feel a mum either. I've never been particularly maternal though anyway so not sure what I expected once I had him. It still all feels a bit surreal like I might give him back to his real mum any day! I think because it's been such a difficult first few months and because he was early so I wasn't quite mentally prepared that hasn't helped. It's only now he's starting to be a bit more settled that I'm starting to like being a mum and that in itself makes me feel guilty.

Right going to try closing my eyes for half an hour.

Morning all - hope you all had good or at least manageable nights. All was not as bad as predicted here, as DH worked some kind of magic (which is as yet outside of my sphere of knowledge) and got the tiddler down to sleep. What is more despite rubbish feeds she actually stayed that way until 5.30am, so that was unexpected. I might be forced to concede he is actually quite useful about the place but obviously not too loudly

Water feeds at night? Sounds really quite bizarre. Surely that's every kid's excuse for coming downstairs after bed time. 'Muuuummmmm.... I want a drink of water....'. We've all done that in our time surely . I fail to see how it can be a useful tactic. Then again I'm working on the fly by the seat of one's pants parenting style according to Worse. It's not a proven authenticated regime, but it's kind of ok.

Joking aside, I'll stick my neck out here and say I'm not sure you can 'train' such young babies to do anything. They seem to make their own routine, and the best we can do is mould that round our other commitments. I'm very very lucky in that my little bundle of light has decided that she like sleeping at night, and does so with reassuring regularity. On the flip side of that she is an ultra high maintenance baby during the day. In her book day time naps are for wimps, and it is much better to fight the urge until you are all red eyed and screamy. On a really successful day you might be able to push this to the point where mummy is all red eyed and screamy too. Full on two hour meltdowns gain extra points. This might explain why she is knackered by 11pm, and up for a long lie in.

On a less fragrant note, should I start worrying about the trapped wind and infrequent nappies? She's always been one for storing up the poonamis, but consistently going for so long that she is in pain can't be normal surely .

Big hug to mini-Eig and Eig-mummy. Hope everything is still improving.

zig we've never tried offering water in the night (Evil Baby Whisperer suggests the same) but that's because DD has never had enough during the day. She's only slept through for three nights a couple of weeks ago. No idea why, or how to recreate it!

vj our naps are 45 minutes long. Swaddling makes no difference. I don't understand it, DD goes right through the squeaky zone either without waking, or waking and resettling, if it's night, but during the day? No chance. If you find anything that works, let me know.

eco we often leave DD to it. Partly because we don't wait for her to fall asleep before putting her to bed, and sometimes she has a bit of a grumble before she goes to sleep. Night feeds we feed, burp, and put her back into bed and leave her to it. Again, grumbles a bit then goes back to sleep. And I often try the same thing after breakfast. 6.30 this morning she was fed and back in bed, and I went back to bed. Could hear her talking to herself for a while, then all quiet and she must've gone back to sleep, and didn't start shouting until ten past eight. I figure if she's not crying then she's fine, and doesn't actually need me to be actively entertaining her for every waking moment.

worse you could mention lots of wind and no poos to your HV, and have them push baby massage on you? There's presumably some sort of tummy rubbing that might help. Will get back to you on that one this afternoon, as the baby massage lady is coming to us at 1pm.

Right, it's been a morning of farts, plenty of strainy noises, and I just heard something soggy hit the nappy. Best go investigate...

Worse I can't fault your parenting style. I liken mine to a police officer interrogating a suspect - throw enough at them and see what sticks. Through this I have found that his favourite toy is a squeaky alligator, and his favourite place is on me. I also have a nap resistant baby which means I've not showered in peace in three months. Sometimes he'll nod off in the car or the pushchair but by golly he'll show you some rage when he wakes and realises that he's been tricked!

I'm not keen on the idea of cooled boiled water to get them to sleep more... I thought that was a tactic for relieving constipation or jaundice! DS has gone down happily at 7 from 6 weeks old and dropped his 1m feed shortly after. Well, it kinda just got later and later so now he goes 7-5. I guess this is in no small part due to taking 7oz at each feed.

I think hovering over babies and not letting them look about and make animal noises uninterrupted is not good for them. That sentence was poorly written, but I stand by it . I guess by this stage we know our babies well and can tell when they're happy to be left and when they want a human plaything. I still don't feel like a proper mum though!

His Podginess' latest trick is putting his wee hand all over the bottle and frequently pushing it away from his mouth. Then crying like its the end of the world. Such fun!

Eco that books excellent! Shall be delving more into it tonight.

Looks like we have stopped the reverse cycling and are back to having 7 hour stretch of sleep from 7:30/8 - 2:30/3! DD is ebf so suprised she can do such a stretch so easily - something she started at 7 weeks. Just wish it was between 12-7 for me! No longer do dream feeds as madam has become very specific about when she wants to eat and how much and absolutely refuses to open her mouth unless she is actually hungry! I have just decided to go with her own natural ryrthym and not stress about it too much. If she needs to wake at night for the calories then so be it!

I think evil Gina suggests water to break the habit of them waking when they don't need the extra milk. Her theory being when they realise all they're getting is water they'll give up waking up. It is a bit odd but so are some of her other ideas if you ask me. But I know some people swear by it so who knows.

He's actually sleeping pretty well at night these days compared to the first 3 months. I can usually get him to bed between 7 and 8, I wake him for a feed about 10.30 after which he usually goes straight back to sleep until somewhere between 3 and 5 when he'll shout for a small feed, then grumble and doze until 6 or 7 when it's definitely getting up time according to him. No lie-ins allowed.

He fell into that routine by himself so I'll just have to let him figure out he's ruining his last couple of hours sleep. I've upped the size of a couple of daytime bottles today to see if that'll help him. He's certainly eating well and putting on lots of weight. He's outgrown another two outfits this week and his vests are getting snug so looks like a shopping trip will be in order. I need to find a cool sun hat too. Has anyone seen any good ones? I'm thinking maybe one I can tie as he's very anti-hats and does his utmost to push them off as fast as possible.

Sounds like you've got pretty predictable nights, zig, even if they're not quite the schedule you'd like (six in the morning? ). Does make things more manageable, doesn't it?

I feel I've definitely gained some good mother points today: I managed to keep a straight face throughout the baby massage session! Even when she was telling us how to poke DD's ankles and wrists to boost her immune system, I did not grin, and I did not ask for any scientific proof. I am truly a master of diplomacy. And my baby now stinks of chip fat, because apparently if we use baby lotion the perfumes will form a barrier between me and DD. Which is apparently bad. Who knew?

Oh crap, there's definitely a huge barrier between me and DS made of aloe scented baby oil and Paul smith perfume then. Clearly that's why I'm the only person who can usually calm him, and the fact we spend all day every day together has no bearing on our bond.

Well done for not smirking Stormy!

I just braved the autumnal weather with the buggy to go and buy nasty formula. And I didn't buy gin or fags, even though I wanted to. Good mother points for me!

Another mixed bag here - I have to administer a probiotic to my cat twice a day now to soothe her irritated gut. Not fun. But we had the first ever proper laugh, with a smile on his face and not just a random, unintentional giggle.

Yay for giggles! Still got that to look forward to, but he's getting smiling weighed off. He's quite a thoughtful little body so they are doled out after careful consideration, not just flung at anyone.

I am signed up for a baby massage course in July... Must buy chip fat obv.

Meanwhile I left him with someone other than DH for first time today as my mum took him while I attended this memorial service. He never even woke up though she couldn't work out how to collapse the buggy chassis, and neither could the 8 passers by who stopped to help her. It is easy, but apparently only when you know how...

Thank you ladies for making me laugh, as frankly I needed it. Have just been for an oh so exciting outing to Argos. Well I say to Argos, but I personally only made it as far as the car park, where upon her-maj woke up and declared it to be time for her (2nd) lunch. All the way to town, and I get to flash my boobs at passers by whilst DH goes in search of a travel cot unsupervised . Never wise. I have as yet to see what he bought, but I can be fairly sure it will either have cars on it or have been cheap. Possibly both.

Stormy - seriously how did you keep a straight face . Are you sure you didn't so much as raise a stray eyebrow? I'd have pee-ed myself laughing and have had to leave.

Right, tis bath time.... I used to like baths.... for me. Now I'm a big fan of baths for babies. They are an effective melt down off button.

Melt down off buttons may be required here. Just managed to stop one by allowing him to throw up copiously over me. Another by having a tummy massage on the changing mat to the accompaniment of many farts. Bath usually approved of, getting out of bath, dressed and put to bed not so much...

Really think he needs to have a poo! It's a week now and he's obviously uncomfortable. I'm not worried about dehydration as his nappies are plentiful and soaking, but I do think he needs a clear out to ease some of his tummy discomfort. Honestly, I never used to be so obsessed with poo!

So- no success today with extended naps, all exactly 35 mins long...until now. It's bath time, bedtime is in 15 minutes, and she has been asleep on me for an hour and a half. This does not bode well. Do I wake her?!?

Vj just skip bath time and go directly to baby bed time and mummy wine o'clock!

Any joy Vj? Ours always have a nap before bed, otherwise he's too tired to actually drink the last bottle.

Pud maybe you could try that reflexology - rub his ear and it'll shoot out perhaps? Poor thing though, it's horrible being able to do very little to soothe the windy/constipated tummy aches. Roll on weaning!

Worse how's the travel cot? As bad as you thought? Have to admit I splurged on ours - it's cost twice as much as his cot bed but its going to take a fair beating going on aeroplanes etc.

We've cracked open one of the pricier bottles I've been hoarding since going on mat leave. I'd planned a nice dinner and perhaps some adult time but no. Football is on. Balls.

Clearly I cannot distinguish between plural and singular these days. Stupid mummy brain. so glad I got that masters degree

We always nap too, but not into bath and bedtime! Unfortunately I knew her tummy was relatively empty and she was in a reusable nappy not a magical pampers baby dry. But she went down ok... Fingers crossed.

By the way, if you hear of a husband meeting a mysterious end in the south east tonight- you ain't seen nuffink right?