March 2013: Smiles, sleep & excellent feeding.....the thread of wishful thinking!

[SoYo]

Well we may as well start the thread on a positive note before the grumbling about the little darlings begins!!!

Mini eig not doing better. Doctor suggested antibiotics and steroids as its gone to her chest. Not keen on that so off to consultant paed for a second opinion at 6pm tonight. Thanking god for my private medical insurance ....

Hi Wing - I'm on my own a lot. Most of the time in fact as DH leaves at 6am, is never home before 9pm, usually later, and he travels. I confess I was bricking it when he went back after paternity leave but actually in reality it's fine. You'll find it much easier to fall into a workable routine when you don't have to accommodate someone else's schedule. It's weekends that go to pot here as nothing happens at the 'right' time and dd plays up.

Good luck

Oh no Eig . I hope mini-Eig gets well soon x

It sounds like we're all struggling.

I was supposed to have a nice relaxing lunch with my mum and DS today. We stupidly attempted to tackle sainsburys before lunch. I had a near total meltdown and cried all over my mum. Dp does bugger all in the house unless I get to the end of my tether and cry at him. I never get a break, it's relentless and today I've struggled to look DS in the eye because I feel so bad and don't want to make him cry too. I want to talk to dp but he never listens. It's gotten to the stage where I think I'm gonna have to take DS and stay at my mums for a bit. I feel as though our relationship with each other is in tatters. He gets home from work, does DS's bedtime routine while I cook, eats dinner then plays on his laptop til it's time for bed. Meanwhile I'm still tidying and ironing til 10.30 most nights. I feel like threatening to leave is the only way to get him on side.

To those with poorly babies, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how I'd cope with that on top of the day to day stress.

Sending good vibes Eig...

And hugs to Plonko - it is an immensely stressful time. So sorry that you don't feel your DP is prepared to listen to you seriously. Have you considered counselling?

Hi all! Sound like lots of tough times all round. We have had a difficult few weeks with DD who has started reverse cycling her feeding for no apparent reason which is such a shame as she used to sleep a lovely 6-7 hours straight. Having her in a bedside cot has been a godsend with all the regular feeds. incidentally, on the co-sleeping study in case anyone wants to read a more balanced article - www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/16/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-children

plonko solution is to stop ironing!!! Seriously though to those of you struggling with DPs, if it were my DH behaving that way I would simply stop doing anything at all in the house and let it pile up and just do the bare minimum to see to your and your little one's needs.

Hi ladies.

Those with dcs who are ill i hope they get better soon we have experienced 2 colds in the space of a couple of weeks. I felt so guilty that he was ill but i suppose it will give his immune system a boost.

Emerald- welcome. I bottle feed to and ds also uses his tongue to push out the bottle. He used to keep his jaws shut before so i just put it as them learning new ways to be stubborn.

We are taking each day as it comes over here. Nights are still hard to deal with. There are days when im full of energy and then tiredness creeps in and i get exhausted. I cant reme.ber who had problems with their dh but i feel for you. Im in the same boat. It seems they have little respect for you when you are a sahm. Sometimes they just dont get that being at home is damn hard.

Im wishing all a peaceful night tonight.

Wing I missed that post so no worries - no idea what you're apologising for!

Bang on I was just venting, all rhetorical 'how is that fair' questions. I've been over at my neighbour's flat and he got up and tidied which was a nice surprise! Also said he had a migraine so he had a meltdown. He's really bad at dealing with any form of pain.

Eig let us know how you get on

Wors i realised why you can't freeze it right after i posted, duh! Sorry.

Pud my OH works on one of those freeview channels with topless girls, where people call in...

But Rainbow, the person living with the consequences of your suggestion most would be whoever's at home, now living in a **hole.

But Rainbow, the person living with the consequences of your suggestion most would be whoever's at home, now living in a **hole.

Bang on, pud.

Exactly, I can't think straight if everything's as it would be if I didn't do it and as he doesn't seem to notice until he has no clean pants (when he'll do a wash, but without anything of the baby's or mine) it's a fruitless exercise sadly!

So mini eig has bronchilitis. But consultant said no steriods or antibiotics. I am to nurse her every 2 to 3 hours and take her to a and e at Chelsea and westminster where he is in charge this weekend if she gets worse. Her oxygen levels are 100 percent and her breathing under 60 per minute so she is doing ok. He was shocked steriods were suggested . Makes you realise that gp's are too stretched and you really need to get in front of paediatric specialists if an issue.

Fair enough! Guess I am just lucky that DH see our partnership as equals financially and domestically. Not sure what would it would be like if I didn't contribute financially but I could never let that happen as my mum drummed into me at an early age the value of being financially indepedent. Mind you I suspect I am lucky in my very 'modern' husband so don't think it would actually make a difference to domerstic work if I was to stay at home.

On happier note DD is fast asleep in her bed and after really encouraging her to feed as much as possible during the day I am hoping to break the reverse cycling tonight!

Rainbow & Leni my DH & I are equal financially & professionally too but at odds domestically unfortunately due to very different expectations of what needs doing around a house! Luckily he does recognise that looking after DD & the PuppyMonster is bloody hard work & work that he'd hate so he doesn't really expect me to do any of it, it's just that he doesn't expect to have to do any either!!

Plonko I'm really sorry things are that crappy. Perhaps you're right & he needs to find out how far he's stretching you to realise he needs to step up but hopefully it's only a very temporary thing at a stressful time of life. I kind of think my DH needs a while to realise that life has changed & even when Bubs get easier to look after, life is always going to be this busy now!

Eig I really hope your wee one turns a corner quickly!

We're back at my parents for the weekend so I'm expecting fun & games with Madam's sleep again.

I earn about 2/3 to 3/4 of the total income which comes into the house, although with me on mat leave that has been hammered. Of course it's also me that has to try and manage the finances, partly because I work in finance so its my area, partly because the lions share of it is mine, and partly cos the man is rubbish at that too. He really does have many good qualities, its just that current circumstances aren't highlighting them. Still, there will be a kind of karmic comeback, he is taking over the end of my mat leave in sept and will become a sahd, so we shall see if that bucks his ideas up.

Meanwhile, I've just left him to put a screamy one to bed. He's done it, and come down like some war hero. I just quietly said I was grateful, as I get to put him to sleep 6-7 times a day and it was nice to have had him do the 7th today.

Eigmum, really hope things go a bit better for you tonight, glad to hear you got some decent advice!

Fascinated (though sorry) to hear that others of you have partners who seem to feel a need to be garlanded with praise for doing the smallest things. DH has that tendency, but more to the point he just doesn't seem to get how hard the days can be.

Plonko sorry you had a bad day, I had a shocker of a meltdown three weeks ago today, I just sat on the sofa and cried literally non stop for three hours and I couldn't even look at DD either so I know how you feel. Sending you and hope you are feeling a bit better.

Another important issue for me is that DD see mummy and daddy having equal contributions to all aspects of family life and to make sure she gets into good habits. Would be very hypocritical of either DH or me to try to teach her those things if we were not doing them as a matter of course. I have seen so many examples amongst my friends of women perpetuating the unequal division of domestic labour - yes partners may have different standards but its about finding a happy medium and ensuring that bad habits don't form on either side like correcting a partner's efforts or suggesting improvements etc - its certainly something that both myself and my DH have had to work over the years to find a good middle ground (which perhaps ironically does involve having a cleaner for two hours every other week). I do understand about not wanting to live in a messy house but even simple things like not putting on your DP washing on, preparing meals just for yourself etc would surely go a long way to making the point!

Oh can I just ask if any of you lovely ladies have had your first period since the birth yet...? And if so were you doubled over in effing AGONY like I am at the moment??
Is it a c section thing or just anther lovely post pregnancy thing?!

Emerald - yes! And it was the heaviest one ever!

Eig - glad you got a second opinion. Fx for mini eig's swift recovery

Part of the problem is that when my OH does cook, he makes so much unnecessary mess it leaves me with ten times more to do than if Zi just cook myself.

Even though I'm not earning until I go back to work, I got us most of the deposit for a flat and I still pay half of the rent and all bills.

Even when I was eight months pregnant and still working Zi was doing all the housework too, so it doesn't seem to make a difference!

I find it really sad that so many of us are experiencing this, but considering I saw a debate (if you can call it that) on This Morning (the TV show) about whether women should offer sex as a 'reward' for men changing nappies, it seems we're not as equal as we thought no idea how changing a nappy is somehow for the benefit of women, rather than for the child?!

I despair...

emerald still no period here and given sick child has been attached to boob all day not expecting one soon, my memory of it last time was it was bloody awful but I had a c section then too. It gets better.

God this parenting business is hard. I called dh at work and demanded he come home to drive us to hospital. He has now been dispatched to the next post ode in London to collect a co sleeper cot as I can't do with Moses basket and don't want her next door when ill .....

I find men are good when given jobs n a crisis. pundat sahd will be tough

emerald - yes its painful worse than pre pregnany. Currently awake from pain even though my little man is asleep and so i should be sleeping too. Ive heard period pain is supposed to better after childbirth but ive found that to be BS.

leni my inner feminist is raging at sex in exchange for nappies. Wtf? We're supposed to be liberated women who have sex when we want to because we enjoy it! It's not something men have to earn!

Eig fingers crossed for a swift recovery for your DD. Must be terrifying (although at least you can mentally stick two fingers up at the person who told you it was your fault when DS had the same thing!).

We had a conversation the other day about why, when the man has a lazy day and just plays Skyrim, the baby gets looked after and the washing up gets done, but when I have a lazy Skyrim day, the washing up somehow just piles up. He tried to say he couldn't do housework and look after a baby. I pointed out that I somehow manage it every day, ergo it is possible, he's just being a lazy arse. I've also started not thanking him for things he does round the house, but rather saying "I would thank you, but this isn't a favour you've done for me, it's just you pulling your weight. So well done, and keep it up." It sort of works, but then, he's very pliable anyway.

Wing I'm curious about what you deleted now!

wingdme too, missed all that as caught up in own drama yesterday! Only fed little one once in the night even though doc said every three hours as she was finally sleeping and I felt she could do with the rest.... Trying to wake her now. The bedside cot is great when they are I'll as I could just reach a hand out to reassure her ( and me) she is ok.