November 2012 - The lurker amnesty fred for our quiche

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1710755-November-2012-Will-the-Easter-Bunny-visit-our-babies

Any remaining lurkers, would you like to de-lurk and announce yourselves? We won't bite!

My MIL was always asking if DD wanted a fromage frais or some chocolate buttons when she was a baby. She started asking me when DD was 6 weeks old! I was polite but firm about the fact she wasnt to eat food yet. I wouldnt put it past her to do/have done what yoko's MIL did though. FIL used to sit baby DD on his lap and dip his finger in whatever we were eating and let her taste it. Used to drive me crazy.

mm rant away, but also consider FB or relationships board if you feel uncomfortable to do so.

J initially slept 3 hours, then in 1.5 hour blocks, so I am fucked. He wants a boob whenever he wakes, but falls asleep quickly. He had dreadful wind towards the end of the night, which may be because he got lactose heavy with my milk, so I am going to give him a bottle if he wakes overnight, hoping this will prevent the wind and help him settle quicker and sleep longer.

DH thinks it is pointless having him on LF if I still give him bm, and I should stop. It is not that easy. If I go downstairs to get a bottle at night the whole house will be up, so he has agreed to get the bottle. DH may need to help with settling him too as he will want my boob.

I think there is mild CMPI as J did not wheeze and cough after feeds until formula was introduced. This has been much better on LF, but may get worse, in which case it is CMPI. Me feeding or not will not affect that IMO. It is so fucking complicated, and DH thinks stopping bf is just about stopping, or expressing. It is so much more than that.

Another concern about giving bottle at night is I do not want to over feed him. At the moment he is not taking enough from the bottle during the day, but we can work on that. He is more keen with the new formula.

Why is it so fucking complicated?

Lily a snot sucker that attachs to a hoover? Really? That sounds dangerous?!

Yoko I'd be fuming and having words

I will go see gp this week.

I can't tell DH cos I dot want him to think I'm weak again. :-( I know he won't be me telling him that will make me feel weak

Morning. Another bad night here - LO normally good about settling after night feeds (except last few nights) but last night would only sleep on one of us. Made up for by a lovely start to the morning with all four of us snuggled up in our bed: DD1 "read" books to herself, LO chewed stuff and me and DP drank tea. Had one of those "it's all worth it moments"!

Hmm I think L read my fantasy regime and had a good giggle to himself. He didn't sleep more than 15 mins at a time apart from midnight-3am. I'm done in, but at least DH is home.

Yoko that is SHOCKING. I would be furious. What is it with GPs and weaning? My mum is obsessed. Don't think she would go against my wishes though. Disrespectful, rude and selfish.

MM good idea to make sure your finances are sorted.

mona nothing to do with being weak. Depression is a chemical imbalance, an illness, just as much as diabetes. It is NOT your fault. I urge you to tell your DH. He may well be worried anyway.

yoko my MIL gave DD2 chocolate at 5 months. I was furious. She will never try a trick like that again.

My mum said this week that at this age she was putting her babies on the potty after meals. Apparently we always did something, and it saved her washing a nappy.

If you had appendicitus mona which is apparently more common during & post pg due to the shifting of your organs, would you feel weak being ill? Please don't feel 'weak' about having PND. But perhaps that's part of feeling the way you do? I should imagine your DH would want to support you.

Ok ish night compared to some (esp limpit hi, my DS is 19wo tomorrow too & ebf) as he did 8.30-1.00ish (woke when we went to bed but self-settled to sleep) then from 1.30-6.15 asleep, but did cry out for a dummy a few times.

It's a slightly pained cry which makes me wonder if its teeth or wind or a side-effect of the jabs or antibiotics. He has been sickier than usual lately but I've been having tomatoes at lunch so it could be that. Why don't they come with an instruction book that includes a trouble-shooting section??!!

DH brought dc downstairs, so I got nearly 2hrs peace & sleep. DS went back to sleep, as, apparently did DH. DD took herself to the potty, did a wee, wiped herself & carried on playing. All w/out DH knowing!! Only found out because I just said to DD "do you need a wee?", "No Mummy, did wee wee already."

Hi All! Realised the dead of night is probably not the best time to de-lurk!
So am dipping in again to say hi! Sorry to hear of bad nights
I have up trying to get LO to settle in cot but 3 and brought him in with us.

Another oxford one here. Matriculated in 98 at keble. Met DH there and now look what's happened!

After a complete refusal to try and do a wee at the leisure centre yesterday and then weeing his pants, plus a separate poo in his pants at home, ds1 is in pull-ups today. Think has turned into power struggle and want to take stress away for a couple of days. It's a bugger - i've bookedto have the carpets cleaned in a month and am not convinced we'll have it cracked by then!

Ds1 is still refusing naps in his cot, buggy only here. Sigh. And there's no real pattern to them yet either. Hoping weaning will help but don't want to start until i've checked it with the paeds at his hospital apt next week (at 20 weeks) dueto his daily antibiotics.

And it's still snowing. Where is the sun?!?!?!

For any choral music fans:

VQ I have a friend from the dieticians, who's wee one has very severe CMPI who continues to EBF with no modification of her diet. Her DD screams in pain every day from stomach cramps and acid burns. Her Mum has strong emotional issues related to food so just can't cope with denying herself any of her favourite foods. Which is fair enough.

She continues to EBF as her DD finds BF comforting for the time she is suckling even though it causes serious pain straight after. I think her DD would be so much better on a dairy and soy free formula if she won't cut out dairy. She is a lovely lady but I actually think what she is doing is slightly cruel and I would say selfish, other than the fact she gets so little sleep because of the CMPI.

Why am I telling you this? I'm trying to say in some cases your DH's view is totally right. For example if J's symptoms worsen. If J gets to the point he is in real pain - and if (and this is a big if) it is CMPI not lactose intolerance then I would agree with your DH to perhaps move to FF or an elimination diet. I honestly don't think you're at this point though - if it is CMPI it seems mild. Give it a week on the new milk. Is the LF formula also dairy and soy free?

If you do decide to eliminate dairy - well it's not for long now til he'll be weaned so maybe something to contemplate for a few months. As you've said to me when I've been really down about it - its not forever.

MM come over for a cuppa if you fancy xxx

Well we ended up having an ok night after the one hour I was up and lying in the bedroom floor beside the cot! He went back to sleep and stayed asleep til 7am! So did 10.30-2.15 and then 3.20-7 which is good for us!

DD has a bit of a temp and a cold and is generally clingy. It's snowing here but I still intend to go out. We have a new sports centre opening on Monday and this weekend is an open weekend with fun and games and stuff so going to go there. I figure it's better to be outta the house a bit as well cos of paint and wallpaper fumes! My dad and DH will be chopping up our sofa today and getting it out of living room so I will have no sofa tonight or tomorrow. New one coming on Monday. My living room will look fab then! Shame about the rest of the house!

yoko I would be furious, and have fears that DP's mum will try this too. She's forever telling me about how she gave her daughter a chocolate to suck on when she was 2 days old, and whenever we're eating with them she's always trying to get me to 'give her a bit'. She also can't believe that I'm going to bf for as long as I can. I really don't care about what she did with her own children, those were her decisions to make. Its about her not respecting me as a parent and the choices that I have made about how to raise my DD after obsessively reading as much as I can I order to make informed decisions

jake that sounds like the perfect start to a day.

m0na I am sorry you feel you can't talk to your DH. You are doing the right things by going to the docs. As VQ says there is nothing to feel weak about - makes no more sense than feeling weak for having diabetes or arthritis. I do understand what you are saying though.

VQ things are not quite in place yet really are they? DH is going to have to step up to the mark if he thinks that he has the answers. There is logic to what he is saying but he does need to be more understanding of the wider issues. Could you pre-make a bottle and put it in an insulated bottle bag? Do let me know if you want to try the nutramigen.

Another night of hand-holding izzy . I have absolutely no advice but I so hope that things get better soon. Maybe another trip to Ikea would help?

I am glad you are making plans MM. Doing these things in the cold light of day without the emotion is absolutely the best way. This means that should you decide to go and act upon it then you know everything is in place.

How is everyone else today? stunt? kirrin?

mm carry on venting and letting out whatever you need too I felt bad being so low on here earlier on in the week but know that I wouldn't resent anyone else doing it ... especially in your circumstances ... think we need to give ourselves a break sometimes and treat ourselves like our friends on here!
yoko I would be so mad ... I especially don't like the fact they can laugh about it! they need to be told how they have made you feel.
my dm gave dd boiled water when she stayed there at 12 weeks she almost seems to take pleasure in doing things her way and won't even listen to the reason why I'm doing things. I started on baby rice at 4 months and was eating soon after and my dsis - dsis is allergic to paracetamol and has horrendous hay fever and I have ibs.
if delayed weening has a chance of preventing these my decision is to wait.
I have even said she must respect my parenting style.
how on earth do I get her to see things my way without insulting her and making her defensive!
interested in your further replies but dm is a law unto herself! I love her lots and she is fun that also makes it hard as I want her to spend time with dd.
but I dread to think the things she will do behind my back
sorry I didn't mean to bring it back all me me me ...
sorry for the bad nights on here had first good one since a week ago 11-5 then 6-9 !!
think it has a lot to do with the fact ogre dh not here to wake her ...and pixie dsis must have brought sleepy dust!
:) think dsis confuses dd too ...I didn't think she looked like me before but dark short hair and glasses with my voice...think dd thinks ...2 mummies!!
dsis is the only one dd hasn't cried at when they first arrived!

DH has taken DD1 to the shops for the morning. It's going to be a nightmare. She went to bed late last night and was up early this morning and in a very bad mood. Oh well, at least it gave me the opportunity to mop the fucking floors again.

I was hoovering earlier and the dog went and hovered by the pram. I don't know if he was trying to protect LO or hide behind her. Stupid mutt.

Sunny day yesterday but very wintry today and trheatening more snow. Spring, people, I want spring.

Hello Limpit

PND is definitely not a failure, just like any other depression. In fact you have probably already shown yourself to be super strong.

VQ the potty/toilet training thing seems quite common, my mum keeps telling me that my Nan used to hold me over the loo whenever I needed a poo at just 6 months. I can tell when L is starting to go as he always passes a hard bit before the main poo which needs a lot of concentration! His poo on the CMPI formula is pale green btw but doesn't seem to hurt him. As you know we are mixed feeding (like you I was esp keen on bf at night) and I have been dairy free, but as his main symptoms started after the formula I am currently testing the waters/milk with small amounts. There's been no reaction so far, so I'm hopeful I can carry on having a proper cup of tea each morning! I know the lactose overload is a separate issue but if you would like to keep the door open as regards bf then it may be workable.

Totally cross posted with lots of peeps!

Sorry middle para was @Mona

YW thank you for being so honest. Apparently mummy's diet makes no difference to lactose levels, it is all to do with how the baby feeds, and after block feeding did not resolve issues and one boob gave up, I have pretty much swapped to formula. It was not until very recently that I found out it was lactose overload, and I acted immediately as I could not knowingly continue to feed him something that hurt him. I was at the point where I could not consider the lengths you have gone to as my brain is just not up to it, and I had had enough tbh. Had he been younger, I would have given it a damn good try.

He is soo much better on formula, any formula, so I know I have made the right decision. He produces lactase, but not enough to cope with the vast amounts of lactose he was ingesting. The first few days on formula you hardly knew he was there, even with bf at night. I think the issue now is possible mild CMPI. After his bottle this morning there was a bit of a wheeze, a bit of a cough, but he fell asleep on it so hard to tell. He is not getting any boob until tonight.

Overnight was nowhere near as bad as it used to be. Nowhere near. I am upset as when I asked HCPs for help, they said he was just a hungry baby, and to feed feed feed. This made him worse. I am angry about that.

I am sorry, I am waffling. I am reluctant to stop bf at night if there is a way of maintaining it alongside ff in day, but would not consider continuing if I knew it was hurting him. I just need to know I am doing the right thing, and need my husband on board to help with night feeds and settling. J is probably waking through habit, and needs to re-learn self settling. With two other kids this is hard to achieve.

If the wheeze gets worse, it is CMPI as he never had that when EBF. That is my logic. Am I wrong?

yw the LF is not dairy and soy free, just lactose free.

I have MIL stories that would make your hair curl. I don't even know when or if we will go and see them again. When they came to visit when LO was born they end up leaving a week early because of my bad temper. The day they left they got up especially early so that they wouldn't have to say goodbye to me. The SIL is a nightmare too.

When my own family piss me off I tell them where to go but with ILs you kind of have to seethe and wait for DH to deal with them. I actually for the first time in five years lost my temper with them and raised my voice. Considering my then 19mo had just moved house, just started at nursery and then had to accept a new baby I thought it was normal that she wasn't sleeping very well the first night I got home from the hospital. MIL said that I should take her to the shrink and get them to prescribe something to help her sleep as it obviously wasn't normal behaviour. This was after days of finding stuff wrong with her (cold, too constipated, eats too luch, eats too little, tummy bug, fever, cous too much, wheezes, choking on food if she happens to cough while at table nwhen in fact there was nothing wrong at all) and I just shouted NON at her making everyone jump then my DH took over and bolloxed her. That is as angry as I have ever showmyself to be.

But as far as illness goes she has issues. Think munchausens by proxy - my SIL had a very strange childhood. No way would I ever leave my two with them on their own until they are well old enough to stand up for themselves.

One time I came back to hysteria. DD1 had trapped her finger. Tehy were on the verge of taking her to hospital. She said it had swelled up and she thought it was broken. It wasn't even red. Another time on the phone DD1 fell over and cried for about 20 seconds. MIL was telling DH to call an ambulance as she might have cracked her skull. DH said she didn't hit her head she fell on her hands. At which point she said she might have broken them....

You can understand why we have not mentioned anything to them about bronchiolitis, pneumonia, colds, flu, ear infections, diarrea or dropping babies on heads this last few months. It would give drama for them to feed off.

And don't get me started on her opinion of my housekeeping, pet keeping and parenting abilities. And the one time I cooked for her she wouldn't eat it, so when they come here she cooks. And does the housework as my housework is not up to her standards.

All that said they are very kind. They were fab after DD1 was born looking after her when I was in hospital for several weeks and staying several more weeks to help out as I recovered. During my hospital stay though she did rush DD1 to the paeds as she thought she had meningitis (slight heat rash from being bundled up too warm). I don't want to know what else happened to my newborn those weeks but I can be fairly sure she was given water and honey or sugar. Fortunately at two weeks old she was definitely too young even by old standards to be weaned.

The current obsession is potty training. That started on her first birthday and has been brought up in conversation every single tme we have spoken since.

Oh, and I have a feeling she stalks me on here, which must take effort and a lot of google translation, so

VQ I totally agree with your logic. And yep lactose has feck all to do with your diet. I can't see as I would do any different if our issue were lactose. I really think I'd be doing the same as you. That said CMPI does seem to be cumulative so at the first hint of progression of symptoms I'd be changing tack to what your DH suggests or mix feed with an elimination diet. Also lactose intolerance can result from other dietary intolerances so there could be underlying complications. Its so fecking complicated. Every time we get a flare up I wonder what's caused it - diet, virus, jags or teeth - its going to make reintroduction fecking confusing why did I get a baby with a broken belly?

JJ that is helpful, thank you.

pass thank you. Could you please explain the insulated bag? Would I put a hot bottle of milk in and would it stay hot enough to be safe? Fussy pants only drinks his formula very warm. Once settled on it, we will gradually reduce the temp.

izzy not so bad then eh? I also think another Ikea meet would be very therapeutic. Make sure you have softness and warmth and chocolate in his room for you for tonight.