November 2012 - The thread where it all starts to get easier. Pretty please?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1703340-November-2012-Four-months-Oh-no-the-dreaded-sleep-regression

Dicks hugs. I wouldn't wake her I really wouldn't. I would suggest block feeding, no booze or caffeine and no expressing for a while to calm your supply. It could be a bad latch / lots of swallowed air too maybe? xxx

Bad latch is my problem I think Dicks, as YW suggests. I have a problem with oversupply too and I think it makes J lazy as the milk just sprays into his mouth with little effort at first but then he isn't able to effectively empty the breast so he's feeding for a long time, and frequently, plus having green nappies despite block feeding. I have been working on his latch to try and get him to suck-pause-swallow after the first few minutes of furious gulping. He also tends to pull away from the fast flow so he ends up sucking on my nipple which was causing me a lot of pain. I was in the verge of switching to formula two weeks ago but then I saw the breastfeeding specialist at the breastfeeding support group and she came up with the solution(s). Is there anyone you can see about it? Or try La Leche League to see if there's a specialist in your area?

dd has been up since 9.30 feed with dh I have been up since 11.30 ...she has more stamina than me ... she is lying on change mat thought quite 10 mins or so may settle her I am pumping and thought the hum of the machine would be good. she is happily amusing herself kicking legs screeching and talking ...gotta pop to several shops soon so maybe she will sleep in the car ...have a visitor at 4 want her to be like this when they get here not grumpy!
...no yawning or rubbing eyes btw ...not from her anyway!

I've broken my fb thread I can't add comments or read recent ones

Broken for me too, but according to email notifications, a couple of people are asking how you are.

Thanks Luis

Ok, so visit was ok. Two of his sisters came. One is coming back with him later to collect more stuff.

No offers of support which I suppose I shouldnt expect but still hurt a bit.

Oscar is being a star, but velcro so not able to get much done. Going to busy myself doing housework when he visits later.

I feel very very sad. Sad that Oscar will never have a sibling. Sad that he will not grow up with his dad. Sad that weekends are just like every other day now. Nothing to look forwards to.

Also I miss him. I miss having someone here in the evenings. I don't drive so am very limited in where I can go. Feeling trapped.

I'm sorry this is so me me me. Going to try and catch up now whilst O has his big midday sleep on me.

It works for me...

daisy there is the distinct possibility that they are embarassed about what happened too, what with it being their brother. Could be enough for them to try and be emotionally distant about it x

for white noise I have an iphone/ipad app called Relax Melodies and it has loads of different white noise on it - L likes the campfire noise alot, but it also has hoover, washing machine etc - i love it as always have it with me and just plays until you turn it off (or i think the paid app has a timer on it!) - it is fab!

They probably are embarrassed and don't know how to deal with it. Hugs to you daisy.

stunt, your last post describes my problem exactly! Very fast letdown, gulps milk and air then won't suck the good stuff. She never does those long sucks you see on bf videos.

I'm sure there's an element of that Cat. His sisters were the closest thing I had to friends locally, but need to distance myself now. A shame as O has a cousin the same age as him and it would have been lovely for them to grow up together.

Going to concentrate on practical stuff. Will try and speak to my HV. Also going to work out my outgoings and see what I am entitled to financially. Not quite sure how much of this Velcro baby will let me do but we shall see.

Thank you to whoever recommended Aveeno cream. Used it on O for the first time last night and while his scalp is still dry, there is an improvement, so will persist with it.

Contra sorry to hear of sleep issues. I follow the 90min rule with O. I think anything you try is going to need time to work, so don't get disheartened if things don't improve immediately.

Perhaps try to introduce some sleep associations. I think it was stunt who gave some very good advice (as always ) - I would suggest that after an hours awake time, you take her to a calm room, dim lights and perhaps have a cuddle and a story in order to wind down. I would keep trying whatever you choose to do for a few days to give it time to work. Good luck

Huge hugs daisy. I know exactly how you feel. You have to mourn the loss of your relationship, the possibility of sibling for Oscar, your life, your trust in him, everything.

Can I offer you advice? This actually helped me through the past ten months. Say yes to every invitation and open up to strangers. Throughout my pregnancy people asked me to meet up at the weekends and although I was tired, sad and emotional, I always said yes. I always felt better after and time passed quicker. After Olivia wAs born I carried on saying yes and I can honestly say it really helps. I found strangers became friends and friends became family. I also make sure that there is difference between weekdays and weekend, weekdays are about O, going to playgroups, baby massage, swimming, meeting friends with kids. Weekends are lunch outs, coffees with my brother and/or friends with families, weekends are about Olivia and I And not just about her.

As for practical things you need to decide who stays in flat. If you, than put all the bills on your name, write down meter readings, apply for council tax single person discount, contact landlord, check out www.entitledto.co.uk for benefits.

I can't comment or post on the fb group at all, something is broken

ps tis I, blonderthanred, just experimenting

Daisy families are so tribal . It is utterly shit that they didn't offer support, especially given that there is their baby nephew to think of - sounds like you'll be well shot of them as inlaws . But please try not to let them get you down - agree with dicks that as his sisters they are probably embarrassed / unable to confront dysfunction in their family. Their reaction is in no way a barometer of the rights and wrongs. It must be so hard that he is the one getting the support when you are the one who needs it! do you have any RL support nearby? any you can get to in terms of friends / family / quiche you can stay with for a few days? or perhaps better, someone who could come to you? I hope that you manage to speak to someone at women's aid tomorrow who will give you support and confidence that you will be taken care of. You are doing the hardest part now sweets, grit your teeth and things will get better day by day. {{hugs}}

Dicks agree with everyone else about block feeding, which is what sorted LOs green nappies. HV is a muppet to say feed from both sides? if you are worried about supply on one side and also feel a forceful letdown is the answer, perhaps nursing just from that side for a while (say a whole morning) could be the answer, in terms of getting LO to latch / suckle properly, and getting the supply up? does she take a bottle? I wonder if expressed milk in a bottle once a day might help in terms of getting some of the fatty stuff into her, iyswim, and also helping you to correct supply. BFing is a bloody headfuck when it goes wrong though, isn't it, you're just guessing. when my supply was all over the shop I thought I'd go mad trying to work out what was going on.

Thanks lily that is wonderful advice. My situation is nothing compared to what you are going through.

I am hoping to stay in the flat. I need to look into it but my hope is that I am entitled to housing benefit and that the landlord accepts this to pay the rent.

Realistically, I imagine I will need to find somewhere else to live.

He has so far committed to moving out for a week and we will re-assess after that. The relationship is over, but he may end up sleeping on the sofa until the tenanc expires. Not ideal, but it gives me more time to sort everything financially.

O is 16 weeks this week so really dreading the sleep regression as I'm kna knackered enough already.

sorry Daisy, x post. even shitter of them if they were close to you. shame on them

I came on to say the FB group is broked for me too :(

I was trying to comment on your post chasing.

I know there have been quite a few of us here who have been single mums chasing. I know how awful you will feel right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. And don't worry about the sibling thing, DS1 has DS2 now, and he is still his brother. The fact they have a different father makes no odds to them, or me.

I second lilys advice about the groups in the week, we do this. Weekends are me and O time, chill out time. Week days are more structured with groups etc. I find having something to do most days makes the time go quicker, and the days where I don't have anything to do, I appreciate more.

Where in Northampton are you? I have a friend there. A very very good friend, who I met through babycentre 11 years ago when our firsts were babies! She now has a 5 year old and 2 year old too, and is a lovely lovely person. If you are near to her I can put you in touch with her as a friend to start you off with! She is in NN2. Also, if local enough I suspect she will know groups you can take O too?

Making friends is the absolute best way to start right now. It will take time, but if someone came to me at a group and said they were recently single, I'd be going all out to offer invites to mine for play time biscuits and brews coming to baby groups with me, come over in the evening good thing about babies, you can take him with you in the evenings without needing a bed for him. You will find lots of lovely people willing desperate to make friendships with their new babies! Trust me on this one!

I wish I was closer. I really do. I don't have many any friends, just family really. I have been chatting to people in baby groups though, so I am optimistic .

Ooh NN2 is near-ish! Certainly not far away by any means.

Also, when I was single I had just moved away to a new town too, and knew no one. :) I still managed to meet DP though, and as much as I moan about the bugger, he's a goodun, he really is. And you too will find someone who will treat you and O the way you both deserve. Promise. x

I've sent her a message! I've asked her what groups she knows of! I'll pm you when I get a reply!

Urghhh I'm thick, its NN3 the 2 is in the second part of the postcode! Is NN3 near??

Abington ignores fact I forgot this for a minute! is where she is.

You're awesome . Thanks.

There is a teeny tiny flicker of hope and excitement that one day I will be in a good relationship. I know this is the hardest time and now I have made the break I need to stick to it.

How is O doing now?

I'll pm you detective...