Ladies, I'm being brave right now and finally admitting that I have PND, I cannot shake it and it's getting worse, I've spent another day in tears.
I fucking hate myself for having it, I am meant to be the strong one, the one that does the picking up and looking after, not I'm the pathetic one that cries everyday for no apparent reason and can't seem to find joy in anything. 
I'm shouting at the kids and finding the grind of J's crying really tough.
I'm not quite ready to see a GP yet but am ready to talk to other people about it, I am finding the daily glued to the sofa thing a real problem and my anxiety about cleaning is getting bad. I feel so insecure and hate the fact that I look like shit since my rosacea has got a million times worse, I hate that I used to be able to wear nice underwear and was thought of as attractive and pretty, now I'm a frumpy lady with a horrible face and hair and a nasty bra that is there only to cater for feeding J.
I feel so ill all the time, like I've run a marathon everyday.
DP is a t a job interview atm, I hate that he can look lovely in his suit and go out into the world without thinking about feeding, changing and worrying about people staring at him, although at the same time I am glad that he can do all this and I really hope he get's the job as I think not being in work is finally getting to him a bit and this job is local, really local so we might actually get to see him sometimes rather than a London based job where we won't so much.
Anyway, I feel a bit better getting that out there, and I know I need to talk to someone IRL, health visitor or GP and I will but first I need to accept the fact that this is happening and stop pretending that I'm ok.