Quick post and run - in need of reassurance and "it will pass" type mantras!
DD, who has generally fed to sleep happily at night, has suddenly started to resist sleep after night time feeds - when laid back down in her cot she starts crying them screaming until she is picked up again. This has only been happening for the last couple of nights but getting worse each time. Once actually asleep (took 1hr 45 mins last night and a lot of persistence from both me and DH, rocking, shushing, feeding, repeat (and a paddy from me 
...), she will stay asleep. She's a bit fussy going down for her first sleep at 8pm, which is a new development as well but nothing like the crying after the night feeds.
Possible factors, I have no idea how much any of these may be influencing this, if at all, but just wondering if anyone has had similar: she had a cold for a week and is a bit snotty but this has not stopped her falling asleep for the 5 days before this new fussiness started, she is teething on and off, she has been extra windy and uncomfortable since we started to wean her off Colief so we went back to the maximum dose 2 days ago.
I had a tub of ice cream (yes, a whole one ) and a small glass of wine at 10pm last night, could this have affected my milk at the midnight feed enough to make her a bit "wired" and make it hard for her to sleep? That would not explain the escalating fussiness over the last couple of nights though. I'm clutching at straws, I'm desperate not to have this establish itself as a pattern for night feeds, it was horrible.
I don't think it's pain, because she is fine (if a bit fussy) when feeding, it's only when she is actually laid down in her cot that she starts to protest. I don't think it's reflux because she is OK laid down after feeds in the day. I have tried laying her down straight after a feed, and also waiting varying amounts of time after when she is drifting off already. I could wait until she is completely asleep but this is a real step backwards and I don't feel it will help her self-settle which is something we had begun to have some success with
I have also been trying to get her to sleep more in her cot in the day after she had been showing signs of self settling at night for a few weeks (and driven by that bloody article about sleep regression which I wish I'd never read 
) , I think I got a bit obsessed with this and went too far with it a few days ago with all 3 daytime sleeps in the cot, she was crying heaps when I put her down each time so I decided it was too much too soon and have drawn back to only one daytime sleep in the cot, the rest in sling/buggy. But even while this was going on, she was settling back to sleep after night feeds with no problem at all. Is it possible that I have made her build a negative association with the cot and feel frightened of being put down in it? If so, how do I reverse it?
Is it just extra-clinginess to do with a developmental leap? She's 14 and a half weeks. I'm TERRIFIED that night-time settling will be hideous from now on and I won't be able to cope, I was so wound up last night, I can't spend nearly 2 hours settling her after each feed, I'll go insane 
Has anyone with older babies had similar and has it passed? (please, please, please tell me it passes! 
).
So so sorry for me me me post yet again. It just seems to have got a lot harder recently. I know compared to some I still have it pretty easy, and I'm sorry to ask for help, but my need to be in control and to know what to expect and to have protocols to deal with situations makes these sudden unexpected changes really hard for me to cope with and mentally it makes me go off the rails a bit and get really stressed and really down.
PS I did have a massive talk with DH, thank you for the suggestions. Long story short he listened and was amazing but I also worked out that it was mainly my own insecurities being projected onto him, I'm still afraid of hurting her in a moment of stress or anger (putting her down roughly, patting her back too hard, etc) and making her cry really hard, so I panic when she cries hard, and need to comfort her, and so if she cries with him and he doesn't respond quickly enough to it so that it escalates, I over-compensate a bit with my own need to comfort her to make up for the thoughts of being rough with her, or the guilt of having patted her too hard etc. DH says I'm being daft and everyone loses it sometimes and gets stressed with babies, and I give her to him when I feel I'm in danger of getting cross with her for not stopping crying so I don't need to worry. God, but the incessant crying hits a nerve sometimes! I haven't explained all this very well but it's definitely A Thing in my head. My head is full of Things .
3.2.1 relax...