October 2012: onwards, upwards and rolling over?

[YompingJo]

Is this part 5 already? Where did that time go?

October I have similar moans- on slightly relieved to learn that women are no better than men!

Right. I'm going to seriously start losing some weight. For those that know and care about these things, does 1600 calories seem reasonable?

I don't know if it's a good idea to diet while bfing...? Certainly not just eat cake all the time like me but I don't think dieting is a good idea.

Mind you, I've cut out bread again since a mad day where I ate nothing but so maybe that would help?

DS has slept from 6.30/7 two evenings running. Is this normal? Am I wrecking my accidentally imposed self-settling routine at 11? Fucking sleep causes me nothing but gip!

Sorry, that's not meant to be a stealth boast - I know some of you are having sleep issues on the other side, and I am positive it will all go tits up anyway, it's just right now i am home alone all night, DH has been away since Friday and I am nervous. The evening/night is stretching ahead of me like a great big gaping abyss.

bora that isn't really enough calories... Please try not to get obsessed. I know you've been there before and I have too. Your body is not just yours now and I know it can feel like an all or nothing situation (massive cut in calories, shit load of exercise, feeling guilty when you don't meet your own standards etc... or the opposite- not giving a shit, not looking after yourself, not bothering to think about it) but you have to keep healthy. I'm trying to make my goal being healthy rather than being thin, but it's really hard.

I've just put LO to bed. Tonight is a test. Usually she goes down at 9.30pm (not sure if that's a reasonable time for a baby to go to sleep) and sleeps til 4 or 5am, has a small feed then sleeps til 7-ish. She's been a disaster feeder today refusing most feeds and screaming through the ones she did take. I'm knackered and want some time with my husband. So she's in bed now in the next room and I'm going to try a dream feed around 10pm. Probably won't work, but worth a try. Will report back tomorrow.

bora please listen to london, she is right.

london hope this approach with LO works out. I've been thinking of doing something similar but struggled with how to make it jive with our AP style. Turns out even tribal women need evenings with their other halves and put their babies down in the hut, and then go hang out by the fire so will take that approach.

Worth a try London. We did earlier time on Friday night and was officially worst night ever...... But I think that was coincidence. I agree that it seems a much more realistic bedtime.

On that note Oren, glad to hear he is settling earlier, go with it! And yes, we used hot bottle up to abou 6 weeks. Works well to transfer.

Bora, that is not enough calories for u pet. Change habits by all means but u burn up to 500 calories a day to bf I think. Need to keep yourself healthy.

Londonmrs I'm with you on the supply issue. Some days DS2 doesn't want to feed at all, other days he seems pretty hungry. My boobs don't chat either but they are pretty confused.

orenishii since DS2 has finally started going down earlier, he is waking earlier. Apparently now 4am is an acceptable time to wake up. He then needs a nap around 6.30am. This is so completely crap and I have no idea how to fix it, help me someone?!! I can't keep him awake any later, he literally passes out at 7pm.

I'm so tired I am literally existing on chocolate. I so want to lose weight but when I'm this tired all I want is chocolate. Arrrrrrrrgggghhhhh

Why can't babies just come with a bloody manual!

DS would sleep a few hours of an evening - a couple hours here, another there, but not like these last few night of sleeping from 6.30/7 until a feed around 11. God, WTF am I even whinging about! DH isn't back until tomorrow and it's unsettling.

Anyway crazy do you think his circadian rhythm is a bit messy, thinking it's much later in the morning than it is?

Wow, argument city chez the October Bean Bakers... same here. Think we have a bit of an issue. I have a problem with the way DH can let mini yomping cry (and I mean really cry, not just grizzle. Purple face, tears flowing, panicked high pitched, distraught crying) while he is holding her, feeding her, changing her. He doesn't try to comfort her, just ignores it (sometimes for 5 mins) and just gets on with nappy change or whatever he is doing. I don't think it does her any good to cry like that and I think he is being an utterly unkind, uncompassionate bastard too unfeeling and not responding enough to her needs. I was going to go out tonight for a couple of hours but after watching him take ages over nappy change while she shrieked and he just ignored her, I've changed my mind. I can't bear the right of that going on and me not being there to comfort her. I intervened during the nappy change and took her from him. I know this totally undermined him but I often find myself faced with the choice of comforting her but undermining him, or letting him carry on but feeling desperately upset because she is crying and it is being ignored. I know I'm not very rational about it and a bit of crying won't do her long term harm but it's more that Idon't age with his approach and I'm not sure what to do about it (we have discussed it but not got anywhere). He just doesn't appear to feel the need to comfort her and I feel that this is unkind. He admits he goes into "engineer mode" when she cries, and just tries to get whatever he is doing done quickly. I don't feel that's the right thing to do because she suffers and gets totally worked up, the crying hurts her throat, she feels stressed and panicked... how can someone not respond that? He is fab in loads ways but this is a real difference of opinion. So where do we go from here?

October, that would drive me mad too!

Huffle, why can't men do anything quickly??

Orange, think you are doing the right thing in declining holiday offer. How odd of them to make the offer, did they not consider how it might make you feel?

Great. I just had sex. And then I cried. I mean, immediately. He was still inside me for god's sake. And I don't mean crying in a good way. I am mortified.

It's just that I can't come. Sorry to be so blunt but I used to be able to come at the drop of a hat so to speak. My body still feels totally unfamiliar and sore and I feel really tense and self-aware. I have absolutely no sex drive.
I do fancy my husband- he's so beautiful and he's properly amazing in bed. But it's all just doing nothing for me. I've never felt sexually insecure in my adult life, and certainly not with him, but I feel like a teenager.

Christ, I have cried more in this last few months than I have in my whole life. Am I going to be this emotional forever? can I blame all this on breastfeeding?

Ugh. Sorry if I've shared too much. I miss my mojo. I'm so scared I'll never feel the same again.

Good job I asked - i thought that was being generous. Okay. Ill try and recalibrate my thinking.

london heavens lovely, that all sounds completely normal! We put so much pressure on ourselves - to be great mothers, to be great partners, to be physically perfect after birth - if we're honest, we do. Some people find it easier, some don't. I for one am completely shocked at the effect giving birth has had on my body and my emotional state. I was completely earth-Motherish before, climbing trees, being paleo, thinking all it needed was to be healthy and employ positive thinking. But fuck me!

Do not - do not - continue to question yourself in this way :) I was like you - could orgasm at the mere thought of it. I haven't since giving birth - I hope to but I can't even fathom it right now. I want to be close to my husband but I feel deeply unsexy, over weight in a way I haven't been since I was a teenager, frail, worried about future DCs, and every day I find new ways to feel like I am letting DS and DH down.

It is a complete uphill struggle in so many ways but I firmly believe you, me, all of us will feel right as rain soon enough. Let your husband be your husband be close to you and look after you :)

yomping i would be the same. I try to tell myself it's ok if i am trying to console a screaming ds and i can't but not ok if i can comfort him but don't. but sometimes i do get locked into this way of thinking that if i can just get his baby gro on, I can feed him and he'll stop crying. when really i should just fuck the baby gro and feed him asap. so even though i agree with you, i can't always employ it. it's hard but maybe just tell your dh it's not cool, that he stress levels will go up and up and if he's got her at least cleaned up - could he not give her a cuddle, calm her down and then continue?

bloody caps lock isn't working!

Oh, London, my love!! I really think its BF and the rock bottom oestrogen. I think it makes such a huge difference and when DD starts weaning it will improve.

Did you/ have you felt able to talk to your DH about how you're feeling and the concerns you have?

And like a teenager is exactly how I describe my emotional state. Again, I'm blaming hormones being out of balance.

yomping I think this is so hard - I really feel for you. DH and I have had the odd altercation as well. It's really hard living with someone else let alone living together and bringing up a little one together. I don't think there's anything you can do except keep the communication going. DH and I don't function well when we stop communicating and it's even harder at the moment of course. That's not much help sorry - baby brain!

crazy we have had to move bedtime from 7 to 8.30 to try and get beyond the 4am start each day. first waking has moved from 12:30 to 1:30 (no dream feed) and she still wakes 2 or 3 times but is now up around 5.15 with nap around 7:30. Still deadly but better than before .

To keep her awake I am now stopping her having a huuuuge nap in the afternoon and letting her have a shorter one every 90 mins to 2 hours. Also stripping her to just a body suit helps, and bathing. I used to think she would never stay awake after 6 but she now properly wakes if we give her long enough and make sure she is not too warm.

I realise this all probably sounds really mean but I honestly think it preferable to the risks caused by me being sleep deprived as badly as I was when she began the day at 4!

London you poor thing. I agree with others. It will return in time. Don't best yourself up. And I know what you mean about tears, isn't it mad? Thu j I've had 4 episodes this weekend. All just so fucking hard.

Yomping I agree. How hard is it to show a bit of emotion when baby obviously upset? I can carry on with grizzling but I cannot ignore proper crying for sake of bloody dressing or similar! But isn't that a mummy thing? Their cries effect us so much more? My DH can tolerate more crying than me but to be fair he wont let it get to the purple face stage. One thing I suppose we have to accept is that as a couple we will all do things slightly differently even tho we will technically agree a shared philosophy. Like most things a calm conversation will probably help (as opposed to my version of communication which is usually an emotional accusatory shout whilst holding said crying baby..... )

2 v short night feeds. See, is he really hungry or just needing fed back to sleep????? Damn articles......

Funchum I don't see problem in gentle persuasion. It's all about doing the best for them. Sometimes I think we need to remind self of this. I have a nephew who was poorly when born with a bowel problem. He had stoma bag fitted. Had to have physical manipulation of bowel opening multiple times a day. This affected how they parented, naturally. Caused lots of discomfort and crying. Baby is now a healthy beloved happy 7 yr old who loves mummy and daddy so much.

Totally off piste there........

But sometimes I think we need to look at bigger picture. Being 'unkind' Is something none of us will ever do to our babies. Everything we do is for their own good.

Rambling. Good night. Or morning, or whatever the hell it is.

Morning! Now im slightly more awake, those last 2 posts seem contradictory. I can't let baby cry either but just because they have to cry when certain things happen, doesn't mean we are being cruel......

I am sure you all catch my drift.

I used to be more eloquent with the written word. Now I have to bank in you catching my bloody drift....... Where has my Brain gone?

Rhythm and rhyme class at a different library today. Was supposed to go to one on Thursday but discovered that needed to book a place day before and this made me cry.... (tears, anyone?!) Oh I can't wait until I can look back and laugh!

Know exactly what you mean huffle, for example I'm taking baby wooly for jabs on thurs, there will ve much upset but it's happening anyway!

Don't think you are being cruel funchum I'd wouldn't want dd sleeping past 2hrs in the day (this has only ever been an issue about twice!) and yes noone wants an overtired stressed out mummy if poss!

Sorry to read about your dh yomping, I'm sure in his head it makes sense to just get the job done but an explaination of how much it upsets you will surely help. We are not big fans of putting on our pramsuit here and it is a dilemma, without some protesting we'd never leave the house but yes purple face a bit far! Sorry rambling!

Anyway dd only woke twice in night hurrah! Second time was awake making lots of squeaks but happy ones so left it a while to see if re-settled, Got up thou, hard as she's keeping me awake anyway and may wake dh who has work so may as well get up and feed her? Might try leaving a bit longer thou at weekend. Think we will all sleep better when she's in own room and I can't hear every squeak!

oh london - labor is gruelling & it will take time to recover mentally & physically. would some fun alone help, maybe? we have had some sexy fun but have not dtd yet. it almost happened last weekend until we rememebered we had no contraception yet....and what a turn off the thought of getting pregnant was!!
livvy, re b/f, i am in no rush to stop basically because i am lazy...& fat whipping my boobs out is far less effort than puree, & hopefully i will experience weight loss like squid has & elpis did. once she is about 6 months or older, can sit up, has the required hand control & shows interest is when i would start introducing food.

funchum, u r not being cruel, u r doing what u need to do to survive!! agree that u cannot parent properly in the midst of chronic sleep deprivation & u.need to do what u can to function at an acceptable level. yomping, that's tough. agree with huffle that a chat is needed