November 2012 - the best post-natal quiche on MN

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1655656-November-2012-sleeping-through-yet

The answer to the sleeping though question was a chorus of "no"s but there were a few resounding yesses and a lot more keeping quiet because the rest of us would be well jel.

Thanks Detective. He is a dick.

He has always liked his sleep but I thought he would be mature enough to realise that having 2 babies = very little sleep! He was 40 when they were born and has no other children. I guess he liked his free time, going on holiday, coming and going when ever he pleased and now life is not like that anymore. They literally take up almost every minute of the day! He wanted children and now he whinges about not realising we were going to fall pregnant so soon. He says he thought "we had at least another year of freedom". The man is so selfish.

We used to get on really well but we are snappy and moody with each other now.

Just tell him, put the work in now in this first year, and you will reap the rewards in years to come.

The first year is undisputably the hardest. It gets easier once they get to school but you have to take the rough with the smooth!

People see others having kids and think it looks so easy from the outside. Well, it bloody well isn't!!!

I am reading your posts open mouthed garden, I have even read then to DH, who can't believe how selfish he is. Does he do shift work? My bil is a bit like this andt he does shifts. Big hugs to you, I hope he keeps his promise.

I can't believe how brave you all are going on holiday so soon, especially you GT. We took dd1 to Spain when she was 11 months, one tip I would give is buy your nappies in lidl if there is one where you are going. They're really good and cheap. Nappies are really expensive in Europe for some reason.

Your dh sounds like he's being very selfish garden :( you need more support with the two babies if anything! Hope things work out.

I meant to get to post way back when you were all talking about nicknames! Eric is called bean (has been since we found out), Florence (when he wears his nighties), squiggles, sir trumpalot and then Eddie at night time. Not sure if any of you have seen bottom but there's a bit where Ritchie puts Eddie to bed and says 'bed time Eddie, bed time!' and we say it to e before bed, not sure why!! He is also mr.e :) rarely Eric!!!

Yesterday was horrible, a cycle of feeding, trying to sleep and whinging. Last night however, he had his last feed at 6:30, bath etc, bed by 8:30. I went to bed at 9:30 cos I had a headache and just felt exhausted after such a demanding day. He was due his last feed at 10:30 but didn't set my alarm and thought I'll just let him wake me when he's hungry as he was clearly nackered! I woke at 1, he didn't. I woke again at 3, he didn't. He did not wake for a feed until 5:45 tis morning, and then was asleep again by 7:30 until feed at 10!!! He's been awake since then bar a 30 min nap but seriously, wtf?! I wish I'd just slept but when I kept waking and he hadnt I was worrying myself he wasn't well and such!

He seems in relatively good spirits today, after a monster poo this morning which was pretty solid and seemed difficult to pass :( am keeping an eye on things as it seems to be getting worse for him despite sugar water and cycling legs etc. not sure if it's cos of his thick anti reflux milk but he's been on it a month so I thought I'd see issues with constipation before now :/

So many posts I wanted to reply to but can't remember any and LO is now bored of bouncy chair and needs moving lol

Where can I get the aveeno oatmeal lotion???

if it's the same stuff I use its just a body lotion in boots I think?

I havegot over the thick pharmacist. The last time she saw me was the day before LO was born and I told her I was going to the hospital that afternoon. So I can only assume that being wrapped up like a pig in blanket she kind of linked me with pregnancy and thoughtlessly asked. How embarassing for her. And awkward for the other customers who didn't know where to look or how to stop themselves from smirking. DH has reassured me I don't look pregnant and so I have decided to stop sulking

Those planning travel I find it easiest at about six months. LO will be 7 months when we drive over to the UK and DD1 will be over 2 by then. She will be the complicated one. Hint for those flying: ffers check the stupid rules about formula and liquids. And at take off and landing baby should suck on a dummy or breast feed - stops the ears hurting.

DH funny enough since I wrote last night about how much I don't want to ski, ever, is starting to think about teaching the girls in a couple of years. I'm too much of a wuss. I'll stay in the chalet and eat fondu all day.

garden I can totally understand why you are fed up & wanted him gone. I've had to nag my DH today & every day about things since A was born, explaining how hard it is for me with 2 dc, so not excusing your P at all, but if my DH hasn't twigged it 2.9yrs 10wks in, it must be even more of a shock to his system with twins. But then you're learning as well and you've managed.... It drives me loopy that DH needs everything spelled out - "babe, his nappy needs changing..." "babe, its her bed time, please don't hype her up" "babe, can you put the washing on?" "babe, can you get off the laptop & help?" "babe, I'm covered in vomit, can you get me a muslin & hold the baby while I change?" It's so wearing, let alone with twins. You are doing so well!!!

Bit of practical advice.

Find a twins club. My local sure start centres run them & I think you can find others listed on netmums.
You will find other mums/parents who know exactly what its like & hopefully another pair of hands for a feed. Most women that run them love little babies & will happily help out, even if all the other mums have their hands full. And even if you don't "click" with anyone, in a few more weeks, feeds will be less frequent and you can maybe find somewhere else to go.

Hope things improve soon. You deserve a

Garden your DP sounds like a spoilt brat himself. As someone upthread said it will get easier so he needs to think of someone other than himself for a couple of years. If he can make a bit of effort in the short term he might realise that he prefers being a good father and partner to being a whiny dick. Fingers crossed. Feel free to come and rant here when you want.

What does the 'Y' stand for in EASY? Guess its Eat Awake & Sleep...

Whiny dick... love it!

Chunky OMG, that is exactly me. That is what I am always saying to DP. Rarely does he do stuff without being asked. It is like I am always trying to be ahead of the game, you know, be organised. He is living in the past it seems! Everything done after it needed doing, so we are late/have a screaming baby/doesn't get done etc etc.

All I want is to not have to ask nag. Just for him to use his brain. Even if he said to me, does xyz need doing, that would be better than him sitting on the computer and me saying, can you go and do that first before sitting there. I try to make sure we both have time to ourselves each day, but the essential things need doing first! The bedrooms cleared of night time clutter nappies! beds made, dishes washed if not done the night before, and bottles doing if they need it. Not much. Then have time to yourself! But he likes to sit on his arse and eat/watch tv/play on computer for most of the day until either someone else has done all the jobs, or they still all need doing and he will leave them for the next day, or do it last minute (bottles being the one that always seems to be last fucking minute if its down to him!).

Mr Procrastinator is the best way to describe him. God knows we need time to ourselves, time together, time as family. I try and make sure we get that, but he actually makes things worse by leaving everything!!

Okay, so he does have good points. He loves me dearly. He still wants to shag me, saggy tits and all . He gets up in the morning with Oscar and lets me sleep. He will do the night feed when asked even if it takes 3 kicks to get him up. He cooks nice meals. He feeds me well . He even fed me from the fork when I was first breastfeeding and needed both hands! He is good with computers and can download whatever film/music/game we want shhhhh fixing them, or doing things so I don't have to faff around working it out myself! He is very very affectionate. Very. LOL! He is tall. That helps - when you are 5ft 2!

Sure there are other things. But if he sees this, he will get a big head, and we wouldn't be wanting that.

Garden I find doing the above and listing his good points stops me shouting and killing him. Does DH have good points?!

You time I think Chunky.

Detective at the moment...NO...he has not one single good point. I can't stand the man. The king of selfish.

Dicks I am often open mouthed at his selfishness.

chunky I have been meaning to go to out local twins group. The group leader is great and phones me every couple of weeks to give advice etc. I am yet to actually get to them. It is my goal in the next few weeks. December was a write off as I had abdominal surgery and couldn't lug the huge double pushchair in and out of the boot of the car.

Must get out more. Will force myself to go to twins group very soon.

Thanks for "listening" to me moan.

Yes, you time. I mostly use that to sort washing!

arse my post didn't post.... garden he's being a total prick and needs to look at the much bigger picture - as said above put the effort in now and reap rewards later. it must be so hard for you, you are utterly amazing - he needs to realise that

Eat
Activity
Sleep
Yourself (time for)

If I remember correctly.

Thank you all!! Interesting idea. Wish I had time for myself. Although, by setting a timer, I did 15mins solid housework (clean bathroom etc, rather than laundry, washing up stuff that gets done daily anyway) and the chilled out whilst both DC were asleep. Helped me feel less guilty and less knackered.

My discharge is still heavy and slightly yellow now +

detective will have to try thinking of his +ves, but find it hard sometimes. But I guess, not doing any of it consciously or for very selfish reasons, and he loves me & is always pestering me asking for sex, can't be bad.

Omg garden. Feel free to rant any time. It certainly puts my DP and my rants about him in perspective.

Have a koala baby asleep on me. He's in a 3-6 month baby grow at 8 weeks. He's suddenly not my tiny newborn anymore going to try him in big cot tonight as his length is meaning he is getting far too big for Moses basket. Could be a long night.

He's suddenly on the mend after a horrific week and I'm still managing to express feed. Today I'm really enjoying being a mummy.

Similar here. Ill add
Babe rather then just putting the car seat infront of me while I have my hands full with LO. Can u loosen the straps n take out blanket so I can put him in.
Can u learn to put LO in car seat rather then saying I don't know how. Same for opening closing push chair.
Same for loading steriliser. Same for putting LO in bed.
Other day I was almost in tears with my aching shoulder when I heard LO cry. I asked him to go up. DH - "What shall I do?"
Go in, DO NOT TALK TO HIM, make sure he hasn't puked, got arm or leg stuck in gap put dummy in mouth. Put Ewan on. If still no luck. Rock n shush.
NOW someone tell me how I learnt this?

The first time I asked him to change a nappy. DH "teach me how first, let me watch u a few times". me "would u rather learn how I did? After giving birth, having not slept properly for 3 days, on my OWN at 2am with NOONE to help me?"
I then made him change the nappy n watched him struggle.

All of a sudden I'm angry at DH. He hasn't done anything. But I'm feeling rather cross

garden I can't believe how selfish he is! In bed till 2pm? When you've been up all night. Words fail me.

garden what a jerk! Hopefully by asking him to leave will give him a kick up the arse and make him realise he needs to give you some proper support and help with the kids he had the fun making

Just had dumplings shh don't tell the diet thread they were soo good and DD actually sat for 5 min while I ate before demanding my attention

garden am open mouthed, what a cock. Hopefully he will grow up soon, you sound like you are bloody amazing to be coping on your own with twins

I do think there is a hormonal thing about DPs after a baby arrives. I could cheerfully throttle DH a lot at the moment. Even when he is being a thoughtful DH. Going to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things he isn't too bad, and try and mentally list his good points when he is annoying me by existing.

gt exactly the same here. I am in charge and have to "teach" DH things. We are attempting potty training with DD. He keeps asking me what we should do in the event of x or y. I got stroppy with him and asked him how the hell I should know, am new to this too, he could always read a fucking book for a change to get some inspiration. Knob. resolution above lasted all of 3 seconds then

I was lucky. DH has a DS from a previous marriage. Didn't have to teach him anything.

Oh and thank you for the aveno info ill hopefully get to boots soon when I can get my car off the drive with this snow

DP is coming down with some kind of bug, hoping LO doesn't get it or me