November 2012 - sleeping through yet?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1647736-November-2012-losing-sleep-and-losing-weight

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

Thanks for all your support. I'm sat here not knowing what to do. My wad says leave him, but the rest says stay and give another chance. I'm so confused.
I don't know what to do.
Evil

Wad, should say head.

evil your dp doesn't car if you and LO die in the car??? OMFG there is absolutely no excuse in the world for that - no apology could make me forgive that!! Hope your ok x

pikz, candy & vq I bf but have given one ff each night at 10pm which started when Dottie was 1 week old - I really did not want to give formula so tried to express 8ozs per day to give her but was getting so strung out - for me it really helps as I cannot function without sleep and Dottie is still getting the best from me - do what you've got to do to keep your sanity and forget about what anyone else thinks/says xx

Although I moan about dh and his lack of help around the house which he does if directed I just have to accept he honestly doesn't see the pile of washing or dog hair all over the floor lol he would never say all I do is sit at home with the kids - in fact we joke that he sits on his arse at work all day at a pc. And he's very supportive of me going to uni even though we'll be skint for the next 3 years!! I do love him most of the time

I'm feeling really fed up today - I am sooooo hacked off with my boy (13) he does not do his chores, even though I nag him to iron uniform and pack lunch at night so in the morning he's not in the way of everyone else he still doesn't and will come down in yesterday's uniform and I have to tell him to change underwear ?? and to shower and to brush teeth and to generally breath!!! All he's interested in is his phone and Xbox where as dd1 is a little star always nags for a bath every night, brushes her teeth all the time and generally smells lovely!!! Anyone else got older kids?? He's as much work as
Dottie!!!

And another reason I'm soooo fed up is yesterday and today I had arrangements with a couple of girls from work to meet for lunch which I was looking forward to and both cancelled I know it happens but I was sooo looking forward to seeing other people and having a catch up and now I'm all woe is me ??

Sorry for the self pitying post - I'm off to bed to sleep through the fed up ness!!!

Little pig is currently being instructed in the sounds of my youth - am dancing around the room and singing to her - it is the only thing stopping her crying. Strange as usually my singing is what makes people cry

evil I don't say this lightly, but I would go or at least make him go. My DH has said some thoughtless things over the years, like a couple of days ago when he was complaining about not getting much sleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep since the week before Ifound out I was pregnant, as I reminded him. However, that was just thoughtless. What your DH said, and then texted, was just nasty and is no way my DH would EVER say anything lie that, no matter how tired he was. It was horrible and it would take a damn sight more than even a genuine apology to fix that. I am sure that you will do what's right for you, and the decision must be yours- we can just tell you what we would do in similar situations. I really feel for you. Please do talk to your RL friends, but we are here too.

Glenda I have a 13 yo DS too- I share your pain! Funnily enough, my 10 yo DD is just like your younger one, with the teethbrushing, bathing etc. She also cleans the kitchen like a boss. DS has some redeeming features though, which is probably why he still has a roof over his head! He is very paternal and, as the eldest, marshalls his four younger sib.ings around very well. He is brilliant with the twins and he is pretty handsome too cannot tidy hisbedroom or clean his teeth though apparently

Dixie why dont you but a cheap white sleepsuit/tshirt and use fabric pens or marker pens (sharpies are good) to draw polka dots on? then you can bin them afterwards if you want and you havent spent alot of money?

Hugs to all who are upset.

evil, you need to sit down and calmly explain things to him, he obviously doesn't see that he is doing anything wrong. The comment he made was disgusting.

candy, I had a natural birth with dd1 and EMC with dd2. She was stuck and wouldn't have come out without it. Having done it both ways I know that having a section is not failing, some babies just don't come out the right way. Don't stress it, at least your fanjo is still in tact unlike mine.
As for breastfeeding, I had problems last time at around 8 weeks, dd1 kept arching her back, screaming at the breast. Everyone told me to put her on formula as I obviously wasn't producing enough milk. I cried solidly for a week until I went to a baby cafe for advice. Turns out she was a highly efficient feeder and I was trying to over feed her. She only fed for 5 mins every four hours from then on. Are there any baby cafe groups/ breastfeeding groups near you? They are great for advice and support.

pikz , I bow to your greatness, that is all.

Sorry, that was epic.

buy not but!

For the exclusively breastfeeding mums, I started giving one bottle of formula a day to DS1 when he started solids (which was at four months back then, ten years ago ). I will do the same when J starts weaning at six months. If you are feeling like bfing is getting you down why not make a plan to introduce a bottle of formula at x months. That way you have a goal to aim for.

glenda has happened to me too! I was meant to go onto work next week and was really looking fwd to it as I don't speak to many adults in the week and today my boss as cancelled. I was near to tears.

I was also a bit cross as he didn't say till I dropped a note to check which day and he did oh I'm in Stockholm all next week I will have to cancel. Was he going to say anything or not? Grr

Well the end of our ebf journey has come despite the tongue tie fix. He has only put on 45g in 9 days and has dipped below the 0.4 centile.

GP & HV obviously very concerned and want me to offer a 3oz formula top up after every bf to try and get his weight up. As I'm up to expressing 5oz a day I asked if a couple of the top ups could be ebm but they said no. Which was odd I thought. Not as odd as the GP saying I shouldn't express at all as 'the baby would miss out on the colostrum'. Wtf?! I assume he means hind milk.

Anyway I agree that he needs some extra calories and I'm going to give the formula but also express to keep my supply up and hopefully return to ebf or ebmf in the future. I really hope I'm doing the right thing.

Asda have some good deals on nappies. Including 104 pampers nappies for £12. Size 3 upwards. So could stock up! Right off to catch up on this mornings chat.

Oh blonder I am sorry. Big hugs.

I don't see why it can't be EBM though. Means they still know how much he is getting. But they must know better.

That's sounds like a good plan blonder Although I don't see why you can't use the EBM for top up although try may be concerned that its only foremilk? WtF with your GP and colostrum

Evil I echo everyone else. DH would have to do some serious grovelling if that was him. The text he sent doesn't even sound like an apology, just passive aggressive excuses that's putting the blame on you. Just because it contains that word sorry a few times doesn't mean it's an apology. You have to do what's best for you but I'd be laying down the law if I was to go back

M fed quite a lot during the night and slept in with me. So far today she's been chirpy so I'm hoping the growth spurt has passed. We're going away for the night tomorrow for a party so I don't want a grumpy baby. That reminds me, I need to pack.

Detective I keep meaning to say, that pram you posted on FB, a girl on my FB has a similar one but the leopard is normal coloured. Her boyfriend has a matching leopard print dressing gown too
But even better I went on FB yesterday and a man I went to school with has that exact pram and matching car seat I the pink leopard for sale!! That'd solve your annoying pram issues it's brand new never used!

Evil I would be doing some serious thinking right now. Can you stay with your mum for a few days to get your head straight? Does your mum know whats going on? Hugs xxx

I've also had the "you just sit around doing nothing all day" comments. Or more recently since M and me started doing a few baby groups and getting into a routine "you have the life of riley while I go to work to pay for it all". This really pisses me off as this has been the first winter where the roles have been reversed - in the past his work has always dried up over winter and we've been entirely dependant on my student loan and small business income. Prat. I think hope he's joking when he says it, I:m getting close to having a full on meltdown with him next time...

Blimey! We've all had a busy few days!

pikz I expressed for a fortnight and it nearly made me lose it. As VQ says it is the worst of both worlds with no respite. You are a champion. Mind you, we are all champions as I have come to the conclusion that there is no job harder than this one.

VQ I am so pleased you are bouncing

evil that was in no way an apology. It was pure bile and he needs to acknowledge that. With a newborn in the house there is no 'free time' - not for either parent.

Belated happy birthday horsey

blonder I think that is a good plan. For some reason he is not gaining weight. At the moment they are blaming the breast milk. With top ups of formula he will either gain weight, so problem solved, or he will not and they will start looking for reasons why. He is 11 weeks old. You have done remarkably well. Keep expressing, but not if it makes you feel worse or tired. Do not blame yourself at all whatever happens. I saw my friends child who is a day older than my 2yo who will be three in april, and the little girl is still in 9-12 clothes. She was tiny. Never had a drop of bm, was premature, but not hugely so. Big hugs and share how you are feeling. It is a sad day but try to embrace it as progress. At this stage it is in your sons best interest x x x

Alas I have lost my bounce. I have been defeated by a 2yo whose bounce simply cannot be competed with.

I deffo plan to give a bit of formula when solids are introduced. I am trying thawed ebm on boy tonight, or at least daddy is. I left baby with DH when I did school run and he pooed and vommed over him. It was really hard not smiling.

evil I keep thinking about what your P said last night. Do talk to RL friends and family. That is really a shocking thing to say and calls doubt on your safety with him. He should be protective and loving of you and your son. Even if he was pissed up or had not slept for a week, there would never be a valid excuse to say that. He needs to crawl over broken glass to prove his love IMO x

8 hours since the vomming, peeing, pooing and crying party started we have an asleep baby.

'Collapses'

Evil ur txt reply should read - in no way does being sick, being asked to help, not having time to rest justify wanting me n LO dead in a car crash.

DH says some awful things sometimes. But the only way he understands what he has said is to hear what he said. It's almost like he forgets what he has said the second he has said it. So IF u txt him today u need to make clear, no matter the situation "wishing u and LO dead is unacceptable". N no matter how he justifies it. What he says. Keep repeating that's line until he genuinely apologises.

I hope I haven't over stepped the line, I know it's always easy to complain about my DH, but when other ppl join in I get defensive of him. Im stupid I know. just concentrate on LO n let ur mum look after u x

This is how your txt reads to me.
sorry that a common cold renders you pathetic and useless, sorry to think you have share responsibility for your own child, sorry that as an grown man you still think its ok to pass on responsibility to your mother even though you can do it yourself, sorry to think that you were capable to make your own dinner once in awhile' I guess that wouldn't help the situation but wouldn't it be great if you could

This is only part of why I'm mad at you still. You need to give a reason for us to come home, and that nick and I matter.

I'm still waiting for a txt back, I'm in tears. I just want to go home, an be loved.

Thanks for the supportive messages. Just reading through the thread, we have got back up to antenatal speed it seems.

Evil that is just awful. I agree with the others and what Horsey has said. I hope you get a grovelling apology but most importantly a change in attitude.

There are so many inspirational women on this thread. I think you should all be proud of yourselves, you've often kept me going through difficult times. Pikz your feats of expressing are Herculean. Stunt you are the voice of reason. Det you are a fount of knowledge. VQ you do an amazing job with your three and still find time to care for others.

Anyway despite it being Oscar season I shall stop the speech but all of you have reason to congratulate yourselves, not just for making beautiful babies but for going through difficult times and getting others through theirs.

ps Dixie I love the idea of you giving your LO a facial.

Sorry to hear that Blonder, what percentile was he born on? Have you considered phoning a breastfeeding support group. If you don't agree with giving formula then you don't have to. Are they saying there's something wrong with your milk, that it isn't nutritious enough? If you're managing to express several ounces from one breast at a time then it would contain plenty of hindmilk. It is entirely your decision on what to do so make sure you are happy with whatever you decide. If you welcome the idea of a formula top up for taking the pressure off you then do so. The 0.4 percentile is still within the normal range and my older boys both spent time on it which was concerning but both recovered slightly over time. When I was in a similar position with DS1 I felt so unsupported by the midwife that I stopped going to any appointments and carried on breastfeeding. I am a great believer in mothers' instinct. If it goes against your instinct to offer formula then don't do it. If you feel that this is the right time to introduce formula top ups then do so and don't fret about it.

I have just asked my mum (who's a HV) about it and she says she can't really comment as she hasn't seen you but they need to tell you why they want you to give a formula top up. Her reaction was that you should just breastfeed your baby and not bother with any expressing, let the baby take how much he wants. I hope you're receiving specialist advice rather than a GP who may not be an expert in your situation.