Dec 08 Mums - Onwards and bloody well upwards!

[Beans36]

How's this? Thought I'd just press on with it!

All you ladies who say that some sex will result in more sex are probably right. I am not saying there has been none. Just not much

Kayz, that sounds very stressful. I hope she is all settled now and your night is not too bad.

Vag, that no Foxtons rule may be a good 'un. Guess who I use? I don't like them but I am scared not to use them as they have the biggest reach. But their charges are HORRENDOUS.

SL, yes, do you know any such people who want a flat in Maida Vale/Warwick Ave? I did have a French couple at first but yes, really it's a flat for one and I suppose there is more of a turnaround as you say. As for the buggy, I did sell it on Ebay but a localish couple bought it. I don't actually think they are trying it on - I think they may have been unwittingly rough with it and triggered what I now learn is a known fault with the buggy, but which I hever had any problems with. Either way - it is a big pain in the bum! Sorry about the knee. I hope that bloke gets...particularly enormous piles which hurt when he rides his bike.

MIL tomorrow. Urrrggggh.

Hehe re piles. That's what I thought too. Certainly a sore arse or something embarrassing in the genitalia department.

I hate foxtons too. Do they still have an overly snazzy website that they leave properties on for months after they have sold to make it look like they have millions of properties on their books? And overly pushy sales people and wildly optimistic prices? Hate em bunch of nobbers

DD slept all night. Obviously starving them is the way to get them to sleep

She is very happy this morning and have a long feed.

Hi Ladies,

Beans ? I hope the memorial went well yesterday and wasn?t too emotionally gruelling. I bet you looked great in your new outfit and that your dad was beaming with pride from above.

Kayz ? Sorry that DD would not take a bottle but I am glad she was OK in the end. Both of my girls were bottle refusers which was fine until I wanted to be away from them for more than an hour or two. It was OK once they got to about 8 months as they could go long periods without milk but until then it was a little limiting. I had some success with an American brand of bottle where the milk goes in disposable plastic bags. I have forgotten the brand name but they were recommended on here and were great because if you gently squeezed the bag the milk would squirt into the baby?s mouth without them having to suck. Might be worth exploring if you ever get desperate.

Lady ? Sorry to hear about your rental woes. I don?t think Foxtons have the dominance that they used to have and they certainly have a bad reputation so I would consider a change of agent if I were you. Around my area everyone avoids Foxtons like the plague. We have some upmarket independent agents who are great and actually listen to what you want. I don?t believe Foxtons have some magic reach that others don?t. If someone is looking for a flat in Maida Vale they will look on an aggregate site like Rightmove so just make sure your new agent is on those sites.

Summer ? Sorry to hear about your knee. Bastard man. Nice to have time for other things though (maybe?). Your brave DH going for the snip. My DH would never agree to that as he is a scaredy cat. It?ll be a life of condoms for us after this baby. That will be a passion killer.

Rubes ? sounds like a dramatic trip to Miami. Shame. I hope you got a bit of sun though. Do you only fly US routes with work?

ZJ ? Your cervix sounds very hurty indeed. I hope they can sort you out quickly. Did they think it was an infection? Are you enjoying being back at work?

Jam ? I am way too late to contribute but I loved the red Hobbs dress on your thread. What did you go for in the end. You will look fab whatever it was.

JB ? Have you been to the wedding now? I hope DD1 did you proud and that you had fun even without DH.

Indith ? Sorry to hear of the lack of sleep and sex. And sorry to hear that DS2 won?t even settle nicely for the boob. You sound very calm about it all. Its the unsettled grumpiness that I would find hardest but you sound very pragmatic about it. When you say uni starts soon is that your midwifery course?

Veg ? I mean to congratulate you on your great swimming DS1. Also how come DS2 is starting school already. Do they start them even younger in Holland? I thought the UK was the earliest in Europe. Or is another type of nursery school?

Spot ? Had your book come out? How are sales? And good luck on the sleep training. It really will be worth it. Have you and your DP thought more about returning to the big smoke.

Sybs ? you live around Herne Hill don?t you? Do you know a school called Rosendale? A good friend is moving to the area and trying to buy near that school to get her DS in and she is wanting local thoughts on whether it is worth it. Do you have any inside knowledge?

Where is JJ? And Effie have you disappeared again? Invis do you still lurk? And NJAN and MoM? When some of you saw WG last week did you try and persuade her back? I miss Trace already.

I am pretty down at the moment I feel so boring going on about it. The CVS decision has still not been made. I tried to book with the FMC and they suggested talking to one of their doctor again first. She was very, very reassuring that the DNA test we had was nearly as good as a CVS. DH now does not really want to take the risk of the CVS. Plus my placenta is anterior which apparently makes it slightly more difficult. I think we probably won?t have it and probably everything is OK but I still get hit with waves of fear and doubt.

On top of that my sickness is still lingering. I am nauseated and tired all the time and have not socialised in 8 weeks. I normally go out at least one night a week, even if just for book club or something. Lately I have seen nobody. I feel isolated and lonely. At home I am grumpy. DH is a patient and hard working saint and yet I gripe and groan and him all the time and frankly I don?t deserve all his does for me. I keep losing it with the girls which makes me feel like a crap Mum. Last night they didn?t settle ?til gone 10pm and I screamed and shouted at them and made them both cry and of course I felt awful and inadequate and guilty. At work I am flat out. Working 12 hour days much of the time (no wonder the girls are unsettled). In a way work is a distraction and a solace but it is also stressful. Oh, and I think my phobia is raising its head again as I keep hearing that this year?s winter vomiting virus is particularly virulent and its playing on my mind so that I keep watching the girls like hawks. To sum up I feel like crying much of the time, and what I need most which is to go out and see friends and do fun and distracting things is currently beyond me.

RT I am about to get bossy. Be a good girl and listen!

You sound very down and you sound very anxious. It is all very understandable given the circumstances. However, would I be going too far wrong if I suggested that the worry about the results may be triggering old anxieties and problems? Do you have a nice MW (as in not the grumpy cow who made you worry about the results) you can talk to about antenatal depression? Please don't let things spiral. I'm not telling you run off and start taking ADs but I think a good talk about it is in order with a MW or GP so that it is on your records which may make things easier if you later feel as though things are getting worse and you do want more help.

Also, please get your iron levels checked out and if you are not already then start taking Spatone or similar.

Dear RT, I am so sorry to hear that you are still in turmoil over the CVS. I know you crave reassurance and want to know for certain. Did you trust the Dr at the FMC? I ask because with DD2 I had a scan at Kings (where Nicolaides is Prof and where the FMC Drs also work) and they identified lots of problems. After convincing myself that there was a huge problem I was rescanned at the FMC, where I told the (very sympathetic) Dr about my concerns. She took me completely seriously and spent about an hour doing and redoing the measurements, looking for the markers the other woman had identified and checking that she was right. If you are still worrying, can you go back and have another scan and discuss your fears again? I feel that you will only be reassured once you have talked this through, and whilst we can say you should trust the FMC, only you can make this decision once you have spoken to them. I feel for you so much but I think you will only get some peace re the CVS once you have resolved what the NHS woman said with the FMC and tbh only the FMC will be able to do this and allay your fears.

Re the viral issue, you have done so well with the CBT and I suspect your anzieties about the CVS are making other worries more prominent. DOn't worry about shouting etc at the kids as this is not your usual behaviour and they know they are greatly loved. Can you take a bit of time off to get some rest whilst you sort all of this out?

Indith is right, you do need to take great care of yourself, especially with the AND. Please go back to the FMC and talk some more as I suspect that this is making everything seem far more gloomy and bleak. Round here you don't get booked in til nearly 20 weeks now so you might not have an assigned MW but if your GP might listen that could be an option too.

Huge hugs to you. I hope you get the info you need very soon.

Love to you XXXX

Indith I loved that first line, I can just see you using on your patients in future. Indith is right though RT, I would take the FMC up on their offer of seeing their doctor. It sounds like they want to reassure you on the results. Have you actually seen anyone since the phone call, or just spoken to them on the phone.

Kayz that is brilliant on the nights sleep. Maybe it was the feeding or maybe you having a day out together made you more relaxed so she relaxed too.

Thanks RT, we are proud of his commitment to his sports, I think it puts them in good stead and can help with school too. Here they start at the school they will continue in at 4, like literally when they turn 4. They don't have group intakes. School isn't compulsory until they are 5, & full time is only 3 full days & 2 half days. Until they are 5 it is up to us how often he goes. They don't start proper school until they are 6, all schools,not just Montessori, have a big 4-6 age group which I guess is like reception. Generally they just play & do pre reading, writing & maths stuff. Because the boys are at Montessori the 'play' is focused in their principles and use their activities. So anyway, yeah theydo start quite young but don't start formal learning or even have a national curriculum to track until they are 6.

Oh hooroo Sybs.

Meant to say, thanks for the Barcelona tip LadyT. Any others greatly accepted. I haven't been to Barcelona since having kids and not sure what to do there with kids in toe. I've always just wandered around art galleries and into cafes & bars. We are staying near Sagrada famiglia as it seemed a bit quieter than the main drag & the Gothic bit. I remember going to the brilliant under covered markets and drinking yummy coffee.

You have to go to Els Quatre Gats, Vag. It's really cool. It's pretty colourful in there although whether it's kid friendly I can't recall, although obviously Spain is very much so, generally.

RT - I have been dying to come on ever since I saw your message but with MIL etc here it's all been a bit hectic. I wish I could swoosh up to London and take you to my club. You have had such brilliant advice from the girls above already so I have nothing much to add, but I do say this - if the FMC aren't suggesting a CVS, I would listen. Because they would truly suggest one if they thought there was a problem. That said, I understand your anxiety and can only second the others who have said take them up on going back for a chat with one of the docs there. Don't be down on yourself. I know how devoted the girls and DH are to you!

Must go. I can hear MIL's DH talking about how black women aren't attractive Give me STRENGTH, the man's an arse.

Ooh Vag am well of your trip. I suspect it's all pretty family friendly around there. I haven't been since having kids either, but I do remember lots of children in the restaurants at all times of the day/night, and I suspect all the museums are good places to start.

I should really be packing for trip up north tomorrow but instead am digesting a huge dinner and drinking wine. Will obviously be a better packer after it all (will end up with a couple of bikinis and incomplete jigsaw puzzles if I'm not careful).

RT you sound so stressed . It sounds as though reassurance is the most important thing you could do for yourself right now, so I think sybs and Indith's advice is sound.

Thanks for asking about the book. At the moment sales are quite good, but a lot of them are free review copies, so I'm not going to be a millionaire overnight! Still applying for jobs but getting a fair bit of freelance stuff at the moment, so that's encouraging.

On the moving to London front - I think DP has realised that we can't afford to go anywhere until we get jobs, and that's not going brilliantly for him (i.e. nothing, not even an interview) so we will have to follow the money wherever it comes from.

McKayz can you give me a blow by blow account of everything you did in your day? I will then follow it to the letter and hopefully mine will sleep all night! .

Actually, even though B is cutting his back molars I was quite firm about bedtimes tonight and they both ended up sleeping on their own without me. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. ever.

Lady - boo to your tenants. Do you think this is happening because of the nature of the place? London has a high turnover of people at the best of times and the fact that because it will never be a "family home" due to its size may mean that you will always have a fair amount of comings and goings, but every six months seems excessive. Agree with RT and maybe ditch Foxtons for someone who knows the area a bit more and can offer better service...

Bugger. Have def drunk too much to pack effectively now

RT listen to Indith she is very wise!

Seriously girls this dress thing is a nightmare!!!! Ordered and rejected loads. I have just ordered this from lk bennet What do you think? I never thought I could be bored of shopping.

V classy, Jam. You will look ace!

RT, please listen to everyone. I'm sure the FMC would have booked you in for a CVS if they thought you needed it.

Vag, my mum has just been to Barcelona. They loved it there, I hope you have a lovely time when you go.

Ok Spot, I woke up at 4:30 to feed DD. Got up about 7, DH took DS1 to school. Dropped DS2 and DD at mums, drove to Sunderland, watched Starlight Express and drove home. Got take away and then fed DD and then went to sleep.

She's made up for it today though. Really grumpy and feeding loads.

Oh Sybs, did you say a while ago that you were seeing Verso? If so how is she? Did they have a 3rd DC?

I do miss our absentees. Hello if you're lurking!!

Jam I wasn't sure if I liked the dress until I saw it on the model. Now I quite like it. Shoes? I also liked the red Hobbs dress.

LadyT we lucky that my 19 year old niece will be with us so we can go out to some child unfriendly restaurants. DH will be in his course during the day but hope to get out a bit with DH. The Friday is my 40th birthday so will definitely go out that night.

Lady- loved your "we are some distance from sizzle city"!! as are we of recent times!
Foxtons.... not a fan. Actually Davis Tate piss me off royally as well. I must admit I'd be steering clear of Fuxtons I love theri sparkling water for customers, but hell, clearly someone's paying for that. But that said, I'm planning on steering clear of all agents in future. Ive recently only used Davis Tate for a finders fee but they charge one months rent to do so and then that's it - I'd rather use Gumtree or similar myself in future which we are going to look at, as you will always get someone in, but with full management it's not worth it unless you are either A) not competent to do it yourself, or B) have loads of money and don't care about the fees, in which case why would anyone be letting out their property.

Our current tenant is fine, just have some plumbing issues as the previous tenant (although she was lovely) didn't bother to tell us that the grout towards the shower base had a leakage and the shower floor had become "bouncy" so she carried on and it has clearly got water underneath the shower floor and started to rot away under it then leak to the flat below. The shower was custom made by DH and all that and it wasn't a standard size so it's a bit of extra faff, but tenant has so far been reasonable.

RT - Sorry to hear you feeling so low :( But understandable.
I may have missed some detail in previous posts, but you said you and dh had that talk. I'm assuming you have different views on decisions with the pregnancy progression etc? Otherwise I can't see the difference if you both have the same view as you'd both need to be reassured? I'm not explaining myself well I know. I know what I mean, but I know that doesn't help.
Anywho, the prof you both talk of, dh knows & speaks of as a "Jedi" so sounds like he's bloody good. The chance of inducing miscarriage is so slim anyway , and with a brilliant surgeon, it would be less, obviously. You seem so distraught with worry, and you need to remember it's BOTH yourself and DH's decision, The thing is, am I wrong to think if you have had 'that' chat with DH then it would be clear what you would both want to do? But I'm assuming it's more complicated, and this probably sounds quite ignorant as I'm just applying it to the way I would think (not often something recommended to take into account)
Sybs and Lady have some really good advice, as I think you really won't get piece of mind until you clear this up with both. (FMC and NHS not Sybs and Lady)
lady, yes, looking forward to their arrival def!!!
RT no not always US - just often the shortest routes! I like east coast US and Dubai (not Miami but had to stay current on a/c type so swapped into it - bleurgh) but generally would rather stick pins in my eyes than go to Gatwick, so don't do many Caribbeans, however may do during Winter!
Right, I started this post at 6pm so must finish!!

We are back to the land of multiple wakings

RT, you sound so anxious and down right now. I can only second all the excellent advice you have already been given. I think a long chat with an FMC Dr may well help too. Thinking of you x

Kayz, you have my sympathy! DS was a dreadful sleeper till he was 1. Hang in there she will get better. Promise.

Beans, how was Wednesday? I do hope it went well and was a true celebration if your wonderful Dad x

Bedroom action is sporadic here. DH always up for a bit. Me less so, I'd rather watch Masterchef ha ha.

Just arranged a little meet with Spot as she heads North this weekend. Very exciting, she will be the first one of you I have ever met! DS has agreed to share his toys....that's a first!

Deids, DS2 is was a terrible sleeper. I think the biggest problem was that DD slept through for weeks and now she's not sleeping. I got used to the sleep.

Have a lovely time with Spot.

Getting used to the sleep is dangerous .

Just think though Kayz, you've had your children early so when all your peers arelike sleep deprived zombies you will have older children who sleep :).

Thank you for all your kind words and great advice ladies. I did see the FMC doctor face to face (sorry I didn't make that clear in last post). They were reassuring, pointing out if I'd had my only scan with them I'd be happy as Larry and pointing out that on top of that I have the DNA blood test (which they say is really v good). They were happy to give me a CVS but wanted to make sure I understood they were viewing me as low risk. DH then felt the risk of miscarriage was so much higher than the risk of the baby having a problem.

Anyway today I woke up and thought it's time to get on with life. I texted all my local "mum" friends and asked them to meet me for coffee. I told them all what had been going on and they were fab. They sat in the coffee shop and used their phones to book three treats for me to look forward to. So we have a night out next Saturday, a Secret Cinema expedition at the end if the month and a
Carol concert in early Dec. So that cheered me greatly. Then this afternoon I ignored my nausea and baked two cakes with the girls and we had fun and for the first time in a long time I felt like a good mum.

Oh and Indith thanks for mentioning iron levels. I'd totally forgotten how u suffered with low iron in my last pregnancy. I bet part of my tiredness is down to iron. I've bought spartone and DH and I are having steak tonight.

So it's been a good 12 hours. Who knows whether I can keep this attitude and mood going but it's a start. If I slump again I'll talk to my GP (I have no midwife as I'm entirely consultant led. The only midwife I've spoken too is Mrs Gloom The Screening Scaremonger and I am NOT speaking to her again).

Thanks again. Will be back soon for a non "me-me-me" post.

RT: sounds like a lovely day. I'm glad you have good friends around you .

I have had the day off ... doing housework. Bah. But have a DVD and a bot. of plonk to share with DH this evening.

Hibernation weather today.

That's great rt.

Thats really great to hear RT.

That is brilliant RT.