Dec 08 Mums - Onwards and bloody well upwards!

[Beans36]

How's this? Thought I'd just press on with it!

Gaaah, I could use a slug of effing Medised right now The tenant in my flat in London, supposed to be staying until June 2014 (and signed up until then) wants to leave in March. It's a period flat in a desirable location. Sure, it's tiny and a bit shabby but do I really deserve tenants who keep leaving after 6 months? It is costing me a bomb in commission every time they leave and we have to start again. I could scream. And I sold my double buggy on Ebay and the couple who bought it say it's broken and they want a full refund. Well, it wasn't when I sold it. And I have spent the money (or rather the bank has) so I have got to beg the money back off DP, and obviously he is broke too. Scccccreeeeeeeeeammmm.

ANYWAY, I have got me notes but you ladies have been chatty so they are now a bit dated!

Indith - I hear you on the, ahem, 'relations' front. We are some distance from Sizzle City over here Jam's idea about a babysitting circle is great. Because I do think OUT OF THE HOUSE, together, no kids - even if it's just for a drink rather than dinner - is such a good thing. I mean - we hardly do it, which goes to explain why we are like a more low energy, impecunious Terry & June (which is an ancient sitcom, for all you youngsters/non-Brits ) I wish I had some tips about getting the romance back. I just do not know myself, and I suppose I feel there are more pressing issues. Which is probably wrong!

I didn't know you were off to Miami, Rubes. Sorry it wasn't a fun trip, some people treat the crew like slaves. Listen, I think your dog is better groomed than my kids! So how is your DH feeling now that this lot of exams have receded? And are you getting excited about your folks staying?

When are you off to Barca, Vag? Mmmmm. I always say go to Els Quatre Gats (google it) - cool coffee place/bar/restaurant with ruinous brandies. And I also meant to say, how fabulous that your DS1 is a talented swimmer, and that it's been spotted so early. Now, so you still own a place in Derby as well as in Canary Wharf? Do you let them both? This being a landlord malarkey is doing my nut in.

Yes, and Rubes - what were the dramas with your tenant?

Spot - so much luck with the book. How is DP faring? re: moving back to London, I'd rather live there than anywhere else (yes girls, all faint NOW at that piece of non news ) but I do see that the schools are a worry. Maybe a lot more primaries ok? Cheaper areas - Hornsey, and Harringay ladder? You can walk to Turnpike Lane or Manor House, or there are Hornsey and Harringay trains? I lived there for a while, and no, it ain't Mayfair, but I'd live there again. Period houses, large ones with gardens.

How are you RT? Thinking of you. Any more thoughts on the CVS? And have you come to a decision about Christmas Day and whether you are doing your voluntary thing? How is the nausea?

Beans - is your sister speaking to you now? I still have the newspaper with the announcement in, should you want it I think you will find the memorial v cathartic and heartwarming. I still forget my Dad isn't here sometimes, and that's a year on! I don't think it has sunk in properly for me yet, let alone you. How is the rest of the fam?

ZJ, I am so pleased your work were pleased with my piece. I so didn't want to let you down and I loved my trip. I was at this travel exhibition last week at ExCel and there were countries and tourist boards and all sorts, but only a generic Yorkshire one. How is work going now you are back?

Excellent to see you back, PD. How are the nippers? Been on any hols? Do you still have your place in Spain? I find it mysterious and exciting.

Will just post this lot and then write more.

Oh and BEANS, the thanksgiving service is tomorrow, isn't it? Will really be thinking of you, but as I said I think it will also give you all a massive boost, in some ways.

DB - I was so sorry that we couldn't figure out a meet up when you were in the Cotswolds - if I drove it would have been so much easier! Please come again and stay in West Oxfordshire please Now - any practical steps forward with your DS's pre-school? Now, he is 4 the day before O, isn't he? ie 24th?

Speaking of which, isn't it time to dust off our lovely list?

Indith - have you tried the new bed arrangement with DS2 yet? Heavens, you must feel quite mental with fatigue (and you Kayz). I am so sorry, I don't have any advice. Just masses of sympathy

What's DH's travel schedule like for the next few weeks, Kaz?

Hons - what have you decided to do re: that wedding? (Other than biff your DH with a frying pan several times). Oh dear, so annoying. However - kind of him to be our Secret Santa

Now, SL, if you are reading on your techy iPad, what has happened to your knee? I keep gleaning only a fraction of the story on FB. I hope you are ok. And how is DS's eating?

We had to take DD2 to the HV today. Groansville. 2yr check. She yacked on about the dangers of Too Much Screentime (telly, computers, phones) and other patronising guff. That is to say, the HV did, not Dahlia

How are you Sybs, and how is everything chez nous? Do you see much of your DH? I need some lessons on How To Keep the Magic Alive in a Long Term Relationship I also need to check the meet up thread and see what's what. I know you are massively into Christmas, as am I. It does lift my spirits.

I will see WG at this wedding on Sat. I have finally found an undergarment to wear with my backless dress. I was going to wear these weird stick on things but although my boobs have fared very well, I cannot kid myself - I am still a 36D. And 40 years old. So I am going backless, but not strapless. MIL is coming on Thurs for a few days, to babysit. Obviously that is very kind, but, er.....well, you know.

I still have several things on my list but I need to haul my sorry ass up to bed. Is anyone watching I'm a Celeb? I watch the odd bit, now and again. I always end up feeling sorry for the oldies - it is so undignified after a certain age. However - way I feel now, I'd gladly suffer a little humilation for a £100k fee G'night ladies.

Kayz, I meant Kayz. Not KAZ. Jam, I posted on your dress thread. I promise you, you will look A1 in whatever dress you choose.

Thanks to Mr Hons for setting up secret Santa (making up for the wedding cock up?!) I've emailed

How are you doing RT? Have you come to any conclusions about the CVS? If I was in your position, I think I'd have that final test, to have as much certainty as possible. We didn't have any of the tests as we felt that even if we'd been given 1 chance in a million, there is still 1 chance. But I believe you either want to know or don't want to know, and if you want to know you may as well gather up all the info to prepare one way or another. Look after yourself and try to get a chance to rest amid all of this xx

How's sleep going Kayz? I firmly believe that sleep breeds sleep. And good naps in the day often lead to better sleep at night. This too shall pass

I loved that you tube link Indith, hilarious! Hopefully the bed will work. A friend's DD never settled in her cot, so they had her on a mattress on the floor from about 3 months and it worked for them.

I'm with you on the 'meh' relationship at the mo. DH and I are getting on really well I think at the moment, but have strayed into friends rather than lovers territory. And talking of which, I went for a smear today but didn't get one. It was massively uncomfortable and apparently my cervix was very red and sore looking. The nurse asked me if sex hurt (wonder if she was wondering if DH is a bit rough or something) and I had to confess that it's a non starter, as when we do start we rarely finish because it does hurt. So she took a swab and I get to go back for the smear another day - joy. I was hoping than with the end of BF my libido my return, but what if it's something else, or if it never returns? Grim, sorry for waffling and TMI all in one paragraph

That trip sounds less than fun Rubes, comforting to be home to your hoover!

I think we had someone at Excel last week LadyT, but maybe they were stand sharing rather than having our own stand. However the big news was we also had a stand at the 50plus show in Glasgow and it was a raving success - so you'll have to return to York again when you are considerably older and get writing for Saga

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow Beans, do your Dad proud, I bet he would have loved you in that outfit xx

Ouch ZJ, sounds really sore. Poor you. Hope they can sort it out. I have had no libido since DD2 and don't have BF or lack of sleep as reasons. I think it's complicated.

Sybs, I didn't mean Chez NOUS. I'm an idiot. Chez toi!

Lady, DH goes to Singapore on Saturday and then flies home the following Friday. He's then seeing his dad in Manchester and I'm getting the train to meet him Saturday morning. So only a week away. Then he goes back to work the first week of January.

Beans, will be thinking of you. Xx

ZJ, I hope all is ok with your smear tests.

Naps are rubbish here. I blame DH for coming home as she was guaranteed 3 naps a day when I did the school run. But now he usually runs them up in the car as the weather is so rubbish. So DD has a few little naps now and then.

I should try a routine but they aren't my thing.

Ouch ZJ that does not sound like fun. Hopefully you can get it sorted though.

Like sleep I think sex breeds sex . It took a long time after dd, we only really got back into the swing of things shortly before I go pg with ds2 . I really had to make the effort to just do it and gradually I started enjoying it a little more each time.

LadyT bad luck on the tennent and the pushchair, that sucks.

ds2 has tried the new bed but he has 2 teeth coming through so not much joy! I gave him calpol a bit ago after he'd been screaming ar me lots and now he is completely wired . Thankfully he has done it on breakfast club day so dh will be able to dump both dcs for me and I can go back to bed with ds2 whenever he gives in.

kayz do you get out much with dd now dh is home? I'm not a big routine perspn either but babies are creatures of habit and she will have git used to that sleep pattern with the school run plus of course getting out and having some air is good for them. try popping her in the sling at home when you notice she is starting to get tired maybe?

Yeah we do get out but not as much. She really hates the car so I tend to stay at home if I can.

I got a new sling a couple of weeks ago, a woven wrap. It's actually quite difficult to tie compared to the stretchy one I've got. But I can try putting her in there.

I'm leaving her with my mum today. We're going to see Starlight Express in Sunderland. I'm half dreading it, I've never really left her before, I'm not sure she'll take a bottle and mum has to give her formula as I had to throw out everything I expressed.
I'm not bothered about the formula because its formula but more in case she doesn't like the taste or something.

On the sex thing. I have found that if we force ourselves to jump back on the pony so to speak it does all start happening more regularly. In NY think we had more sex than we had for the last six months but now we are home again and there is an irritating nearly 4yr old in our bed.

You'll get used to the woven soon enough. Try getting to grips with back carries so you can throw her up and then potter around doing things while she falls asleep. is good for starters is a bit more complicated or is nice and secure. Tbh I tend to just use a rucksack as I like quick ups and downs and I can't be arsed messing around. He went through a phase of leg straightening though and trying to climb up my back by digging his feet in which pops the seat on a ruck so other carries are good to know. Though for me that was when I sold a wrap and bought a babyhawk because I needed to be able to throw him up in something in 30 second while chasing the others out of the house!

Thanks for those Indith. I have mastered a front wrap cross carry. I want to try the back carries but am quite scared of dropping her.

stand in front of the bed the first few times so she falls somewhere soft if you drop her or get dh to stand behind you but tell him not to put his hands on her or you as hands get in the way! Where the women in the videos lean forwards a little while doing the wrapping you can lean forwards so your back is totally flat as you do the first pass of fabric (which will stop her from falling) then stand more uprights and jiggle around and pull it all tight. Getting it comfortable is all about having the tension right, if you tie it while leaning totally forwards then you are doing it with no weight in the seat so when you stand up it will pull on your shoulders. You need to get her secure then stand and make sure she has a good seat and then tighten your passes.

Kayz I could never do the back carry in my wrap sling. I bought a beco butterfly. Which was fab. It's more structured but v soft. My two loved it.

Yes, if you don't want to wrap then buckles are your friend and there are so many fantastic soft structured carriers out there these days that are just as easy to put on as high street carriers like the baby bjorn but that are nice and wide to give the baby a knee to knee sitting position, can be worn on your back and that will last to toddlerhood. Bopa, beco, connecta, ergo (but be VERY careful as there are a lot of fake ergos) to name but a few. Then you have the custom makes and the wrap conversions. Lovely. I'm getting a custom made MT in January . It will have wrap straps but the maker does buckles too.

Oh bugger it. DD has refused the bottles. She was last fed at half 11. We're an hour and a half from home. I feel bloody awful

Has she taken anything at all in that time? What is your mum doing? HAs she tried cup feeding or even giving her it by syringe?

Don't feel bad though. You left her with someone she knows, she has been well taken care of not left with a random and you will be back with her soon enough. Prepare for a night of feeding!

She's tried cup feeding her but she hasn't got a syringe. I've said she can try a spoon to get something into her. I don't know if she took anything. Mum said she keeps pushing the bottle out with her tongue and crying.

I'd suggest she stops trying the bottle as it will be making her more frustrated. If she can take her for a walk or drive and get her to calm down then she might have more luck with the cup feeding or a spoon.

We are back. She's fine but hungry. So we're getting a take away and sitting on the sofa and feeding.

sounds good :)

Kayz sorry if madams little hunger strike caused any anxiety on your part but medically she would be fine. The first feed would have hydrated her good & proper and by her age she can handle a little time unfed. By this stage babies are sleeping all night without a feed (apparently). Did you enjoy starlight express? I am actually severely allergic to musicals, was it nice to have some time alone.

I used to do the backpack sling with a length of material I bought. It was good but I think similar fabric to what you describe Kayz, kind of woven, so wasn't quite as comfortable as a stretchy wrap. Was a very handy way to carry him. I could safely cook and do stuff with my arms and front without bothering him. He loved it.

Hi lady sorry to hear about the hassle with the flat. We manage the London flat ourselves and have an agent handle the Derby place. We have not had too much hassle. We have a no Foxtons policy which I think helps with no hassles (we used them once and it was a complete nightmare and they lost us a lot of money) & although we have to keep on top of the agent in Derby more than we should for how much we pay them, in general they are pretty good.

Hi guys,
beans I hope today went as well as can be expected, thinking of you my dear.

blimey kayz sounds a bit stressful but obviously she will be fine if just a little peckish! glad you enjoyed the musical.

jam have you found a dress yet?

lady what a pisser about the tenants. I guess the problem with small flats is they are only possibly only really good for one person, maybe your tenants keep finding themselves new partners and then moving into their flats. What you need is a VERY geeky bloke, who maybe does mathematical models for a bank or in depth programming, who is VERY shy and unlikely to find a girlfriend, and therefore will stay in your flat forever. Also what a bummer about teh pushchair too - did you sell it on ebay and are they local so you can get it back easily? Do you think they are chancing their arm?

kayz we had a manduca sling which is similar to an ergo, I loved it. But then it fell out of the bike trailer, bummer! But I would recommend.

indith sorry about the no action and sleep situation. Hope it improves soon, lack of sleep is horrid. No advice on the lack of action really, I pretty much never had any sex when my kids weren't sleeping well! though I didn't co sleep much so got plenty of cuddles in the night which went some way to making up for it. I have to say I hated the phase where i was going to bed really early and often ending up in a different bed to DH with the baby. I also agree with the idea of trying to get out of the house for a night out of some description, we always talk more when we are out together rather than at home sitting on our computers in different rooms
I also agree on the sex breeding sex thing (but hopefully not any more babies). On that front hopefully DH is getting the snip in the next month or so. Hurrah (for me, not so much for him, he is bricking it!)

Yes lady i have knackered my knee a bit, it is not that bad though but I can't cycle properly or run at all which is pissing me off somewhat - I am finding I have more time to do other stuff though! Some guy knocked me striaght off my bike in a totally incompetent and blatant way in a mountain bike race, I was soo pissed off as he didn't really stop. If I had got his race number I would have reported him and hunted him down and kicked him in the balls

Oh and DS is still crap at eating, thanks for asking! how is your DD1. He isn't as bad as he used to be though by miles, he now eats chicken and fish and mini sweetcorn if it is drenched in ketchup which is a development in the last year or so. We don't really worry about it too much any more! DD is still a greedy totally unfussy little creature, so bizarre how different they can be.

zj hope the smear/cervix thing gets fixed, sounds ouchy, hope nothing to worry about!