FEB 2010 Terrors sometimes, angels at others - yep, they're properly two now...

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

New thread!!

1. Dd2 is absolutely fine without a pushchair. I took the opportunity to clean and store the pushchair away just before we went on holiday for nearly a month, with the hope that dd2 would forget there is one . It worked and she now walks everywhere with me. but I do miss somewhere to put my shopping

Well, it's the 2nd night without a bottle. DS had a little meltdown tonight but went to bed with no problem so fx it'll last.

CP how are you feeling today?

stoof were the blood results of your DS better?

NK we haven't used the pushchair for a few months too, so they've now been packed and stored ready for the next one. My issue without one is that DS is freaked out by the strong winds and I have to carry him if it's windy in the mornings...

1. dd2 doesn't like to be reminded to use the loo and is much better being left alone to decide when to go.

Blimey, I wish I could hold on that long NK!

Not much to report here, except DS is still mainly sleeping when he isn't feeding. He's become a bit more wakeful in the morning, but makes up for it later in the day..! My mum is here now, which is brilliant. She's ace with DD and has totally taken charge of cooking our meals, bless her.

IC glad you have your mum with you now, it's so easy to overdo things in the early days esp with a cs scar . How is your dh settling into his new job?

Turns out dd2 can also hold on to poo for several days... She did four large poos today, three in the potty and one in the bath

make sure she makes loads for the freezer

IC enjoy your mum's help and delegate to her in order to rest

DS had his 1st swimming lesson but had a meltdown when he was obliged to leave the pool (it's only opened for the lessons on a Sunday morning) so I'll still take him on the public opening on Saturdays as well. Tonight he went to bedwith no problems so it seems the new routine without the bottle is working. Next step will be to move him from the cot into a bed

CP I assume you were replying to IC? I initially read it that you were saying that NK's DD2 should make lots of poo for the freezer

A quick update on things with me: I told DH last week that he needed to sort out his attitude or move out. I explained how his apparent unwillingness to engage was damaging me and the DDs, and said that we deserved better. I don't think he believed me, but when I said that I was thinking about where the DDs and I would live, and how I'd manage them seeing his parents, he suddenly got scared. And he has pulled it round, and sustained it for nearly a week now. It isn't anything huge, it is more that he is paying attention when we speak to him, he is being interested in what we do and are going to do, he is doing stuff around the house willingly, he is communicating about being late from work etc. I have been very low for a few days, and he has not reverted to shouting or snapping at me, instead he has been reassuring and supportive. It feels like I am in a partnership instead of doing it all on my own. It even feels as though someone is looking out for me a bit, instead of just taking everything I give then asking for more.

I have also confided in a RL friend. Like me and DH, she and her DH have very busy lives as they both work and have two kids (I met her at antenatal classes for our DC1s). She faces the same stresses and strains of life as me in that her DH often works late or away and she often has to pick up the pieces. But the big difference in our situations is that her DH has always been willing to pull his weight, is an active participant in their family life and just generally seems to give a shit. But she was brilliant when I talked to her about it, entirely understood my feelings and what I had said to DH, but also was really reassuring in saying that my DH is an intelligent man who will pull it round because he won't want to lose me and the DDs. This was particularly lovely to hear as DH has worn me down so much that my self worth is at an all time low, so it was great that she said that I wasn't getting it all wrong.

Oh, too long from me again. So sorry. But you have all been very supportive and sweet so I wanted to let you know how it was all going, and to say thank you for being there for me at a very difficult time in my life.

SR hugs and fx

SR here is a large glass of GT. and please vent/rant as much as you want/need

I've reach a point of exhaution tiredness at the moment so I'll try to come home earlier tomorrow to rest

SR that is VERY good news. I hope this time he keeps it up. You and the DDs definitely deserve a fully engaged DH and dad. Keep us posted!!

Our freezer is already full, believe it or not CP! DH and I had a cooking frenzy once we had moved in, we haven't got the space for much more!!

(I chuckled a bit at the juxtaposition of that comment and NK's DD2's poo too!)

DH is doing fine, thanks NK. Taking it in his stride and actually managing his stress levels very well, given that DD doesn't let up with him and he's having disrupted sleep. So far, so good!

DS and I were discharged from midwife care today. We're both doing well and DS weighed in at 8lb15oz today - which means he's put on the best part of a lb in about ten days. Wow! DD's never had that kind of growth trajectory and I'm now looking at my boobs with renewed respect.
Last night he was a bit unsettled - trapped wind, thanks to gulping down his feed too quickly.

But is still doing fine. DD remains rather dubious about him, but I reckon she'll come round once he starts to interact with her.

SR it's good he is trying - hope he can sustain it.

After the fb accident my DH has been loads (loads) better.

He's just back from a trip overseas and I am shattered after looking after them both since Weds.

DS had first settling in at new nursery today. Went well. Another boy told us he could jump high because of his 'muscles and blood' also met child genius at playground on Sat who could do cubes and squares and difficult fractions aged 4 (just about to start reception) - he was lovely, you could tell he was just obsessed with maths and not coached. Scared me a bit though, seemed so out of the ordinary.

Have been thinking big thoughts about daft unanswerable questions like 'why are we here'? - for a while I was so relieved to have DS that I thought my concerns about bigger things/mortality etc. had been kind of 'cured' by becoming a mum but all those silly teenage deep-but-shallow-and-a-little-narcissistic questions are popping up in my head again. Might just be super-tiredness.

I am shattered and I've had help. DS has come back into a hard work phase. Not only is his sleep still not great but gone is the baby who would happily crawl around for a while and in it's place is one who cries even if I even start the moves in order to get up. He doesn't feed and then sleep, more wants to stay latched on forever and then screams if I move away. He does quieten down if DH takes him to the other bed but won't sleep with me properly. A good might consists of sleep at 7 and wakes at 10:30, 1, 3, 4:30, 6. although most nights we only get one two hour block between feeds (but only 90 mins sleeping) after the initial 3-4 hour session (even then it's not uncommon for him to wake at 9, but I don't feed in that one). DH is able to sleep through the unsettled and need frequent patting stage of his sleep but I can't. I do envy that ability to be able to instantly snooze back off. For DH he will do a solid hour before getting to unsettled stage.

I was just starting to feel like things were going well and that I was in a good head space and a few bad days (albeit on top of the nights) and it all feels so exhausting again.

CP could he be not sleeping well with you because he can 'smell' the milk? Could a dummy help if he likes the suckling? Or can you move him into his own room? Sorry I'm not much help but he seems to be latched more for comfort than because he's actually hungry.

I'm home today as I'm at the edge of spending the days crying for no reasons so I thought I'll stay home to see if a bit of rest (okay I've vaccumed, sorted the laundry and went shopping) will get me to reboot and get back to a happy spirit...

SB hope you manage to reboot yourself

CP I agree with SB that your ds is using you as a dummy. In your shoes I'd be pretty radical to save my own sanity and move him to a cot preferably in a different room. I'd also reduce the time he gets on the breast at night with the aim of phasing out night feeds - he doesn't need the nutrition at night at this age, so he seems to associate it with going back to sleep. I'd allow him a few minutes to settle himself to sleep, then pat him if necessary but not feed or pick him up. I'd offer water from a cup at night- he'd soon realise that that's not worth it.
Feel free to ignore all my ramblings but I think you have to try something to get a decent stretch of sleep after 2 1/2 years of broken nights. I think I'd have had a breakdown by now...

Oh, and as for daytime clingy behaviour.. It's just a phase, hopefully not too long. Remember having to time toilet breaks very carefully at one point because dd2 went into meltdown if I as much as moved towards the door..

I do half agree and think I need to do something, but it's not like he goes more than an hour when sleeping with DH or when we put him in the cot (if we can put him in the cot). I do feel bad that DH has to do so much with him but I think we'll have to swap a few jobs and get him to take more of the night stuff and set limits on feeding, maybe no food before three hours to start with.

He does the first half of the night in the cot and when we move we get an extra bedroom. I know most of it is related to teething/developmental(clingy) phase and mobility phase (he can stand for a few seconds now).

DD was either awake or asleep, none of this having to be patted/latched o business in order to stay half asleep.

I had a good morning and I'm reaching out to some RL people to spend some time with as although playgroups are alright they are a bit cold people wise.

hope you don't me bashing out problems with DS on here

sb sorry you are feeling so down :( is any of it related to your physical well being (don't know if diabetes can affect mood or not)

I think it's linked more with tiredness (I should not complain as DS sleeps through and me too) and just having too much things in my head. I just feel drained and can't seem to get back on track. I know I'll be fine but I could just spend my days crying

sb and cp

Aw SB and CP sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it

I think I would be tempted to sleep train as well CP - never an easy decision, though - and I think space is an issue in your place, if I remember rightly? When DD started using my boobs as a sleep comforter I had to resort to cruel-to-be-kind and on the third day, her sleep dramatically improved and I could put her down to sleep (the wake-ups cut drastically too). She was between 7 and 8 months at that point. It didn't get her sleeping through, but it made things much better - for her as well as me, seeing as her sleep was suffering too.
Poor you - it's a horrid situation, I remember how it felt (and that was only with one - having another one to look after just makes it even more exhausting....)

Bc eek at your Maths prodigy..!!

Apologies for the source, but just thought I'd share these and send sleepy dust to all our little darlings

typically last night was great I couldn't get him to sleep deep enough to stay down so DH had him at 10pm with instructions to get to 12. Apparently he woke at 12 but he laid DS on his legs and he slept to 2!. Same again at 4 and he went to 5, at which point he laid DS back on the bed and he went to 6! DH slept fine, waking just briefly each time.

now what are the chances of that happening again?

I also now have two tutees for 3 hours a week which is nice for me and the extra money will really help.

the plan when we move is to put the spare double bed against the cot which will be against the wall with the side down so DH can work on transferring him to cot in the middle of the night as he wishes.

DD has never fallen alseep anywhere like that, except one time when she was ill

cp. Let's hope now that your dH has found the knack it keeps on happening!

CP fx you get another good night

NK how is your DD2 doing on the wee issues?

bc how are things?