Dec 08 Ladies - We're fat, we're thin, we're nearly 3 years in!!

[DeidreBarlow]

Sorry for the shocking title - couldn't think of anything else and our babies little people will be 3 in the next few months!

Thanks everyone. You are all so very kind. AAA - you're very right - that's exactly what my sisters and I are planning - to make sure if he's only got a bit of time left, then it's going to be a bloody good time. You are such kind people, thank you. Lady - thank you for your thoughts - I will definitely speak to Dad about the drug trial route if he decides not to go down the chemo path. I feel so sad for Mum, too. She will have to nurse him, which will be tough and then be widowed, probably before she's 70, which is just horrid for her. She said last night that she's always talked about being a Merry Widow and now it's a reality, she can't imagine anything she wants less!

DH is taking this afternoon off work and I'm going down to see Mum and Dad for the afternoon. I haven't told them, am just going to go! DH is being a total star and I'm so glad I've got him to support me.

Thanks again.

xxxx

I know I haven;t come back for my proper catch up but I am just all over the place at the mo (plus ca change!)

AAA is so right, Beans. I treasure the time I spent with DH when he was ill and it was genuinely amongst the most amazing time we spent together. Some more random thoughts - read the essay 'The Median is not the Message' by Stephen Jay Gould (given 8 months, managed 20 yrs!) and there's a website called www.cancure.org which details some more alternative clinics (like the famous one in Bristol and also Etienne Callebout, who treated my former boss). Now - I should say I am more of a one for traditional medicine but these sort of approaches seem to work wonders with some people. Glad you are going down there today.

Trace - a big hug for you as well. Sounds like you need a bit of extra help at the mo - can you take a big breath and talk it all through with DH and the docs? We are all rooting for you.

Glad you're in the new crib, Spot. Hurrah to that.

I'm so sorry Beans. Glad to hear your Dh is being lovely and supportive.

Beans I'm so so sorry. Huge hugs and my thoughts are with you. Xx

Oh Beans I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs xx

How was your trip to see your Dad this afternoon Beans? Good on your DH for getting the afternoon off. I don't know what you and your family are going through, and right now I feel like the luckiest person in the world for that, but others have some wonderful advice. All I can think to say is to give your Dad a million hugs, and for your girls to do the same. And make sure you and your Mum get lots of hugs, as you'll need love and support too xx

Trace, lovely, we all have days where we want to hole up and be left alone, but I'm worried for you that everyday feels like that. I echo what everyone else says about talking to your DH and CPN, and us too - like Vaj says, it does make me feel like you're not alone. BTW you mentioned Summer, I think her phone has broken so she probably can't lurk

Congratulations on getting moved in Spot, I hope you're starting to settle in, sudocrem and all?!

Phew for normal life returning AAA, I am rapidly going off my dreams of being called for jury service if you don't get lunch. That in itself is criminal. But I'm pleased that in the end it was interesting

beans I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I've no experience of what you're going through but others seem to have some great words of wisdom and encouragement. Thinking of you lots xxx

Beans I'm completely gutted for you, I actually read your post this morning and I'll admit I had a little cry. A friend came over just after so I couldn't post at the time, but I agree with what others have said about treatment. My dad was given a couple of years, which would have made me 4 when he should have died, but with chemotherapy he lived until I was 10, so I have vivid memories of him. I also am proud of the fact that the experimental treatments he was given have helped refine treatments which are now leading to people surviving. Chemotherapy is tough though and hard on the body. I agree with Lady on looking into complementary therapies, and on that line of thought, there is a nutritionist in Derby who specializes in helping people deal with the side effects of cancer treatments. I can give you her details.

I'm orf to bed but will be white lighting you Beans, and you too lovely Trace.

Beans: I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I don't have any wise thoughts to add to the ones here, but am thinking of you and your beautiful little family.

Trace: do see your CPN if you can. Sounds like you could do with a little extra help at the moment.

Morning everyone. Thank you so much for all your support.

I went to see Dad on Thursday afternoon and it was really lovely. He is clearly absolutely gobsmacked and terrified. I was busy being all positive and smiley and strong (despite having the eyes of a mixamatosis rabbit after all the sobbing the night before!) and we went for a walk together to see if he could manage 9 holes of golf on Friday! Dad kept weeping and so I did join in. Mum was also fairly weepy, but it was so good to see them and absolutely the right thing to do. DH was right to tell me I should go, even though Mum had said there was no need. I ended up staying the night and it was lovely.

Dad thinks he probably only has about 6 months left and I can sort of see why. He has a second tumour on his leg and it's gone from not being there two weeks ago, to being enormous - it's actually visible from through his trousers. Horrible. And the patches on his lungs weren't there a month ago, which is why he got the all clear. And now he has 6 metastatic patches. It's bloody awful. I still can't quite comprehend the enormity of it. I'll know more next week whether he's going to have chemo or not, but there's only a 50% chance of it doing anything other than make him feel lousy, so my guess is that he probably won't go for it. He said he's actually hoping that his heart gives out before the cancer gets to him. He has a pacemaker already. I honestly thought that would be what got him, not this. I am still reeling really and cross and sad. And I worry about Mum, who is weepy and is usually so strong.

I'm going down again tomorrow as is my middle sister. Thank God for DH and my little birds, who are just wonderful.

Trace - how are you feeling now? Have you spoken to DH or CPN? I hope you're ok. Please keep us updated.

How is everyone else? I'm so sorry, I haven't meant to dominate, but I think grief probably makes me selfish.

ZJ - your lunch comment made me laugh out loud. But I agree. I'd be so angry about not having lunch that I'd find the defendent guilty out of petulance rather than evidence!
xx

beans am so sad to hear your news. Many wise words here for you already but just wanted to say that Cancer is a cruel and curious illness and from my own experience timescales mean nothing. Treasure each moment as I'm sure you will, I truly hope that they can do something and you have longer than you think. Am thinking of you and all your family. Much love xx

We are all dressed up for Halloween party, as I am an old cow who doesn't allow T or T-ing, DH being an arse, kids thoroughly over excited and I am just looking forward to a bit of peace . Business as usual at the Towers then.

This will make you laugh - after deciding I looked too like Michael bolton with my hair down, I have had it all cut off. Hairdresser was only about 12 and had never heard of Michael Bolton. It's quite short but not quite the 60s lesbian look that I have had in the past (think Dusty Springfield). I really like it but the kids don't. T expressed surprise and some regret this morning that it hadn't all grown back. .....

Huge hugs to Beans, Trace and anyone else who needs or wants one. Love to you all XXXXXX-

Sybs, you weren't channeling Michael Bolton at all! But I bet it looks magic. Look forward to seeing it enormously. I am thinking Mia Farrow??

I have about a million things / little stresses on my mind, all of which pale in comparison when I read your posts Beans Thinking of you and the fam
Sybs you make me laugh!

Quick phone post.

Oh Beans that is just frighteningly quick. Am thinking of you all.

Went to a Halloween party today which DD1 loved. DD2 nodded off amongst the chaos.

DH was talking about going to meet a friend for a beer and DD1 said 'that's nice daddy, will you hold him tight'. Made me chuckle a lot. Also earlier she wanted to eat some chocolates from her party bag but we were about to eat tea so I asked her to wait. She carried on unwrapping so i said girls who don't do as they are asked don't get to watch Cbeebies. She just said 'I'll just watch Peppa Pig'. Clever!

Sybs I'm sure you didn't look like Michael Bolton or Dusty! Amazed your hairdresser hadn't heard of him. What is the youth of today listening to?!

Just posting to let Beans know that I'm still thinking of you. Xx

Trace, hope you're feeling better soon. I agree with having a chat with your DH and CPN(is that right?) xx

Having a tough day today. I saw the MW that forced me to give DS2 formula top ups in the shop. It's something I thought I was over but came home and cried for an hour

Hope everyone else is well.

Oh Kayz poor you. I read some recent research on birth weight loss in large babies. I thought of you when I read it and wanted to show it to you but thought it might upset you. If you want to be armed and prepared for next time just let me know. Knowledge is power. I could also find out your local BfN person to see if they could help with any advocating. Anyway that's all a time away so just concentrate on cooking this one for now. How was that game today. Just watched match of the day.

Sybs I thought you had lovely hair. Though must admit I had you as a brunette and was a bit taken aback when I saw your blonde locks.

Beans I'm glad you had a good time with the parents. How unbearable horrid for your dad, watching these tumours grow before his eyes. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is. I think being able to grieve together is good for all of you. Though doesn't make any of it any easier.

I'm sorry to bring more bad news to the thread, but we had a shock on Friday. DS1's best friend at school, his father was killed in a car accident. He was a lovely man, who just lived for his family. It has really hurt to know another two kids will never see their dad again. News like this always breaks my heart because of losing my dad at 10. But it also reminds me that I could easily lose DH and that has always been a massive fear of mine. Poor DS1 is quite upset by it too. On one hand he cries because he knows his friend is very sad, but also he is scared by the reality that daddies can die. He is also quite confused because his little mind really can't grasp death, but he can understand sadness and he hates to know people he cares for are sad. His friend was off school the last couple of days but will be back on Monday. The school has asked the kids not to talk to the boy about it. But I have told DS1 to tell him he is his best friend and how much he likes him. The little boy adores DS1 & I think it would help a little if he knows how much DS1 adores him. Unfortunately his mum & I have never commun

(Oops random posting there) communicated well as she doesn't speak as much English as her late husband, but I'm going to have a friend help me write a condolence card in dutch letting her know we can have her son over after school any time she needs us to pick him up, and offer any other support.

I do have some good news. The friend whose daughter needed the operation on her head, the one that went back to Australia for it, has contacted us and the operation went well and the might be back in as little as 3 weeks. I saw her DH & sons when we went out trick or treating tonight and they looked more relaxed. Trick or treating was awesome. We went to an area not far from the American school here so it felt like a proper US Halloween , like off the Tele box (Sybs I bet your hairdresser never saw a TV shaped like a box).

Vag, that's so sad, and really nice of you to wrte her that card.

I've just argued wth dh and often worry after an argument if something awful were to happen.
MIL has really let me down and now dh is following suit in being flakey and forgetful (well they are related I suppose) Easiest to only rely fully on myself.
Jolly, don't they say the funniest things at this age! DS has been hilarious recently! But mostly I have been impressed at how smart he seems - watching Sky news today, and they were reporting on the Qantas grounding thing and the Queen leaving Aus, and I said nothing, but DS said "Mummy are they in Straylya, where Nanna is? Are you sad Mummy Nanna is a long long long way away" (While pointing to the telly) Not sure if he heard the news anchor or noticed the Qantas plane but was most impressed!

That's very sweet Rubes . You sound tired - how's the return to work going?

Vag gosh how horrible, i think you sending a note is a lovely thing to do. My 2 big boys (my fist nanny job) lost their mum when they were only small. The best thing for the children and school to do is to allow the children to talk if they want to. There has bee lots of research done about children losing parents and about how children are much better than us at understanding death. Love to you all.

Beans how terribly sad for you and your family, sending you much love and strength.

Can I add a little anecdote from the Jammy household.

In the morning the boys climb into bed with us. DS2 normally has removed his PJs and nappy his love of nakedness begins as soon as he wakes. Anyway the boys were having a wrestle on our bed. All of a sudden I saw DS1 almost take a bite out of ds2's willie [hshock] I uttered the immortal words. DS1 dont eat DS2's willie you never put a willie in your mouth. [hgrin]

Rubes hope you and DH have made up. I too always worry when we have a barney as DH almost always storms off in the car to cool off.

Trace lovey hows things?

SL where are you??

That's funny Jam.

I wonder where WG is - she's not been on for ages. I know I am frequently AWOL but we've not heard from her for weeks if not months. Is anyone in touch on FB or elsewhere? Hope she's ok.

Right, shopping to unpack and then cakes to make. Poor DD2 did a huge vom in tesco car park but was well enough to make it round. What a trouper. They are having Jamie's pregnant Jool's pasta for supper which I hugely recommend to any sausage lovers. Yummers.

Beans so sorry to hear the news about your dad. He's a lucky man to have a family who obviously cares about him so much and will make sure what time he's got left is as happy as it can be.

trace sorry you're feeling down. The tiredness and lack of energy you describe sound exactly like I was feeling last year. Basically there were just not enough hours in the day to do my job, be a good mum and take proper care of myself. It changed massively when I changed job and moved house - I still don't get enough time for myself of course but at least I'm not a total zombie any more (well not all the time). I know money's tight so cutting down your hours might not be an option, but are there other practical changes you could make to give yourself a bit more extra space?

Vag that poor family. Life isn't half rotten sometimes. Lovely news about the baby though.

spot congrats on the new pad! Hope you're all going to be happy there. Although am still sulking that you didn't move to Essex, obviously.

JB DD1 sounds like a little munchkin.

Back to school tomorrow for DS. Bit apprehensive as his best friend is starting at a new school tomorrow and so things on the playground will either start to get better for DS or much worse. Still, at least I won't be stuck with his best friend's mum for the rest of my life which is a relief - she's the one who thought I was DD's grandma so as you can imagine she is hugely popular here. She is also massively neurotic (hence taking her child out of DS's school) which in the long run would probably not have been good for DS, or for my sanity for that matter.

Have just made my first ever jack o'lantern and it's not bad even if I do say so myself. Not that I'm going to have any sweets left for the trick or treaters at this rate...

Hello to everyone else x

Hello PD - I'm not too happy but will settle for the "hello to everyone else" comment

Jam that was hilarious! I can just see it now. DS gets into bed sometimes with me in the morning, but it wasn't welcomed at 0430 today when I didn't know the clocks had changed!

I'm not into this Halloween nonsense to be honest. Think I spent too long in America drenched in it all..... Perhaps not helping is that DH was attempting a bolt from work at 3pm and he's still there now due to little kiddies with broken limbs over Halloween Tom Foolery.... I had cooked his favourite (Chicken Katsu) and burnt it now too.
Hello Effie, yeah I'm a bit knackered - Stuff for return to work prep was fine albeit a tad stressful with various things at that time, but this month it's all a bit tits up, as mil has let me down with a bit of a childcare thing. Fortunately for other reasons I won't be able to do the week anyway as everything isn't totally sorted on the company's side of things. But suffice to say, I will be upping the extortionate childcare fees and putting DD in with DS for 1 day a week. Cannot believe how much they charge! Thank God the Govt thing kicks in shortly.

Don't think we are moving for the time being unless the surveyor coming next month says it's dangerous to live here. DH just not keen as he has to reduce hours and increase study therefore less income, and we can't get a house for anywhere near the same rent we are paying. Guess it makes sense.

Rubes: from friends' experience, I'd say it's best not to rely on regular childcare from grandparents when you go back to work. I'm sure it can work, but there is lots of potential for misunderstandings, crossed expectations and hurt feelings! There's a lot to be said for childcare with a contract where you're both very clear what your responsibilities are, despite the cost. There seems to be a massive difference between helping out as needed and looking after the children x days a week every week.