CRESH - Crap ham, stinky Brie, gin and lol'ing at birth plan believers

[AlpinePony]

Heeyah.

Hello, finally getting round to birth story> Am typing direct as have lost word so pliz to excuse typos Warning: this is quite long!

Birth plan involved water birth @midwife led centre, gas and air for pain relief. No pethidine under any circumstances and if bigger pain relief needed straight to an epidural.

Irregular but intense contractions started on wednesday evening, they were all in my back and very ouchy. I stuck on the tens machine, took two paracetamol and got very excited. Then I started vomitting with each contraction and spent the night beached over my birthing ball with a bucket in front of me, the tens machine controls in my right hand and contraction timer in left. At four AM I rang the hospital and they said to come in.

We headed off and were so excited. We said goodbye to the cat and the house promising to return with another person, and then the street, the village etc. At the hospital they examined me and my cervix had softened but not dilated. I had my first sweep and wondered what the fuck my cervix had been doing for the last twelve hours. We returned home empty handed feeling a bit silly.

After another 12 hours of me hurling over the birth ball the community midwife came out and examined me. Fucking cervix had made it to nearly 1cm. Had second sweep.

Puked and screamed for another 5 hours and the FDH took me back to the hospital where another examination confirmed a whole one cm dialtion had been achieved. Had sweep number 3. This time they let me stay in a very quiet room with a bed for both of us and the luffly gas and air and a jab to stop the vomming and at 3am the midwife examined me and said I was nearly at three cm and could go upstairs for an epidural.

Had epidural and saline drip and my crappy, useless contractions stopped so had the syntocin and they restarted with a bang, still all in my back. At this point I realised that the epidural had numbed my right side so much I couldn't move my leg but the left had pretty much full sensation. Fucking ow!

The anaesthetist then gave me more drucks including pethidine but didn't adjust the epidural so I ended up off my head, half unable to move and still very ouchy. I had finally reached the ten cm though so it was time to push!

And then bitey bach got stuck. I don't know how long I was pushing before the room filled up with people and there was a consultant saying they might have to do a caeser. I started to panic as could feel so much still and also it suddenly dawned on me that the boy and I might be in trouble. Another anaesthetist appeared and pulled my epidural out a bit and numbness flooded my left side. This moment of bliss ended abruptly as I saw them prepping the resucitation table and realised the FDH had started to cry. The dr came at me with a pair of forceps (I didn't know at this point I had been given an episiotomy) and suddenly bitey bach landed on my chest, absolutely perfect if a bit dazed and confused.

And that's it. Prizes of shots of sloe gin to anyone that managed to read the entire essay

Bits I missed out include telling the student midwife to turn Jeremy Kyle off as I wasn't having BB hearing that cunt's voice before mine. Attemtping to pull the blood pressure monitor off and get off the bed as if they didn't know what my blood pressure was by now they should be struck off and telling the anaesthetist that if #i wasn't married I would marry him while my legs were in stirrups. I may have leered.

Sorry for many x posts this has taken all day to write!

wow, that sounds a bit of an epic story bitey! you are a dhb :)

I am at home, CM called me to collect a very unhappy boy :( he is currently being entertained by cbeebies while I finish off some work. his eyes and nose are streaming poor chicken.

Its very dusty. In here bitey. Especially at the bit where FDH cries.

Bitey, that sounds traumatic, but nekkid dancing and gin glugging for a healthy Bitey and Mini Bite. You sound good now. Hurray for epidurals. I re-joined only recently, so I don't know, when did you have your baybee?

Cosmo, sorry, I missed this, what's MMR for?

What did you guys swaddle your babies in? I have cotton swaddles, but no blankets. So far he was sleeping in a vest, sleepsuit, and a cellular blanket over him. I am not sure he would like a full swaddle, as he sleeps with his arms above his head.

Sorry, know naught yet about high chairs.

Otherwise we are slightly at a wit's end here. Tickle does not sleep at all, he's only had 4 hours of sleep last night, the same as us, and we are exhausted! During the day he will be awake, either calmly, or unsettled. He only falls asleep as soon as he touches my breast, which makes feeding very difficult as you can imagine. He is finally asleep now, as he was screaming, I offered him the breast, and he fell asleep after 2 mins. My left arm is going numb, but I daren't move it in case he wakes up. I just think he is so tired. This behaviour is only 2 days old. Before that he would just fall asleep after each feed in his cot! I just don't understand why he is awake for so long. He also wants to be held all the time, which is also only since yesterday, but I guess that is very common with baybees. Moan, moan, moan.

Where are the good old days where I could get a bunch of things done between feeds?

he is 8 weeks tomorrow fairycakes and I have the same no sleep in the day woes as you. How old is tickle?

Looking back on it the only thing that disturbed me at the time was how hungry I was straight afer and missing dinner on the post natal ward. I have always prioritised my stomach over everything else! Ah well, I got my boy safe and sound which is the aim of the game.

Sorry for poorly boy cosy

PS fairy I took BB for a drive yesyerday until he fell asleep, not what I want to do everytime but he had got to the point where he was screaming with my breast in his mouth. Am I bad mother for being delighted that he accidentally said mumma while doing this?

SheBitMe, Tickle is 4 weeks this Saturday. I am so glad he is approaching one month. And then hopefully 2, and then 3...

Yes, I enjoyed being fed too... How long did you stay in hospital?

Apparently going for a drive was the only way they could get me to sleep when I was a baybee. Oh well. I grew out of it. Eventually. Do you think he was screaming on your breast because he was overtired? I'd personally take any smile / mumma I could get. Beggars choosers, all that.

P.S. Can you use slings / carriers on public transport?

bitey your story sounds epic. I'm glad all is ok though - bloody anaethetist needed a slap by the sounds of it!

Great story bitey you DHB. Bloody cervix's (cervii?) cause no end of trouble, awkward things. Sorry to hear about the sleep ishoos you and mountie are both having. Sounds bloody horrendous but hopefully won't last long. Can't help as thats one problem we never had.

Sprout has just been put to bed by TB with a bottle of EBM instead of being fed to sleep by me. Had to guess at the quantity so I am hoping she doesn't wake up starving in the night. She guzzled down 150 ml but was slowing down towards the end so fingers crossed it was enough as this might herald a new era of freedom for moi!!

mountie yes, you can use carriers on public transport. Thats the best thing about them! (also I have been able to go for a pee with Sprout in mine, very handy)

Morning ladies! How is everyone?

Bitey your story is AMAZE. I got a bit sniffley at the point FDH did (damned dust). Well done you!

Mountie Sorry you're having a tough time. I know it sounds like a cliche but I promise you it will pass & it gets easier. I think we can all say that during the first few weeks we had WTF? moments. I don't mean that to belittle how you're feeling right now, just trying to give you some hope.....

Cossy poor little lamb, how is the little fella this morning? I'm dreading BugBoy being poorly, he's normally such a happy little soul.

We've had a good week. Went to a new parent 1st timer meeting on Mon. Mon was just a meet & greet other hollow eyed souls of the area. The course runs for 5 weeks with advice on weaning, sleeping, playing & stimulating baby & first aid. So sounds quite good. Tues we went to a music class - BugBoy was the loudest one there, shouting along & rattling his sleigh bells around . I felt a bit of a knob .

Next week we're visiting some nurseries Not planning to return to work until next year but they book up so quickly. Think I'll try & find fault with all of them so I can stay home.............

The weather here is a beautiful Autumn day - hope everyone else has the same. Happy weekends to one & all!

I am still here! Moo, Cluck is right - I spend every hour of the day painting walls and ceilings or revising for my imminent but uncertain return to work. (I spend every non-waking hour thinking 'just fucking sleep, LG!) There is no end in sight to the painting yet, and I have a promise I will be back at work in just over a week but no roster yet. They have asked me to be 'flexible.' Given my job requires extreme flexibility normally, I'm going have to be a bloody contortionist, I reckon. Still, we have a new advert out which promises the public I have the words 'To Serve' stitched into my trousers. (I have checked, btw, and I don't

Bitey fab story. Everyone loves the anaesthetist! Whatever you are having. I thought my orthopaedic surgeons were a bit but the anaesthetist was my new best friend. God knows what he gave me, but I didn't have a GA while I had my leg screwed back together, and although I don't remember it I apparently talked about TT and LG the whole time. That must have been fun for the surgeons

On the house front - the extension, after an epic build worthy of it's very own episode of Grand Designs complete with Kevin McCloud headshaking and tutting over foundations, is nearly finished. I actually have a date booked for the kitchen cabinets to be fitted, which to me is symbolic of the end of the build. Hurrah.

Hate to tell you that MB hit 8 weeks and stopped sleeping in the day! It too passed. Eventually.

little babies often get wide awake when they are over tired / over stimulated, so it can seem like they don't want to sleep, but they do really iyswim. When tiny (ie before 3/4 m) I personally think any way that gets them to sleep is fine, feeding / driving / walking etc because they get soooo tired and screamy and all hell breaks loose, and they're too young to form habits that stick then.

hoppy mmr is measles mumps & rubella vaccine, it's the 12/13m vaccine. I think in some places they do a set of others at 12m and the mmr at 13m, but here you get a great big whack of 3 in 1. so they like them to be 100% well as otherwise it's too much for their system.

He's no better today, so am attempting to work from home. am getting 5 mins work done, then 20 mins trying to stop him crying after I've wiped is face / stopped him from whacking the tv with the ps controller / changed his nappy etc. thankfully he's asleep now, and is shattered so I'm hoping for a good couple of hours out of him.

rocket artie generally took about 3, 4 or 5oz, never more. And it doesn't need to increase as they get older like formula as your bm changes. There is a calculator on kellymom for how much to leave if leaving for a whole afternoon / day / weekend (month? )

Poor artie cossie hope he feels better over the weekend.

Hello to everyone - sorry for absence but I hate looking at mn on the phone and only get on computer in day if piglet is asleep in her cot...

and hello to those I don't know

I haven't actually read back - just one page - but if people want an opinion on the tripp trapp - mine is that it's ok, but I wish I'd got something cheaper with a removable tray. I do like the sitting at the table aspect - but it was rubbish for weaning - so I had to buy a wierd plastic tray anyway - which was v hard to get hold of - but made it ok. Anyway - she drops things less now - but a tray is still handy - even at table cos it can sit on top of table and catches stuff that wouldn't be caught just by the table (am waffling...)

and hoppy you can wear slings anywhere I wear on trains/ buses/ tube/ for dog walks etc etc.

I have not much news - I still haven't weaned piglet off BF but I still want to. And she has been sleeping better - ish....

bitchslaps / love all round x

yay iggs lovely to see you again.

Artie is a lot better this afternoon - well he is more cheerful anyway so I think he must be feeling better. He is actually entertaining himself rather than sitting at my feet and wingeing!!

Excellent news!

Piglet not had her MMR yet - she had her BCG late and so I had to delay having it - so I was thinking I might wait till after that wedding (where am leaving her with parents) as I know it can make them feel rubbish for a while... I dunno..

yeah, probably not a great idea to have it done when you're just about to leave her for the first time.

Does anyone elses seem to have an obsession with chewing paper / books? I have read that it's quite common.

cossie If BM is specific to "age" - how does milk-banking work then? Are close matches made or are you just supposed to be grateful for what you're given and not question it?

Ideally babies who need donor milk would get it from mums with babies the same age, but it's not like it turns into sherry when they get older, so it's still worthwhile them having it.

Ah, is the sherry something I should've been supplementing formula with?

you mean you didn't make up the feeds with sherry?? bad mother.

cos weird eating habits? You're not diffed are you? Glad to hear Artie is feeling better.

Thanks for the kellymom tip, I'll check it out. I hadn't thought about the fact BM changes, I couldn't figure out how they got more nutrition without your norks being enormous or feeding for longer rather than shorter. makes sense now. It wasn't a qualified success, she woke at 2.30 for an extra feed BUT she's been doing that every now and then for the last few weeks anyway so might have nothing to do with the EBM and be growth spurt/wonder weeks related.

Welcome back iggy not sure you would know me but hello anyway. How old is piglet? Thanks for the luke warm tripp trapp review, the lack of table is the one thing putting me off but then nothing is perfect. Hmm. I am no less confused about what to get but I am sure whatever we go for will have pros and cons.

Loz the classes sound good. I wish we had something like that but TB came with me to the weaning thingy as he happened to be off so thats something (he was the only bloke there though) Baby massage starts in October so that might be quite good, shame it clashes with the one other social thing I do through the childrens centre. Pah.

ha ha rockets not me, Artie!! he seems to love paper. weird boy. Althought I also wrestled another woodlouse from him yesterday, so I think actually he just eats anything.

Bites that is an epic tale; I am not sure whether I should laugh or cry at it but I wince in sympathy at the CervixFail.

It does make me wonder how the human race ever got as big as it did, though - out of my NCT group we had 2 x emergency sections, 1 x forceps and 2 x inductions. Does ANYONE get a normal delivery nowadays? Pfft. maybe it is just because we are all ancient buggers with crap pelvic floor muscles etc.

Pixiehopper we are five weeks down the line and the little chap has never slept during the day - and gets extremely grumpy after about 5/6pm and clusterfeeds until he exhausts himself some time between 8-10pm. He does then sleep for a bit which has preserved my sanity - during the day I am quite often feeding him hourly which is knackering. I have found that shoving him in the pram as advised by the wise CRESH and taking him out will send him off for a bit. As will his magic vibrating baby chair. Urm...and that's it, really, those are the only two things I can recommend. Gin? Is it too early for gin?