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April 2009 Episode 15 Bebe & BB have babies n stuff

814 replies

PuzzleRocks · 25/07/2011 19:13

Ta da

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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6
SeniorWrangler · 16/09/2011 21:33

Gosh BB, they are nearly here!! I am glad the cs decision has been made for you by events. I didn't want to say before but one of my friends had twins recently and had the first the old fashioned way but then ended up having the second through the sunroof anyway, so the worst of both worlds!

BoffinMum · 16/09/2011 22:16

I have decided to come back with my old name! Grin

AuldAlliance · 18/09/2011 17:58

Welcome back, Boff! Will save me erasing yr name in my posts and replacing with SW. I hadn't adjusted to your new identity.

Sorry about exit hole issues BB. You sound v chilled, though, I am impressed.

Puzzle, how was the wild evening?

We have had several pees in the potty, and in the toilet. And a poo in the potty this morning. PROGRESS!! It is slowly happening... And his pleasure at getting it right is a joy to behold.

MIL is here, as lovely CM can't take Alex tomorrow or Tues. All going OK so far. Think I am too knackered to be stressed by her. I seem to have mislaid 3kg due to vile and ongoing tummy bug. I look like death and my juggling act is failing dismally so I am tripping over dropped balls all the time. MIL is small cheese in this scenario, really. Every cloud an' all that!

ZuluWarrior · 18/09/2011 22:17

Bloody hell AA. You didn't have 3kg to lose! You sound knackered. Are you OK?

Welcome back Boff.

My baby has slept about 20 hours a day for the last 2 days. Is that in any way normal? She is 9 weeks. She did have her first jags on Friday. I'm not complaining like. It's just a bit eerie compared to the normal evening screamfest....

BoffinMum · 18/09/2011 22:23

I happen to know Auld's BMI as she put it into my Wii Fit and it is completely perfect and I am well jealous. Envy

Zulu, that sounds too long to me. How is the feeding?

AuldAlliance · 19/09/2011 06:01

Sounds quite long, Zulu, but might be a reaction to the jags. If it continues, I'd maybe start asking questions.

I am slipping down to the lower end of acceptable BMI now. Things are not really OK, TBH. I thought they were a bit better, but since the end of the holidays and my return to a 100% workload at work, they have been sliding out of control again.
DH and I had a horrendous attempt at a "conversation about the state of affairs" last night, which ended with me in uncontrollable tears and him furious and aggressive/defensive/sarky.
We are mired in utter mutual incomprehension, and I am lost for ways to explain how I feel in a way he can grasp.

ZuluWarrior · 19/09/2011 06:18

AA, didn't think you sounded OK. I have always hated big chats with DH and always find myself in floods despite pep talks to myself beforehand. The bottom lip starts trembling as soon as I start talking. You've presumably tried the other ways of getting your point across (letter/e-mail etc)?

ZuluWarrior · 19/09/2011 06:20

Feeding is fine Boff- she does every 2-3 hours during the day, 3-4 hours at night. We sometimes get 10 or 15 mins of smiling and kicking then it's off back to sleep again...

bebemoo · 19/09/2011 09:25

Just running in and running out...

all is well with Moo (who's enjoying her 8yo cousin's visit) and Woo (who's fussy with reflux really, but at least is feeding unlike Moo at this time)

helllooooo my lovelies! xxx hope you're well

BoffinMum · 19/09/2011 11:56

AA, that sounds very sad. Can you go for counselling together?

AuldAlliance · 19/09/2011 12:43

We could try, Boff. Not sure the French go in for it much, and God knows when we'd find the time, TBH, since he is out from dawn till well past dusk.

When I experience things, they seem so clear to me, and then when I talk to him I start wondering whether I am totally unreasonable/insane/deluded.

Last week, I had a fraught evening where after a meeting I got home around 7:15pm with 2 crotchety, hungry kids, started cooking supper, promptly ran out of gas, decided to feed them bread and cheese only to discover that DH -who "hadn't been eating in" the previous evening - had finished off all the cheese in the night. I asked him the next evening if, when he finished sth, he could write it on the board so I know to replace it. He said it was too much faff and I should just open the fridge and see what's in it if I want to know.

I don't know if I am being pathetic, but it made me furious. I am in danger of turning into a manic AIBU poster: "AIBU to ask my husband to write "fromage" on the whiteboard?"

He just doesn't get the logistics of life with kids, because he has never dealt with it for longer than a weekend and doesn't "do" planning ahead. He thinks I am all uptight about how much I do and how much effort/thought it requires. I am tired and heartsore and I just don't know how to fix this.

PuzzleRocks · 19/09/2011 14:42

Shit Auld I don't think you are being pathetic. In isolation it would seem a bit ott, and I suspect that's how your DH sees it? But it's the cumulative effect. That was the problem when DH got a bollocking and I had a showdown recently.
Could you write everything down so when you do get a chance to talk you know exactly what you want to say?

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 19/09/2011 19:30

TBH I think he hasn't quite appreciated what having a working mother as a wife actually entails. He is behaving as though you have the entire day to stock up the fridge, check gas levels, worry about school runs and service the entire family without properly taking into account the emotionally draining nature of these mundane tasks, and the negative consequences if they are not done properly. He is treating you at best as a flatmate and at worst as his own mum or nanny.

There are three possible ways forward as I see it. The first way is to hire help for the after school side of things, so someone can do a bit of cooking, cleaning, childcare, and offer general support. We are probably talking au pair, with all the hassle associated with having a young person in your home.

The second way is to become a kind of superwoman and spend your life planning weekly menus, stocking up vast store cupboards, having completely perfect home storage solutions, and running your home like some kind of military exercise. Rather exhausting but at least you have a sense of control and fewer cheese/gas crises as systems could be designed to accommodate your DH when necessary.

Lastly you could find counselling and get the message across that you are in fact Scottish and not French, which he knew when he married you, and an intelligent working woman in a high pressure job, and if he doesn't wise up to how exhausted you are, dreadful things might happen to the mother of his children (cite what happened to me if you like). That would probably bring him up short and provide a more lasting solution.

ZuluWarrior · 19/09/2011 22:06

What Boff said. Easier said than done though. Agree with Puzz that it's worth writing it down though - I never manage to get across what I mean to say in the heat of the moment, and even if he never sees what you've written it might help to sort out things in your own heid at least xx

ZuluWarrior · 19/09/2011 22:07

Plus, I spend lots of time reading the AIBU threads during night feeds now. Looking forward to yours Smile.

AuldAlliance · 20/09/2011 15:14

BB has twins!!!!!!!

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 15:40

Two baby girls born just after midnight! Emergency CS but they are all fine. Around the 6lb mark, both of them. Grin

AuldAlliance · 20/09/2011 16:18

Boff, I replied to yr e-mail, but mine was returned with some nonsense about a blacklist...

AuldAlliance · 20/09/2011 20:46

Conker has had a boy. This morning. Fergus Thomas born 8.48.
Momentous day for the FWs!

BoffinMum · 20/09/2011 22:48

Funnily enough I emailed Conker today about kilts ... but I imagine she was just a bit busy!

If that email isn't working it means some idiot gave away their login details and hotmail or whatever has blacklisted us all again. Try my other one (I will send it).

AuldAlliance · 22/09/2011 09:01

Boff & Zulu, I have been rudely not responding to your advice, but have not had much time over the past few days.

MIL was here and then on Tues a friend and her son came to spend the night because he has chess club in our town and she has swimming later the same evening. She has recently split from her partner and has come up with the natty solution of sleeping here every Tues evening so as to be able to do her swimming w/o babysitting problems. Fond as I am of her and much as I sympathise with the 'I need someone to be in the house while the kids sleep so I can do an activity' issue, I am not sure how compatible this lovely plan is with my already hectic life. Especially since they stayed till 3pm yesterday...

I do agree that counselling is probably the best route. Now I just have to put it to him. He has been subdued since our dismal attempt at a discussion, but has made no allusion to it at all. Nor can I see any perceptible glimmer of understanding of what I tried to say.

BoffinMum · 22/09/2011 13:00

Just march him down there. Auld.
And tell your friend you're having tough times and can't always be a free babysitter at the moment, even though you are sympathetic. Or get her to do the ironing in return or something. Wink

BabiesBolat · 23/09/2011 09:56

Auld, it's a difficult situation for us to comment on but I think ultimately DH has a choice, either he listens to you and you both attempt to change things for the better together or he doesn't and you both deal with the consequences of that. Counselling could well work but I think you won't be able to get to that point until he understands the need for it which is your biggest challenge - writing it down to collect your thoughts will help. Could you get someone to have the kids and you both agree to spend and evening discussing your marriage and where you go from here, what you both want?

BabiesBolat · 23/09/2011 09:57

Right, I know I am late with it but...

Birth story from BB x

So Monday 19th September started off relatively normally. Beyto left at 7 for a week away in Gloucester with work. Mum and my sister took Karahan out shopping for the day they needed to go a bit further than town to pick some bits up so I was left under the care of my father who was leaving for work at 1.30 that day so I would only be alone for 2 hours (you forget I am a full grown adult).

Dad was plumbing in the bathroom trying to fix a leaky tap on the bath (cue memories of him fixing my bathroom when I was in labour with DS with no water etc ? SNAP!). Plumbing failed but there was lots of banter at home about when I was going to hospital that day as dad was plumbing!

Went to midwife appointment, all was fine, told her about potential leaky waters and period pain and she said it might be a slowly starting off but she couldn?t see anything that implied it was happening any time soon.

Off dad went and K returned home about 3.30. We played in the garden had a little bounce on the trampoline (no more than normal). I was knackered as had a bad night sleep so I went to lay on the sofa about 4pm and watch Greys Anatony DVDs while my sister entertained the monster! After about 5-10 minutes I felt a warm sensation (but not gush) in my underwear. I?d been a bit paranoid that my waters were slowly leaking (or that my pelvic floors were shot) so I went to the bathroom to check... Bathroom was busy so don?t know why but decided to have a little feel and realised my hand was covered in blood. Called my mum to take me to the hospital and went into the bathroom. My underwear and trousers were soaked through with blood and I had a horrendous amount of what looked like blood clots but I later learned were chunks of the placenta in my underwear. After getting myself sorted, sending my sister off to get my hospital bag and new clothes for me to put on etc, I called the labour ward who wanted me to get an ambulance in but it was quicker for me to be driven in. We drove in were hooked up to CTG and blood loss monitored.

As with every CTG the twins were flicking between tracking brilliantly and falling off the machine. Blood loss calmed down to ?period type? levels. The day team finished at 5 and handed over to night team. My new consultant and midwife were without doubt the best medical people I have ever dealt with. Completely honest and open about everything. The day staff had been very flakey and just said ?let?s wait and see if we can get you as close to your elective CS as possible which was booked in for 26th) but these two were just fantastic. The midwife stayed with me the entre time, (bar going out to talk to consultant / get paperwork etc), she kept me up to date of every conversation had about me with any medical team and got the consultant to explain everything to me. They were really honest and said that they would really like me to get through the night so they could deliver the babies in the maternity theatre the next day where they had enough pediatricians and anesthetists to support me as a section that night would mean emergency surgery in the main hospital and they were worried they didn?t have enough staff to cope (labour ward was busy at that point). So that looked set to be the plan, sent mum home about 8.30 as it was pointless us both sitting around and not getting any sleep and come back the next morning (DH was still away but was not coming into surgery with me regardless so I was to call him when we knew a time so he could be there waiting for me to come out).

I?d been having on and off tightening for a week or so and these carried on while on the ctg but at 9am the proper contractions as I would call them started ? 3 minutes apart and blood loss started to increase. By 10am I was being monitored every 20 minutes by the consultant who said that again ideally I would get through the night but it was looking less likely. Midwife (who I loved) said to me to call mum in as based on her experience she thinks I will be in theatre in less than four hours. By 11pm they were 1 minute apart and the decision was made to do an emergency c-section as I was losing too much blood and contractions were too strong for me to cope. I don?t think I had realised how serious it was until there was an emergency callout on the hospital. Anesthetist came and tried to get me to have a general which I refused point blank to do unless there was an emergency situation which consultant agreed with and I was taken over to the emergency theatre and everyone was rushing around getting it all ready. I got a bit freaked out at that point but tried to hold it all together as they were talking me through everything. Spinal took a few attempts to get in and midwife was explaining everything to me. There was so much going on, I was hooked up to ctg machines, drips, injections put in, arm strapped to the table. They were all brilliant keeping me talking about random rubbish while they set up around me (I wouldn?t normally see any of that), spinal went in, final tests done, screen up and it started.

One of the surgical team talked me through everything , twin one he could see hair, I heard it cry (sounded just like DS). I asked him what it was, he asked if I really wanted to know ? and told me it was a girl. Lots more crying and rummaging around and out came a bum and then the whole of twin two three minutes later. I asked them again, they couldn?t believe I wanted to know before seeing them ? they told me it was another girl. To say I was shocked was an understatement everyone was convinced I was having one of each (including me). I couldn?t hear any crying. Twin one was bought over to me and we had head snuggles while they worked on twin 2 and sewed me up. Twin two was bought over, the pediatrician told me that they had to work on her a bit as she wasn?t pinking up as fast as they would have wanted but she only needed a bit of oxygen and they would keep an eye on her for a bit but she seemed absolutely fine. Shortly after we were taken to the post natal ward cuddling my babies and DH arrived about 30 minutes later. He couldn?t believe he had two girls. He couldn?t get his head round it. They let him stay on the post natal ward for an hour and then had to leave.

Post natal for the first 12 hours was pretty horrible until I made them get me out of bed so I could move and get dressed and the contrast in care compared to labour ward was horrendous but was discharged after one day after which made it more bearable. So that?s it, I have two beautiful baby girls at home and their big brother who is amazing me more at his coping abilities every day. I am tired. A bit sore from constant feeding and tummy is slightly tender but overall not as bad as recovery from the internal stitches I had with DS.

All in all (bar post natal care) absolutely great experience.

BabiesBolat · 23/09/2011 09:58

Sorry forgot to say Edith-May Bolat was born at 00.44 on 20th September 2011 followed by her sister Ayse-Rose Bolat at 00.47.

BBx