Festive February Fairies

[starlover]

ta daaaaaa

[gossifer]

ps, yes the one with the boat on the roof, but now i want to buy the airport with planes and helicopters etc

[gossifer]

for leon of course, not me (wink]

[Hazellnut]

that does sound a bit of a nightmare goss - DD has now worked out how to stand up in her cot so this oculd be our next problem too !! I guess they're getting to that stage where they want to move and see whats going on so if they're awake they want to parteeee... not much help I know.... Hopefully its a phase - like everything seems to be [sigh] ?

[starlover]

hello all.... has bloneinlondon been on?

If you're there blonde, i wanted to reply again to your other thread about your dp but the thread has got SOOOOOOOOOOOO long with people ranting that I figured it might be better here!

although you probably don't want any more advice anyway... lemme know if you're about!

[roosmum]

yeah me too blonde, saw your thread but haven't posted as i thought it was getting quite intense anyway. feel free to chat abt it here, if it'll help at all...

[Blondeinlondon]

Hi guys
I missed this thread before
My thread in Parenting has got a bit out of hand so I'm staying out of it for now!

I just checked out the fisher price campervan - very cool!

[starlover]

BiL i figured you'd got scared off! think some of the comments have been VERY ott.

if you want my opinion (from someone with a do-nothing dp) then this is it:

I have gradaully been changing how dp sees things. this mainly involves long long talks with him.
I sent him an e-mail to start with telling him just how i felt, that i sometimes wanted to leave him, that i couldn't cope with everyhting and that i felt he was taking advantage of me.

we have had several discussions since about the fact that yes, he works... but so do i and my job doesn't finish in the evenings or weekends.

anyway, we have come to an agreement. Internet/PC time is limited. We tidy the kitchen TOGETHER every night... we book our slot in advance when there is nothing either of us want to see on tv or whatever (pretty sad huh?)

Anyway, i guess what i am saying is that you need to be working as a team. Don't go in aggresively... tell him you KNOW that he works etc etc, and that he is tired or wahtever, but that you are too and that you really feel he needs to pull his weight.

Make sure you take time particularly at weekends where you just look after ds, or do things around the house. make sure he does the majority of the care for your ds while you are in the background so that he gets used to it.

I think that men have a completely different mindset to us, and they really just don't think! I can't stand having to give dp explicit instructions but if I don't then nothing gets done.
So, on sundays when i work i tell him that ds will have lunch at 12.30 and that his lunch is in the blue pot in the fridge. that it needs heating for x minutes in microwave etc etc

gradually, he is doing it by himself. hell, last sunday i forgot to even say i had left dinner for ds and he made him some from scratch!!!!!!!

it is possible to change him... but he has to want to.
oh, i told dp that if he wasn't prepared to do anything to help me then i wasn't going to do anything for him. that meant no making him dinner, no washing his clothes etc etc...... that soon got him helping out!

[Hazellnut]

Blimey - BiL - you ask for advice and that's not exactly what you call constructive is it ? That refers to your thread BTW rather than SL's post which I think is pretty good advice. DH here to needs explicit instructions if left with dd (in my case dh is more likely to ring me every 2 mins to check things like 'you said give milk at 11, its 10.45 and she's crying, is it ok to give it to her') - they don't do it everyday do they and whilst your dp might have gone a bit too far, I don't think the answer is to categorically say 'leave him'. I have had moments too like SL where I've had to resort to huge rants about doing everything. It sounds like from your last post on the thread, you may be getting somewhere and he DID just need to realise. Hope things continue to go in the right direction !

[starlover]

hazellnut... dp is like that too! they're just so scared in case they do something wrong!

[nik72]

My first ever memory is of that fisher proce camper van - my parents bought me one as a present from the "new baby" (my sister) when I was 2.5 years old and it's the first thing I remember!! Spooky!

Right, am going to have to pluck up the courage to mention this meet up to DH, who will no doubt either snigger or tell me I'm mad or accuse me of being desperate to get away from his mother.....

[Hazellnut]

tee hee Nik - I told DH and added 'do you think thats wierd' and he said 'it is a bit, but its also nice' or something similar !! I pointed out that some of us have been chatting for over a year now !!! Go on.... you know you want to come...

[roosmum]

nik...dh sniggered, & told me i was barmy (apparently you lot all are too but i KNOW he lurks on here sometimes!).

wish i had some kind of handy teleporter thing to get us down to the big city...

[nik72]

Have to come to talk "Zapp" - none of my friends have one and even worse two have a bugaboo!

[starlover]

aren't bugaboos just so ugly? the front wheels look like a shopping trolley.

[roosmum]

no SL, like a wheelchair

[starlover]

lol!

you see people with them and they're so obviously thinking "hmm i am SO cool with my trendy buggy" and "oh look everyone is looking at how COOL i am"

when really we're all sniggering at how stupid they look.

i was in the changing room in mothercare and a lady was in there with a bugaboo and she went to leave and popped TEENY baby in... just wearing a babygro... niothing else. ...and went outside!

[gossifer]

ooooh nik72 i have such vivid memories of the campervan too!

as for bugaboos..... well, one of my baby friends has one, she went away abroad so i agreed to swap so she could take my handy, compact maclaren quest on the plane, so i had to have hers for a fortnight, ouch, no room on buses, in the car boot, in the flat! what a pain! only time its good is when you're 'offroad' but our baby rucksack carrier does that job for way less than £500, a fashion accessory if ever i saw one.......

BiL - for what it worth i truly think that its so hard to understand each other when ones work carries on as normal and the others work changes completely, almost like we learn a new job? then our dps try to do our new job which we've spent 6 months figuring out how to do; to even get them to recognize that it is a job when the rest of society has a problem recognising it!!!!
i sometimes leave dp lists of feeds/meals/naps for the day to help him along the way?

xxx

[roosmum]

goss at the super-impractical super-pricey bugaboo, which you couldn't wait to get rid of, huh?!

[starlover]

and is it really as difficult to put up/down as they say?

[gossifer]

i still don't know how to put it up and down and i've been around one for 9 months!!!!!

[gossifer]

actually more like take apart into 2 very large, peculiarly shaped bits, to do what with i don't know (oooooh i know, put in your 4x4.......)
and there's no room for shopping in the 'basket'

[Blondeinlondon]

Hi guys - I just posted on parenting originally wanting a bit of a moan and hints on how to improve DH's performance. It is just frustrating but he seems to have grasped that solids are not optional and that three meals are required. Managed to get him to do DS's bath today as well.

I better not bitch about Bugaboo's as some good friends have them! Not for me though - I have 2 maclarens instead and cash left over

[starlover]

i was v. shocked at the comments on "criminal neglect" etc etc! deffo think that involving him as much as poss is the way to go...

not including my first pram, i have got the i'coo and a cosatto buggy for less than a bugaboo!

[Blondeinlondon]

I was only out for a couple of hours at a spa place so it wasn't all that desperate. Just annoying as it reduced the relaxation I was feeling from my lovely massage

[starlover]

yeah i can imagine! i take it you won't be leaving him over it then! lol