Sept 08 - Insert witty title 'here'

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sorry about the crap title ladies, I was lacking inspiration and we were up to our limit on posts!

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sounds like you're doing fine MrsA. As their comprehension and understanding improves I think the discipline does go up a notch, as they are starting to get to a point that they know they shouldn't be doing certain things.

Your camping sounds great Ninja, I hope you enjoy the break

I am 37 weeks tomorrow so I can deliver at home if things kick off . I know I'll be going 40 weeks +, but it's all getting rather real now!

[Becaroooo]

mrsa Sounds great to me! I do the same with Toby and Tom...always hve done. They know mummy means what she says!!!! (dady and gps on OTOH..........)

Also, remember she is testing her boundaries of what is and isnt acceptable behaviour...its all perfectly normal.

ninja juggling? Have I missed something??????

ILTMIMI Tom was born at 37 weeks!!!

[ninja]

Bec - I'm not a juggler, by my sisters family are and we're all going camping to the juggling convention for 5 days. It'll be action packed.

Carrie - you don't have to be a juggler to come, it's in Nottingham so not too far away

MrsA thanks for the kind words, I'm sure in the long run DD1 will be happier for it. We'll live close together and be happier. About the boundaries you are absolutely right and it will reap benefits in the end. There are some issues I wish I'd been stricter on. The only thing is that sometimes it's worth picking your battles, as you can't be tough all the time (and I'm guessing it's you rahter than your DH who is tough!). I sometimes watch our childminder who is brilliant and she somehow manages to set boundaries without ever getting cross, the kids know what they are and so are very happy.

M goes through stages of hitting too, sometimes she'll hit and before you can respond she'll say 'it IS funny' - hard to keep a straight face.

She takes herself off to the naughty step that DD1 has instigated as well . She also tells me if she's being a good girl or grumpy. Today at toddlers someone patted her behind and said 'what's that?' and she replied 'my fat bum bum'. It's an entertaining age

[Becaroooo]

ninja oooohhhh...I live near Nottingham!!!!!

Toby got a slight graze on his arm at my mums yesterday and he is acting like his arm will have to be amputated...sigh...he has had calpol and savlon on it and is still moaning.

ds1 has got an umbilical hernia and is being referred to the paed surgical team to see about getting it sorted. Poor love, he really is goig through it atm....

I have got raging thrush (sorry if TMI) am so run down

Off to IKEA with my parents this morning - ugh - to help them pick some new furniture. Might buy a new loo seat. Blimey, I know how to party

[Kagey]

Bec toddlers are funny! Erin banged her little finger against the dishwasher and insisted DH put a plaster on it and has showed all and sundry her poorly finger.

Ninja I hope all your arrangements are sorted soon and hope you are ok.

MrsA unfortunately Erin spends a lot of time on the naughty step or having prized possessions temporarily confiscated. I feel mean doing it but she has to learn :( In fact she is screaming in my ear for choc buttons and is not listening that I do not have any - joy!

DH went back to work from paternity leave today so it's been a looooonnnnngggg day - roll on 7.30pm ish when he is due home. DD2 is 12 days old today!

[Becaroooo]

Happy 12 day birthday kageys dd2!!! x

Toby is hilarious He makes me laugh all the time - not always for good reasons! Yesterday I bumped into him as I was walking past him in the hall and he said "oh arse!"

Can't imagine where he heard that from!!!!!!!

[ninja]

sorry - just coming on for some sympathy and moral support.

H talking about days to have the kids again, I said I thought it was too bitty and I'd also realised that I had the kids on all the days that there was running around to do with the kids and he was proposing having them every Sat. He did his usual 'don't tell me what you don't want to do ....'

It's so complicated - he's now proposing a 2 week timetable alternating weekends. But when you work it out it gives a huge stretch without seeing the kids which I don't think I could bear.

The thing I assumed I'd still be doing pickups and tea as he's never managed to make it home before then. On a Tuesday when I used to try and go to the gym, he's not mafe it back before 7pm for a year so I don't understand how he's suddenly going to find a way to do it, and if it is possible (which it would be if he didn't regularly lie in) why hasn't he done it before now.

Basically he's planning seeing the kids a lot more than he does at the moment. I know that's partly because he works part time, but also 'cos he lies in bed in the morning and I ALWAYS get them up and also 'cos he goes straight out after work at least 3 nigts a week and doesn't get home before midnight. It just doesn't seem fair that I've done all that for so many years and ............

Sorry - feeling pretty shit now and wish he'd go out tonight like he said he would so I could cuddle up on the sofa instaed of typing this in the same room as him.

Thing is he's so cold like he doesn't care. He just thinks it's all my fault and I stupidly keep trying to work out what I've done and what I can do to make it easier for him.

Sorry for complaining. At least I get to stay in the house (albeit having to find a way of buying out his half of it) and they still have dad who cares. I just hope he doesn't try and poison them against me, he regularly criticises me in front of them

[Kagey]

Oh ninja please don't be sorry :( i have no words of wisdom to impart but just a big hug for you during a horrid time. Living under the same roof must be difficult and adding to your strain :( hope tomorrow is a better day for you .

[ninja]

Thanks.

Normally Ok as we can avoid each other.

He's going to watch ManU tomorrow afternoon and at a wedding on Sunday so That's good.

remind me not to try and post on relationships topic again ........!

[Meglet]

ninja sorry for quick post... Have you considered using the family mediation service? ((hugs))

[ninja]

I think we will do that, thing is I know I have to have things clear in my mind as H tends to 'win' discussions. We were sacked from relate in the past as the counsellor forund him too difficult to deal with. He's not always like this.

Woke up at 4.40 in floods of tears and was awake 'til M got up at 6.45 H still in bed but we're meant to be taking M out this morning mu=ight have to consider getting him up soon.

DD1 at pack holiday this weekend - soooo grown up

[ninja]

bec you should come along for a day. Check out the website here

[Meglet]

ninja just looked at your other thread. SGB said what I was going to say. Especially as you were chucked out of Relate. And yes, he should be getting up with them as from now. And you shouldn't be the one getting him up , how does he think he will manage when you aren't there to do it . When we were together we used to take DS swimming early on sunday mornings, except P would never bother to get up, in the end I used to march off without him and go with just DS .

[Becaroooo]

ninja gosh that must be so difficult for you being under the same roof...I would hate that! Second that meg said re: family mediation.

Also agree that he needs to start getting up with them some mornings and you need to make it clear that this is for his own good as he will be on his own with them and needs to familiarise himself with their routine....I think routine will be very important to your dc after the split....same food at daddys, same bed time, same stories they like etc.

So sorry I can't be any more help....thinking of you
x

[ninja]

Thanks, yes I should make him get up with them, but selfishly I know think that any time I spend with them is precious.

Feeling a bit better now but very tired, early night I think and a bar of chocolate

[Meglet]

Hope you're ok this evening ninja. Or already asleep. Don't blame you for not bothering to get him up, it sounds like you're the one putting the effort in.

My two spent all day squabbling, DS hit DD with a skateboard (bump on the forehead), then he trapped her fingers in the stairgate (she was ok but he had a major bollocking as he slammed it when he was having a strop), he pee-d in his toy box (cars have been rinsed in the bath) and raided the kitchen and scoffed some strawberries I left out to get to room temperature. DD managed to yank a handful of his hair out in an argument over a balloon. So a really great day . On the plus side, as we have stayed at home all day I haven't worn socks, shoes, pants or a bra and slobbed out in shorts and a vest as it was so warm.

[ninja]

I was in bed with poor M who has a cough, a temperature and was retching horribly. She tried to sleep on my face as much of the night as she could

Oh dear Meglet - a great day!! We went to a friends who had one M's age and one 11 months younger and a huge garden with a river at the bottom

Feeling a lot better today but still can't sort out a good plan for residency as any plan seems to have too long a stretch without seeing the kids

Off to the gym this morning (which always feels like a treat) H going to a wedding afterwards and away for the night (yippee!) and DD1 back at 4pm

[Becaroooo]

Hope today is better for you ninja and that M feels better x

[notcitrus]

Many hugs and best wishes ninja

MrsA I've watched several friends' kids grow up and it seems that the more effort you put into discipline at this age, the easier it is later. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway (A is back to hitting me, and we're now putting him in the hall for time outs - usually 'nappy mat NOW or there won't be any time for a telly programme' logic works quite well).

We've had flu here but luckily recovered enough to manage to go away for FIL's christmas present (whole family trip on steam trains of his youth). It was lovely seeing FIL's little face lighted up looking just like a grandson! Went to bed at 9 last night though.

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

Oh Ninja it is awful living with someone when you are splitting up (remember it well). I have no words of wisdom but keep coming here and venting if it helps. Thinking of you. It's a tough road ahead of you but it will work out in the end. You are stronger than you think you are.

Thanks for all the words about discipline. Thing is, I think I'm fair but firm, and kind. If DD is crying I will comfort her but not give in to her - I try to acknowledge that she is upset but that there is a reason for that and explain why I have to be firm.

DP on the other hand is far more strict than I am and we row about it. He truly feels she should not misbehave at this age if she's been told off once for something. He gets very shouty cross with her and his default position is strict discipline without trying the encouragement/compromise/I'll give you one more chance then.... route. I take that route (or tickling sometimes works to distract) but then always go through with what i say.He also gets cross with her and stays cross whilst I think I try to be loving and disapprove of the behaviour, not her.

Sorry for the mememe post but he really does seem like a Victorian father sometimes and he doesn't get the 'don't sweat the little things' approach. I do pick my battles, he doesn't - it is all or nothing.
Then he moans when she wants me not him. Can't win. I think he is using an approach for perhaps a 5 yr old on a 2.5 yr old.

Ah well. Must go tidy up.

[Becaroooo]

mrsa Is your dh a bit older than you??? (sorry cant remember!) I know that friends of mine have had this issue with their OH....could it be a generational thing? IME older people are far less tolerant of normal child behaviour and would resort to smacking/shouting/with holding affection etc etc

I am not sure even a 5 year old would listen first time tbh....my ds1 would, but Toby???? No chance!

You absolutely have to pick your battles with children...I am amazed sometimes that amount of stuff I let go (things which I couldnt have imagined pre dc!!!)

I am not surprised your dd wants you...its not nice to be shouted at

[ninja]

MrsA I'm guessing he's remembering his DD1 at an older age maybe?

I think with kids a warning of behaviour is important and then discipline if they do it again.

H seeming a little more reasonable, I think he may have heard me crying in the night. He's also looking for houses close by which I'm thinking might be easier for the kids.

I was worried today when M came up and asked for fizzy wine (which happened to be what I was drinking yesterday) until DD1 told me that she was saying fizzy lime, phew!

[Meglet]

at 'fizzy wine'.

The dc's had dentists this morning, all ok. DD ate her sticker on the way home.

[Debs75]

MRSA My ds's DP thought that kids were born well behaved. I wish!
He once let his dd aged 20 months run down the path expecting her to stop at the gate, she ran and nearly ended up in the road. he went bonkers and shouted at her and totally thought she was the one in the wrong. Even now he thinks she will be able to sit at a table in a restaurant and behave, she is only 6 and they have never had a table so how could she learn that?

Robyn is loving the sun here and all she wants to do is play in the garden so we are getting a lovely tan.
Oh does anyone know why you can't use the aersol sun spray on umder 3's? We all use it as it is so easy to use and it woiuld be so much better then messing with cream

[ninja]

it's raining here today