Dec 08 - tears, tantrums, giggles and piddles - and that's just the mums!

[traceface]

Or maybe piddling whilst giggling is just me?
It's so sunny here I feel Spring has sprung - where's that daffodil emoticon gone? Had a friend round this morning for a natter and cake - muchos snot and tears but all good. Think I might go for a little bike ride now to blow the cobwebs away.
And no vag - not a chance!
rubs don't you dare spend all your time tweeting - your first loyalty is here!

Effie, I think I can only empathize, I'm constantly worrying that I have been given these perfect boys and that I am breaking them somehow. Then I worry that my anxiety over breaking them also causes them psychological harm. I worry that being shouty, snappy, impatient and basically badly parenting DS2, is going to effect the way DS1 acts as a parent because that's what he's been exposed to. Even when I witness amazing behavior from them, for example DS2 is brilliant at mimicking correct behaviour in his little pretwinkle violin class, like his violin hold, the places and way he should stand, when he should be still and follow instructions etc, that then I panic because in everyday life I'm a terrible example, and no wander he is such an impatient, snappy and shouty child! But then, I think about all those kids in abusive, or broken homes, poor housing or kids in wartorn countries, and I think, at the end of the day, the boys know they are loved and love each other. There are going to be times in their lives that they are sad, anxious, suffering from low self esteem etc, and I need to accept those emotions as their's, and be ready for them. If I dwell on whether I've caused them I'm gonna tie myself in knots. Your a lovely lady Effie, the three times I've met you I've really enjoyed being with you, and I can imagine your boys love being with you too. Let him chew his sleeve, if it helps him get through this time with all those four year old boy hormones and let him know you love him and give him a few extra squeezy cuddles.

Hello!
Lovely time had at Jams today. Thanks for the lovely lunch Jam and lovely to see all the other littlies. Sorry DD is a bit off form rubes but glad she's feeling better now! Fine to photos on fb.

Sorry not been around much, have been packing and unpacking from going to Somerset and not had chance to post, have been lurking though.

effie I agree with the others, you're lovely and I am sure you haven't broken DS1.

arti on the clothes thing, I used to be picky about clothes and it was almost always down to comfort in some way like effie says. As your DD2 is such a good talker can you get any info about what it is she doesn't like about other clothes? (disclaimer: I would never get info like that out of DS, but I thought your DD2 might be easier to get sense out of as she's so good at talking!)

beans sorry teh toilet training is tough. Hope it gets easier. . While on that subject - DS did a wee on the potty this evening! First time ever. He was trying to do a poo though, and said all surprised "Oh! I done a pee pee". Oh god. I can't believe I'm even telling you this. HAHA, ins and outs of potty training. Lovely.

lady waht was that programme on fussy eating called? Might see if its on iplayer. DS has eaten almost nothing today. Breakfast and then some houmous and an ice cream at jams, and some salad cream for tea (yes, just salad cream, licked off potatoes). Nice. DH didn't want to give him any fruit as he didn't eat tea, so i have let him put him to bed having eaten basically nothing. To be fair DS didn't ask for anything else otherwise I would have put my foot down on DH's strict food rules and made him give him something. I have also told DH he's getting up at 5am when DS wakes hungry.

Oh jam you probably saw but I thought you would be able to turn round at the end of your road and so had to reverse all the way back up!! Nightmare. My reversing is shit. And DS was going "car reversing" in the back, and I said "yes, badly", and he was cheerfully going "car reversing badly" as I was stressing out trying to do it. Hope all the bushes are ok up your road. I am such an idiot.

Summer: like the DS reversing alarm! Though I can see it was less funny at the time . Did you see the programme about toddlers being raised on fast food? Might be the same one - fast food baby on bbc3. There was some good stuff about playing with food in amongst the OMG! Babies eating chips!

Vag: you are so right about letting the boys have their worries. I think part of it is the advent of school in a few months - we're both getting a bit wound up by the whole thing. He also knows exactly how to press my buttons and turn me into a snappy, shouty mum. Much as I'd like to be calm and smiling all the time I'm not sure it's psychologically possible.

Thanks for all your helpful comments, I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing. This parenting stuff isn't for wimps, is it?

DS calmed down quick after a brief stint on the (naughty) stairs, some sky plused Iggle Piggle and happily went to bed. Take Away has been consumed wine is flowing and American Idol is being viewed - double

Beans, lovely story about your Dad. Eek to the potty training but sounds like you're doing well.

I'm excited for you about the move can't wait to visit and perhaps if dp hasn't got tired of waiting, dh can finish off your bathroom whilst we be cheerful

vag, trip sounded fab.

Arti, no experience about the dressing dilemma - advice given sounds perfect though

Effie - everytime I've seen you, you have been a textbook parent. Hang out at my house and you'll feel better
I still have my silly paranoid worries that "something is going to happen to the kids" (mainly when I'm not in charge ) but I need to get a grip on it if I'm going back to work. Our brief couple of nights away next week for a wedding we are attending will do the world of good I assume, not to mention a couple more visits from most of my RL friends toddlers (who make ds look safe) oh and not forgetting miniJam (knife boy) That's therapy for me so I'll definitely learn to relax more for sure!

Oh and SL - yes saw the reversing action! Hilarious though about ds commentary!! Took me exactly 1.5 hrs. I had dd giggling and chatting to herself the whole way back and ds asleep before we even reached the A12 until about 20 mins from home when hw woke and went totally mental screaming for the last 20 mins and taking his shoulder straps off screaming that he wanted to get out and go play

Hello all

Will catch up properly later but need your help if any of you are still about. DSIL is 34 weeks pg and has been taken into hospital with high blood pressure. I need some reassuring stories about babies born at 34 weeks and whether any of you know of anyone who was admitted for high bp and didn't have to deliver quickly. There is a history of pre-ec in the family, no protein so far but meds to bring down bp haven't helped and she does have swollen ankles. Err thoughts?

Lady not sure why I didn't address you in my post, but clearly that bit about the move and diy was to you! OK that's 3

Crossed Urbs - sorry to hear. No experience this end, but have heard many a story of deliveries around then which have turned out fine. Isn't 36 or 37 considered full term? I'm pretty sure there are some ladies on here with experience who can help reassure though. DH half asleep, but just murmered, not the end of the world not sure that helps. Fingers crossed tight for her x

Urbane: my sister was hospitalised with high blood pressure and ended up overdue - she had to be induced in the end. Fingers crossed she can stay in for a bit longer.

Rubes: three words -.long haul travel. If you can keep your children happy and occupied over long flights across three continents you are obviously an uber-mum :). After half an hour in the car one of mine will be sick and the other will have a tantrum. When are you thinking of going back to work?

Urbs, I think they give you a steroid injection to mature the lungs but I am pretty sure from my laymans experience that all is ok at that stage.

Loving that L now has the moniker of knife boy. Honestly that child will have me in the loony bin before long.

SL I did see you reversing sorry it is an absolute arse to get out of my lane. But I do rather like your DS backwards driving.

Rubes glad to hear DD cheered up, clearly it was my mad house making her upset. Am equally glad DS wanted to stay and play but sorry you had a bit of a fraught time for the latter part of your journey.

thanks chaps. reassuring. they're still keeping her in as it's not going down but the baby seems fine. my poor MIL is very worried though (as you would be).

Oh gosh Urbs that is a worry for you and your family. obviously high blood pressure is a worry and will white light her with lots of positive thoughts but as for the bubs if there was ever a good time to have complications and need an early delivery 34 weeks and onwards is that time.

Sorry had to post due to weird phone stuff, but as I was saying 34 weeks is a kind of golden benchmark that doctors of women with complicated pregnancies try to help them reach. JB if you remember was trying to get to 34 weeks but ended up delivering at just over 33. She will need lots of support with pumping etc if she does deliver early and then establishing but its all definitely a lot less dangerous for the baby at this stage.

morning all, E asleep in sling so both hands free at last...

Effie, you always strike me as a lovely parent and in fact I still feel a bit guilty about an encounter we had at the baby change near the Serpentine waaay back, I was changing S and DS1 was knocking on the door, I got all impatient and shouted "We'll be done soon!" thinking it was an adult, then when I opened the door he was stood there looking sad that someone had shouted. So in fact all his anxieties are my fault As many folk have said, as long as they know we love them then everything else can come from there.

vag am loving the sound of DS2 and his violin lessons! What a cutie.

urbs, sending prayers to SIL and the baby though as vag said, 34 weeks is a real turning point in that they're much more able to cope with life on their own from that age. When is your next scan due to see your little one?

potty training - yikes! Sounds like you're all very brave. S sometimes says "I done a wee!" but that's only ever in her nappy. Often she claims to have pooed but hasn't, and then will deny it when she has and says "Daddy changed it earlier" - erm, yes lovey but yesterday doesn't count... She's developed quite an annoying habit of pooing just before sleep, so I'll put her down for a nap then twenty minutes later hear this little voice saying I done a poo, then it takes another twenty mins to persuade her back to her room. Sigh. No potty training here for some time yet!

SL I love the idea of E as a reversing warning system! Road safety consciousness at such a young age...

Re the rage... DH and I had a bit of a talk about this as I am managing to flip from doing ok to really very angry at high speed. E can do the most phenomenal shrieking from which nothing will calm her, except going out in the buggy, and on Sat morning when she'd been doing it for 20 mins he said "let's just wait til we all go out" but that wasn't going to be for another half hour or so (he'd not yet showered) so I stropped out with her, slammed the door on the way . It worked, of course, she went off to sleep quickly enough, but he said he was a bit worried for her. So am trying my very best to be calmer, but man it's hard, especially off the back of sod all sleep. Her feeding frenzy seems to be carrying on at night, so not sure if it was growth spurt or just that she can't settle at night without boob. Yawn yawn. Sounds from FB as if WG is having a tough time as well :(

Luckily enough, S is being lovely at the moment. Keeps casting magic spells on us and creating some intriguing family dynamics, the other morning she'd changed me into E, DH into Mummy, E into S and herself into Daddy. Took quite some undoing... oh and poor thing is now scared of forests, the ILs gave her a book of nursery stories in which lots of babies get stolen by witches in forests, so she doesn't like them any more. And nursery, lordy. She got moved up from baby room to toddler 1 in November, in March got moved to toddler 2, and in September they're moving her whole room up to pre-school, she won't even be three yet?! Really hope they have enough staff, the ratio in pre-school is usually 1:8 but if they've got lots of 2 year olds surely they'll need more staff in there.

Hello lovely ladies!

Not had a proper catch up yet, as I am attempting to potty train DS which pretty much involves me shuffling behind him with the potty saying "Harry do you need a wee-wee?" We'll see how he goes but I like jams 3-day idea and if he hasn't got it by then (or getting it a bit ) then we'll call it off for another month or so.

I'm also taking him to the Drs in the morning. He has enormous tonsils, they practically meet in the middle and have been like that for months but they don't appear red or painful for him. He is very nasal when he talks, also snorse worse than any grown up I've ever known and I am slightly concerned that the tonsil/adanoids are what is making it really hard for him to talk, anyway I am probably being a bit neurotic.

Urbs, thinking of your SIL how scary for you all.
Vag, sounds like you had a lovely holiday.
Glad the mini-meet up had fun!

Hello kids

Dashin' in as per usual. Mini-meet up chez Jam's sounded nice!

Good to see you back, Nolda. Hope it goes ok with the HV on Mon but bet they will say your DS is totally fine. I have said it before but I am certain that DD1 is vocal because of not crawling/walking until she was nearly 2. These developmental milestones are so random, and I realise this even more now I have DD2...

SL, that prog was on ITV, I think last Saturday. I can't remember the title but the food therapist they had on there was all about letting these kids eat what they like and not pressurising. There was a 12 yr old girl on there who had a food phobia (obviously genuine) and she could only eat crisps and chocolate. She hated being like it. However, the interesting thing was that she was a normal size and also healthy enough. (Anyway, by the end of the prog, with the aid of the food therapist and a bit of hypnosis she had progressed to toast and apples). As for the toddlers on the show, all the Mums in question were really forcing and/or anxious and it was so making it all worse. I must admit that DD1 has improved as a result of the super super chilled approach, though I feel I am able to be more relaxed because she has upped her protein intake (the lack of which worried me the most). Ok, she still won't eat meat, fish, eggs or cheese But she eats Quorn and lots of nuts, so that's all fine. She won't eat cooked veg (other than chips or peas), but will eat raw veg, so again, that's fine. It's keeping the grannies from mithering on about it that's more of a problem. I have accepted that she isn't interested (at the moment) in what most people will call a square meal, so I just concentrate on balancing between staying cool and maximising the nutrition where I can (eg - you can get chocolate covered seeds. Seeds are incredibly nutritious and she gobbles them happily instead of Buttons).

Effie, as I think Arti said - I think the main thing is that kids know that their parents love them unconditionally and that they are safe. Which yours do, absolutely! As for setting boundaries, you are right to do so, it is essential and also helps kids feel secure. Your two seem like smashing little fellows. It's inevitable that our kids are going to have passing, superficial worries, however much we want to protect them. But your DS1 will have a bedrock of the love and security that's been there since he was born, so don't fret. Extra cuddles all round, I say.

Oh jeepers, must run. Rubes, I am off to see Baz M tomorrow night. I will chuck a pair of my best pants at him in your honour

Hello - I don't know the ettiquette here but can I join you please? I have a December 08 baby, Max, and a 9 yo daughter. I'm tearing my hair out atm as M keeps sticking his hand down his pants, front and back, and must be the most unhygienic little grotmonster around. I know it's unavoidable, but when he wanted to share my bowl of peanuts earlier I just handed over the whole thing - I ain't sharing no bowl of peanuts with him!

JumpJockey I know just what that flipping mood thing is like. I've booked a doc's appt for a couple of weeks to see if there's anything they can do to help. My mum's had nasty depression twice in three years so I want to make sure I don't end up going the same way. I did wonder if I might have thyroid problems as I have a few of the symptoms, but we'll see what they say. Life is fairly stressful as we run our own business and my skids live with us too and I'm not very good at taking a deep breath and doing the saintly thing. I prefer slamming doors and swearing, which isn't a good example

Hi Trudy, sorry I was just skimming while putting DS2 to bed, but just wanted to say hello. We are off out tonight for a grown up meet up at a pub with friends. Woohoo.

Hi Trudy. We're not very heavy on etiquette here nice to have you with us.
SIL does have pre-eclampsia which is a bit grim. So further white light much appreciated. Have a lovely night out vag.

Sorry to hear that Urbs :(.

Hello Trudy! I have a Max too an a 4 yo with hands constantly down his trousers - I'm sure the only thing stopping DS2 is the fact that he's still in nappies ;).

So they are going to induce and deliver baby tomorrow morning. does anyone have contact for jolly? Would be massively helpful for SIL to have some tips I think because she's naturally going to be nervous about the whole thing and I'm not completely confident hospital will necessarily be brilliant on advice about feeding etc. I will scout around on wider mumsnet though

Urbs I have sent you a pm with Jolly's number. I also have Trace's number, didn't she have pre-ec with DD1, as did Arti I think (but I don't have a contact for her). All the best to your SIL and the baby xx

Thanks for the welcome

Effie does your Max have the full handle? Ours is Maximilian (DH is a fan of all things Roman) and gets addressed as Max, Maxim and Maximilian. He gets his full name when he's been a little sod, so he's now taken to saying "Masmilln" in a mock-cross voice to be cute, and it works

LadyThompson you mentioned Hereford - that's our neck of the woods. Do you live out here too or did you make a pilgrimage to see DH's godmother?

M has been 'properly' potty trained for a month or so but before that was a part-time potty user. With his nappy off he was 99% reliable so we decided to go for it and gave ourselves a week. If he was still having loads of accidents with pants and trousers on at the end of the week we were going to throw in the wringing wet towel, but by day three he had really got the hang of it and at the end of a week even though he was having about one accident a day we decided to stick with it. A month on he's pretty good - some days he'll have one accident, others none, and he's much better now with taking his kecks down. I agree with the three day thing in principle, but you might want to stretch it to five days or a week just to give them a really good chance to get into the swing of it. DD, I should add, in case I'm coming over as at all smug, was a screaming nightmare to toilet train and it took nearly A YEAR!

Dang it, Urbs, meant to say I was whitelighting your SIL earlier. Will text you Arti's number though you may have it. I have heard circumstantially of people being induced with this and all went well. But worrying time for you all and please do keep us updated.

Welcome Trudy! A 9yr old - that's interesting, I think that will be our oldest sibling on here - always nice to get the heads up on what's ahead!
Are you North, South, overseas or none of the above?

Been packing up the tiny baby clothes.

Ottolenghi recipe tonight - aubergine tricolore. Mmmm, it's really nice.

Hello Trudie! It's funny, our group has been here so long now that I forget there are other people out there! Welcome, nice to have you.

Thanks Effie - Actually just quietly, I felt really proud of myself after our big trip with both of them But truly you really are a great Mum.
I'm due back to work end of July, but I accrued Annual leave while on ML so am going to use some to delay my return and also some family leave and go back in october I think. I will then have a few AL days to use for Nov / Dec so will probably just work 6 days each month for those two months and see what I think (I'm only part time anyway so 9 days a month max)
JJ that gave me a giggle - I think that was the day my dh got the bottle of cheerfulness for us in his lycra?

I've got the most well behaved kiddies today. Toddler group then straight to shopping centre, lunch in the Debenhams cafe (ds wanted only the peas, no mac n cheese and no chips - very odd ) dragged him into a million clothes shops (he walked the whole day) got home, massive bunch of red roses on the doorstep from DH (it's our anniversary)
ds then ate all his mac n cheese (took it home) for dinner. So no nap and then I realise I'm out of and milk (disaster for ds) and dh is working late so off to Tesco at 630pm - still no meltdown. Got loads of other things, 2 rides on the escalator and fell asleep on the 5 minute car journey home. Milk, then volunteered to go to bed!