July 2010: Our babies are growing, they're grabbing their toys and soon they'll be throwing!

[stac14]

new thread ladies xx

Can I join? DS born July. Did not know this thread was here.

Have no-one to talk to, and abotu to divorce DH if things do not pick up. But DS gorgeous gorgeous. :)

Thanks. :) I am feeling terribly alone right now. My family last year moved to Australia, so I rarely see them, and they have been complimenting me on 'how well' i am coping with a new baby. If only they knew.... I visited my family, returning last week, and the whole time I had my mother sobbing on my shoulder about how she is 'missing out' on seeing DS grow up. Well, I did not decide to move! They did! Dh is trying, but we are remote from each other at best. DS is my (our) first. Congrats on your two!

There is just so much wrong right now, that I can barely cope. Every day I get up thinking that today I am going to sort myself out, sort our lives out, but I am exhausted. Dh said before we had the baby that he was worried that I would turn from loving him to exclusively loving the baby. i DO love him, but it is almost as if he feels he is pitted in combat against the baby. I asked him last night if he felt even a ltitle love for the baby. FFS, he is more affectionate with the dogs. I just feel completely lost and alone. I think maybe a little pnd is in the mix too.

sorry, probably none of this makes sense. Just feel lost.

Sorry again. signing off now. PIL due for dinner, so had better toddle off and start the roast :(

mlic Its called Tesco Mums Choice just register then they'll let you know when you're on the panel.

Id like to read the book but I never have the time! Ive got a book at the mo but its taken me a month to read about 3 chapters!

Welcome fizzy sorry to hear you're having a tough time, you're more than welcome to vent away on here about anything- we all do!

welcom fizzy, im another that chats a lot and is findiong things hard at the minute, but i have a gorgeous 17 week old who keeps me slightly more sane.

chulita dont worry, ive never had app with head of practice before and eventhough i only have a one problem 10 min app i think my one problem will take longer than that to sort :) he wont be getting rid of me that easily, i dont want anti depressants, i feel if they look into my racing heart and panic attacks everything else will sort itself out, while pg i got diagnosed with pre natal depression, just looked through my pg notes i have here and they say to monitor closely after as im high risk of pnd, feel totally bloody let down taking notes with me, im passed being upset im now angry as hell with them!!

mlic think of it as doing them a favour by not buying them choccies right before the start of the festive season :)

fizzy it's not unusual for men to feel very left out at the beginning, the mothering takes over (and it needs to for the baby's sake). Dh is very supportive but he resented DD (now 23 months) for a loooong time cos he felt she'd taken me away from him and I wasn't the same person he married. As DD got older and more interactive we've got over that hurdle. She says Daddy far more than Mama and he loves playing with her. He's also more involved with DS (15 weeks) because he knows what S is going to grow into. I reckon the first year is very difficult (but it gets easier with every month!) but once you get through that your marriage can survive anything (in my extremely limited experience!) Anyhoo, rambling on, welcome to the group, feel free to whinge, we all do!

I know I'm really lucky, my only real gripe with DH is that he's fricking moody and gets into right sulks at the drop of a hat. He was telling dd off for taking his mobile earlier, I phoned it and it was in his bag...he mumbled 'well I didn't put it there' with this really sheepish look on his face The good thing is I can just tell him he's a right mardy so and so and he normally laughs it off.

Thanks all so much for your welcome. I am feeling a little better after your words of comfort and a bit of a cry in the kitchen. (And a blardy large glass of wine.:) ) I am thinking maybe I am taking over too much. DH seems ill at ease with the baby, so I kind of swoop in and take over - trying to make it easier for him, but I am not sure that is helping. Right now he is doing the bathing and bedtime routine while I am mnsetting cleaning the kitchen getting coffee and port for PIL.

Ds is just so lovely, and today had a giggling attack, which delighted DH no end as he was on his lap at the time. I need to hang on to those moments.....

Thanks again

Fizzy

Hey dizzy - welcome to the thread!

I've got two children - DS of 2 and DD of 3.5 months.

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. As MLIC just said your dh is at least willing to try which hopefully bodes well for the future. Perhaps (if you haven't already) you could agree set tasks that are his job with ds, e.g. him doing bath-time every night.

New research has shown that new fathers (indeed any close males) can get a surge of protecting, caring hormones just like new mothers, the difference is that men have to spend lots of time with the newborn for those hormones to kick in (whereas for mothers it obv just happens with pg and birth).

I'm lucky to have a very hands-on dh who has always spent lots of time with ds (and now dd) but even he'll admit that he found the first year pretty tough as he felt that he didn't really know what to do with ds and that ds just wanted me (esp as I was bf).

As Chulita said, the 1st year can be a challenge but if you can get thru that then you and DH will feel like such a team and much closer as a result.

mlic How're you feeling now you've made it thru the day? How big is your glass of wine?

And sorry to be nosey but i was just wondering what reason or justification your dh gives for not doing childcare/housework?

I know you've accepted the way he is and I do kind of admire you for that but it does makes my mind boggle!

I'm feeling all virtuous right now as I kindly treated dh to the new Call of Duty game earlier, I did one of his fave dinners (veggie hotdogs and potato wedges, the sad man) and I'm now 'letting' him watch Spooks (recorded on Vision) whilst I MN. What a nice wifey I am

I will be kicking him into the kitchen to get me some wine shortly tho

Hi Everyone,
I fell off for a bit, im sorry! I havent caught up as there is TEN pages to read so would never get to post!
All is well here, Devon is lovely and as u say Mylife growing into a little person in front of my very eyes!
fizzy welcome, sounds like things are tricky atm but as mylife said ur DH does sound like he is making an effort, here is a great place to get things out of ur system so go for it!!
So, any news i missed?? I saw on FB DH is engaged, did i miss that excitment!!!Bummer!
Massive Congrats DH!!Whats the date, June wasnt it?
Memphis when's ur appointement? Good luck, i hope they pay attention to you.

Hope everyone else is ok!!
xx

welcome fizzy!

mlic did you go to york uni? I did.

viksam good to see you!

definitely wine o'clock here. j has been overtired for hours, couldn't get him to nap this afternoon. it's just taken me an hour of feeding him to sleep and putting him down, only for him to wake up a few moments later. and repeat.he is now asleep in our bed - will have to try to move him later. we had similar problems last night, except he didn't go to sleep till 2am, and was in our bed so we were huddled at the other side. tried moving him at 4.30 but he woke up and wanted a feed - luckily after that i managed to put him down in his cot.

tsc I can't find your aibu thread but you should go for it. J has now decided he won't take a bottle either, after happily taking one for weeks. I go out for 3 hours every Monday night and I'm not going to stop - he's perfectly capable of going three hours without a feed, and the milk's there if he wants it. Next week we're going to try a sippy cup - we have the attachment that goes on the tommee tippee bottles.

A rare lol at that mlic, you cheeky mare! Reminds me of the catherine tate sketch where lauren accidentally calls dizzy rascal 'cheeky rascal' and is obv NOT bovvered. As am I. :-)

The thing I don't get is why your dh works in the daytime only whereas you're on a 24 hour shift. I could kinda understand him not wanting to do nappies but what's wrong with giving a bottle?!

Do you ever go mental with him or is there no point?

I'm terrible in that whilst, in theory, I don't like confrontation, actually I'll fight to the death over perceived injustice!

That 'baby-sitting' thing kills me tsc. Dh once had the audacity to use that phrase on a group email to family. Let's just say he's since understood the error of his ways and won't be repeating that again!

evening ladies, welcome fizzy

memphis give the doc hell for your treatment. You dont have to take anti-depressants but the most recent ones are nothing like the old ones you used to get as in wont dope you up. Let us know how you go

I am so proud of ds he and his badmington team won their tournament today and go onto the finals playing in front of prince edward then to top it off he got an amazing school report. I am so happy with him, can you tell sorry quite self indulgent just wanted to share

Fwiw tsc i would defo go, 2 hours is nothing. As everyone says he wont starve and if really hungry will take whats on offer.

mlic dont blame you for considering weaning, i was advised to by consultant due to R's reflux. Are you going to wait for the gastroentorologist app? Soz if i missed that.

xpost, i had that very same conversation with dp tonight cakes as he said he was 'flexible to babysit whenever i want to go to zumba' he nearly wore the bottle i was making. He wont do that again, she's his dd too and he has taken ds on as his own so its not babysitting. Men eh? Lol

Oh yes Ive heard of a v controlling husband who NEVER looks after the kids, only lets his wife out for ONE coffee morning a month- month, and gives her an allowance for the priviledge.

How was everyones night? We were up every 3 hours so not AS bad, am hoping the gaps will slowly get bigger and bigger

Im going into town with my friend today, she has a little boy who is about 18 months now I think, goodness now I think about it he has grown up v fast, we've known him since birth.
Its also v sunnyyyyyy!

I had a bit of a melt down yesterday around 5ish, Dylan was moaning, didnt want sleep,food or play and I kind of shouted at him :( and he really cried which made me cry and say sorry over and over again, then DP came home early (thank god) so he could take over and guess what? Dylan was all smiles and laughing typical.

Congrats on your ds's successes stac!

dh we've all been there at least once and then felt terrible as a result. Tis only human.

I meant to say to you yesterday: I know the days can seem long, boring and lonely at home with a small baby but believe me, when you've got a toddler and/or are back to work, you'll look back on these days fondly. Try to make the most of the relative freedom you have at the mo, you can slob around and watch dvds, meet friends for coffee or lunch, go for walks, go to the cinema and even go shopping. Contrast and compare to my shopping experience these days:

Felix legging it round the shop, basket trailing in his slipstream, shouting hello to random strangers, repeating "Thank you" after every tannoy announcement, and trying to pick up any item that catches his eye (last time: a frilly umbrella, a cottage loaf and a packet of mung beans).

I know its a bit like 'school days are the best days of your life'!

dh once a month??? wtf!?! and an allowance? christ thats why i have my own money! d hmoaned that im always coming home with stuff for l the other day and i said its my money its not my fault all your wages go on debt!! he resents the fact i have no debt that i brought into relationship
he works in excess of 60 hours a week leaves at 4am and he still takes over when he gets home and has him on weekend mornings so i can lay in and soak in the bath so im lucky in that respect! i text him yesterday saying what time you home? im going out tonight! he pushes me to have me time but i ended up coming home crying!! god i hate feeling like this, i said to him i wanted to torch the house so we could move! i just feel like running away part of me thinks i could sell my motorbike and just vanish for a bit!!

wow mlic, thank you for sharing. i'm so sorry that you felt you had to justify yourself like that to us - what goes on in your relationship is none of our business. but i'm glad you felt able to trust us. sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Oh god mlic. Dont feel as though you need to justify anything to us. Thats a horrid horrid thing that happened to you and completely understandable why you feel the need to be so protective about wherr the kids stay and who hepls out. As i said before things work different for everybody and what works for you is your business the same as i or the rest og the ladies on here all do things different to everyone else.
Glad you have dh to depend on and the emotuonal support can mean alot more sometimes