June 08 - 79 days (and counting) til Christmas, has Deb started her shopping yet?!

[KnittingisbetterthanTherapy]

Thought we should update the thread!

system - your girl is going to be one to watch I think - crafty little creature! What's up with Liam?

Penguin happy belated birthday - hope you had a great day!!

Loving the psychic superpowers of Biscuits!

I have been having mares with this Portland lark. It's great if you are having one baby and on time but looking into what is/is not covered it seems that if my babies need any extra care (which as twins they may do) it's not covered. It means either paying and astonishing £2600 per day plsu paeds plus meds or transfering to an NHS hospital which would be fine but far from home. Arseholes. Apparently they would be covered if they were not the result of assisted conception.

Crikey, Amber. Isn't the different treatment of assisted conception vs 'natural' discriminatory? From a non-expert, I'd imagine there's a good legal case there: potentially an EU one? Because defining 'assisted conception' isn't straightforward (what if it was me, and I'd inseminated myself at home - that's assisted, but unofficially; or what if I'd slept with 28 men in 24 hours to ensure a pregnancy - also an attempt to assist conception. As is giving up smoking, eating healthily and getting acupuncture, surely?!). Then there's nothing to make the whole assisted conception bit relevant, surely? There is nothing at all to suggest that an assisted conception would lead to complications at birth (the opposite in fact - method of conception has no bearing on pregnancy or birth, right? Or, in fact, on later life or anything.)
You need to query that. And could get a lawyer I think. (A proper one, not me! )

Systems sorry about the stresses. Is Liam really problematic or just an average lively boy with a personality?
My tiredness is not getting any better because I had another disturbed night last night again.

Admittedly, the night before was different because Iestyn wanted a blanket and a grobag (it's not that cold ) but I had to go in at 9pm because he was screaming, and he had kind of made a big straitjacket out of the blanket as well as the grobag and he couldn't move his arms or legs. So I untangled him, removed the blanket, and started to settle him, but he asked me to sing but wanted to dance to my singing. Then he sat up and said 'Mummy, enough sleeping now. Out of the cot and take grobag off.' We had lots of giggles which was lovely. (Wouldn't be at all lovely if it was 2am... ) Last night I gave him Calpol (it was middle of the night) for the sole reason (it seems) that he likes it. (His description of his pain wasn't at all clear or consistent.) I wonder if anyone has invented a placebo calpol? Could do with some of that here.

But Dewin, surely private health companies always put in different caveats about what does and doesn't qualify customers for treatment? I suspect that 'assisted conceptions' are statistically more likely to lead to twin pregnancies and therefore more likely to be expensive. I'm not a lawyer and don't have private health insurance so don't really know though!

Sorry to hear that you had another disturbed night. Placebo Calpol is a great idea. S saw it last night and shouted 'yeah! calpol'.

System, I'm really sorry to read about your stresses. Not really got much advice, but FWIW I don't think there's much point to CC at 5.20am. When S goes through stages of waking up at that time we just bring him into our bed and he (usually) goes back to sleep. Is it likely to just be a phase? Have you contemplated getting up with her and having a snooze on the sofa while she watches some cbeebies? (sourced from the 'all that matters is what works' school of parenting ).

God Amber what a bugger. Bloody insurance companies and their small print. When do you have to decide by? And agree with Dewin - surely there's no medical reason at all an assisted conception would be any different? I have a 40-odd year old colleague who had IVF in the US with donated eggs, and once she was pregnant the NHS just considered it exactly the same as any other pregnancy.

I started describing what we are seeing with Liam and it got so long I did decide to do a thread; it's too long though so I don't think I'll get any responses! here

Dewin can you catch up on sleep in your office at all? I have an armchair under the window for just this purpose, though have to be careful because our Head of Department is right across the courtyard and I worry he can see in!! (maybe I should join that academic mums thread ... though I would perhaps be a bad influence ...)

DGIT without CBeebies and the sofa I would be a nervous wreck even discovered this morning she will happily watch the pre-6am dancing-singing-adverts bit for 20 minutes! But it has been a phase for a while too long, now and I think we could crack it with a bit of CC ... especially since from this weekend onwards it's going to be 4.20 [argh].

Bloody Hell Systems. I have no advice - I don't have any experience in 4 year olds, but it sounds like you must have a nightmare trying to look after a very demanding kid and a toddler. I don't suppose it would do any harm in getting him assessed would it? At least you could either rule it out or get him some special help. You must have the patience of a saint!

Dewin, I think it is because as Domestic said the chances of multiples are much higher (living proof) and it would be more expensive for them to cover. It is an arse though. I have a plan. I am already in the system anyway for my local hospital but will also book in for the POrtland at 37.5 weeks. If I need to deliver before the POrtland booking I will go to my local hospital. My Obs said 'ectremely unlikely' to need special care at that gestation but i've asked on MN multiples thread too so we'll see if I get a response. Neenz what week were yours born?

Thanks Amber, it's easier now dp is home full-time. It's just so hard to judge whether his behaviour is normal being-hard-work or something else; I've wondered for a while, but he was always OK at nursery so the HV wasn't worried. But I did have a feeling school might not go so well.

And: Good Plan!

Systems do come along- there are many tales of woe on that thread. It's in Off the Beaten Track. [This is not exclusive - anyone can go to have a look or even contribute! To those of you who don't know, academia is on its knees, being beaten with a big big stick, and is definitely worse than the NHS now! The culture has become one of suspicion, competition, cover-ups... As many of you know, because my job history is not a happy one. But this is why it is in OTBT, because several of us can be identified in 3 sentences (me, for example) and there's a lot of mentoring etc going on. It's a thread of despair, though! ]

Right am off to look in on Systems thread in a minute, just to offer suppert, but here too.

Sounds like a good plan Amber,fingers crossed for post 37 weeks then.

DG Mr Bump plasters ar a big hit here too. We also have one of those Mr Bump Gel packs that you can put in the fridge and it often calms them down to have it, although I am not sure how much it actually helps.

dewin J still won't have calpol or Neurofen voluntarily. We have to hide the syringe, get a lucky hit in the mouth and then hope he doesn't make himself sick afterwards. I wish he were more like Iestyn!

beware my pyschic powers, domestic. mwhahahahaha. [hgrin]

systems, have no advice to offer, but here is some virtual support. [hug]

C is a big fan of 'special medicine' too, she frequently demands that we take her 'semprature' to see if she needs any.

Systems just wanted to add my support. No personal knowledge to relate but it did remind me that last year Rolf was having worries about her DD1's behaviour at school in the run up to Xmas. She is also an August baby. I am sure Rolf will be along in due course... Knitting may also be able to offer some advice on how to get an assessment as she works in SEN (hope that's ok Knitting). It's half term though and I think she is galivanting in London today.

I am struggling with toddler and pregnancy, so have called for reinforcements in the form of my parents. Currently lurking in the basement whilst they negotiate with each other .

Hi guys, quick post before I go off and have a read of systems thread. Dewin, I would agree with what others have said about private health care, they will do what they can to weasel out of paying - AC has a 25% twin rate in comparison to 1 in 80 in the natural population. They know twins have a much higher chance of going to special care (and that's not to worry you Amber - usually it's only for a v short time and just for precaution as twins are usually born earlier than singletons) and so they put their caveats in early to make sure they don't have to pay. They're there to make profits after all, not to care for patients.

Hi to everyone else, off to read the thread.

systems DS1 is the same age as Liam (June birthday) and we have battles about

• getting dressed (better in the past few months)
• sitting at the dinner table (constant)
• eating foods that he doesn't feel like (unless I offer him a exciting utensil like an ice cream scoop).
• getting out of the bath;
• having cream on anything (this is a major problem for us and basically we have to resort to bribes, threats, and putting it on him while he sleeps)

Exhaustion is definitely a factor for his too, D needs to be well rested and also to feel like he's in control. He gets upset if we leave Fraser behind (with the nanny, who he stays with every day) unexpectedly and he is really going through a stage where he needs information, needs to know what's going on, and is very competitive. I'm not sure if this helps but I wanted to point out that a lot of L's behaviour is reasonably normal in my eyes, but it sounds like the frequency and intensity is a problem.

I really take issue with his teacher's comments about him being bright enough to know better too - emotional maturity is what's an issue here.

But I'm very biased - I don't believe that D is ready for full-time school and I'm very thankful we're in Scotland. He loves nursery (2.5 hours) but really needs his down time and I often find him curled up with a book somewhere looking at the pictures and relaxing. I guess you can't defer a year can you? People do here if they have a baby born within two-three months of the cut off, DS1 has a good friend who's been deferred just to give him time to mature.

Penguin - we're using every form of bribery - smarties, sticker charts (Thomas stickers too), and a buzz lightyear puzzle (one piece for each pee). Today was a brilliant day, no accidents, but he's still yet to ask for a pee... Happy belated!

dewin I think DGT's right and private health companies are just playing the stats. It's why even though I'm financially conservative I'm all for the NHS...

systems, you have a couple of options - take him to your GP for referral to a paediatric assessment and/or (and I would go for both) speak to the Special Needs Co-ordinator at his school. S/he should be able to advise you on what his main difficulties are at school and how he can best be helped. She should also be able to access professional help in the form of an educational psychologist or perhaps a behaviour support teacher.

Personally I would pursue both these avenues as soon as possible. Not because I necessarily think there is anything to be 'diagnosed' but because if there is anything that can be put in place to help then the earlier this is done the better. The longer these problems are left unaddressed the worse they get IME.

HTH and please feel free to ask anything else you need if I can help.

Oh, Systems read your thread. It sounds really stressful. There's some very good advice on there, I think.

Sybil Iestyn always used to refuse calpol (and anything similar) - along with bottles etc. Happy days... He stopped though, but I can't think when as I'm too busy feeling relief. (Sorry, that's not very helpful for you though. Is he eating better for you these days?)

Iestyn has decided recently that he doesn't need any more words than 'don't know' and 'don't like'. Except when he's tantrumming, and he's very vocal then and adopts an exorcist type voice.

Ooh, something has been pointed out to me today. (This refers back to my post at the top - seeing girl who got the job.) I explained to her that I hadn't attended the conference because I felt a bit excluded - it was a conference on medieval Wales, in my Uni, and I work exclusively on medieval Wales but wasn't asked to give a paper or even to chair a session. (My thinking, btw, is that often these things are better said than not - and it's easier to do it again if you don't know that there's any hurt caused etc.) Anyhow, she went into a flap and said no, no, they didn't want to exclude me at all, not at all; the just thought - get this - oh, I have a child, I would probably be busy (with said child), and I have enough on my plate.
I was pretty annoyed but my (male) mentor pointed out that it's so hugely and massively SEXIST that it's beyond belief. His reasoning: not their business to guess what I do on weekends; not their business how I deal with my child or whether I might choose to spend time with him over a work do (my time spent with him could be 20 minutes on Sundays only, with him brought up by the au pair, for all they know!), and finally, they would never, ever assume this of a man.

dewin that's the most discriminatory thing I've heard in ages. Are you sure you aren't glad you're not in that department with such a group of arses?

It is obscene, isn't it?
It's a strange dept, but then I'm in such an insecure position where I am now it's unbelievable - so it would be better than that. (I'm in a big panic at the mo because my HoD has been doing very, very dodgy things and it involves my post and the funding.)

On the plus side - this is only a teensy update on my job woes - the job I got in Aberystwyth: they totally failed to appoint someone, after 2 further ads and interviews. Seems I'm a hard act to follow!

Abdn you haven't been around - how was your holiday?

Sorry systems, meant to post that on your other thread.

Dewin, that is absolutely bloody appalling!

THat's outrageous Dewin! I take it she doesn't have children? I hope if she ever does no-one treats her so insultingly.

Systems - sounds like there is some good advice on here for you. Is, like Adbn says, deferring an option (or even something that appeals to you)? Am I right in thinking that August birthdays go to school just after their 4th birthday? In Scotland they start going from about 4 1/2 and even then, as Abdn says, some people defer. In fact, I know someone who's DC was 4.8 when school started this year and they're still deferring till next year (mind you, when she turns 6 she'll be in a class will children who aren't yet 5 and I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing).

my holiday was amazing :) Not good about your HoD though - I've really not been following the funding cuts for academia but it doesn't sound good in general... Are you sort of tempted to phone Aberystwyth back? If it wasn't for the fact that it's rubbish for your DH's commute I'd be all for it.

Dewin OMG!!!!!!! That is discrimination of the highest order - shame you didn't get it on tape. Where you work sounds awful - I had to get out of advertising because I hated the politics so much but that was nothing compared to your job! Is it like this everywhere?

Thank you thank you all! I've got some fab advice and decided we will pursue it, yes it is the constant-ness and extreme-ness of his behaviour that is raising red flags for me, they all behave like this on occasion but it's almost all the time with him. I'll also talk to his teacher about whether we can reduce his hours at all. If we kept him out of Reception completely he'd have to start in Yr 1 (ie can't start in Reception next Sept) and that would worry me - it's so much more structured, and I think he needs to learn the behaviours in Reception or Yr 1 will be even more disastrous.

Dewin at the sexism (and naivete!!) of that woman's comment!!! Yes Amber academia is a very, very strange place to work, with absolutely shit conditions of work for many many people at the moment. Fixed-term contracts are used to keep people expendable, in a way which wouldn't be acceptable in pretty much any other workplace.

marking spot, waiting for our buyers to exchange, we've nearly sold our house

Come on buyers!!!

ooh, fingers crossed Deb .