AUGUST 2010 - welcome to post-natal :o)

[CherryPie3]

I know I'm not around a great deal lately but we don't yet have a PN thread - so here we are.

Love to all xxx

:)

[girlsyearapart]

no probs sparkle
demanding children gotta go but lcr no you're not asking too much.

[MoonUnitAlpha]

LCR - have you had your latch checked by a bf counsellor? Midwives generally aren't experts on breastfeeding, and I have a couple of friends who had bf problems, were told their latch was fine by the midwife/HV - and then when they did see a bf counsellor it turned out their latch needed tweaking or there was a really simple issue like tongue tie which needed sorting out. Maybe your dd is pulling at you because she's frustrated?

And you are definitely not expecting too much!

[ElusiveMoose]

Hi all,

Just popping on to say hello, and mainly to reply to Hector. You poor love, you sound like you're going through a very similar experience to the one I had with DS1. First things first, you MUST get anti-b's for your mastitis. There's a big difference between a bit of inflammation from a blocked duct, and full-on infected mastitis where you get a fever and the shakes, which is clearly what you've got. I had it twice in quick succession with DS1, and it's vile - and it won't go away on its own. This time I caught it just before the fever hit, so managed to head it off with anti-b's. The course of drugs lasted for a week, and I'd say the swelling had gone by about day 5-6.

Secondly, with regard to the bf'ing generally, in the end you have to make the decision that's right for you. I know that in RL and perhaps especially on MN it's completely frowned upon to ever suggest that someone might think about stopping bf'ing, as it's seen as unsupportive. Personally, though, I think this attitude has gone too far. With DS1, when I stopped bf'ing at six weeks (because I was in permanent agony and very close to the edge - although I don't think I actually came close to harming my baby, I had started to have these weird half-nightmare/half-fantasies about 'what if he never woke up from this sleep? maybe it would be for the best for me and DH, maybe we should never have had a baby in the first place?') I felt absolutely heartbroken about my decision, and sobbed for days. But when I told the HV that I'd stopped, she said 'Oh, thank god for that', which in retrospect makes me really cross - she'd clearly thought that I really needed to stop, but hadn't been 'allowed' to say so. Anyway, for me, it proved to be a complete turning point - DS1 was more settled (he'd screamed pretty much 24/7 for the first six weeks), DH and I recovered our sanity, and we both felt able to be much better parents to him than we had been up to that point.

I've no idea whether you're anywhere near the depths of despair that I got to, so I hope it's not inappropriate me saying this. But, much as everyone knows that bf'ing is better for your baby in all sorts of ways, that MUST be put in perspective. Formula feeding is still a perfectly healthy way to feed your child, and although the benefits of bf are signficant at a statistical level, they're not so massive that they're highly significant at an individual level. In other words, if you do choose to FF, your baby will be FINE.

Sorry, I'm ranting a bit, but after my experience last time, it's something I feel quite strongly about. Yes, loads of people overcome really major problems with bf'ing and manage to turn it around, and if you still feel able to keep trying to make it work then great. But if it has got to the point with you where you really feel that it's not going to turn around, and you're feeling pretty desperate about it, then I personally would say, make the decision to stop, make it in a calm moment, and try to feel good about it - it does NOT make you a failure or a bad mother or anything else.

Sorry for the mammoth post. LCR no, you're definitely not expecting too much. At the same time, though, I think this time can be quite weird for dads as well, and he may be finding it hard to adjust (I think sometimes they expect the baby to be demanding, but they don't really realise what effect that will be having on you - they think you'll bounce straight back to your normal self, and don't appreciate the strain of looking after a newborn 24 hours a day). Can you have a word with him in a calmer moment and try to explain how tough things are for you at the moment? Difficult, I know. Also, I don't know what your situation is, but with DS1, my DH slept in the spare room every work night for the first couple of months. Some people thought that was unfair on me, but actually he deals very badly with lack of sleep, and I would FAR rather have him well-rested and willing to run around like a headless chicken doing all the housework when he gets in from work, than tired and resentful about having to do all the other tasks.

Right, must dash off and sterilise some bottles. Congratulations Joey!

[Emster30]

lcr i sympatjise with the sore nipples and tugging etc. ds does the tugging and pummelling sometimes - i think it's when he's having a growth spurt so is tryng to boost my supply. it tends to happen more later in the day when i guess my supply is low.

keep getting people to check your latch, keep taking paracetamol/ibuprofen, keep on with the lansinoh. i wish i could promise it will get better soon - i'm sure it will for you, but i'm still in the same boat at 7 weeks! painkillers really help.

[Alicetheinvisible]

Morning

Just wanted to reply to LCR - my DH has always been really loving and supportive of pretty much everything. Laid back about stuff, we never argue. But, after i had DD, and realised she wasn't getting my milk and i had spent days(and nights) in tears trying to get her to feed properly, i decided to express by hand. DH made me feel so guilty and was really unsupportive over it, i felt like i was divided between DD and DH. The only thing i can put it down to was that he was sleep deprived as well, and knew how much i wanted to feed and felt him being firm was what was needed. It wasn't. Things have been so much different this time around though and i have spoken to him about how that made me feel since. You are doing a fab job, we are lways here for a virtual hug

[Zimm]

Hi all = can I join please? DD was born 07/08. Story so far - generally a good baby but the cluster feeds have me on my knees....

[FloweryBoots]

I'd like to join too please. I was on the antenatal thread at first but couldn't keep up!

DS1 (Joseph) born on 17 August. Doing well so far, some sore nipples at first from BFing but things easing now. Do have a right nipple that doesn't appear cracked any more and had been much better but now feels sort of bruised. It perhaps looks a bit pink too, can any one tell me what thrush is like?! Wondering if that's it.

No sort of routine at all so far for us although J usually sleeps for 4 hours or more at a go in the night so we should think ourselves lucky!

[Joey30]

LCR a virtual hug from me as well...I cant really give any advise other than definately give a bf counsellor a ring...national breastfeeding helpline is 0844 20 909 20 and la leche is 0845 120 2918. support groups are at www.abm.me.uk
I agree with the suggestion that you maybe talk to your partner when hes calmer about how he made you feel.

Elusive that was really good heartfelt post.. you sound like a lovely person and I totaly agree with what you said. Hector I hope you feel better soon

[marzipananimal]

Hi everyone, I've finally made it over onto post-natal!
It's been great reading about all your experiences.
Joel is 5 days old now and has been pretty easy so far except for lots of difficulty feeding. First couple of days he wouldn't latch on at all - wouldn't open his mouth properly and kept sucking his bottom lip. I expressed one feed which he had from a syringe and then he had some formula from a cup. I then decided to give up bf cos i couldn't bear the thought of trying to get him latched on again (ouchy) and he took to bottles like they were the most natural thing in the world. I was sad about giving up though. Then my milk came in on sat night and on sun morning i sent dh out for some nipple shields. I've been feeding him since then from the breast (still ouch but shields help a LOT) and topping up with bottle at end of each feed. Don't know if he'll learn to properly bf :(. Last night i bfed for 1 hour (30 mins each side) then he drank 60ml of formula - makes me feel like he can't have got much from me :(. I don't really know where we'll go from here. Just finding bottle so much easier than breast but have always wanted to bf, argh!! Mw coming later today so will ask her advice.

[marzipananimal]

just realised a glance at htat post makes it look like I'm really sad - I'm not - i am loving having my baby, he's the most gorgeous little thing in the world! :)

[SmilerJane]

Hi All.
I hope that i am not hanging round like a bad smell as i keep popping up.. Dont have any post-natal groups to talk to.. in fact i hardly talk to anyone but DP n my kiddies! And mayb the 'occasional' friend.
i just have been following all of you throught the latter stages of preg and wonder how your all doing and how your babas doing etc..
I really hope you dont mind me starting to chat more on here with you all..
Jorgia is 12wks now but its hard as we still got to look at her development as a 6wk old! Hard to get your head round. She is doin fab and i am so happy. Well would be 100% if other problems didnt keep cropping up. Under alot of stress atm n my DP doin my head in at times. Had a quick scan thru posts but then DP has come in with the chicken.. I'm cooking us all Chicken Korma n homemade egg-fried rice for tes..oh and naans mmm.. My sons fave (and mine i will add) He loves my egg fried rice lol.. took me years to perfect it hahaha
So best go feed the family but i will pop on later and have a proper read.. hope you all dont mind.. and will chat later

[neenz]

Hey Smiler, course you can chat, any time! My DTs were 3wks prem and I remember how frustrating it was waiting for them to reach their milestones. And that was only 3wks early not 6wks.

Marzipan, glad you are enjoying it . Well done going back to BFing. Your LO won't be getting much from you atm but you just have to build up your supply. And the only way to do that is feed! So try to use as little formula as poss cos if he is full of formula he won't demand milk from you and it's a catch 22. Can you express to build up your supply and to get ebm top-ups? It is well worth investing in an electric breastpump like a Medela mini electric. I think mine was £50 in Boots. Just keep the baby sucking as often as possible, don't expect there to be 3hrs between feeds cos there won't be! If he wants feeding every 30mins or so that's normal - it's not because you haven't got any milk, it's just because you don't have much all in one go yet. The more he sucks the more milk you will have! Good luck.

Daniel is still doing well, I am getting him weighed tomorrow but I can tell he has put on loads in the last two weeks. He goes to sleep at about 11pm then wakes at about 2 and 5 so not so bad. He sometimes stays awake for 60-90mins at 5am tho which is a bit frustrating! But we are getting there. Whoever said things get better at 4wks is right I think, we have definitely turned a corner these last few days.

[neenz]

LCR, no you are not expecting too much at all! But I always find my DH responds better when I tell him exactly what I want rather than just expect him to know iyswim. So don't tell your DH what he did wrong this morning, just tell him what he can do to make things easier for you. I am sure if he knows that a cup of coffee and a nappy change is all he has to do he will be happy to oblige! I think they get a bit stressed out cos they don't like seeing you tired/distressed/upset when they don't know what to do to make it better. Men are from Mars - they like to fix problems and get frustrated when they don't know how to!

[Alicetheinvisible]

Morning ladies

F is having a bit of a growth spurt i think, was feeding every 2hrs in the night for about 20mins a time. Feel a bit bleary eyed this morning and struggled to get up but had a friend coming over at 9am so had to get going.

Blueberries thanks for the tip (feeding positions) i think i lean over him too much when feeding, so trying hard to sit up more and hope that slows the flow down and stops F guzzling quite as much. He was quite sicky yesterday, but only after the feeds when he was knocking it back

WRT to BF/latch/sensitive nipples issue, now the way i know F is properly latched on is when it hurts to start with, i think it is when he sucks it to the back of his mouth iyswim? So to those finding it uncomfortable still, it is definitely worth seeing a BF counsellor to get some hands on advice

[SmilerJane]

Hi neens

Thanks
She has reached her smiling milestone fine but apart from smiling and starting to try and giggle thats all she is doin.. (apart from sleeping and eating)..
She can hold her head for a bit but then is still wobbly so have to still support her.. (i know my other LOs were definately holding their head stronger at 3 months but i have to re-cal age so theoretically (sp?)she is only 6wks!)
Been to HV today and she weighs 10lb 14oz
Hope your baby is doing great and look forward to hearing how big he's getting :)
Hi Alice my latch was great with my other 2 LOs but my milk just ran dry and was gutted i couldnt BF :(
Feeding is a nightmare as if not reflux anissue she wants feeding every 1 1/2-2hrs day and sleeps from 1-2 till 6-7 so that bit not toooo bad :)
Apparently i have to give her a night feed about 4 but how can i when she dont wake??? Neutriprem is just not holding her anymore but yet they refuse to tell me what milk or what i should do next.. Its just keep on with every feed............
omg i am so tired fitting in cleaning/school runs/moaning DP and me time!
T care.. lil miss wants me lol
bye n chat later

[SmilerJane]

congratulations floweryboots on your new LO [GRIN]
Your hv should know if its thrush..

marzipananimal my milk did the same n all mine have ended up on formla within wks as they werent getting enough. i was so determined to BF this time but again my body failed (this time after only about 4 days- 1 wk)! I have now been recently told there is medication to help milk come through more so ask your doc about it.
i was denyed they existed but i know they do for definate now but too late for me :(
hope you manage to continue bf but if you cant.. its no big deal sweetie as my LO are healthy n never ill

[Alicetheinvisible]

I always think it is mad that that they tell you to wake them to feed. Unless they are ill and it will be detrimental to their health, i always think you should let them sleep as they are quick enough to wake when they want feeding.

I was speaking to someone who has a DS that was 8wks early, and they said that some things he is late to do but some things he is ahead for a prem baby.

With milk supply, my grandma said to me last time that if you want to successfully BF you have to sit around like an old dairy cow thought she was joking but found that when i started riding the horses more and competing (DD aged 3-4months) my milk started drying up and by 4mths i had to stop expressing as there was nothing (DD wouldn't feed)

[SmilerJane]

Exactly.. I will not set my alarm for 4am just to feed her.. Its not like she is losing weight just feeding ever 1-2hrs during the day! If she hungry oh she certainly tells me hehe
Think thats some more advice i'll not be talking from HV
They not always right.. Thenshe went on to say i'll pass you to someone else as i dont know much about prem babies?? what so they only train for full term babies?? hmmm odd to me!

i think thats what i have to get my head round.. i dont compare her to my other LOs or anyone elses but you just cant help it can ya esp when she 3 mths but yet only classed as 6wks
Theres no support here for prem babies as she didnt go into scbu so its different how they treat you. :(

They wouldnt let me out of hospital till she was feeding this time one way or other but she was only getting 3ml EVERY 3HRS for 1st 3 days (cup fed as she was too little to latch). Then 'they' told me to put her on nutriprem2 :( She had more in that 1st feed than 3 days in hosp since birth! I was gutted like you couldnt imagine but at least next day (4 days inside) i was allowed home at 7pm.

[Alicetheinvisible]

I know they like to see babies feeding before you leave the hosp, but if your milk doesn't actually come in til day 3, then it is a bit mad forcing you to feed formula before then. I understand it is different for preemies, but generally, all a bit mad

Toddler grizzling (again)....

[marzipananimal]

Thanks neenz, he's latching on better now so I'm going to try not to give him any formula in the daytime - don't think I can cope with bf all night! (and he prob won't get enough from me yet anyway) I've borrowed a hand pump and have been expressing a bit after feeds to try and build up my supply - not getting much out though. I think I'll try and get hold of an electric pump.
My main difficulty now (apart from finding it difficult to latch him on) is that as soon as he gets on the nipple he has about 3 sucks and then falls asleep. I keep trying to rouse him by undressing him, tickling his feet or neck etc but nothing works very well. It seems like for about 30mins on the breast he only spends about a minute sucking. But as soon as you offer him a bottle he guzzles it down. Tis very frustrating.

Sorry to hear you weren't well supported with bf smilerjane but glad your dcs are doing well :)

[vix206]

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I've been so quiet. This is the first time I have had my computer on since giving birth, and the iphone is great for some things but not lots of typing.

So my birth story, Alexander David was born 31st August at 7.30am after a 23 hour labour, 16 hours of established labour though. As you all know from my complaining I went well overdue and was 42+1 when he finally arrived. I was induced with syntocin becaue my waters had broken 48 hours previously so they were eager to get him out.

To cut a long story short the birth was the polar opposite to what I had wanted. It wasn't at home and it was the most agonising, brutal experience. Hypnobirthing and 'breathing the baby out' went right out the window! Nobody could have prepared me for it. I only had gas and air and a tens machine, for some reason (although I begged) an epidural was never offered. I think maybe because by the time I neded it I wouldn't have been able to stay still. I ended up with uncontrollable tremors and up until a few nights ago was still having vivid flashbacks and waking dreams about it all. I was really traumatised but it is fading now and I feel much, much better,

The pain was caused by (of all the most trivial things) my IBS. I'm sorry if its TMI but my bowel was so blocked that Alex couldn't descend and was pushing against my bowel which was agonising. The midwife wanted to give me an enema but the doctor said no. We tried for a further 2 hours and nothing was happening except for me becoming more and more distressed (my contractions were lasting for up to 15 minutes with 30 seconds break inbetween - apparently its called hypersensitivity of the uterus?) so eventually the midwife just gave me an enema and the blockage was sorted. I also had a catheter inserted at the same time as my bladder started to have problems, not much fun!

After the catheter and enema, it was about 1.5 hours of pushing and he was born. I had a 2nd degree tear. They didn't put enough anaesthetic into me and it really bloody hurt. I screamed and was told 'after what you've been through this is nothing' by the doctor. Very unsympathetic and really upsetting. I was holding my little baby and screaming like a banshee with the pain of the needle and was made to feel silly about that.

Next they were trying to deliver the placenta and they 'couldn't find my uterus'. So a senior midwife was called and she said my uterus had contracted back to the size of pre-pregnancy. She started tugging on the cord and then it all went wrong. As far as I was concerned the room went darker and people's voices faded, Alex was taken away from me and people were shouting at me to stay with them. Basically I lost just over 2 litres of blood in 20 seconds. DH had left the room by this point to call his mum and came back in to see me out of it being worked on by loads of doctors and a lot of blood on the bed :( He was so scared.

So I had to stay in hospital, they kept talking about blood transfusions because my iron level went down to 6. In the end they let me out with iron tablets that I have to take 3 times a day. The hospital stay was horrible as well, but I won't go on about that because this is all sounding very negative!

To end on a positive note, I am still exhausted although at least able to stand up without falling over now! And DH is back at work and I'm getting into a good routine with Alex. I am absolutely besotted with my little boy, he is my world and worth every second of pain and worry. Every mum says this and now I know what they mean! Breastfeeding like a champ, I was warned my milk might be a little thin due to my being so weak, but at his weigh in on Monday he had actually gained a tiny bit of weight so I was so chuffed!

I will catch up with everyone else as soon as I can, and must nip over to the antenatal thread to see how they're getting on. Love to you all!

Oh PS did I mention we are moving house on 17th September?! I must be mental!

[Emster30]

oh. my. god. that sounds totally horrendous vix! you poor love! can't believe you went through all that. i'm glad you're starting to feel better but please take it easy for a good few weeks.

[bouncingblueberries]

Oh vix honey! you poor thing - that sound horrendous can you speak to your community midwife or health visitor about some sort of counselling if you think you need it? A lot of women feel traumatised by their birth experience, so don't feel like you're just being daft and you need to deal with it on your own.

But on a more positive note - yay for Alex breastfeeding like a champ and gaining weight you're obviously doing a fantastic job well done you!

tonight I need to figure out how to make a dozen cupcakes with a sleeping baby on my shoulder ds1 informed me an hour ago that he NEEDS to take cake to nursery tomorrow to celebrate his last day. He starts school Thursday. Gulp.

[neenz]

Vix, oh gosh that sounds totally horrendous, well done for getting by on just gas and air. Sounds like all you needed was the enema and it would have been much better . The doc who stitched you was very insensitive. Glad you are feeling better about it, hopefully in a few weeks you will have better memories, if not then a counsellor sounds like a good idea. Fab news that the feeding is going well.

Do they really not let you come home from hospital until your milk comes in and make you give formula until then? . It's no wonder women struggle to establish BFing if this is the case .

Daniel is now 9lb 10oz - gained 20oz in last 13 days . He only fed once in the night rather than the usual two so hopefully that's another corner turned.

We've had our first proper smiles today as well

[Alicetheinvisible]

Vix how horrendous! I have read on MN about people haemorraging(sp?) because of the cord being yanked out, you may be able to find out more if you wish. Congratulations on your lovely little boy