May 2010 - Drooling, smiling, cooing and nearly sleeping through (and that's just the mummies!)

[rachelfruitloop]

Hi Ladies,

I hope you don't mind, I started a new thread as our first one was quite full! I can't believe we're a quarter-way through the first year already!

Hello all...I like the idea of having some positive stories as we've all been getting a bit down so here goes...

After worrying when DD2 was born as DH said that he didn't feel as though he had bonded with her, we were out for lunch on Monday and after DH left to go back to work, 2 women came up to me. They complimented me on how gorgeous DD2 is (they actually apologised for the fact that they had been staring but said they couldn't keep their eyes off her) and then said that it was quite obvious how besotted DH is with her from the way he was looking at her . Then yesterday another friend said that she had bumped in to DH and asked him how things were going and apparently he just wouldn't shut up about how great DD2 is so I think that maybe the bonding has now happened

Ahh, I was really worried about DP. He was SO excited when I was pregnant and I think the whole thing was a mixture of underwhelming and overwhelming for him. He had a big idealised view of me going into labour and him having to rush out of work to meet me at hospital where we'd hold hands as I screamed and pushed. Instead, ended up having a 3 day slow labour which, a lot of the time was more boring than dramatic, followed by EMCS which terrified him as they wheeled me into surgery and he had to sit and wait for an hour while I was prepped until he was allowed to join me.

Then we had to spend 2 weeks in hospital. And when we finally got home, I was really ill (had pre-eclampsia and lots of post-natal illness as a result) and was taking about 18 tablets a day and slept so much that I literally didn't wake up when DD was crying and so for the first few weeks he did ALL the night feeds, as well as maintaining a full time job where his bosses had no compassion whatsoever (saying things like "You're not the first person to have a baby, you know".) And one day he just kind of went into melt down and said he thought he was getting depressed and didn't know if he could cope, and all the ideas he'd had about family life were completely wrong. I felt so guilty, so I started really pushing him to see all the good stuff about being a dad. So we have family bath time now, which he loves because she really comes to life in the water. I always try really really hard to make sure she's in a perfect mood ready for when he gets home from work, which has taken a lot of forced nap times and routine arranging. And I always point out when she's smiling at him, and how much she must love him etc.

And I think it's worked! Because for the last week all I've heard him say is, "Oh, isn't she lovely!" "I love her so much!" "She's amazing!" "Look at her! Look how beautiful she is!" "She's so good." "She's so well-behaved..." "She's SO clever!"

I don't think DP has had any bother bonding with DS given he's his spitting image and his ally against this heavily female household. He wasn't that bothered about having a boy but he's been tickled pink now he's here and absolutely everyone we meet goes on about how alike they are. DP not really into babies though he likes the crazy stage DD3 is at now.

Hi all, just a quicky as Princess Chloe is stirring, but what happened to our meetup!? Would be lovely to do but understand difficult to organise etc.

Am off for my FIRST night out since the birth. Omg how sad is that?! Been rummaging through my wardrobe all morning to find something to wear that actually fits!

Yup, she's now definitely awake! Must dash...

Wish I could post something positive but to be honest it would be a bit hard at the moment

Hope you are all keeping well x x x

Trying for positive, here goes

I have up days and down days/moments. I sometimes worry at the extremes.

DD is finally starting to behave better, but every now and then she will revert back to truely awful, but thats better than awful of the time.

We had a weeks holiday with both sets of grandparents and all the attention did her some good, she wasnt that bothered about me being with Alex. Since we have been back the jealousy has come back but shes more reasonable with it, probably as she is getting older too

I still really struggle with both of them. 2 days a week daughter is at nursery and life feels easy. On the other days they feel like long days and I rarely relaxed, unless one child is asleep I dont seem able to cope with 2. Well I do cope but never relaxed.

I wondered about PND but dont think I am depressed, just stressed and tired. Alex continues to wake twice a night regardless.

Anyway, for positives ... he is an adorable podge 18lbs now at 16 weeks. He is so smiley and I love this adoring mummy stage. I love that he is ours and that we will get to know each other and that I will always be his mummy. (Its just the practicalities of two that I struggle with, ie) taking dd to poo whilst ds unsettled in public et, silly things)

Also first my first night out tomorrow not sad at all!!!! I consider myself v lucky to be able to do that.

Hi Ladies,

Angel so sorry you're not having a good time.

Pamelat Hope your night out tomorrow is great! I feel the same, same, same!!! 2 days a week when DS1 is at preschool are fairly great, and the other times, I cope, but don't really feel relaxed. BUT, I've been told time and time again, it will get better and we'll be able to not only cope, but relax. Most are telling me it's usually not sooner than 6 months in! Look how fast these 16 weeks have gone by - 6 months, no problem!

First1 I'd still really like to get together. Is there anyone else in the London area who wants to talk about some dates? The best days for me are Mondays and Wednesdays as DS1 is in preschool those days.

SK, Cari and Babylann that is so cute about your DPs bonding with the babies! It is very funny, maybe because Eric is our second and I have to have my DH hold him a lot more than DS1, but Eric and DH have a much stronger connection at this age than DH and DS1 did! He laughs so much for DH! But Eric is looking A LOT like me these days so I'm chuffed!

SK and ML I hope you're both doing ok.

I've been thinking about Brightredballoon, I hope that she's doing ok, too, it's been a while since we've heard from her.

I saw the GP today and she checked my Mirena coil and said it's still in place. Apparently my moodiness and spotting these last 6 weeks are normal and I should expect things to settle down at the 3 to 6 month mark! I spoke to her a bit about PND as well, but figure I will see how the next couple of weeks go. The HV is going to see me this week so I'm sure we can discuss it more. Since DS1 has gone back to preschool and Eric has been sleeping in his cot, things seem a bit better. The loss of Brucie is quite depressing, but I feel like that's depression with a direct cause, whereas when I had PND before I was overwhelmingly depressed and felt like I couldn't cope but without any direct cause. I don't really feel like I'm at that point at the moment.

Both boys are in their beds sleeping! Hooray! Eric has been waking 4 times a night for feeds - the longest he can last in between feeds is occasionally he'll go 4 hours. Otherwise it's about 2. I'm seriously considering introducing some solids at 4 months but will discuss it with HV. I had Eric weighed on Tues and he's 19 lbs 10 oz, so he's actually slipped down a bit on the curve, but I'm not worried yet!

It's been an ok day today. I hope you all have a good weekend!

Hi everyone, sorry for being invisible. I try and keep up but never get chance to reply.

Been trying to spend more time 'out'. Was starting to go a bit stir crazy always being in the flat and having no fresh air or real company during the day. I think I was starting to feel a bit consumed by all things baby. Although there's nothing to complain about, I feel strangely deflated and a bit flat.

Even though a few weeks ago I was dreading going back to work, I think I've worked out that actually it's not going back to work I dread, it's going back to my work. I don't want to go back there at all. Have applied for a new job, so will wait to see how that goes. Not sure if they'll let me do it part time - don't really know how to ask them either

About the men bonding - mine would def go part time at work if I go back full time. I think he's kind of banking on it now He's absolutely besotted with Darcey. He can read her better than I can sometimes.

Went to waterbabies yesterday and had a fab time. DH did the class while I watched. It's lovely seeing them have something that's just theirs when I've got feeding all to myself.

Also, I had my first night out last Friday. It was nice - weird not being with her, but it was an encouraging step towards us being more independent.

Didn't realise how long this post has become, sorry!

Rachel, so sorry to hear about Brucie. Hope your friends are taking comfort knowing that so many people are thinking about them.

First - I'm still up for a meet up. Will travel if necessary - be a good adventure on the train!

Oh, and Darcey is having her first night in her own room tonight. She's sleeping well at the moment, but I don't think I'll sleep a wink... Send sleepy thoughts this way please

So lovely to hear lots of positive stories :)

Hope everyone's OK.

Re men bonding: DH has found it harder this time round I think because of BFing meaning that Corin is very much attached to me. Also, DD is a huuuuuuuuuge daddy's girl so doesn't let him have much time with Corin but he's very sweet with him when he does get to have cuddles and really dotes on him.

Have to go to bed now, big day tomorrow with long drive and wedding! Praying that DD can keep still and quiet for 20 minutes I doubt it really but one can hope!

Just want to say that I love the positivity but everyone should feel free to have a moan too, and just express themselves freely here. I was conscious that with such serious sad news about Brucie, that might be stifling to everyone else. Now I'm a little concerned we don't go the other way and exclude anyone who is having a less-than positive time now. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone should not post for fear of bringing anyone down. I'm thinking of those of you having a tough time and want to be here for you, too.

This is what's going through my mind when it's past midnight and I should be sleeping!

Been catching up on all your news when I can, but concious I haven't posted in a wee while.

Loving the positive stories too! I'm sure we will all be having wee moan soon too as this is such a good forum for sharing whatever is on your mind.

Samuel is such a wee sweetie at the moment. 16 weeks now and def have noticed a bit of a difference in him. Seems to be less of a baby and more of a wee boy. Had a bit of a mope looking at newborn photos of him last week, but loving the wee boy he is becoming and he is much more confident when we are out.He used to be quite grumpy and unhappy if we weren't in the house, but seems to be much happier now.

Been a cheery wee soul for last few days.

We moved him into his room on Monday and seems to be going well. I don't think he notices the change. He is right next door and monitor picks up a pin dropping so hear everything I would if he was in the room. It's good as it means that we don't wake him up and we can go to bed with the light on and read a bit. He has also decided now at 16 weeks that he likes his dummy. Would only chew it a bit before.

Other big change last few nights is I have given him hungry baby formula as a bottle feed at bedtime. I have been ebf since birth and it has been going really well. V lucky. However, he is a big boy and for the last month, give or take the odd night, he has been waking every 2 and a bit hours at night for a feed. It was making me feel really unwell and felt that the days totally dragged by with me being knackered and all my bones and muscles were aching. He doesn't sleep much during the day, so no chance for wee sleep, but unless I got some unbroken sleep, it wouldn't have mattered.

Was quite a hard decision as felt a little bit like I was failing, but then thought there are no medals for exclusively bf for 6 months, he is a big hungry boy and although my milk is doing a great job, he needs something a bit heavier to help him sleep a bit longer. He slept through from 9 till 4.30 the first night, woke briefly at 1.30 the next night, but I slotted his dummy in and he went back to sleep till 5am for a 30 min feed and then last night again woke at 1.30 had a short feed then dummy in and back down and slept till 8.30! I feel so much more human today. Still bf throughout the day and any night time feeds, but formula gives daddy a bit of bedtime bonding, giving me a break and a better sleep. Sam likes holding the bottle too, although not quite as much as mummy's boob.

Hoping that the new pattern continues. last few days been great with him as he is happier and I am too.

SK hope that you are ok after your friends funeral. My aunt died last year and was awful seeing my young cousins placing flowers on her coffin. They are 16 and 18. Always think what it will be like on their wedding day and coildn't imagine what it would be like not having had my mum there.

rachel Terrible news about wee Brucie. Truley devastating. Can not begin to fathom losing your child.

Were you up late watching Big Bro? I was!

Sassles I didn't watch the BB final, first I watched the film The Invention Of Lying which I thought was very funny. Then, a bit morbid, but I couldn't stop watching the 9/11 documentaries last night. I was also enjoying doodling with DS1's marking pens, very relaxing!

Sassles v interesting you have switched to one formula feed. I'm seriously considering the same as babycake is just waking the whole time now, even though he slept through for a good few weeks :( last night was the worst ever and I was just on my knees.
Let us know how you get on over the next week or so I'd be v interested. Though I know what you mean, would be so hard to decide to no longer ebf...(not a slight on those ff AT ALL, just that breast feeding is such an emotional issue!)

As for positivity, we took J swimming for the first time today and it was SO lovely. I was so surprised at how much he loved it. He sat in his little floatie seat and propelled himself along with his feet on the floor grinning away. He lasted half an hour and no tears! :)

Right, must dash and put him to bed...Strictly Come Dancing on iplayer for me! Boo.
Love to all x

DD beginning to wake at night, too, having ALWAYS slept through since a week old! Am trying to hold off ff and hoping to get as close to 6 months as poss. I weaned DD1 on the day she turned 6 months - I'm such a stupid stickler for rules!

Will follow with interest how your other hungry babies get on...

Hello all. Got 5 minutes to myself so thought I would try and post a bit.

Things have been really difficult here. Me and DH are trying to work things out but I am just finding it really hard to just carry on. It's like I have to pretend nothing happened. Easier for him than me I suppose. He wasn't the one who's heart has been ripped to pieces.

DD3 has got used to her harness but its still rubbing her skin bless her. Got ultrasound on thursday so if by a little miracle her growth spurt has helped the harness may come off? Wishful thinking I suppose. Going to get her weighed on Tuesday for the first time since she was 31 days!! She is quite content now. She had a growth spurt recently and was having bottle after bottle. Still (touch wood) going down at 8 pm and waking somewhere between 6 and 7.30am. I am usually up at 6 now anyway whether she is or not. So in a way I suppose I could say we are in a routine really, though it's taking a bit of tweeking with the school runs back on board!! She has a bottle when she gets up, another one about 10am then has a sleep for a couple of hours, another bottle about 1, 4 and 7pm then bed. She has 6oz (ish) at the most at each feed. She has been chewing frantically on her fists lately though so I don't know if she is hungry or teething?!? Yes, even at number 5, you still can't work some things out!!!

On the upside we have put in for a transfer to a bigger house with 5 bedrooms. Means moving 25 miles from here and changing schools, but I honestly believe that we need to get away from here ad start afresh, somewhere where the IL's can't get to me every second of the day....and somewhere where I am not too close to a certain someone who has more or less destroyed my life and confidence.... somewhere where I at least have a chance at making some friends....We will just have to wait and see if we get it now I suppose.

Hobnob chuck the rule book out!! I did that at number 3 lol

cupcake glad you enjoyed swimming. I am hoping to take willow when she has had her last lot of jabs!

dancing i hope darcey slept for you!

oh forgot to put, DHs disciplinary got thrown out. They were very much in the wrong and he had more to use against them than they imagined which worried them as he stood up to them which they weren't expecting. So he still has a job for now anyway, but looking for another in case we move

AnAngelWithin, DD had a harness too. Really feel for you, can make things very awkward. But it really is very sudden. Took her for an ultrasound scan and they said we could take it off there and then as she didn't need it anymore.

Worst thing about it was how much it could smell. We had to go to hospital once a week and have it replaced with a clean one (the only time we were allowed to bathe her). Even though the doctors always tried to rush us, I'd spend a good five minutes just holding her, remembering what it felt like to have a baby without a harness!

DD is just over 4 months now, and has been showing signs of teething for a good few weeks. Just like her mama. Wisdom teeth ouchy

hi angel fingers crossed re the harness this week but remember either way every day is a day closer to it going. Sorry to hear things are tough with dh. And life is just too busy for proper time to sort things out. If he still won't see how you feel then maybe Relate might be worth a go. Me and dh did Relate a few years ago and it did help us communicate better. My guess is that dh thinks it's over because he didn't have sex with her so why are you so bothered. But he made a promise not to be unfaithful long ago so not fully breaking it but getting close is still a violation of trust. He needs to acknowledge that and to rebuild trust and give you time to heal. Maybe a new start will help.

I'm sorry if anyone felt the attempt to be positive after the news about wee Bruce undermined them (especially you angel) I'm having to work at seeing the positives as returning to work looms large.

Molls isn't sleeping as long either cupcake and sassles I reckon it's sleep regression/growth spurt. Last night she slept through to 4.30 again after a week of 2.30 wakings. Hope we're back on track. I won't be adding formula though whatever happens. (fingers crossed) I'm very focussed on this because of my eczema which I don't want Molly to get. It's been dreadful since she was born so reminds me why I'm not doing formula daily. So far her skin is perfect. Feeding has to be an individual's choice. No one can weigh it up for us. dd1 had mild eczema when she was a baby which she has grown out of. I managed to avoid any formula for her and that's my goal for Molls. My big stress is trying to express every day to build up a return to work freezer stash. Today has been a good expressing day - yesterday was rubbish but this am the batteries died completely in the pump so I wonder if it was a bit under-powered yesterday explaining why I got diddly-squat milk out all day.

Dh is bonding with Molly but she is such a Mummy's girl. His diabetes has gone to pot and he's exhausted and I'm worried about him being up to looking after her. He was saying earlier that I should have thought of that before I got pg. We have 7 weeks to get him back on track. If he can't then he will need to start insulin. He has such a mental block about it but it'll make him feel so much better is his sugars are sorted. I felt dreadful while I was pg when my sugars were over 8 and his runs at about 12 all the time. It's typical though as he's doing so well with his bipolar at the moment. There's always something.

Sorry for lack of personals. Molls is ingesting her fist. Looks like the 16week growth spurt hasn't quite finished.

Hi all

Just a quick one, been extremely hungover, not very responsible mum-ish but had a night away so went for it. Probably a little silly in hindsight as DH and the kids turned up at my parents at 9am for breakfast and I felt shocking.

Still, managed to get through the day and even took DD swimming again and managed lunch at pizza express

Still have stone and half to lose, feel very fat but night out cheered me up a little.

Alexs sleep at night is dreadful. 630pm-10pm-to anywhere between midnight and 2am, then about 330am he wakes up for couple of hours (this last week) "playing" and making a racket. Maybe time for him to go in his room? Although we would still hear him on the intercom anyway.

Very very tired ...

Angel - good news about your DH's job but sorry you're having such a tough time in other areas :( Good luck with the house.

Pamelat - hope you feel better today!

I hope no-one felt excluded by positive stories, everyone should always be able to share their problems.

Wedding went well, DD was a star and stayed quiet during the ceremony but I missed it because DS started wailing just as they announced that the bride was coming on so I took him out but didn't want to go back in and disturb everyone. DD was really playing up to the photographer, he said she's in almost every picture somewhere. Everyone made a big fuss of DS as well :) Lovely weekend all in all.

Hello all...

Angel hope you manage to get the house you want and that this can be the fresh start that you need.

pamelat hope the hangover didn't last too long! We're off out tonight but as I was up a couple of times in the night with the girls, I don't think I'll stay awake long enough to get too drunk

DD2 is currently miserable; she has a cold, would appear to be teething and having a growth spurt. Having been sleeping through for a few weeks, she now seems to only sleep through every other night. I'm just giving her a bf each time she wakes but I'm starting to feel a bit tired myself so I hope it doesn't last too long. I've just put her down for a nap as she is exhausted but she sounds like she is really working herself up in to a state so i think I had better go and rescue her.....

Hi all

I think I'm happier that Harry still hasn't slept through the night rather than sleeping through then regressing. I remember DD going through then starting to wake again and it was a killer. Thinking of all you ladies who have gotten used to more zzzzzzz only to be woken again, not nice.

I'm also keen to hear from you Sassles re. progress with hungry baby milk. Harry's completely ff but wondering if it might make a diff if he has a thicker milk at bedtime. I'm reluctant as he already gets a little constipated. If it meant he'd sleep til past 6 I'd be on my way to the shops now!

Have been busy here. Estate Agent photographer coming this pm as house going on Market this week. I've tidied so much I now don't recognise my own home! Just don't open any cupboard doors :)

Must dash. Have to walk the doglet & get my 2 munchkins out of the way so DH can show photographer around without falling over toys & children!

Love to all xx

Hello..
Have been reading but this weekend seems to have flown by with so little time!

Good to hear of all the daddys bonding. DH said the other day he prefers them abit older when he can interact with them.

Pamlet- Glad the jealous is improving. DD1 has gone to opposite and cant give Lucy enough hugs and kisses! Its very cute but Poor Lucy gets abit smoothered i think.

Dancing- Glad Darcy enjoyed the swimming. DD1 has been doing lessons for about a year but I have a feeling the lady will cancel them completely soon. We were meant to be having one now but its been cancelled (Again!). Have been looking for other classes this morning as I want Lucy to go too.

Heffa- DD1 is a daddys girl too so she occupies most of DH's time aswell. Glad you enjoyed the wedding.

Sassles- Glad to hear little Sam is doing well.

Cupcake- Glad you all enjoyed the swimming. Lucy loves it too.

re night waking- Lucy is waking once a night now from previously sleeping through. I think its a phase as DD1 did the same around the same age.

Angel- Glad to hear the disaplinary got sorted :)

Carikube- Hope DD2 feels better soon.

Millington- Good luck with the house sale. I remember waht a nightmare it was trying to hide the toys when we moved with DD1.

Well Lucy has been really chomping on her fists and moaning with her teeth, bless her so have stocking up on gels and powders. Oh and the teething nappies are just delighful!

Questions for people-- Lucy has become a right nightmare to feed lately. She just doesnt seem interested in feeding at the mo. She will be hungry but only drink 2 ozs max before puling away and refusing any more.
No amount of persievence (sp?) works. She seems happy enough in her herself generally.
Sometimes she wont drink anything else for another 3/4 hours, then another 2odd ozs!
Other times she will hungry again after a while but again will get really fussy after a few sucks. Its so frustrating. You never seem to know when shes going to be hungry which is a nightmare when im trying to get out and about. Makes no difference who feeds her but im beginning to dread feed times. Any ideas anyone?