Jan 2009 - molars, movers and shakers

[stripeywoollenhat]

there you go

Hi 120. Thanks, I am feeling a bit better after some ibuprofen, co-codamol and some 120 style therapy. (I cooked up a lovely nourishing risotto for tea and found it really therapeutic.) I also had a lovely game of chase the ball with dd - she always makes me laugh and that's the best medicine as they say.

Things have actually gone from bad to worse since last time I posted, but I won't bore you all further with the ins and outs. Suffice to say I am now in fight mode and the school are in for a big shock!

Sorry dd is being so difficult. Does sound like she is flexing her muscles. I'm afraid I have no useful advice, as my brain is fried at the moment, but I'll have a ponder on it and am sending you some very unmumsnetty (hugs) in the meantime.

Dog, sorry you are still feeling low. I really feel for you in your position. Being overdue is the pits, so I am sending you some unmnetty (hugs) as well and will have a little wave of the pom poms in the hope it might encourage things along for you.

120 - I have a variety of tack ticks (sp?) for my 3 yr old DD right now but I tried typing them out earlier and thought I sounded like a terrible and draconian mummy and promptly deleted it

Hoping one of the nicer mummies on here will give you theirs tonight.

Feeling tired and my head hurts, so I'm off to eat dinner. I'll come by later again.

Thanks for the hugs moosey. Sometimes this parenting lark feels nigh on impossible. You can hit them, you can't shout at them too many times as it looses effectiveness, bribing and threats make it worse, I hate restraining them, and sometimes they won't face logic. You don't always have time to let them stew until they come round. What on earth do you do? Crazy stuff. Glad that cookery therapy has helped (along with the drugs!). I find cooking very relaxing.

Tea, bring on the tactics.. I bet there is nothing you can type that I haven't tried . This one can be very good if her schedule is EXACTLY stuck too, but a day or two of changes and she takes that as the new law and has to be trained back. A real pain in the bum. Plus she has started calling me by my name, which I find really embarrasing as I feel like a childminder. Grrr.

Oh yes DD tried that, I either pretend not to hear or say "no my names mummy, I won't answer to that name" LOL She's stopped doing it now.

I do not have a naughty step, DD stands by the door when she has been naughty for 3 minutes. We then resolve it and depending on what it was, she says sorry. I always warn her first that if she doesn't stop doing x she will have to stand by the door.

Another tactic is to take her favourite toy away and I do not return it for a set period of time. I always warn her first and she then either improves or the toy is taken. That one is very effective. Only an extreme measure I save that one for special moments when she's repeatedly been doing something all day and sending to the door hasn't improved things.

If she is throwing an almighty tantrum she is sent to her room until she calms down. Well sometimes I have to "help" her in there She cannot open the door, so once I've closed it she remains there until she calms and then I always tell her "well done for calming down" and try and resolve the situation after.

I have battles over going to the toilet before we go out somewhere, so I simply state "we will not leave until you have had a wee, as I do not want an accident if you get caught short." I use this one a fair amount in varying disguises, she now knows I mean it So if she will not calm down and we're meant to be going out (and she obviously wants to go there) I state we cannot leave until she calms down and explain why it's not acceptable behaviour where possible.

I have been reading "how to talk" and it has some good ideas in. Logic and explanation do not work all the time with DD, I catch myself trying to have an adult comversation with her sometimes and realise it is completely daft. You cannot reason with a toddler sometimes LOL. I do try and acknowledge her feelings if I can. I.e. you must be feeling sad/ cross because of x, y, z that is helpful at times, to really try and listen and acknowledge the feelings. It can calm her to know I sympathise IYSWIM? Still reading the book though, some of it is for much older DCs though.

I have smacked her in the past when she has been really dreadful I warned her first several times. I do feel shame about it but we all sometimes reach boiling point where it is too much. I try not to smack at all, as my parents were very draconian and punished me by smacking a lot as a child. However I think sometimes we're all guilty of it The other methods are better though

When DD is tired her behaviour is much much worse so I've been trying to get her to bed earlier lately. She thrives under praise so I try and catch her being good and praise her lots, she flowers from praise and often can behave better for it.

If I can see she is in a troublesome mood offering her some painting activity/ play dough/ drawing can snap her out of it and keep her busy. Or throwing on the waterproofs and going out for fresh air too can help.

I also have to warn her if we're doing something different/ unusual quite a few times before we go and I start to get her ready to go out very slowly interespersed with other things inbetween, seems to work better for her. Things flare up when I'm in a rush.

There maybe typos as I'm tired. Maybe some other lovely mumnetters on our thread though will have a few better ideas than little old me.

Ooo remembered another: I got her over the hump of pre school beginning again, by being super enthusiastic about it and how much fun she'd have doing x,y,z and all the nice things there and wouldn't it be nice to see so and so blah blah blah

Being enthusiastic about how great something will be and how much fun! Can work well for her.

I've totally skimmed and therefore retained nothing. Actually I went away again in between.

Moose I know you get so much advice but my acupuncturist said in extreme food intolerances and behavior a great way to 'test' is to ween to yams, yams yams. Eat only yams for 7 days. And lots of water. Take the following 3 days, (8-10) to introduce a food, (example, pasta) and see what the reaction is... 3 days is a good indicator. Anyhow, just a suggestion. I'm not sure what yams is all about, but they're good.

The trip to Ontario only got good when we went up north to DH's other sisters house. Two of her daughter's were there with there BF's and her DH. Sitting around the big ol' 100 year old farm table, yammering and laughing and just having fun. Then we went up farther north to the In Laws. FIN is a gem. MIL is now officially heading to nutterdom. DH and I were talking about it after we finally left and he said he wanted to ask her if she really believed what she says. Its either that or she doesn't think before she says it. It was three days of watching her backtrack on almost any statement that came out of her mouth. I was hilariously dumfounded most of the time. The rest of the time I had to bite my tongue, hard. lol The trip ended with a fun BBQ at an highschool girlfriend's cottage and 3 other ones, all with little ones too. It was so funny to remember our wily ways of getting beer and smoking hash before heading into the underage club. lol. All our spouses were there too. It was fab.

DD has had an incredible growth spurt this past week. Grown out of all one-zee's and shoes. on the pocket book. Good thing we still get a little bit from Child Tax Credit Benefit. Also ordered the cutest shopping cart and very sturdy from Melissa and Doug. So cute.

Hello too everyone! I'm caught up to here. Gotta go. DD is a handful now.

lol. I've checked in three times since posting to be sure I keep up and no one has been around. Why would you though as it is so very early hour for most of you. At least, I hope you are not awake. In fact, its only 8pm for me... gin&tonic o'clock.

Morning chef! Good to have you back with us. Sounds like you had a lovely trip, complete with the obligatory crazy in laws!

Tea, thank you so much for posting all of that, it must have taken you ages! There are some great tips there. I ought to buy how to talk. Thing is, I think we talk too much and actually what the girl needs is a little old fashioned discipline, but you've outlined some and I'll give them a go. We havae been very strict with her for the last 24hrs and actually last night she sat at the dinner table and ate what she could of it without making a huge fuss and then this morning when she got up at 5am, she snuck in our room, saw we were sleeping and quietly snuck back out. I got her up at 6.45 as she was singing in bed and I didn't want her to wake DS. I haven't got her up since she was 17mo, so maybe it is working. I'm just sad that we have to be really strict and almost mean to get them to realise we are serious. I guess that is what this age is about though. I don't want DS copying her horrid behaviour.

On a funny front, DS spilt some yoghurt down his front yesterday and used his spoon to scrape it off his clothes and spoon it back into his mouth. I was amazed! I know some 20 year olds who can't do that .

We had a good viewing yesterday and another one I haven't had feedback on. The estate agent also thinks the price is good and not too high, which is great as I was dreading having to lower it as it would bump up our mortgage on the new house. I still have a really good feeling about it all happening before Christmas so fingers crossed!

DOG am thinking about you lots, hope you are ok and labour pom poms still waving frantically. Is there still an unfinished task that is keeping you back? Ours was hanging theruddy chandelier. As soon as it was up I went into labour with DS! Had been badgering DP for days about it..

What a good girl for peeping in and leaving again, bless her. Did you praise her lots for staying in bed when you got her up?

Do you do star charts? Maybe she can have a star for this morning towards a treat?

I feel like grotbags sometimes with DD But her behaviour is improving now. Horrid though isn't it?

Maybe some other ladies will have more ideas for you later.

morning

hope it wont be long for u dog

hi mm - good luck with school

hi chef sounds like u had fun

hi tea sounds like u r doing a great job

we r having a quiet day today

have hillarys blinds round 12-3pm for a quote should be fun!!

Sounds like typical toddler tantrums to me 120, why is it girls seem to do the tantrum thing twice? All the older girls on the thread seem to have gone through a sticky patch at 3yo and then better again by 4yo. My DD is just coming out the other side of it thankfully at 3.9yo, most of her grumpy behaviour nowadays is down to being shy, which I have no clue how to overcome. It's so much more infuriating at 3yo than 2yo though since you have begun to treat them more as an adult and think they should know better, DD has got me in some terrible strops, she can wind me up a treat if she likes. I think it is just a girl thing though, they are so much more manipulative than boys and they quickly learn how to get what they want - DD has learnt well off her mother The only way I can deal with her when she is like that is to just leave her to it if I've got the time/space to do that, she soon stops if she's not got an audience. Also giving her the responsibility for stuff like dressing etc. helped with getting ready, and I often make it a race to get ready, her vs me or DS, that often works. Mornings are a nightmare, especially when everyone is rushing to get out of the door and short tempered as result. DH is fab though in the mornings, he'll take the DCs for breakfast while I get dressed and bring their clothes down, and then I dress them and do hair while they are eating mostly. Another thing to try is getting her to go to the toilet first thing and stripping her off while she is there so she gets dressed before she's even woken up enough for it to be an issue.

I think the wetting herself thing is just losing control. DD has done it a couple of times when she's really hurt herself, she wet herself when she broke her collarbone. And she wet herself on MissJ's playfort cos her mean Mummy didn't come and rescue her in time and she got upset

I do think you have to be on top of where your boundaries lie at that age, and make sure you and DP are both in agreement over them. Then if you are consistent they soon give up trying to push you... for a while anyway It passes soon enough, I can remember Pat telling me when DD turned 3 that I'd have my work cut out, and I was thinking surely not after all those tantrums at 18mo+ but sure enough she morphed to a new level of stroppiness within a few weeks Am hoping this is it now until about 13yo, but maybe that's wishful thinking!!

Another thing DD discovered at 3yo was devilment, she takes such pleasure in doing anything forbidden just to check it is still forbidden, and she cackles like a witch at me afterwards, they get a real naughty streak from somewhere, so infuriating.

Yes, the tantrums. Our trip was hell for DD because we spent so much time saying No she was probably as agitated to hear it again as much as we just didn't want to say it anymore. She has perfected the melt down, but this mommy just looks on, deadpan. Some mornings she is into everything, pushing pushing pushing and there have been a few times that I've said 'Do you want to start the day on the naughty spot?' That usually stops her, sometimes theres still a little underthebreath mumbling, (too funny) as she storms off in a huff. The naughty spot is working wonders.

afternoon boomarking

Hi all.

Sorry for all the toddler/preschooler/tweenie angst.

DD2 is a bit of a one when she is hungry or thirsty. It's usually those things, I don't try feed her or anything, that would just annoy her more - I stick a biscuit her way and that seems to provide an intial sugar load, then I can try feed her sensible in 10 mins.

No real advice except it's normal mormal normal - and to pick your battles. Some aren't worth the meltdown, I've decided that if dd2 needs it that bad then fine. Have it. Or needs that little bit of autonomy, or freedom, or whatever.
Somethings have to be, like getting in the car for school run. So she just has to do it and have a hissy fit if needs be.
So yes, battle avoidance in my house!
In fairness to me I have a vauge policy - that they will push back if you push, and expect and hunt for battle if that's what they have grown to expect. Clearly that is probably BS, and I will have a day of meltdowns to show how deluded I am

No news. Bit of work stress - I need to toughen up and not stres and fret. ANd get used to it!

Tired after work, although slept till 10-3 today. Had to drag self from bed.

Evening all, sorry to hear about all the toddler battles. Guess I have it all to come with dd. Mind you, ds1 might never have tantrummed as a toddler, but I'd be willing to bet he could best any of your 3+ year olds hands down in a tantrumming competition these days.

I got him tonight though, he screamed at me because he thought I'd closed his magazine without a bookmark, I have had a really tough couple of days, had just got back from his parents' information meeting, was exhausted and feeling on edge and vulnerable - so - I burst into tears. Now that did shock him. Unfortunately he was then distraught at upsetting me. He apologised, then went up to bed, but I ended up going up and spending half an hour reassuring him that I wasn't still upset, or mad at him and that all was forgiven after he said sorry. He kept saying "sorry isn't enough Mummy, I have to do more, I don't want to make you sad". I told him again that all was forgiven, but that if he really wanted to do more, next time he feels like he is going to shout and lose his temper he could try his hardest not to and that would make me very happy. Thankfully, he accepted that and calmed down.

Been to see the GP with him today. She was FANTASTIC. She signed the referral form for Specialist Autism Support Service to come into school and underlined my reasons and wrote "I agree with all of the above" then signed that too! She also going to refer him back to his paediatrician to have his digestive issues properly investigated and refer him to CAMHS. Bless her, she also took a look at the little lump on ds's hand that he's been fretting about and froze it for him to reassure him that its nothing serious. She was lovely with him, very patient, asked him how he feels about school and about the bullying and didn't mind a bit that he couldn't sit still and was wandering around her office for much of the appointment. Our appointment was only for 10 minutes (I called to book a double appointment but was told they were too busy) but she was really thorough and we were in there for over half an hour, without her once making us feel we were taking up too much time or holding things up. I was so relieved I could have hugged her.

So, hopefully things will continue moving forward now that I have my finger on the pulse and my foot firmly wedged behind iykwim.

Am completely knackered, emotionally and physically, but happy that we finally seem to be getting somewhere.

We have the dietician for the first time tomorrow morning, but that's nowhere near as stressful or scary and ds is over the moon that he will be missing literacy!

So, moving on ..

I have another thread going at the moment. Twas a bit of lightheartedness to try and distract me and lift my spirits yesterday. Am quite surprised at how many responses it has had for such a boring, mundane topic. Here.

Oooh, almost forgot. Dd got her first second-stage carseat today for use in Mum's car and she LOVED it!

Fortunately they had one in stock after the nice Mothercare lady had checked it would fit between ds's boosters. So I fitted the new one for the drive home and dd spent the whole journey going "Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" at the top of her lungs with eyes the size of saucers!

It was so funny, especially as her hair had gone all static and was sticking out all over her head. She looked and sounded like some sort of crazy wide eyed alien child.

Awww Moose. I feel emotional at your GP visit and tales of carseat joy.

I want to send your GP a box of chocs! She probably has no idea how well timed her care was, but when I consider how crappy a perfectly adequate but essentially shit consultation would have been........I want to hug her too!

Yeah Moose Good to hear a very definite step forward for you all.

Tree I avoid most conflicts in our household with distractions too.

Relatives coming in today. Uncle is my dad's brother and his wife and their daughter and SIL. Haven't met him yet and v.excited about them coming. Their visits are always so nice. I used to go to their cottage and house lots growing up. Their eldest DD is my age and lives in Alberta with her three DD's and DH. They are on a cross country trip this summer and they are ending it here. Should be fun. DH even took a Friday off so he could make have dinner with them. Actually, he is going to cook and has a lovely menu already thought of.

Must go to wine store. Be back later.

Hi Tree and Chef.

I think I'm going to send her a little thank you card. Even if we don't get accepted via the referral, it made such a difference to speak to a professional who actually cared and wanted ds to get all the help and support he needs, deserves and is entitled to. Let alone one who actually considered the fact that he has ASD and handled him accordingly. She is without doubt a superstar and I think she should know what a difference she has made to my week.

Funny thing is, until now I didn't really like her. She has always been very professional, but quite abrupt in the past and I sometimes felt she thought I was just being a fussy mother. It appears I have totally misjudged her. Poor woman was probably just overstretched and trying to be professional and keep her clinic running on time.