Sept 08 - Our LO's are nearly 2, and they're hiding to do a poo (is it time for potty training, not until it stops this raining)

[ninja]

I started it!! (I'm going away to London with just DD1 tomorrow so I want to know where you all are when we get back.

3 toddler free days!!

DG can you or your df contact the NSPCC or someone and get some advice??? What an awful situation

Puts my plastering woes into perspective!

Digi, this whole story sounds sordid. Reading your latest account, however, I would wonder the following:

• could it be that the kids were just exploring and playing, I don't know, as in, show me yours and I'll show you mine type of thing? Perhaps the touching or whatever it is that took place may have been innocent. Did any of the boys get upset or physically hurt? As you don't know what exactly happened DURING the episode, you only have it's consequences to look at at this point.

• In addition, could it be that your family (and you included) are worried sick, BECAUSE of the amount of secrecy, red tape and tardiness of Social Services, who are unnecessarily upsetting you?

How is your DB now? Is he scared, reluctant to go to school? I find it bizarre that the school would think an incident is serious enough to involve social services, yet the kids are placed in class as if nothing happened.

eandz, diego ain't talking either. And when he does, he tends to mix languages (by that I mean three word sentences where two are English and one Spanish, as in, No, mummy, esto! (esto = this).

Debs, poor little robyn. Diego has just recovered from a vomiting and diarrhoea virus that lasted 4 days. He's lost weight, but is quickly making up for it by eating like a hungry termite.

pacita yes and yes. I do think this was genuinely a silly 'you show me mine' type scenario that has potentially crossed a line. But we don't know and maybe we never will if DB just wants to forget it.

As far I could see DB had been acting fine since the trip. I had my brothers on my day off before halfterm. We all went to the park, he was very patient with DS (as always) and happily played with all DS' toys, ate well and was generally a polite and happy boy. I asked how the trip was he said it was alright, we talked about some of the outdoor activities he did and the food they ate. But he's been through a lot that I think he's just used to keeping secrets and telling people what they want to hear. I haven't seen him since the SS meeting but will see him this weekend for a big sibling get together and see how he's doing.

Your DB sounds like a lovely boy. I do hope you find out that it was all a silly incident blown out of proportion.

And if it indeed is, I hope social services get well out of the way so that they do not make traumatic something that isn't.

I find so many instances of redtape and procedure around me that just get on my tits and are purely designed for public institutions to cover their arses.

I am working from home today, sitting on my yoga ball and eating quiche. Bliss.

pacita Hope you had fun wobbling about on your ball .

DS had a GP appointment today to check his hearing. His hearing is fine (answering the GP even when he had his back to him) so now it comes down to the fact he is choosing to ignore people or just 'zoning out' and being too absorbed in what he is doing to register when someone speaks to him. Nursery are being wonderful and carefully keeping an eye on him while we try and suss out what his trigger points are. He was talking about his dad and my dad this evening so I need to get him to open up about that, poor little mite .

Thank you ladies for telling me that children start talking at their own time (it really does help!)

DG
I hope it was just someone stealing their parents magazine or something.

Once my cousin stole a Victorias secret catalog from my aunt and showed it to my brother and she had a fit calling it 'pornography'

Eandz talking comes when it comes. As long as Noah can understand you and eg take instructions (or make it clear he won't do such and such!) then I wouldn't worry.
C has only really started chattering recently and within literally a week or so she now counts to 10 unasked, tells you colours and this morning stunned me by saying 'wheelbarrow' clear as day! And neither her nana or us own one!

Peppa pig is now peppa pig, not peppa og (which i preferred as it sounded like she was saying peppa hog )

All of this has come in the last week or so and caught us by surprise - she now has a conversation with us and the tantrums are rapidly going away.
Noah will get there, it's not a race nor competition.

C made me laugh today - she was particularly slow this morning and i was asking her to do things, when i said 'Charlotte! Are you listening?!!' To which she said 'No!'. I had to laugh.

And DP home tonight - SWI continues in ernest for the next few days!

And DG what a nightmare for your DF and DB. I have no words of wisdom but with all your love and family affection, I bet DB will come through it.

Oh Digi, your poor db. I hope the truth comes to light and the situation is dealt with appropriately.

Enjoy the swi mrsA

It must be very difficult for you all Meglet. Does ds talk about his dad and granded much? I hope he opens up to you, if not, maybe a trusted friend or carer and nursery may be able to talk to him?

Nice to see you eandz. I would say go with your instincts regarding N's speech. If you think he's fine, then give him time. If you're not sure, then speak to someone. No one knows him better than you. Chances are he is fine and has found another way to communicate instead of talking.

If you've got any of that quiche left pacita, please pass it over

Digi No she doesn't get chest infections but she has had steroids twice and 1 stay in hospital with really bad wheezing so we had thought it could be asthma. I've had it since childhood and dp was in hospital a week last year with it, and ds suffered as a baby. She is generally ok during the day with just a few coughs but in the evening she is wheezing and she is very nosy when sleeping. The antib's run out on Sunday so if she is still bad next week we are back to the drs.
Sorry to hear about all the worry with your dbro. I agree with Pacita, it is odd that they have got SS involved and still let them go to school and sit in the same class. I hope you find out what has gone on and can help your dbro through this.

Digi No she doesn't get chest infections but she has had steroids twice and 1 stay in hospital with really bad wheezing so we had thought it could be asthma. I've had it since childhood and dp was in hospital a week last year with it, and ds suffered as a baby. She is generally ok during the day with just a few coughs but in the evening she is wheezing and she is very nosy when sleeping. The antib's run out on Sunday so if she is still bad next week we are back to the drs.
Sorry to hear about all the worry with your dbro. I agree with Pacita, it is odd that they have got SS involved and still let them go to school and sit in the same class. I hope you find out what has gone on and can help your dbro through this.

bookmarking....

Can I just post some happy news? DS has actually slept through the last three nights! Wakes up grumpy as hell, but this is good!

No further info on db but we had a lovely time today and he seems his usual happy confident self. Which is very good.

digi, this is the kind of good news i like. I'll add my bit: Diego woke up at 7 today, but then came into our bed and we stayed there till 9:30 (he did pull our lips and eyelids a few times, and stuck fingers up our noses, but was contented enough leafing through his playmobil catalogue - the epitome of literary achievement in his opinion). We have not done this since he was a newborn.

Happy to hear your DB is happy and confident. I wonder if this is yet one more example of SS's incompetence.

Yay at sleeping toddlers! C was a star herself today. She woke at her usual time of 6.45 but then chattered to herself and played in her bed until 7.20am!!
Gave DP a lie in till 8.30 as he needed it bless him, I've worn him out!

Am quite pissed off with my mum. Can i vent here rather than posting a new thread?
My mum is a friend on facebook (stupidly, I realise) and often posts the odd drunken or daft message
Today she took the biscuit. She sees C about twice a year. She wasn't a good mum to me and after counselling I've realised she physically abused me as a child.

I posted on fb today that C has learnt to blow her nose (yay, no more snotty wiping) and a friend asked about it. i replied C had been having a tantrum and asked for a tissue afterwards etc etc.
My mum posted: "Why was she having a tantrum? What had you done to upset her?"

I am so angry about this, probably a throw away comment to her. It implies either I am negelcting my child or that my mum thinks toddler tantrums are caused by parents. Oh i don't know.
What do I do - I have bitten my lip so many times and I really want to post something back but is it better to keep a dignified silence?

Just popping in to say Hi! Things should be quieter later this week and I'll try and catch up.

Oh - I've just noticed that I posted message 666 - should I be worried?

Tough one MrsA. I don't think it implies you're neglecting your child though. I agree it wasn't a very nice thing to say but don't worry about how other people might view it as it probably looked like a joke to anyone who read it (I didn't read it until after I read your post so don't know for sure what my 1st thoughts on her tone would have been). Facebook probably isn't the best place to respond to it and I don't know whether you should anyway. Sorry not much help really.

We are really desparing over ds2 at the moment. He is throwing almighty screaming tantrums every day (usually more than once each day) and sometimes they involve throwing and hitting. Today he tried to pull my necklace off.
He also isn't eating much at all. He's usually good with breakfast but is very hit and miss at lunch (had 2 mouthfuls of roll, a slice of ham and a few bites of apple today) and awful at teatime unless it's pasta. He's just not that fussed for food.
So after today he threw a huge tantrum while waiting for tea to be ready we were sying his tantrums are probably hunger related. But then he doesn't eat. And it was foods he's eaten before. So because he wouldn't eat but we wouldn't let him get down he sat and screamed again.
So what do we do? I'm very reluctant to cook seperate meals for him esp when it'd be pasta every night as I can't see how that's good long term. We already eat pasta pretty much every other night anyway.
But if his behavoiur is hunger related maybe I should just let him eat what he wants. ARRRGGGGHHHH.

mrsa I would have hated that comment. Why don't you just silently unfriend her? If she asks why, you can be jokey about it and say that facebook is not that good for intergenerational friendships.

Debi, DS has always eaten well, but he completely lost his appetite when he was ill, and would tantrum at table. It was just a phase, and it passed. And in fact, he was probably being very wise refusing food, as his digestive system was suffering.

Hunger induced tantrums, however, are really frustrating as they become a vicious circle: they throw and almighty fit because they are hungry, then they are too upset to eat and you end up utterly frustrated. Have you tried a steady supply of nice snacks? I find organix oat bars, little boxes of raisins, bananas, pieces of fresh fruit put in a nice tupper, and little yeo yogurts make wonderful snacks, and he always fancies them!

MrsA I saw that comment and thought it was an awful thing to say ..... and then went on to peek at your mums profile . I would have been tempted to reply that I'd been beating her with a stick just to really wind her up . But from my point of view it was the sort of comment that made her look a bit uppity rather than it was anything you had done.

We had a sort of good day today. I had had enough with being cooped up at home and feeding the DC's so we went out for lunch at the local Italian place (chain, nothing posh). I went armed with extra crayons and toys and we got there early while it was quiet. It was actually quite pleasant spending time with them not squabbling or having to prepare food . Mind you we popped to town afterwards and they were both being hellraisers so my nerves were shot to pieces by the time we got home. But it was worth it for a good hour together.

debi DD doesn't have a huge appetite these days. She only scoffed the dough sticks and mozarella bread at the restaurant, she wasn't bothered with her pizza or ice cream.

mrsa When my mum says stuff like this (frequently) I just remind myself she is mad as a box of frogs and that my dc will not have the childhood I did. Could you delete her from your friends list and if she mentions it blame FB??? x

Toby hated the fireworks last night I spent the whole time inside with him with my hands over his ears!!

Tom should be starting school soon....am so nervous! The boys will miss one another so much and I will miss him like mad I do hope I am doing the right thing....

Plastering of the boys bedrooms now done...just got to finish the glossing of the stairs and landing and then we have to paint the rooms.....will be so glad when its finished!!! Our bedroom will have to wait for next year now

Toby has his 2 year check on thurs....what does that involve?? Dont think ds1 had one!

Hope you are all well x

Debi I bet you know he is probably testing you - if I scream loud enough I'll get what i want.

I truly sympathise. We have days like that from C (hence yesterday's tantrum). Normally it's because we have switched the TV off or want to brush her hair and she SCREAMS!! She also sobs and if we're out, you get the stares.
I used to get really wound up but then realised it was winding her and DP up too, so I tell myself it's just her age, she can't help it but I don't give in. I even cuddle her while she cries and then explain why I'm not giving her what she wants when she stops. i tell her I love her and I hate to see her upset but [repeat internally over and over] I am not giving in.

DP loses his temper more easily and it does make her worse when she sees it's affecting him.

With 2 boys, you have way more experience than me but FWIW, if this were me I would not make DS2 a seperate meal - he won't starve long term.
If C tantrums during a meal and really won't stop, we push her chair out a little bit so she can't grab anything and explain we'll talk when she's calmer and let her get on with it.
Yesterday, she barely ate any lunch and refused her snacks so by 5.15 she was in her chair screaming for food. It was damn hard but I explained that's why she should eat earlier. When her tea came, she wolfed it down.

Again, FWIW if she was refusing food regularly, I would give her our meal but do a small side plate or pot of healthy things I know she'll eat to go alongside her meal eg some cucumber, tomatoes and a couple of breadsticks. Then at least if she eats these, she has something but it's very much a side dish and not lots of snacks during the day.

Don't know if this is helpful (am on work on a slowww day) and sorry for writing loads!

Oh and thanks for comments re my mother. I was very tempted to put a cutting remark back but have decided to ignore and remove her as a friend.

TBH, even though she is quite toxic I am still sad that I have to do this cos there was a time when I loved her very much and sometimes I do feel quite orphaned and lonely (my dad died when I was 17). I will never let my relationshiop with C deteriorate to this point nor will I ever hit her.

Thanks for responses. Even tho I know his behaviour is normal it's good to be reassured sometimes! At least with him being number 2 we have mastered the ignore & don't get wound up & angry bit. Doesn't make it less frustrating tho. I don't remember ds1 being so angry frustrated so much but his speech & understanding was much better at the same age & that helped him a lot I'm sure.
This morning he woke up grumpy & screamed (the blood curdling screams) on and off for ages. But he's been fine since about 10am & has just had most of 2 bits of bread for lunch so that's an improvement on yest.

Toby has really gone off his food too...today he has had;

A small bowl of porridge
Part of a blueberry muffin
Part of a warm ciabatta roll
Some chocolate buttons
water

He rejected the following;

Slice of buttered toast
Slice of homemade pizza
Banana

Not great is it? BUT I know he will have his potatoes (with fish hidden in it!) and veg later and probably some ice cream/fromage frais.

Need to get more organised in the mornings as ds1 starts school on monday!!!!!

Oh blimey bec, being a sahm I find the thought of being up and organised for a certain time a bit of a nightmare Don't worry, you've got a week to get organised - that's loads of time!

DS has been funny about his food recently as well. Part of it is because his last teeth are coming through and I also think part of it is him wanting to be in control.

I know he won't starve himself, so if he doesn't eat a meal I just say 'fine' through gritted teeth, let him get down and make him aware he won't have any snacks If he doesn't eat much though I always keep an eye on him and make sure he's drinking enough.

Nice to see you ninja.