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Original poster

Is my partner controlling?

12 replies

Sunsunsun1 · 28/02/2021 19:05

My partner and I have split up but are living together until we can get the house sold.
We have a child.
Hes working away for a week and he voluntary said to me 'you can have people over when I'm away, not 'geezars' but people like this friend and that person'.
Is that a controlling thing to say?
I have no interest to to bring anyone round given the current circumstance or put my baby risk and have kept it that way since march 2020.
AIBU or is this a polite gesture?
Please no trolling, only looking for loving and honest answers.

OP posts:

toomanycremeeggs · 28/02/2021 19:11

I'd say what he is really saying is please don't bring other men into our home.

I think that's fair enough not controlling.

Do you have any other reasons to think he is?

toomanycremeeggs · 28/02/2021 19:12

I am super hot on controlling actions have experienced it first hand.

Hope it helps a bit.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 28/02/2021 19:23

Its not a polite gesture, its him venting his fear you'll bring other men home when he's not around to monitor what you are doing. Which you have no intention of doing, and I thinks it quite rude to suggest you would with your child in the house. Its an attempt at being controlling since its not really his business anymore. But Id just be indignant that it was even suggested.

Original poster

Sunsunsun1 · 28/02/2021 19:58

Exactly I have no intention of bringing any man into my house, all I want to focus on is my DS and keeping the peace until I can leave and start a fresh (because he wont leave even though he has means to move out to a family member 5 mins down the road and I dont). On the flipside like you said it's not any of his business not once have I made any comments or even thought about who he might see or do whilst he is away. I feel he is controlling yes but he makes me believe hes not so I'm now confused.
An example would be that hes asked me a few times and made comments about where I'm moving too and flipped his lid when he thought I was suggesting London (where I work). As long as my DS relationship is happy and his relationship with his father isn't being compromised, is it any if his business to tell me where I can live? Another would be that our DS is 1 but I have to move out. And for weeks and week I asked for space for a few days he refused to go anywhere so I decided to go away for a few days maybe down south to see my late mother or late grandparents (after
lockdown was lifted 2020) and he told me I could only go within a 30 minute radius of our home 'incase something happened to our DS' which I understand but I feel like he was using that an excuse as I am a great mother.

OP posts:

endlesswicker · 28/02/2021 20:05

I'd say what he is really saying is please don't bring other men into our home

I think that's fair enough not controlling

But why on earth would he even need to say that? The only possible reason is that he doesn't trust the OP not to cheat on him while he's away, and he's giving her a warning.

toomanycremeeggs · 28/02/2021 20:50

The question in isolation is reasonable. The OP update changes my view.

But then, what do I know. My controlling ex still controls me.

Original poster

Sunsunsun1 · 28/02/2021 20:53

Firstly it's his problem and insecurity if he dosent trust me. I've given no reason during our time together what so ever to make him feel like he couldn't, I've had these kind of comments to and situations since day dot, at the start I thought I could help him overcome some of these insecurities and now I dont want too anymore because its exhausting. Secondly, we aren't together anymore.

OP posts:

toomanycremeeggs · 28/02/2021 20:54

May I ask why you are asking? You seem pretty clear on the answer.

Genuine Q.

Original poster

Sunsunsun1 · 28/02/2021 20:58

To get other views, maybe I'm not right and I ABU and like to hear the opinion of others whether they have had the same situation or not.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 28/02/2021 21:02

Sounds to me he doesn't want you to move on before him. Shows you where his brain is anyroad.

MsAmerica · 02/05/2021 02:20

No, it's not really controlling, but what do you care? Even it's gets controlling, ignore him.

humansare · 02/05/2021 06:42

Sounds like he still thinks your 'his'. If you've split up, it's not his business what you do, who you see, or where you go. I understand him wanting to keep contact with his child, but it's not up to him whether you take your child to stay with your family. You'll have to make arrangements to parent the child together.

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